The absence of kindness, when children believe a lie.

Being missing in action has left a tole on my family. Warm meals and clean sheets may not sound like much but it makes a real difference. Kindness in its absence leaves for survival. Yes as all who have said were right "they will get through it", but it took a tole here. My kids missed edification and the luxurious lifestyle of moms gifts of kindness. The clean, warm kindnesses offered by a present mother.
In the absence of kindness irritability grows, self sufficiency can become resented. It is now for me to heal the edges of resentment with patience that honestly I have not been able yet to pull up. Being worn out before 10 a.m.is left me discouraged. Using as many tools as I can with Dash has left me to tears. He is with me 24/7, Dove is at Jr High.
Special needs kids have an extra layer to cover, to heal and peal back from my absence. Dealing with low self esteem left from an absence of being built up daily is a heroic challenge indeed. One I certainly feel ill equipped this morning to handle. Attachment Deficit Disorder is a hard special need to deal with. Dash being with me all day still needs to be at my hip constantly. I am not hardly able to go to the bathroom. I can sit here near him while he does his work and he is fine. Being so stressed I took to doing something about it. Here is what I have come up with that may help me this morning.
My son has hardened into a 'choice' to think he is a failure. Like an identity. We have done all we know to expose this as a lie, a choice to believe or not. We feel we may have failed him ourselves. For him to think of himself this way devastates me. It is based I think in the inability to accept that he is an imperfect human with an intolerably high IQ. It is not accepted by him if he does not do everything perfectly the first time. He is being taken to his knees in hopes all of this will help him find some humility and peace.
I really am taken into places of anger and frustration with him due to some poor parenting practices. Each kid is different to parent. Some kids are harder. This boy of mine is so amazing bur really stubborn. Being his home school coach is a full time job, it has left me wanting to be able to praise him more. He tosses any praise aside and disregards it. Lord I need wisdom and I need health for the strength to do this all better. It is so hard. I feel worn out at times not wanting to fight or yell at him ever again. So I will do my best to avoid the traps. I am a parent who has made mistakes and now I need to keep learning how to do it better. My habit of trying to encourage him when he is angry has to stop. He can not hear it and it just makes me escalate into frustration.

At the moment we have a honeymoon stage. Oh it is just so exhausting. I am not speaking with him as I am typing so he is now singing Christmas song and talking well chattering with the dog. As his coach with school I have to work so hard to praise as I correct. Hard work.

1. Don’t yell or challenge your child when he’s angry.

Many times parents deal with angry outbursts by challenging their kids and yelling back. But this will just increase your feeling of being out of control. The best thing you can do is remain calm in a crisis. Think of it this way: Even if you get into a car accident and the other driver jumps out and is furious at you, if you can remain calm, they will probably start to relax and be reasonable. But if you come back at them with an aggressive response, and say, “What are you talking about, that was your fault,” the tension just stays at that heightened place. So don’t challenge your child when he’s angry—that’s just like throwing a match onto a pile of firecrackers. Just wait until he calms down.

2. Don’t try to reason with your child when he’s in the middle of a tantrum, tirade or angry outburst. ME!

Many parents I talk to fall back on logic when their kids are angry. After all, as adults, we reason through things to defuse tense situations. This is always a challenge with kids because they don’t have the same capacity to stop and reason like we do. So when you’re dealing with your angry child, you have to leave that verbal place where you feel pretty comfortable and use different techniques. Saying, “Why are you mad at me? You were the one who forgot your homework at school,” will only make your child angrier. Instead, wait until he calms down and then talk it through later.

3. Pay attention to your physical reactions.

It’s important to watch your physical reactions because your senses will tell you “Yikes, I’m in the presence of somebody who is very upset.” You’ll feel your heart start beating faster because your adrenaline will be heightened. Even though it’s difficult, the trick is to act against that in some way and try to stay calm. Remember, you’re lending your children your strength in these moments; you’re showing them how to handle anger.  By staying calm, you’re not challenging your child by yelling back and engaging in a power struggle; this only escalates the tension. And paying attention to your own reactions will also help your child pay attention to himself because he won’t need to worry about you or your emotions. When you don’t respond calmly, your child will work even harder at his tantrum to try to get you to pay attention.  So you really have to tap into some solid parenting skills to handle the outburst quickly and effectively.

4. Don’t get physical with your child.

Sometimes on the Parental Support Line we hear from parents who have lost it and gotten physical with their kids. I took a call from a dad whose teenage son mouthed off to his mom, and the father shoved him. The fight escalated. The son would not speak to his father because he felt his dad should apologize to him; the father, on the other hand, felt that his son caused the problem and worried that his authority would diminish if he apologized. I advised him to say, “I lost control and it was wrong for me to shove you. I apologize.” That’s it; end of story. You don’t go into your child’s role in that situation at all because it is an attempt to place the blame on someone else for your actions. Rather, you want to teach your child how to take responsibility and make a genuine apology. Don’t worry—you will have other opportunities to work with your child around being mouthy or defiant. But it’s important to be a good role model and address your role in the fight going south. Remember, if you get physical with your child, among other things, you’re just teaching him to solve his problems with aggression.

5. Take a different approach with younger kids.

If your small child (eighteen months to age four) is in the midst of a temper tantrum, you want to move ever so slightly away from him, but don’t isolate him completely. When small kids are upset, you want to help them to start to learn that they can have a role in calming themselves down. You can say, “I wish I could help you calm yourself down. Maybe you can lie on the couch for a little bit.” So have them calm down until they feel in control. By doing that you’re asking them to pay attention to themselves. So instead of, “You have to sit there for ten minutes by yourself,” it’s more of, “When you feel better and you’re not upset anymore, you can come on out and join us.” You can also give them a choice. You can say, “Do you need time to go into your room and get it together?” Again, don’t challenge them when they’re in that mode.

6. Don’t freeze up.  

Some parents freeze up when their kids throw tantrums or start screaming at them. The parent is emotionally overwhelmed and becomes paralyzed with indecision or gives in to the child. If you’re this type of person, you may find that sometimes your child will get angry on purpose to engage you; they’ll bait you by throwing a fit or saying something rude, because they know that this will cause you to give in. So your job is to not take the bait—don’t get angry, and don’t give in.

I think parents sometimes have a tendency to renegotiate with their child in these situations. Often, they’re having a hard time managing their own emotions and so they don’t know how to coach their child properly in that moment. But remember, if you give in and renegotiate, even every once in a while, you’re teaching your child that it’s worth it to act out.  Instead, let them calm down and try to coach them to use their problem-solving skills later. In my opinion, once you start doing that, you’re not passive. You are making a conscious choice to not get into an argument. You’re saying, “I’m not going to renegotiate; I’m going to be calm.” Although it may not seem like it on the surface, all of those choices are actions—you are making a choice not to give in.

7. Give consequences for the bad behavior, not for the anger.

When your child throws a tantrum, starts screaming and really loses it, make sure you give him consequences based on his behavior and not on his emotions. For example, if your child calls you a foul name during his angry outburst, give him a consequence later for that infraction of the rules. But if all he does is stomp into his room and yell about how life isn’t fair, I would let that go. Kids get angry just like we do; they need to feel that they have a safe place to let off steam. As long as they’re not breaking any rules, I think you should allow them to have that time to be angry.

8. Don’t give overly harsh punishments.

Giving harsh punishments in the heat of the moment is a losing proposition. Here’s why: Let’s say your child is angry. He’s having a tantrum and shouting and screaming at you. You keep saying, “If you don’t get it together, I’m going to take away your Wii for a week. Okay now it’s two weeks. Now it’s a month…do you want to keep going?” But to your dismay, your child keeps escalating; the more you try to punish him in order to force him to stop and get control of himself, the worse he gets.

