Pay it forward from Denise and a Potato of the Month from my BILove

Oh Denise this is just too adorable!

What a sweet sweet surprise!

Look at the little pillow it has my name on it. Now I can almost count the things in my life that actually have MY name on them.

Garden gloves and a sheer that I actually really needed for mine got rusted a bit.

Gloves are a good reminder for I do tend to get my hands chapped a bit in the garden.

Cute little calendar date book too.

Thank you thank you

ll

She is so cute!

I just love the bag! 

So me, I should take a picture of the front walk way it is full of Poppies blooming bright orange.

The iris are in full glory too.

Imagine to my suprise a box of organic potato.

A box a month!

Wonderful variety.

A mistery to me but then my darling said it was from my dear brother in law.

I can save one of each to get them to spout perhaps do a crop out in the garden this year.

Now If your out there J. 

Thank you thank you

this is just too cool.

What a nice surprise.

Something to look forward too all year long.

This will be great fun.

It is a just because looks like for except for the anniversary no holiday is here .

He gave me a Marriage

" All I wanted was a man that loved God and a home of my own", I cried.

A place to be safe, to learn who I am.
A place to belong and to grow and help another the same.

A mission to gain through mutual growth and sacrifice. 

Now seeing 28 years to the day I said yes that God heard me.

God answered my call.

For two weeks later set to wed a man who had asked the same of Him.

He said "all I want is a wife, a woman to love, a place to be safe, a woman to belong.

One who would accept me and mutually grow into life for all of our years".

He married us only a month into our meeting. 

Although this man saw me a thousand pews aside. 

Watching weekly for a chance to say hello.

It was God who set time into HIS plan.

Now some 28 years later we roll over asleep and clasp each others hand.

Our toes touch under the covers and night by night 365 times 28.

We raise two wonderful children not bone of our bone.
They have grown under our hearts. 

"A Man that Loved God not a religious man" was my plea.

With mercy my dear precious Lord heard and supplied this for me.

Religion has stumbled us throughout the years here and there.

Those zealous new years when emotion was high and passion ran wild.

Mellowed us into friendship with our God and each other.

He loves God just like I had asked for.

I tried to belong in so many a congregation, yet I always did, to our Lord and our God.

This man who loved God was so patient and pulled me into "being".
Setting the generational familial and religious "doing" aside.

He freed me in so many ways.
Yet I have drawn him like honey to friendship
a vibrant place to live and abide.

Now many a year later, battles struggles trials aside.

I am  treasured as his ageless bride.

He is still handsome, I have always love that sparkle when he looks into my eyes.

Reflecting to me how perhaps God sees me through my darlings eyes.

A wonderful Anniversary to you my Beloved Husband and Friend.

Thankful Thursday

 Well we have had spring break here this week.

Kids have been over to a neighborhood child's house. It is good to give them a little freedom within a tight measure. I really like these folks. 

When I come home from there however I can not breath. 

They use a great deal of scent so much that you can smell it 10 feet back from the door and in the car so bad that it is hard to stand at the curb to speak to them. It is a problem that is stressful to know how to deal with.  She wanted to go take a pick nick but I am afraid that the smells would just kill me, and that the river could just kill my children.

They have 6 cats too however they are not into the house but in a kennel attached to the room they stay in.  

I am suffering badly right now "again" with asthma. The peak flow is half of what is should be. Every sense the party for Dash last weekend this is getting worse. So much so that I am tipping into red alone here and there. So sleepy from lack of oxygen that I really needed Steve to help me start a breathing treatment taking all I had to not just lay on the floor beside my bed. As soon as it was finished I went into bed and slept a couple of hours. Up in the night coughing last night had to sit up.

I watched a show the other day that was about a ill blogger who had no boundaries or so everyone thought. The things we never speak of. Those weaknesses we fear judgment over. I find that when I am week that I think or assume that I am looked at as a failing Christian. For if I.....fill in the blank....did so and so I would have joy and the suffering would lesson. 

Jesus never said that pain would never get a hold of you.

He said "I'll never leave you all alone".

Pain has gotten a hold of me.

The systems of the stress disorder are digressing. The neuro guy said that he may begin me on the meds for the early Alzheimer's if the memory thing does not improve soon. I said things like I need to water the garage, instead of the garden and that happens a lot now. The kids notice it and are aware that I have a sort of handy cap. It also caused mood changes that break my heart. I am scared . you would be too. Do not kid yourself anyone. It is real to suffer. If you are afraid you might get judged and rejected by the very hands that you so need to hold you up like Moses.

there is a loss of belonging.

Denise and Annette thank you.

Those of you silent thank you too.

I am trying so hard to raise the kids and the stress is tough. Wanting to bless them with the things that I once loved to do I took them for a walk. An adventure. Dash had a meld down. He hates to leave the house. He said it would be embarrassing if anyone saw him that was a cover that at first I took at face value then the Lord exposed the fear he was having. In my mind I handled it so much better than through my mouth.

I really hate that. 

The stress disorder makes it so hard to process those moments. 

Dash has meltdowns he is nine that is in part what 9 year old do.

Oh guys he is a hand full. He is prideful to a frustration but later comes around. Hard not to get real angry when the parenting process is blocked mentally.

 

Well once the thing hit the fan with Dash everything was fine. He has to have the big bang to go to the honey moon , Patience wares thin, then Doves good attitude goes south. Goodness! I touched her hand it being the first time they ever crossed the street where the traffic is 45-55 mph. I taught them crossing and paying attention to traffic at their shoulder. I felt it time to teach these things intentionally to them. They must grow up with skills to function.

