For the love of a child.

 

Last Friday a major mile stone was accomplished.

This is my Little Dove.

She is now 12 years of age and amazingly resilient.

With special Needs her years have been filled with intervention after intervention.

She began her life in a Russian Orphanage.

This Child came to me at almost 8 Months of age, never having been held and touched very little.

I waited to be her mother for 16 years.

16 years of a promise that was kept by a loving God who only wanted the VERY BEST for me.

After 22 months of every therapy venue she became somewhat congruent to age. My daughter could not swallow for in Russia the nipple of the bottle was 2-3 inches in length and she essentially swallowed it. She had to be taught to suck, to be held, to have sounds other than crying babies around her. She still flinches at the sound of an infant crying and huddles behind me. This many years later.

She has many titles over her head. Dysfunctional difficulties of varied types.

The best title and most treasured is DAUGHTER. This is one kind heart of a soul. Always intervening for the underdog she is often misled. It is the hardest part of her development.

When my Dove was nested half way around the world I learned to TRUST GOD for her welfare.

Last Friday after years of guarding over her , year after year of struggles with the public school systems I signed the document I have been battling for for all these years of social workers who fail at their tasks. Documents one month out of the time window. The documents that we spent well over $800 to gain. I Sat in the office at the school where the current Social Worked actually did her job!

It is finished!

with the 504 in place I now can rest for the battle has been won. In shock and relief for days now it is settling in. I through the tenacity and favor given me by God have accomplished what seemed at times an impossible task. Met with wall after wall I walked around and around them shouting for justice. Those walls came a tumbling down. Not only that but the ground was taken in such a way that the residence of that city are now being restored.

At the door as I left that meeting the principle informed me that because of my persistence a new school wide program will be instituted next month to educate and empower the student body to stop bullying, gain conflict resolution skills. They will be empowered with KINDNESS!

They are also implementing a program to educate the young girls who have WAY too much power as bullies to have better conflict resolution skills. These kids have yet to be noticed as human beings by those that suffer them a horrid childhood lacking in all that they and every child deserve.The fight for my own child has taken shape to help well over 600 kids. This because of

walking outside of strife

and within the confines of compassion for the children. Kids who even harmed my own. Kids whose home life consist of abuse.

ALL FOR THE LOVE OF A CHILD

It is NOT only our own children that we need to be guardian. We are to guard the widow and the orphan. Many kids are orphaned in this global essence that there is  

no one left available

to fight for them. Remember as much as you might love to have vengeance on a child who hinders your own that it is that very kid who needs your compassion.  We see dimly. Humility is a skill that few kids have an example of.

I weep with joy at the struggle that I have faced all these years. It was all worth it. You see the battle often should not be prayed away. Rather it needs to be prayed through.

Revelation 2:11 He that hath an ear, let him hear what the Spirit saith unto the churches; He that overcometh shall not be hurt of the second death.

Oh Holy Night

Lead in adds, files and scrapbooking/copier home

Hello, My day has been full.
As much as I love to come and blog, write my life out for the sake of my children and posterity ...keeping up with the estate is a love as well.

The folks gave me a bag of coupons and after I hit the lead in adds (that ended last night!) I was able to get about 65% total off of all of the bulk purchasing.
After getting in late it was left to today to tend to putting all of the bounty away.

I hit the Mother load of cereal.
The Special K was only 2.50 a large family size box after lead ins and coupons.
Some of the other cereals are not a common, but the babes were tiring of Cheerios.

I found this on a clearance these go for over $4 a jar normally.
That's 6 loaves of bread for the $1 yeast.
So that being said...

I was on the phone with a lovely call from one of my nieces by marriage...
And I sat there looking around as I conversed ...this is what I saw to do.
Now the little kitchen office is all up to date.
Everything is filled and the manuscript documents at hand in the bottom drawer.
I set up a new up to date 2009 file system top drawer and dead filed into boxes to sort later in the garage. This was a very time consuming thing to do.