We have a name for that kind of discipline: It’s called “consequence stacking.” What’s really happening here is that the parent is losing emotional control. I understand that it is hard to tolerate it when your kid is upset—we don’t like it. But what you want to try to ask yourself is, “What do I want my child to learn?” And the answer might be, “I want him to learn how to not throw a fit every time he has to do something he doesn’t want to do. I want him to learn that when he gets upset, there’s an appropriate way to get out of it.” The worst thing you can do is join him and get upset yourself. Harsh punishments that seem never-ending to your child are not effective, and will only make him angrier in that moment.

9. Take a break.

On the Support Line, I’ll often ask parents who call about their child’s angry outbursts the following question: “When you and your spouse are mad at each other, what do you do to calm down?” Often, people will say they take a break and do something on their own for a little while until they can calm down and talk it through. This technique also works with your child, but parents often don’t think of it because they feel they should have control over their kids. But remember, when somebody is angry, you can’t reason with them and you can’t rush it. The bottom line is that if you stay there in that anger and keep engaging each other, it will not go away—it will just get bigger.  So take a break and come back and interact with each other later when everyone is calm.

10. Role model appropriate responses when you’re angry.

I also tell parents they should try to role model dealing with their own anger appropriately in front of their children. What are some good ways to do that? Say, “I’m getting frustrated—I’m going to take a break.” or “I can’t talk to you right now; I’m really upset so I’m going to wait until I’m calm. I’m going to come back and we’ll talk later.”

Admitting that you’re angry and you need some time to calm down is not a weakness; it takes a lot of strength to say these words out loud. Remember, you’re teaching the lesson of how to manage your anger, and that’s exactly what you want your child to learn.

 

Taking back my ground

It has been a long while that my ground had to be release to tenets of sorts.
Children with sticky fingers doing a good job of heating up something to eat for them self. Family members simply grazing as my hands were thoughtfully tucked under my seat as I did my time to heal.

Beginning in  early June when my knee finally blew out until now a lot has happened to my beloved kitchen. It has endured all sorts of suffering spills and mishaps.It has survived a shell of itself a calamity of mixed up storage and lost gadgets utensils and bowels. We may never find all the missing teaspoons. We searched for our giant stainless steel bowl last night. Tonight it was discovered in with the cookie sheets invisible. Only due to putting a baking pan away did it jam the space and announce itself. We have just been puzzled, how do you loose a huge bowl like that? Well one mystery solved many more to come. Where is the meat thermometer is what I need to know.

Tonight two hours with lap top on the island dishes were washed and the reality of abandonment reviled itself.
The bread counter under the big mixer was literally 1/8 th inch dust! Yep It missed me. It missed the warmth of my presence,the smell of fresh foods. It missed kindness being fashioned through ingredient mixed with thoughts of others. It was each man for himself. Never mind the mess and just do your best avoidance of starvation. An inventory of the cold units and a pantry overview got through my hands into my heart today.

Momma's getting back in the kitchen. Let the kindness of warm thoughts pour through the mixing cup and over the edge of the bowl. Survival days come done now time to thrive. It is the love, kindness of expressed bounty coming back to this old house uncommon.  These days of fend for yourself commonality not only need be over but Lord has mercy on me and mine they are coming to an end.

Meal Plan Menu Monday was a good tool. I'll shop for the little things to fill in the dishes. Doing what I can do.  The nerve pain medication has been reintroduced. It is a very expensive one called Lyrica the co-pay was $50 without it it would of been $375.!, Tramadol is not very effective for the issues of nerve healing. It helped a lot with arthritis before. This is the second day I had sleep. Yesterday I did a little light gardening. Planted the annuals in the front yard cottage bed. The pots on the porch have a few seedlings. Caused more pain than I had bargained for but my heart was sure filled.  The infusion last Tuesday has pumped up my strength. My numbers are looking real good. My strength is a battle yet, getting older too. Had a realization that I am not a 30 year old mom any more. Nor was I ever, Dove came home when I was 36. I think I may be beginning to naturally slow down. Hard to accept but walking against the hard wind is more a test than one might think. This and the anastesia (sp) getting out of my system, perhaps.

If any of you are there I love you.
Lisa B. I think of you and want to reach out a hug. I hope you have a wonderful day tomorrow.

Do any of you feel that age slows us down some? Turning 50 and raising a family is real physical. If your doing so is it showing in your adventure? How about you 50 year olds who are with grand kids do you feel it differently? Share your thoughts on it. Anyone my age raising kids/grand kids of 10 and14?



"In the confrontation between the stream
and the rock, the stream always wins
- not by strength but by perseverance."
- H. Jackson Brown
 

Sally's Fabrics is closing

Another sewing center is coming to an end. So many of our stores have closed now. Sewing is a dieing art slowing the wheel of do it yourself. Once that wheel stops it will become an elite hobby. One that will be afforded by those with high end budgets.

If you live in the area you might just think to add some staples to your supplies.

batting

zipper

thread

needles

netting for dish scrubbers

transfer paper

pins

It is like a sale for your pantry. Just call it being supplied. Now there may not be a lot of competition for the hard times are upon so many. 

Remember Christmas is coming all you who sew on and on.

1235 East Main Street (Main & Stapley)

Mesa, AZ 85203

480-833-7201

After over 40 years in business Sally's Fabrics is being forced to close its doors.  It is definitely not what we wanted, as we love all our customers and have enjoyed working with all of you, but we have no other options.  As a result of this close we will be putting the entire store on sale.   The official close of business will be December 3rd. We thank all of our employees and customers for their support over the years and are very sad to see the store go.

Beginning October 31, 2011 the ENTIRE store will be on sale (excluding machines) for 25%

We will be closing at 5pm on 10/31

As of that date all VIP accumulations will cease.

No Gift cards will be issued.

There will be no holds on any fabric at all.

We will continue to service machines up to the last week of November.  Any machines not picked up by December 3rd will be donated unless there has been arrangements made to pick them up the week of Dec. 5-9.  After that the doors will be locked and the building vacant. 

We will make every effort to contact as many people as we can to insure that this does not happen. 

Kaye will continue to take business and service machines. 

If you would like to continue business with her please send an email to info@sallysfabrics.com.

I will forward your info to Kaye for her database.

If you have any concerns about your Pfaff machines that you have purchased from us please understand that Pfaff continues to provide warranties through the nearest Pfaff dealer.  After we are closed your Pfaff Dealer for this territory would be Mulqueen's.

As for education information on machines our instructor Carol will be continuing to teach one on one and she will be taking over our Adults You Can Make It classes.  If you need her contact info please send an email to info@sallysfabrics.com.

If you are interested in Quilting by Lisa you may email her at lisaslongarm@yahoo.com

For comments, concerns and questions you may continue to email us at info@sallysfabrics.com.  We will try to address any of your issues as quickly and accurately as possible. 

Thank you again for your long standing support of Sally's Fabrics.  It has been a wonderful adventure!

Uncle Dale Passed on this week.

Our Dear Uncle Dale passed away this week. His funeral is on Wednesday. Here are the details.

 Steve's mom Wrote

They plan to show at the funeral some of the video Steve made.  Last night all his kids looked at the video together seeing the whole thing.  They thank Steve for that.  They loved it. It is coming in handy, especially about the part where Dale is singing some of those songs.   It will be a short service and then outside they will have some cookies or something, no lunch, and then we are off to the Veteran's Cemetery out on Cave Creek Road for the burial and a veterans service there.  It will be a tight time squeeze because the Veteran's Cemetery wants it to be done by 2 pm. because the workers all go home soon after. There will be no procession out there.  We all get there on our own. They will provide us with maps I think. 

When Carol Jean (Dales Wife) died in 2006 arrangements were made with Dale's help at that time.  These are his wishes for his funeral.  He said he wanted to be buried at the Veteran's Cemetery.   I think Dale was in the National Guard for a time.  His obit will be in tomorrow's paper.

He was the middle son of three brothers. His elder brother being Steve's Father. Married to but one woman all of his days and raised a family. She passed and he was just never the same. He just set himself to give up and had a slow demise through determination.

I have searched for thirty minutes and cannot find his image.

My sweet boy is pretty freaked about going to a funeral so I will have to make sure to take the time to help him process. The clothing must be readied and set aside this morning for with this being infusion day my energy is limited.
Today is infusion for me. We are so tired for sleep is a battle due to leg/breathing issues at night. My husband deserves a huge award.  He endures so lovingly, trying for solutions. I am so fed up with not being able to sleep. Restless Leg cramping and bone pain are still battling me (us) for pillow time. My husband is so dear we do all we can think of to try to fix the hindrances. We changed linens and replaced with some that were stored. They kept the smell of the plastic storage box and so will need AGAIN to be changed for they are setting off asthma. Those opportunists to try to behave. My goodness I am a little bratty when I am struggling with sleep deprivation, well more than a little. The man is really really patient and loving. I am so blessed to get so much loving support in all of the things I go through.  I hope I never have to do without his love and presence. Yet even so I think I would fight to live. I hope I would fight for life.


Today...fight for your life. Live it to it's top!

Entitlement?

This was sent to me, I am forwarding it because it does touch a nerve in me.. 

This is another example
"TREASON in high places" !!!

Get angry and pass this on!


Remember, not only did you contribute to Social Security but your employer did too. It totaled 15% of your income before taxes. If you averaged only $30K over your working life, that's close to $220,500.



If you calculate the future value of $4,500 per year (yours & your employer's contribution) at a simple 5% (less than what the govt. pays on the money that it borrows), after 49 years of working you'd have $892,919.98.



If you took out only 3% per year, you'd receive $26,787.60 per year and it would last better than 30 years (until you're 95 if you retire at age 65) and that's with no interest paid on that final amount on deposit! If you bought an annuity and it paid 4% per year, you'd have a lifetime income of $2,976.40 per month.



The folks in Washington have pulled off a bigger Ponzi scheme than Bernie Madhoff ever had.

Entitlement my a--, I paid cash for my social security insurance!!!! Just because they borrowed the money, doesn't make my benefits some kind of charity or handout!!

Congressional benefits ---- free healthcare, outrageous retirement packages, 67 paid holidays, three weeks paid vacation, unlimited paid sick days, now that's welfare, and they have the nerve to call my social security retirement entitlements?

We're "broke" and can't help our own Seniors, Veterans, Orphans, Homeless

In the last months we have provided aid to Haiti , Chile , and Turkey . And now Pakistan ......home of bin Laden. Literally, BILLIONS of DOLLARS!!!

Our retired seniors living on a 'fixed income' receive no aid nor do they get any breaks while our government and religious organizations pour Hundreds of Billions of $$$$$$'s and Tons of Food to Foreign Countries!

They call Social Security and Medicare an entitlement even though most of us have been paying for it all our working lives and now when it�s time for us to collect, the government is running out of money. Why did the government borrow from it in the first place? Imagine if the *GOVERNMENT* gave 'US' the same support they give to other countries.

Sad isn't it?

99% of people won't have the guts to forward this.

I'm one of the 1% -- I Just Did.

standing tall on both legs

This has been a day full of wonderful news!
It is determined that my left new will NOT need the total knee replacement we suspected. The even leg stature that the right knee replacement gave has stabilize my other knee so that the space, the margin of the meniscus is level and equal (no bone on bone now) it is good for another five years or so now!

Oh this is so good for December was targeted to have the left knee done just after Christmas. OH YA! nothing to dread. I'll have the brace made for it for long walks or hikes

I will be able also to keep my infusion nurse. Now that has been another fiasco. The nursing Company she worked under was sold. Sold to some very shady folks who even wanted my nurse to forge a test on a medical devise. They went so far as to email her a test form all filled out to sign. She refused. Then they denied her her due pay as a specialist so she finally quit them. We have worked through the specialty pharmacist to get another agency so I could keep her. Meanwhile the company sent me a completely filled out DNR= do not resuscitate. I refused to sign it of course. With a barking dog, on a Sunday just two hours after my nurse had called me came in another phone call. It was the woman from the agency tattling on my nurse telling me she had resigned. She was all about finding out if I had been informed by my nurse so they could punish her if she informed me. The level of immaturity was startling! These are the same folks who refused my Occupational Eval at home when my insurance ordered it. I told her I No longer would do any business with the agency.

What a wonderful thing to learn My Ashly would be here for me on Tuesday. God is so good.
My Doctor learned of all of this and called the Specialty Pharmacy that subcontracts the nurses, that finally got the action. This is the strange thing. Ashly is hired on (I am her only private patient she works full time as a wound care specialist at the hospital) by the woman who sold the other company That woman...is her mother.

Ashly does not consider her once a month 6 hours with me work. She enjoys our time together.

After speaking with the mother who was kept out of any of our conversations reason given. Conflict of interest or the appearance of. Strange world. This Mother of Ashly my nurse sees me as a second mother to her daughter! They both fought to make sure that I was not left without the best of care. They did this so very professionally too. So the mother and I had a long loving conversation. She expressed exceedingly high admiration of me personally for all of the interactions between myself and Ashly over the last year or so of infusions. Ashley thought so much of me that at one time during the CVID conference in May she asked her mother to come and secretively meet me. They did not let on that they were mother daughter.

Now if I were, as I can be at times, a suspicious woman it would all seem a bit too good to be true of innocence. I have worked with the amazingly kind generous Ashly. She sits six hours a month to do the infusions. She is a sweet woman who truly cares for me. Even so it is sorta weird and lifts a tiny red flag.

Steve's last project took off without a hitch. Big news for us and for our good fortune employment wise.

I am off of the Narco medication and feeling better. Yesterday I had a low grade fever so we have a little caution here with the infusion being a 5 week'er.

Another cool thing is that I climbed stairs today at therapy. A flight of 15 or so up and down three times. OH FREEDOM! Steve helped me overcome fear yesterday and I was able to get down on the floor to do my exercises and get up all right. Now by climbing I mean no stop in the middle of each step. This was left right left right each a new step.

I am loving my new set up. This keyboard is so nice to use.

I will be seeing a spinal specialist to get some help with the stinosis in my back soon. Just for advise not really willing to do injections yet or especially no surgery. Just need some help with the pain and to keep watch on any progression of the narrowing of the column. The knee surgeon gave me a referral. The therapist said that they are the best of the best and that they are not knife happy. The therapist encouraged me just to go learn.

It's like ripe fruit falling softly off the tree.

Everything comes to harvest. Morning found me rested a full seven hours! That is nine weeks out on a limb (leg in my case ha) of recovery, pain medication, bla bla bla. Today was day two of a Narco (morphine based pain medication) free life, rested and low pain interference. This 'Apple' shined.  My morning was crisp with fresh zest. A totally awesome experience.
Dash got me up only 20 minutes before Dove needed to be driven to school.
How's that harvest ? I wake up late to find my 14 year old (special needs kid) fully dressed, fed and homework done. She was ready to go to school. Only too happy, excited even, to go to school, loving life.
Mercy like an orchard of organics thriving in the fall sunshine.
After Dash and I dropped her off we stopped to get supper groceries. He like a tree shades me with kindness only more than decidedly helpful. Inquisitive, thoughtful and full of ideas and questions. Fertile soil his soul ever set to be 'son' to his mother adored, appreciated and admired.
Life in the good earth.
Dove attended therapy with me for Daddy Man has to do extra hours at work. She was not happy at first, it turned around Bless God! There were two other kids in therapy! The room that normally has sports blasting was set to the Disney channel. Dove really likes a show called 'Shake it up'. She identifies with a studious girl who loves to learn and dance. Call these apples GALA!
My therapist came out with See's suckers and passed them out to the kids. Dove even threw her arms out in copy of a happy moment of her best character. Then she was all pleased, pleasant and smiles. Delighted that I took her. Daddy Man met us there for the cars low fuel forced me to take her on with me. Dear man gave me the gentle push through my fear and I was able to drive the truck for the first time today. Nothing like climbing trees ( tall truck) in the evening hour.
Morning shop made for a wonderful BBQ in the $20 yard sale gas grill. All be it the leaves (chicken and the corn husks) were a blaze almost caught the porch a fire (not really) Dash was sure fast with the fire extinguishment (his word coined) oops...Note to self turn burners back down low. This is my first gas grill. I found it just before surgery and this is just the second time I used it.
Well the end of day here after returning from a 15 mile trip up the freeway to drop off the walker for an Elder on limited  income. She was well recovering from near death turned amazing mercy. The silence was a walk in the woods and gave way to solutions for tomorrows challenges to come.