I sorted all of those pesky business card and then removed all of them that were in binders, sorted them into like type.
Tomorrow they will get put into binders of like kind.
With the cook books now up on the shelves this became a copy center/
scrap booking/paper crafting/ art supply center.
It has a lot of work on it yet.
That big white binder has craft articles from the 1940's to current.
Really amazing stuff.
The green and brown files have sorted craft ideas I have saved for 25 years.
Lots of things I have made or have always wanted an excuse too :)

I have been reviewing a bit of the documentation and the pedigree of the family tonight.
On securing my life line as well..
Wow what some people chose not to believe?
Here all the dates names and history...
I was amazed at the phone call today from my niece (by marriage) she is trying to document the Native American heritage to help her husband have more funding for school. She is a really nice young woman with 2 kids one is special needs on the Autism spectrum. My nephew is pretty messed up and closed off poor man. Well par for the course. Funny how we forgive 70x70x a million and yet there comes a point in life where enough is enough. Owning my own stuff recently was really empowering. Knowing that those behaviors were often a simple unconscious act...that helps in understanding others. Life though is a list of choices and I have had enough of setting myself up to need to forgive. Time for a bit thicker a skin, a bit less toleration.

I have so enjoyed the acquisition of order today!
Inch by inch.

Hope you enjoy your many wonderful blessings.

Thankful Thursday

join us here at life taking a stand

There was a song over my head this morning It has been a long while from the last time there was.

Not by might not by power but by my spirit says the Lord
These mountains shall be removed
I will build my spirit in you .
But not by power not by might
by my Spirit says the Lord

I knew that this morning I needed to apologize to my Sister.
I was so afraid.
I knew though that the character of it was greater than my fear.
I prayed a lot during the night and this morning awaited the kids departure to school. I was sitting down to send her an e-mail too chicken to call :) I thought of how I should call. There was an E-mail from her. It was beautiful depiction of the life of Christ in the beauty of sculpture set in bronze. I sent her that email...in her response... she said "you were forgiven a long time ago"... I think I just want to sit here and cry my eyes out in the release and relief of it.
I am so humbly grateful
It has been a busy spiritual week for me.
I am thankful for that...
Proves His love for me all over again ya know.
If error were left to be unchecked well I would of become like them who I swore I would not.
For this I am so very grateful.


My Great nephew is to be born soon.
This is the nursery printThe large blocks are the pillows
Two for moms bed and one each for big brother and big sister
They all 4 will be living in a studio room.

My sister took my nephew and niece scuba diving in their youth.
This baby's daddy loved to be under the ocean.

I have had these blocks a long time
Her fabric is to the right.
Funny I always wondered what this might get used for

I feel a bit of dajavew (sp)
This is a fabric for The mother to be she loves spiders.

I used the edge of the pillow boarder and adhered it to a little box
Lined the top and underside by using iron on fusing
The fringe was also an iron on

The underside is a metallic orange fish scale looking fabric.
This is what baby looking up will see.
I will make little hanging 3 dimensional fish to dangle from it.

My thought is a gift for the Mom of a under the mattress hanging off on the side of her bed caddy for bottle and anything she might need at hand while she nurses in bed.

Morning baking gave me the idea for a faster loaf so that it could be served to the kids for breakfast. Cinnamon sugar was a hit.
Smaller ones for PB& J for their lunches
The larger ones I sliced into two sandwiches for the next days lunch

Last month the garden looked like this.

Yesterday
The earth tilled to 10 inches or so and screened
this 8 foot span done.

It almost killed me.
Sometimes I am just too stubborn.
See Bee Bliss Gardens Blog
I got heat exhaustion/ touch of heat stroke yesterday and so safe and in a cool house I sit resting
I am still pretty nauseous I am going to read up on it to see if I need to do anything for myself.
I just made a docters apt and got in at 10:50 my time
wow how fortunate I am that They got me right in.
guess I am going to take the day off

Today I will be meeting a dear sweet friend of old at a mall
for sodas and a visit while we walk.
She lives so very far so with both our children in school
She thought to meet perhaps half way.
That will be the most of what I do today I think

I am so greatfull I was able to cool myself down
No out doors today.
Oh for fall.

Thankful Thrusday~JOY

join us here

With a rake and hoe and a piece of fertile ground I am impressed that it is He who will bless the seeds I sew

See BEE BLISS GARDENS BLOG for posting of the process


After a two and a half hour morn of chore and prayer
The North bed is planted on time.