Makes me want caramel or to go bobbing for apples seeing all this fun and all for just that lovely seven hours of sleep. The hard months past left ripe fruit here in this life uncommon. They say that it takes a good cold snap to create the best fruit. I see that the time of independence forced on the kids have grown great branches of good character and self reliance little else can form except those cold winds of hard season.

It is harvest time.
A time of plenty of love, well being and good days ahead.

Latex allergy to the heating pad

Oh BIG arg! the most wonderful thing in the whole of the world right now is heat therapy. By one a.m. too tired to sit up any longer I wrapped my leg in heat to sleep. Only to awake to asthma, rather to my husband waking me telling me I was not breathing well. It was the pad it smelled like a latex balloon. It is just everywhere. Having a latex allergy is a mysterious saboteur of many a good thing. Alas 3a.m. till 4 a.m. was in a tub of hot water. When they say bad restless leg they really mean it. Heat is good but latex forced my hand to try to find another solution.
I'll close the tub awaits another tour of, 'heat those legs to calm'.

Enjoy your day it is a gift

Total Knee replacement it is time to detox off of the Narco

For nine weeks now I have used a strong pain medication to help through the knee replacement. It is time to stop. This is a time for side effects and solutions. Many of the side effects are really surprising to me. Intense restless leg cramps...go figure. So I will increase my calcium, magnesium and potassium. Flu symptoms, well I had my flu shot on Friday last. Now I know where the diarrhea came from, yep another one of those detox issues. If not better I will get some Imodium AD. No appetite and No sleep to come easily. Exercise around the block will help sleep as it did last night. Tonight is the first all stop of the Narco.
All day I have used Advil/Tylenol staggered every other dose. It is helping the pain some. Here we go on day one.
Heat pad for my leg is wonderful. For another side effect is really bad cramping and joint pain. Go figure, that is a double edged sword.
My surgeon asked me if I had set a detox plan in place. Now they said nothing of this until I was almost out of the very pain medication that makes therapy a possibility. He telling me it is time set detox research into motion. I have read about the Valerian root for anxiety, another side effect. The use of Benidrill for insomnia but that really messes me up. So I sit here.
My sweet husband set all aside to prioritize my comfort. He also set up a place for me to be as comfortable as I could imagine. We actually purchased a chair today and a nice cart for this laptop. The way that it fits my back is so supportive. The cart has a raised base and serves as a stool to raise my feet. This chair leans back and the keyboard on my lap removes the pressure points so painful on my thigh. My inlaws have also gifted us with a chair they retired and we will replace Dash's school chair with that. This is a wireless keyboard that I am typing on and it is so wonderful. It was so hard to think of spending but how grateful I am at his insistence. I can type here again .There is also a wireless mouse. 
My back had been a bit deformed and with some stynosis well sitting to type was just too painful. It has been for some time now. We have addressed all ease to remove those things that pain me. No pain no need for pain medication. Some preventative efforts and investments.
 We found a 24x12 heating pad that fits my leg. This is the first time I have been able to sit for more than a few moments without really incurring substantial pain.

This and that

a quiet day
a slow weekend
been a long time coming

Days have been slammed upon me with out sufficient sleep. A hazed focus of my abilities making each effort a bit more tiresome.

This last week however fewer pain medications have been needed. The cane has become a stick standing against a wall or left in the car. Three nights now sleep of at least 4-5 hours has gained me some mental clarity. This last week Dash and his K12 online school lessons has been job one. It is presently a full time job at that. Dove has been home all week for Fall break. Dash and I have our flu shots now, still need to get Doves. MERCY! very compressed days past I wake up and all of a sudden day is done, time for therapy then home to rest.
Now with my leg becoming more my own things steadily improve every day. Yesterday was a strange one. We were asked post haste to give shelter to my best friends dog so she could travel to a funeral. The pup is a sweet herding dog. Imagine my stupor to have to pull one of my hens out of its chops. I had to help the hen let go of life yesterday via a sharp knife and a very loud "GOD PLEASE HELP ME!", no doubt heard all throughout the neighborhood. He did help me she released her life with respect and kindness afforded her. Steve came home at lunch and we put chicken wire up along the garden fence to keep the girls inclosed. I love that they are off the porch. It has been a while that the issue of chicken dung on my patio had become a real annoyance. It is really going to work well to keep them off my porch.

When I returned home from evening at therapy Steve met me outside. It was that Rex our bunny passed away. Steve found him dead in his cage. He was fine earlier in the day and just let go of his breadth as well. Mercy was that it was on his own. Strange day to loose two pets that way.

On another note it is that those who have a handi-cap placard are now more at risk...get this.

Wednesday as I pulled up to shop after therapy at the supermarket divine protection was mine. The parking spots were side-by-side. I saw a penny and bent to pick it up. Bless the Love of the divine, just as I stood a presence was felt at my back. I spoke "go ahead and pass me", It was a young crack head. After all was said and done and the young girl that was with him joined him as they left me; it was an attempted mugging.  The man said to the accomplice..."I did the penny trick again".  Lord, Lord I dodged a bullet. Just before surgery I met a woman who had it happen to her. She to was recovering knee replacement and got mugged by a nicely dressed young woman who followed her threw the store out into the parking spot.

The peace here at my house today is so wonderful. We are all resting. Dove has a new friend over and the parents stayed a while. It was the first we had all met. They were real nice folks. We all had a lot in common. The girl and the visiting dog have almost the exact same name...weird weekend

My leg is great. I have attained the 130*bend and the 2*extension goals. 0* may come over time naturally. Presently I am withdrawing from pain medications. It is so painful at times yet. Muscles mainly.

Putting your head down and pushing through

In all lives there come seasons that seem they will never end. Those months or years of hanging in there. For some it might be a job, a mortgage or those endless unexpected expenses. Others perhaps pain of body, soul or mind. Perhaps even a pain of  a interpersonal nature. We all have them.

Although we need to be encouraged through, it is love to remember that those around us too are pushing through.

It is thought that at this time in our economy we really are all  'head down pushing though'. Yet it is in every moment that there are those around us, or even our own self found face to the floor with only clear determination.
Each case alters from another.

There is though a hope. Even though hope deferred can make a heart sick, it is hope that gives our face a glance up. What then? What is it that eyes must be fixed on; Eyes that so easily can only see the floor below us. Hope. Trust that God yet lives. That He is for us not against us.

As all around us there are those who try to gaze up, but are reminded to cast down the glance as it is said 'all is doom'. Doom? For whom? Those without a hope. What is it to pour out the hope within you to another? This spoken realistically here not the mere spiritual answer. Yes hope is to be found in God alone, but what does that look like? We will only see it if our head lifts. If we lift the chin of another they must relax to allow it.

Pushing through is no fun. Thinking though into the hope we desire is to have vision . If that proves elusive than the head stays down and all that is left is to 'push through'.

Look up. Spread the news. Hold the chin of another if allowed. If not respect and support them as they push through. Sometimes that is all one can do. From the mouth of a child who said "think about all of this pain when it is over, not now when it is so hard".

Love awaits us all

You know love is an amazing force. Last night love covered me in tenderness. He came to me and rubbed my knotted leg easing the cramped muscles. He came to me in another, telling me to think about all the things I will soon be able to do. She stayed at bay not wanting to see pain. That too is a love.