Even the stench of the dung has life within it.
That stench that is a fertile lesson.
We all have it .
We just gotta dig it in and loosed those hearts to it
:)

A light thunder took me out of my solitude to remind me of the presence even in the midst of the task
That He is there...
Waiting to bless this soil with the kindness that makes all things living flourish.

The thunder was a prelude to the most tender reminder that all ...
this that we set (I set) my hand to is blessed.
It is God who makes it (us) grow

All those hardened lumps to chop up and soften with the efforts set forth
it will till the tender soil that will bring forth all that good "fruit".
Now I speak poetically that of the heart and of the soil it differs little.

How wonderful it is to learn from our children that even the obstacles set up around us are but to strengthen us to stratagem

strat·a·gem (strt-jm)n.

1. A military maneuver designed to deceive or surprise an enemy.

2. A clever, often underhanded scheme for achieving an objective.

that we would be foresighted in those battles meant to harm us.
How wonderful a day began for me.

(after this) Dash got his hair cut at my hand and is very happy! YA!!!!!!!!!
not that he needed it hahah

~ JOY ~
As I stepped onto the patio it began to rain.
That was all the rain there was.
Just enough to give me hope and promise.
An encouragement to trust.

This is a good thing too for the soils that have yet to get planted
must not become saturated as of yet.

Mothers Day

join us over here...click the button
A Lesson in FORGIVENESS
In 2000
I had done a bible study on The commandment
"Honor Your Mother and Father in the Lord, this with a promise that it will go well with you upon the earth.

I was to be made ready to do one of the most courageous acts of Obedience in my Christian Walk.

On the Life Restored Blog is much of my life story...
Lets talk a bit about
Ruby Marie my Mother...

A young girl who at the age of 4 saw her white K_K_K father murder her Cherokee mother ( a slave in the hills of Tennessee in the 1910's) and cut her up and bury her in the yard.
Evidence was far to easy to hide in the hills.
My dear mother would be beaten if she ever went near that played....

Hard stuff yes.

My Mother told me at almost the last visit to "tell, tell all"


She told me that after I had visited her once...
Then a second time.
I was estranged from her for many years so that I could recover those things I suffered at her, and many others hands.
Hurt people hurt people...often those people happen to be their own children.

At 13 she was sold to a man who was 32.
She was sold for a house full of furniture.
That man was a leader in the 3K's and he had a 18 month old baby that was left after his its mother was deceased.

My Mother gave birth to twins soon after where the first born male was found dead on the kitchen table after on of their "meetings"
Not an uncommon event in those days.
For he was a part of ceremony.
The infant was part Indian.

My elder sister (the twin) and I are 18 years apart.
It was she who came back into my life while I was in hospital with flash backs.
She was the one who really saved me she confirmed the flash backs were a reality.

My Mom had sought healing in her last couple of years.
The therapist was working with my sister and refused to work with my mom at the same time.
Understandability.

My mother went on to bear 8 children in all
Marriage after marriage I think 8-9 in all.
She out living her last who was a Veteran.

So here I was after years of vowing She would NEVER touch my child...
Asked by God to forgive her and to even go to her at the nursing home.

I obeyed acting as if I was visiting Jesus himself.
That is how I began the maturity of healing with this spirit of a human.
Who had been locked into the darkness from such an early age.

I literally pretended I was visiting a prisoner.
After two visits it was Christmas time.
I allowed Dove this close not any closer to her.
I cried a river.

She got to see my daughter but I never allowed her to hold her.
This a vow I had made to God when He gifted me with Dove.
I was still healing for the things at her hand are unspeakable.

I forgave her.

I honored the OFFICE of Mother.
The woman I could not honor , But that was not what I was asked to do.
The scripture taught me to honor the OFFICE so that it would go well with me.

In doing so I was freed to become the best Mother I could be.
If I would have held hate or un forgiveness toward that office
I would then have disgraced it.
It would have taught my children to disgrace it also, it would have passed to generations.

As you can see by my posture it was excruciating for me to be in her presence.

She repeated what she knew.
She set me up to so many pedophiles that it took many years to recover.

I am telling you this for it is in seeing through "the human doing" that we might be compelled into the holy of holiest where we can see the heart.

This is my Daughter during that time.
Little and I kept her from my own Mother.
My skin would crawl in her presence.