Love came in prayer as a vision of the dear folks so many decades gone by now. Those longing to shower only to escape the shells of being during the holocaust. Lifted up all together into eternity. Love lent a compassion that our maker might embrace them all. Love focused on love in action.

Love came in a reminder of prayers said. Love rushed into day to call someone so cared about. Love sits now ready to feed and usher young lives into days adventures and tasks. Love lays on the floor at my feet happy of bone and a pet. Silent the love of wings await for an open window.

Love awaits us all

This is Rex he is Doves pet

Getting ready to return to writting.

Finding a comfortable place to type has been a trial. Testing out this and that, only to realize sitting is too painful. laying down too awkward. A lap top on my vanity stool and I in a low chair with my feet under it. The lap top part on my good knee and part on the stool. A pillow behind me for my back. Nothing worked!

 My sweet man just got me all set up. A little collapsible table and a chair with my leg outstretched on a huge pillow. Lets see how long this will last ").
It has been a real journey doing this new knee. Glad for it just tired of it. Tomorrow will be seven weeks. My recovery is WAY ahead if schedule.  I must get back to writing. The constant typos are driving me nuts
.
Kids are fine. Dash is moody because frankly a teenage sister can be rather rude and full of herself. Some tough love is in order.

We rested and watched a movie together this weekend. A Sunday morning breakfast of pancakes and bacon was followed by the tears of pain. A response to attempting to succeed at the goal of it. Enough of the cakes did not burn so we each had two.Cooking is much harder these days. Patients is really tested in each attempt of normalcy.
*this stupid lap top just did that again, interjected a sentence where it did not belong*
Dash has lost several teeth of late. He has become rather an investment for the tooth fairy.
A note to Annette was a part of this post. Another pill for pain and focus is slowing giving way to sleepiness.


A camera gifted us is now being able to get a few images up

 note the pain pills

 Dove had her first school dance. My knee works pretty well. The walker that was loaned to us by the folks made all the difference in the world. My leg holds a very light scar. Everyone is blown away by it. It almost doesn't show in a few places. My knees are well sized. Only now my leg is almost two inches longer than the other one. A leg length discrepancy they call it. Orthopedic shoes to come.

 Dash K12 science experiment on salinity of sea water and the effects if it.

This new set up is much more comfortable.
Have a sweet night

Children in my heart fill my mind with pleasure

Good Morning!
As some of you may have guessed my camera is no more. My sweet son has repeatedly told me that he wants a new camera. He is saving his allowance he tells me. First to replace mine because he broke it, then to get one for himself so he can finish his Lego still images. He is then to put them into movie form. Unfortunately my camera was 'lost' in his process.
Note the lack of images on the blog.

We are doing great here. My leg is mending remarkably fast according to the surgeon. HE was actually stunned.
Sometime before my knee replacement my wrist was injured one day either when the kids and I were playing of when I slapped a wall in utter frustration. So typing is painful after a while. The meniscus is said to be torn, however it is/was just too much to deal with. Seems my shoulder is fussing as well. My left knee is to be fitted for a support brace this Thursday. My left knee is looking a bit better now that it is no longer carrying my other leg bowed. My new knee is such a gift and a blessing. It is however an inch or so longer than my other leg now so my hip and low back fuss as well. This old bag of bones is fussy but the heart within happy.

The children had each a separate event and invite this weekend. Then the boys went out. Dove and I also went out just the two of us. Dash and I spend our quiet days together. He gets a lot of my time one on one. While Dove and I have many ties to form. Being together with her Sunday was a gift, a treasure. We spoke mostly her wonderful mind and heart shared. I felt so grateful to hear it. Topics of her being her own person not wanting to follow the crowd, having her own style. Then after referring to a friend of hers she shared how a guy has to want you and care enough to protect you or he is just not worth it. GLORY! She wanted a new skirt so we shopped for one that fit her nicely. She made a modest choice. Wisdom struck me to just let her try on the short denim one. From the fitting room she declared "wow that is just way too short". Gotta LOVE IT!

Having lunch together she opened up so much, a fresh breadth of my daughter. After 3 weeks in a nursing home, missing the first three months of Jr High she had become a bit of a stranger to me. Closed off she kept silent most days. She is the child that calls to be fished out of those deep waters.

What a wonderful day 'on the lake'  :)

Dash is working on composition this morning. It is so hard for him to understand an editing process. He apologizes for the imperfect first draft. My great effort today is to help his process. Great progress is happening even as I take breaks with him while I type this.

So on with the day as I try to better balence the rest with the activities of my day.May your day be filled with a mild sonshine

shorty bear update

Many of you know Denise O. Better known to all of us as Shorty Bear.
I just spoke with her husband Eddie. Denise is in a rehab center.
Both a with a tumor on her left brain, a stroke and a blood clot in her neck.
She is in a real bad way with the diabetes out of control. If/when she is to be released they will need help for her if she is to be able to stay home.
Eddie is working (bless God) first shift. So he has a need to have that covered. This a prayer request. I'll let you all know if I get a chance to speak to her.

Total Knee Replacement Recovery

Good Morning! I am so happy. This morning we met with the knee surgeon. "I am startled! he said" at how well your doing. My foot almost touches my fanny when I lay down and pull it up (115*) without help. Standing straight with extension it was at 5*. Most folks can not bend the leg at this point. He said that I was a unique person,"not negative or positive he said". One who sees things my own way. I got a kick out of it. He was really happy about my knee. I saw an xray of it. Strange. The meniscus in the joint is so much higher and thicker than the left leg. So it is a longer leg now. It is beautiful. Very strange to see it.
Pain is yet a constant and may be for three months or so. Just part of the process.

Bless God for all the help that has given me such gain. His hand has done it. Given me the good attitude and tenacity.

Now Driving privileges are mine! One week early. It is now 5 weeks 3 days out.

Thank you all for the kindness of your prayers.

Arizona Virtual Academy

This year Dash asked to do K12 Arizona Virtual Academy. Homeschooling is really going well. He is getting very interested in science, math and history. Other subjects are found to be interesting just not his favorite. It takes a bit of my time and effort but I enjoy giving that to him. What better career :)
My knee is doing better.
Dove wants to do the K12  now.

The Memories of 911 were very personal to me. (a repost from 2007)

Red Square

First Sight December 2001

I took great pause in posting yesterday on that day of dreadful remembrance.
That day, for me, was made a very memorable personal day.
After the start/ stop/ start of the adoption of our son, a match was made on a child who was born that March. At six months of age the children were released from the Russian data bank to anyone who was certified and who wanted to adopt them.
That day I stood there in my kitchen just a short week after we accepted the match of our son who was starving and abandoned in the un-adoptable side of a Russian orphanage. I stood fixed at the kitchen set at the first blow to the towers. I was on the phone to my husband as I gasped at the blow to the second tower. I wept knowing that lives were lost. As I saw the souls leap into eternity, that day, my dreams were possibly going down with them. I had waited 20 years for this son.
I fell to my knees in horror knowing that the world would never be the same and that possibly the little boy half a world away might loose his chance for life as well.
I am sobbing now just remembering this... I knew that God had made a promise to me. I had lived in that promise for most of my adulthood. I saw the promise of so many lives lost that day as I wept, As I weep now.
We were kept on standby as the new President of Russia was changing all the adoption laws. We had poured out financially to our limit and did not know how we could possibly make this happen. It was out of our hands. My husband was in the process of his plant closing and he watched 6000 people loose jobs around him. We never knew if the next day may bring a pink slip for us as well.
My Son was half a world away starving, languishing and I could only pray for him not knowing if he might be as our little Natasha ( an infant we had to turn down, she was far to ill to survive and our Miss Fiction came home to us instead three years prior) will always be, simply a child of my heart never to have a Mother and Father. That child is most likely deceased now.
We watched as our troupes entered the Northern Afghanistan boarders. Our Sons orphanage was only 500 miles as the crow (or bomb) flies. We just prayed for peace in the region. And wept at night and longed for him in my arms. We were having so many things (battles) during those few months. I had to face a Radical Hysterectomy because they could not stop the bleeding I had. The doctors wanted to put me on a type of chemo tho stop my cycle and the internal bleeding. It was an injected rod that would have to be surgically removed if the side effects were to bad.Thank God for Wisdom I said NO> we could not risk being in a third world country with it in me. Only to find out it was Bad stuff that was being used as a lucrative pharmaceutical extortion plot reveled on national T.V. the night before I made the final decision (God kept me safe). They planned surgery for early December. I had a child half a world away and I was about to have my own reproductive system removed form me with empty arms (save that my sweet daughter was in them), yet I could not hold my daughter due to the internal bleeding and several surgeries to remove the adhesions so I could stand up straight. I had end stage endomeitriosis.
The date was set for surgery. A week later We were called as one of the first families to get to fly out internationally. We were at great threat of kidnapping however. We made a trust for our daughter and had to choose. To go get our son out, or be safe and let him go. HE WAS MY/OUR SON!
There are many dangers I can not speak of due to those who travel after. It will not be as doable now the laws changed that spring. We were under the wire by 2 weeks and so we were able to do only the one trip. Since then families have to make two or more trips to adopt.
We got there in great danger we were to not even have our voice heard in public. We screamed "American" just by our dress. But to voice in public could be life threatening. We were in Russia three weeks after the secret service entered the Northern Afghanistan region. We were there just over two weeks without my girl in my arms and a very sick infant who was at risk for retardation and dwarfism.

So 9-11 is a very personal time for me. It reminds me of great loss yet of great hope and promise for the future.

Post script. The day the judge said yes was the day I was to have surgery. It was performed 6 weeks after we got our Son home from Russia. I was post menopausal with a 3 year old with special needs and a 10 month old Who was very ill all with raging hormones.
Our Son recovered from the hypothyroidism 3 years later. and the threat of retardation passed as well as the dwarfism..He has special needs however don't we all :)
Our daughter stayed here in the states with her elder Paternal Grand Parents who risked so much right along with us.
We were able to receive an adoption reimbursed of $6000. from our employer only months before the 25+ year carreer was over.

Knowing; never be alone in it again.

For it has now been a month out from the gift of this new knee.  How I have challenged greet changes in my character. How much suffering at the neglect of proper pain control repeatedly. Yet how neglected a thought of so so many many opportunities to see Gods hand upon me.

Again Friday once more in the face of a lack of pain medication I saw His hand came for me mercifully.

It was that at my physical therapy appointment that a rap camp upon the door. Softly at first then again, as I lay there in the dark. Heat upon and under my knee and my back, electric stem as well. She tipped her head in. "your husband is on the phone, He is asking about the authorization from the surgeons office. He is at the pharmacy trying to pick up the prescription"

Laying there I began to weep. Then the thought of it being a Friday I wept I shook. Knowing what it has been to repeatedly suffer the full bore of bone to metal. Knowing full well that error upon error has pressed my mental stamina and physical endurance to my limits of reason and sanity...I wept.


'Please Please Please Please God have mercy on me. No more'

As the lights came on, ringing a stop to the comfort of the heating pads. My breadth pulled in within me. The front staff helped as we came to find that the surgeon has NO after hour contact. I called the Walgreen's bypassing the call center going straight to store.


There he was His name was John. He made every effort to no avail yet told me he would let me know. Retuning to therapy with trepidation the choice to go on was made. Either way I was in for a hurt. Sooner or later but both. With knee replacement one can not allow the tissue to go un worked or a limp will be so the rest of days.
Steve came for me with my beautiful daughter in tow. We headed for home.
A vision came of me in the wheelchair in store. Many calls so far out of Johns duties was met an OK by my primary doctor who was at home. He succeeded for us.

Mercy mine. 

As rest and pain are yet a balancing task.
Was there not mercy when the outcomes were unmet?When hour after hour I felt the fullness of pain. Knowing the bone connection. Was there not mercy even then?

In this I know what it is to suffer unbearable pain. In this I have witnessed faces forced to do nothing but stand by and watch. What it is to have a friend hold me as my fist pound out in retched pain (Lisa always within my heart your prayer and embrace). What it is to risk a pill to ease it, not knowing the long term consequences. What it is to be loved by so many. What it looks like when others are not. The face of loneliness and fear of isolation. What it is for our elders in their hour of need when imprisoned in nursing home bureaucracy. The kindness of one soul who took me under her care because "you felt so alone in this". The delight of admiration from others while I was in the face of courage. To go home to a professional group that will help me get fine, feel safe to rest. So many things yet to clarify. To have an amazing friend, a husband who has always loved me as this.

Tonight sitting here in the silence of the summer rain I know mercy. Mercy that knowing all of the horrid things over this last month they will become turned into a passion, love. Toward myself first then others likewise who too know 'alone'. They might in my knowing never be alone (without someone understanding what it is like) in it again.

TWO WAY GLASS IMAGE MIRROR IMAGE

 

A Mirror or a 2-Way Glass? How can you tell when you are in a room, restroom, motel etc. with a mirror or a 2-way glass? Here's how: I thought it was quite interesting! And I know

in about 30 seconds you're going to do what I did and find

the nearest mirror.

Do you know how to determine if a mirror is 2-way or not?

A policewoman who travels all over the US and gives seminars

and techniques for businesswomen passed this on.

When we visit toilets, bathrooms, hotel rooms, changing rooms,

etc., how many of you know for sure that the seemingly ordinary

mirror hanging on the wall is a real mirror, or actually a 2-way

mirror (i.e., they can see you, but you can't see them)?

There have been many cases of people installing 2-way mirrors

in female changing rooms . It is very difficult to positively identify

the surface by looking at it.

So, how do we determine with any amount of certainty what type

of mirror we are looking at?

Just conduct this simple test: Place the tip of your fingernail against the reflective

surface and if there is a GAP between your fingernail and the image of the nail,

then it is GENUINE mirror. However, if your fingernail DIRECTLY TOUCHES the

image of your nail, then BEWARE! IT IS A 2-WAY MIRROR!

"No Space, Leave the Place" So remember, every time you see a mirror, do the

 

"fingernail test." It doesn't cost you anything.

REMEMBER. No Space, Leave the Place:

Ladies: Share this with your girlfriends, sisters, daughters, etc.

Men: Share this with your wives, daughters, daughters-in-law, mothers,

girlfriends and/or friends. 

Back into life at home

Steve went back to work today with an early new schedule. He will get off that much earlier and be able to pick me up then Dove. He will drop me off at therapy (5 days a week) and come home to the kids. Later to return and and fetch me.
God has blessed us with a loving neighbor across the street. She has been around for years. A single woman who over the years Steve has kept eye out for. She will be covering me by taking Dove to school each morning (a 7 minute ride) . That way she does not need to ride the bus (over and hour here to there). Much safer as well regarding her social cognitive.
Dash and I are home. He is doing his on line K12 schooling. We are doing great!
Pain changes my voice stress concerns Dash of if I am angry so he is understanding now what is causing it. Getting up and down a lot for him to enter my pass word I think is good for my leg. I rode the stationary bike sorta for 15 minutes this morning. Just sorta rocking back and forth.

Well for the first morning so far so good. Pain is tough.

Our dear friends of 10 years+ are leaving state in two days. We all were blessed to spend several hours together last night. Made for a very late night. The kids played, we visited and shared our journeys with each other. We all prayed and wept. They are moving up to Montana. Some will fly and then the guys (including another fellow friend of ours) will drive up the vehicles and do a weeks fishing along the way. What an adventure along the way. They are walking into their dream.

Would it be that we were each courageous and fortunate enough to do so.

Prayer request out for Shorty Bear

I just got this word from Marsha.
Our dear friend is in battle with her body. Please remember her and Eddie tonight and on.
thanks everyone.