Obedience is far more important than sacrifice.
That obedience set me free to forgive.
Never to forget, but yes forgive.
I saw her consequence of choice in her life.
The execution of hell tearing apart any hope of a life from her very beginning.

I had the support of one brother.
He was a help.
He understood my boundary and guarded me my vow.
I was kind yes, but kept distant.
How I wept the loss.
I never had a Mother.
I had a wounded child rise me.
A Mentally Ill Mom.

Dove was her second to the last (Dash being her last) of almost 30 grand children.
She never met Dash.
She spent her later years estranged from almost all of her children.

Dash was born two weeks after her death...
Ironic isn't it.

I was a newly wed bride, she and my sister moved here to be close.
My husband had to set a boundary and disallowed me to speak to her for two weeks.
She had total mind control over me.
It was unbearable.
It was the best thing he ever did.
She would have bled us dry in so many many ways.
The dear woman was a master manipulator, but she was able to get her needs met through "victim Mortar"

We tried a few times to share our lives but every time it would lead me to a very tenuous emotional state.
I had to part ways.
I thought I would die.
I had to walk away from my own Mother so that I could stay among the living.
Think of it.

This sweet kind Jeckle and Hyde was my dear Mother.
The pain, fear, anger, sorrow,and guilt of being her daughter
has made me an amazing woman.

She gave me that!
Her kind side is where my hands learned to be open.
Never a Veteran would ever go unnoticed.
To this day I hold that as a priority in the presence of one who served my great country.
I am one patriotic woman.
If our Flag ever to fall I run to stop it from touching the ground.

I got that from her too.
When she was 12 her dad refused to buy her shoes to be able to attend school.

It was in the early thirty's that the Nazi's came to hold groups in the cities trying to recruit kids after the depression.
They would hold great rallies where they would salute hitler
(lower case intended)

She was terrified.
It was understood that if the street gang knew you were not with them...
Well strong 3xK's in the area.
She knew what her dad and the group were capable of.
There was no escape for her.

My parents shown here divorced when I was an infant.
I took pride in doing the "right thing" and invited them to our wedding.
It was the first time they had contact of any manner in 20 years.
It was the first time I had been with her in a two years.

I honored her at me wedding.
It was so hard.
Do you know the bigotry against fat people...
I was raised with it in my ear!
I still have to hear it now and again and I hate it!

Growing up was hard
She worked at the gas station 12-15 hours a day and my step dad was a violent man.
He was crazy. Yes literally with an illness treated with penicillin.
I turned hard...
I worked from the time I was 9...Now I can see she was trying to keep me attended.
I slept very little, was not allowed to do homework...
Now you know why My Education is so important to me.
It is a promise I gave myself.

It was not always that way...
I tried to be her friend...but I was an extension of her beauty.
She had no self.
I was her, I had NO self.
I was paraded around as if she deserved (thirsted for) all the accolades.

I was called by God to go to her again the following February.
It was Valentines day...
It was a tough day...I could not find her and thought for 5 minutes that she had died, but they had moved her into another room.

She was incoherent.
I told her that we were going back to Russia to get Dash.
she began to relive the "dead son of hers, she said that..."the Doctor said to just keep her pregnant and she wont miss it (the baby)."
My mother said ..."I did not kill him, they did."
Dove was with me and so I left to get her away from there.

A few days later I heard God say Get prepared she will be going home soon...
I called my MOLove and asked her if...she was available to care for Dove.

I received a call.
I rode with her to the hospice...

The Gift My Mother Gave me...

"Momma if you can hear me and your with God tell Him what you might like me to sing to you...I can hear Him"
Out of my mouth came.
"She'll be comin' round the Mountain when she comes...
She'll be comin round the mountain when she comes...
She'll be comin round the mountain
She'll be comin round the mountain
She'll be comin round the mountain
when she comes.

We'll all go out to meat her
When she comes

We'll kill the old red roster when she comes...

We'll all have chicken and dumpling when she comes...

She will be riding six white horses when she comes...
This I came to learn from an elder sibling some time later was her favorite song.

Then...
My dear readers she gifted me with her last word...

Donetta, God Bless You Donetta

She is my Mother...I love her...

I am a Better Mother having known her.
The spirit of a shell of a woman.
My Mother...