 Marsha wrote

Please pray for Denise! Her husband Eddie just called me. She is VERY sick. She hasn't been able to hold food or water down for so long, she's about 100 lbs. They took her by ambulance this evening, so was so weak. They did a Cat Scan and they found a small tumor on the back of her brain - either cancer or a stroke, not sure which. Biopsy is tomorrow. She is in Erlanger Surgical Intensive Care unit. He will keep me posted.

home safe

Hello
Last night i wrote a lovely long post and lost it

Thank you all for your loveing prayers and well wishes
Today is full for Steve goes back to work tomorrow so this is all I can do to say hello at the moment.
I have to learn Dash's school program.
Love you all

screaming

in the night even just now there is an elder who screams in the night. Last night I had to go see what was going on. I just could not handle listening without checking on her to see why. Her foot has terrible wounds and they have her in booties to stop the degeneration of her skin. She screams. I pray for her. I wish she could know Him and he would let her go home.
Suffering is so heartbreaking. Her screams I wish I could comfort and can not. I wish I could go to her and comfort her.
Mercy mercy for the darling.

Last night my dear Alice two doors down fell. The floor nurse came to check on me and asked if I dropped anything. Something felt real off and I could not relax. Later the cna came when I pushed the call light to ask if something was wrong. It was then she told me that there was blood all over from an elbow injury and she also hit her head. She is all of 85 and was to go home today.

The elder across the hall is screaming again.

I pray
today is my last day

the love of family

Oh how refreshing is the smile of my child. The citter chatter of interupted conversations. The silly attention seeking actions of my boy. Everyone eager to be heard all at the same time. It was wonderful.
Steve was begged a visit from me for I was about to go stir crazy for missing them. He is so busy with all the going on's of schooling Dash and getting Dove off to Jr High. Feeding bathing and all of our young ones he has had little chance to come up to visit me in this 22 day stint, 24 if you count the hospital. 26 total by Saturdays arrival at home. How it is to be that time is at hand to return home. So much hard hard work has gotten me up and walking with a four wheel walker. Even now I am dozing off while I try to type. The pain medication mixed with the other ones I am on really make sleep a friend to rest. That is morning job rest.

How dear it is to embrace and be embraced by all of you. Yesterday a woman and her sister invited me to sit with them awesome. We spoke of HIM and the greater things we all have known and witnesses. Leaving that table was the best time I have had here. So refreshing. This woman's' sister had slept on a fold out sofa for a month. She is returning Saturday to her home while her dearly loved sister struggles with the decision whether or not to have the 4th surgery for the returning brain tumor. How utterly educated I felt as this dear sister of teh woman stood and helped me to sit down. She bent like a tree in the wind with severe scoliosis.

We are all capable of reaching out. Here this was the first time that the table  was turned for this exhausted soul of mine. They reached out to me. I needed that so bad. Sitting in that dinning room day after week was really getting to me. Constantly reaching out to the elders. How nice to have them reach out to me and pull me up out of my self absorbed hole that my foot had slipped into.

Home two more days. For now it is almost time to go down to ti chi wheel chair style. I try real hard to go to activity time, It is good to get out of the room. Going somewhere other than therapy where pain is not the expected. That pain however is a friend to freedom of moving and flexation.

I cant keep my eyes open
be reminded of the beauty surrounding you
my little family here really set sail to me for Saturday

eight hour

waking this morning and hinting the call button I was not sure if it was time for pain meds or not. my leg felt calm (at least until I walked on it). I sat back in bet and just wondered. at the lack of pain. Perhaps the time was not elapsed. Moving my leg still left me slightly puzzled.
So I got up and used the little four wheeled walker to get to the commode. all most there the nurse came in. Startling her I turned around to set back at the bed to take morning medication. A ritual of the day in and day out. She exclaimed how stunned and amazed she was at how well I did. Still unaware why she exclaimed 'you went 8 hours!' I skipped a whole pain medication dose and just slept through it. Walking back to the commode and sitting a few moments in a chair I now feel it. however only mild to moderate pain. This is a huge mile stone.

Yesterday while sitting in the dining room the whole place really just got to me. behind me were stroke, and hand fed elders. Before me table after table of elders that stare at me all lunch long. I smile and wave and try every day to liven up the room. Yesterday it all just got to much, Day after day the constant piano that plays cd's it plays the same songs every meal. I am worn. we who at house sit together and now all those facing three times a day staring at me. utterly tortured of loneliness. I just could not take anymore. I wheeled out like a mad man sanity slight. No one seems to understand it. Oh I am so worn of it. How terribly must the be. My pain medication is kicking in and every sentence is met with me dozing off before the punctuation is met. I gotta stop.

The photographer caught this special moment, what a privilege to see.

Reminds me of Psalm 91:4, He will cover you with his feathers. He will shelter you with his wings. His faithful promises are your armor and protection.

good day today

Thank you Lisa for the books and lotion. It was fun to get a package.

Today with a great deal of hard effort not only did I walk with the four wheel walker, then with a cane. I also walked a little with just the belt that the pt used to hold onto me

I sleep now have a lot of hard work tomorrow.

going home on Saturday
Pain control and good rest with lots of icing

peace be with all of you goodnight.

thank you all for your prayer.

home

never ever underestimate the power of 'HOME'.
Yesterday's release from the asylum...i mean in patient nursing home. It is a place where the $ rules with the heartlessness of a nail. Hammered into every employee as well as the patients who happen to fall into the coffin of financial red tape and silencing tactics. All this another day for I have work to do on behalf of the elders who are but silently mercilessly at the hand of corporate gain. As the system of errors cause excellent nursing staff to just watch and try in vane to get above the system of neglect. This is only attained by the passionate saged employee. I will also speak of them another day.

Today I am home!
It was that again the night before I left that they once again neglected to have pain medication for it ran out! This at 10:30 when I requested it I was offered a tramidol a mild arthritis medication. I was due at 9:30. I was told it was ordered at 8pm because the MD did not arrive. Mind you once a better nurse ordered it far sooner as to avoid this. Steve filled a script at midnight and came to give it to me. By that time I was in a real bad hurt once again.  The nurse walks in 5 minutes later with two pills, Now the other nurse said that they had not to give me that were my dose? Where did these come from? "the pharmacy sent them stat? Ok ordered at 8pm stat given at 12:30 am?

Did I say I AM HOME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

We arrived around noon.

a few hours at home

Hello my loves, my friends and family
After much fuss the powers that be all agreed to let me go home for 7 hours to have infusion.
It went well. Dove who had been ill kept distance, unannounced to me daddy man had told her to do so to protect me. Poor girl. All went well. Only half the movie watched however us three adults covered the necessary physical needs for when I do get to go home next Saturday.
Spent the afternoon home, then later here at the rehab.
Slept most yesterday and slept in today. Had the best lunch.. I made favor with the young weekend cook and he really had blossomed. told him the eye eats as well as the mouth. The plates come out much quicker that way for others. Often I am given the most favor of all. Pointing out the needs of the elders has me in favor of them as well. Strange as they never speak out for themselves. The social study of cast be it patient/cna/nurse and such is no less issue in a nursing home. i am an odd ball. Loved by the staff and the other patients and residents dismissed/despised by the higher ups.
I find it hard to stay awake long when I type, or at most other times as well.
My leg is healing, only six more days here so gotta work hard. Getting home will be an adventure.

pain managment

good morning
Oh the love of a good egg timer. Steve got a real nice one up to me on Saturday. I have been keeping set with each dose and yesterday had good management. Last night they were real good to wake me as well. So this morning sleeping yet a small problem.

Last Friday night my two buddies came and as we were hanging out visiting the last dose wore off. We were on our way to get my meds when the nurse approched in the hall offering me a tramadol (mild).
The pharmacy was to deliveiver on the 3pm run my pain medication. Again it was dot here until after 10:30 pm.

Thus the 5th time I have gone without pain releif for up to 6 hour stints. This time I was not alone. They were here. My sweet Lisa and Trisha. Lisa held me and prayed. I had begun to panic knowing what was coming for me.
I felt the place where my bone was sawed off. felt it clear as you please.
More care was in place last night.
O have begun to get too panicked to sleep. If it wares off in my slllep I wake in torment.

Last night I was well medicated throughout the night. NO breakthrough Pain for one of the first nights that I have been here.
I have infusion on Saturday. It is worn off some for the Stress was so much this last three weeks. Hoping for a 6 hour medical leave to do it.
Hope it all works out. I need a strong cup of coffee so bad.
I keep dozing off even as I type thip
but the pain is in control.

Lisa, Trishia your my heros. Thank you for fighting for me and holding me through the teeth grinding agony.
I love you both so so so very much.
Lisa thanks for the snickers too :)
The black eye susan is so bright in the room. So alive.

I have to get to the dining hall, it is a thing I force myself to do to get out of the room.
ya all have a good day

battle in the field set for righting wrongs victory is yours

Hello Everyone
It is a bit hard to type due to the laptop is sitting real high on a hospital bed table thing. I'll try. It is sorta like a toddler trying to reach the counter.:)

These last dozen days or so have pulled up from within me some great and magnificent warrior who mad a difference. Many many hardships have I faced with the corprate bussiness powers at this nursing home. Many.
My rights as a patient have been violated 5 times some of them being serious. I have stood, during a time when even just sitting in a wheel chair was excruciating. Yet have I stood.  Yet see I the fruit of it. They just today have hired two additional staff members for this shift, this ward.  The nursing staff all admire and appricate me. The fight was not without insult or injury.

As for my knee
I walked (well sorta) for the first time Friday and was able to kick a ball on Thursday. Hard going. My brain is trying to recognize my severed muscles and get into action.  it is a thrill to me when gains are made,
I am coming well into terms with the new implant. strange thig it is

It seams I have given a new life to the dining room. The cook each day comes to me to hear knowledge of th trade. I have been given favor.

I am here two more weeks time. Not sure how to get the nurse privileges to infuse here.  I will investigate tomorrow. For now the day and the meds are taking effecct
need to go to let sleep come

good night

it is early morn up all night with pain so tired

jaye i can not email you the facility has it disabled

real hard guys]

Good Morning where are you today?

I found myself 

I am here at

Life Care Center of Scottsdale
9494 E Becker Lane
Scottsdale, AZ 85260

I can be reached via

4 8 0 -,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,seven,,,,,,,,,, sixty........
forty three..........
.. seventy four...

I hope you all doing well

So my new knew knee has proven it's bionic powers once again. It can actually wake me up in an instant when the pain med wears off! Now that's power!
It has the significant ability to say no if  it is turned for 'comfort' during the night. It is polite about it and will warn ya once...
Of course as with any Super Power one must obey

or 'else'...wa hahaha

'BAM!'

'SLAM!'

IT WILL SMACK YOU DOWN!

well gotta find some humor in it

:)

i made it online

i am in the rehab nursing home
my sweet local friends i am at a place called

life care center
near?86th street and Shea....perhaps the address is on Becker lane  North of Shea only a block or so? i was on a gurney in an amulet so that's the best i know

surgery went well on Monday
wend i was sent here to endure HELL!!!!!
they are corpret captures to an off site pharmacy it took 6 hour for them to get me a pain pill first night!!!!!second day, after awaiting an injection for anti nausea that was ordered mid morning then being told by the nurse that it would most likely not arrive until after he was off shift! when i asked when are you off shift he said 2pm!

Steve came up with my medication out of my infusion kit that had the rx on it for under the toung
mean while too sick to take the pain medication I had a second break through episode shaking I was in a wheel chair trying to get them to help me and some naive nurse put a alarm clip on my shirt. Then she stands me up for the toilet the alarm goes off! PTSD! she quickly sits me down I am demanding them that legally this is not alright. a PT walks by sees it all going on. whisks me away asks me to trust her. with out being able to be  medicated for pain because of nausea she works my knee as to release range of motion for by this time I had a peg leg.

Steve arrives with Dash in tow (home school) gives them the pills and they will not let him give me one until it was logged in. Nurse ran it back to me and mean while with Dash there a therapy dog comes. Distract Dash and me as well. Steve had to get Dash away for I was a mess holding my strings together with a real massive fray near at hand

pause....had to get help just now to get off the CPM machine, it moves my leg up and down) wow she came fast
anyway I have been here three days and it has happened three times that the cracks of this place have all but broken momma back' sure hope the system avoids steppin on those crack tomorrow!

Jesus and pain have been my constant companions too much company. rather just be with him without the pain.
pain meds just kicked in ") I am  off for the day...they would just curl their toes if I were a lawsuit type person. Nope just rather get lathered up and perhaps become a better advocate. For myself first then for the employee's and the ELDERS who can not speak up.

Dear Father rather than sit at the mercy of this place without any control over my days may I for ever just bask under your mercy.

thank you all for your prayers and lovin kindness I better rest now. good night


Remember the old don't step on the crack or your break your momma's back

never be the same again

there are these times that mark time. days when you really know you will never be the same. Looking at my beautiful leg, swollen and pained...by the end of this day it will never be the same again. forever changed morfed into steal and stapels.
ya know it will be all good.
we searched and found a good rehab Health South place it is on Shea and near 96th street in Scottsdale. 10-15 days. we searched hard yesterday wow there are really some terrible dives that have the audacity to call them self a rehab center

The surgery is at 10-11am this morning. I will be at the Scottsdale Thompson Peak Hospital for 3-4 days then rehab at the

The kids are cared for by my Michelle and my sister and grandma when she can. The house is covered so pets will be as well.

A good meal or two for the family could be nice, the freezer is full of what I call junk. they could use the nutrition of salads, fruits and so on. You know more the living foods. They will do fine. Dove is covered at school for the month of lunches.
Dove is ill...a sinus infection, as is Steve I started anti bio-tics on Friday. Dove started yesterday. Her sweet face broke out and she is really emotionally effected. My daughter so sweet and tender. Dash needs the diligence to do well and be self motivated.

I tossed and turned got up it is now 6:30. The peacefulness of feeding the hens some oats and sitting here is calming,
Thank you all for the loving kindness. The lap top may come with me if I am up to it.
i am good, enveloped not even sticky (the envelope thing) :)
Everything is as it should be. Courage needs stay mustered as the banner raised high I will forge on through this fine morning. I am honored blessed to be envied that I get this chance to walk one day free of the bone on bone pain of the last 5 years. I made it to the mark.
Hard to stop typing for the energy and the words they fill me up. I will need to fill them up soon.
the day is a gift lets go do it!

The new body

why wait!
There are promises of a new body some day when this one passes away.
Well in the morning I will be stepping ahead of time.

So many amazing things these last busy several weeks of getting ready.

My surgeon has spoken extensively with both the immunologist and the other ortho surgeon that I have attended all these years. The two surgeons met at the hospital and opened lap tops discussing my case in detail. I am told by my infusion nurse that this is unprecedented.

Thursday when getting cortisone injections in both my right shoulder and left knee I was told of this. I was also stunned as the doctor of 5plus years tentativly asked me...
"at the risk of offending you may I as something. Could we pray together over your surgery?"
I was so deeply touched at this gentle kindness.

For $60 I was given over $600 worth of walker, wheel chair and riser arms for the walker so as to protect my right shoulder impingement and the injury of late to my left wrist (a torn cartilage).  It has been a trying season for me.

All around me however are little kindness that blow even seasoned believers away.

I will have surgery in the morning, kids over at the Michelle's, for the night. Steve will be able to stay with me. They will only allow him on Monday as to keep infection risks lower. Infusion went well yesterday. I slept around 5 hours then a good 8 hours over night.

I know that many people are praying and for that my heart is full of gratitude. The kids are beginning school and so they could use it too.

I will be sent to rehab at a care facility for 10-14 days or so once out of the 3? days in hospital.
I am suppose to stay calm and this lap top is stressing me out. It is heavy on my knees too.

I'll close and go rest a while.
In all things his presence is palpable. It is good with my soul.