Needless to say a nice walk tuned into stress as the lack of reality with Dove surfaces. The 12 year old indepenace meets the laa laa land. It is so sad it just feels like it is breaking my heart.

Wood lesson here I was behind the sign for 60 seconds tending to the attitude of the boy and the girl fighting and snippy. A car pulled up and a man was eying her. She was aware! thank God! The man hurried as I stepped over to her and I told him she was fine. Perv or nice caring man? who knows!

So as my children snapped at each other and Dash was hurt from our run in I still tried to do my very best to give them a memory of spring break. I just blew it over and over. I am so sad over that.

They were less than appreciative.

Suposs that is how kids are.

They each got new shoes for school and a toy to earn as the allowance of chores is paid.

They are still not getting it. 

I am doing my best to teach responsibility and the satisfaction of earning. 

It is so important to do I told them.

I actually explained that dad and I are doing our best to get them ready to be able to function independently as adults. For one day they will be on their own needing to pay their own way. Of course that haunting question about Dove disturbs my mind as I continue.

We walked home and again the memory thing hit. I was hurrying because I thought that we had an appointment but it was not for the day.

The kids moaned and groaned a lot on the way back. 

After a while it got a little better.

I almost in tears for all I wanted to do was to go for a walk and enjoy my kids.

So were home later in the afternoon. Daddy man is home and water is running outside. They had drug the garden hose . Dove got it in her mind if the dogs were clean I would let them in. (the pee) NO

Well we look out to see her in her new shoes washing the dogs. I had not noticed the shoes yet.

Well picking my battles I lovingly went and got the dog shampoo and rinse. Opened the door saw the new shoes and lost my temper. She the Dove she is was hurt to the core for she had not even thought or noticed the shoes. 

Torn am I as to how to train her not knowing what she is capable of understanding or not. The kids just ride on these over reacting of me and I get real shaken up that an ounce would of done just fine and a ton comes out of me.

note wet outdoor dogs on a cold night.

So what am I thankful for?????

I am typing, breathing and loving my kids so terribly imperfectly and yet able to admit it.

''

The children have the stuffed critters out of correntin

bunny had surgery this morning to remove some therapy puddy from his fur

 

The garden gave a pound of peas today.

Parenting a special needs kid with social cognitive disorder

I posted this then deleated it the other day.
Hope is returned and the rest has refreshed.
She is amazing and she will be who God created her to be.



We would appreciate your prayers. The needs of our special needs daughter have become heavy to bear and we are doing our best to meet them. Yes we trust and yes HE carries them. We however are walking through them.
My efforts , mind and energies are doing all within our power to help her and to come to terms with what we are facing.
This is hard stuff.
So many many medical appointments. So much intervention and now there is a 12-15 week self child/parent study to process a method to train her to be able to overcome the anxiety that is crippling her and the whole family for that matter. Although this well could have a compoient of spiritual warfare as it were, this is a major issue regarding her future and how we can meet her where she is at and empower her as best we can to live a secure life.
This is real hard.
You who are raising special needs children must well, understand this passage of parenting.
Acceptance through grief.
Yes it is easily to blow off and say things like, "Oh it is not really such a big deal". Oh ya...anyone who walks this road would differ with that. We continue to do all that is within us to help her, to help the family have some normalcy.
I am exhausted, discouraged, sad, frustrated with error after error when it comes to parenting a kid who apparently can not comprehend. Oh I am so sad if this be really true. This boat on the de-nile is so attractive. We are de-boarding and getting our land legs in a big hurry. We have only one year before Jr. high. Our daughter must come along way if she is to be able to function safely in such a setting. We have so very much required of us. So few who can really empathize. It is a very lonely road.

post delete post delete

the gift of loneliness is reaching out
weeping

Tackle it Tuesday

Well back in the saddle here.

Children s chores are of a focus to help them to have order and learn responsibility.

Responsibility = mission=  that accomplished = competency = and an allowance

Teaching the children to set to task is my tackle
It has been my week suit or better said I have been lazy.
It is easier to avoid the dragon of the child "god" lower case.
It is however in their best interest to take the effort to teach and keep to task of deligation.
Training is a huge part of it.
So is keeping my temper lol
So I set to get a reference for them.
They have each had tasks asigned but their are times when it just gets blown off.
Now there are also the times when we cover them due to mercy when they are just overdone with events or homework.
The homework and education are priority.
As is health so if not, well, we cover them of course.

To teach responsibility it must first exampled.

 

The kids work not perfect but that is unreasonable to expect.

They are just learning the skill.

Now Dove has had this duty a while but we have allowed them to slack off.

 

Dash is learning and is OH so challenging!

He puts up a big fuss until i blow my top. Then he is just fine. This has been his way from infancy and the effects of the orphanage. Drives me bonkers!

Today however is a new beginning .

Meal Plan Monday

 

After 28 years marriage the "spice" of life is a real thing that comes in many forms. 

This being one of them. 

Lets talk spices and herbs for flavor enhancement.

As you will see in my upcoming MPM posts you will find the herbs and spices I use for my meals listed. I will also add a new herb or spice weekly for your information.

click images to enlarge

 

 Thinking of what I might have to offer perhaps giving back this season 

may be the knowledge of such

Today's Spice is 

Allspice

As the name suggests, this versatile flavor enhancer is a spice because it comes from the berry of a West Indian tree, (Pimenta dioica) of the myrtle family. It has a rich, brown color and a pleasant, mild, sweet, spicy flavor.

While allspice is a familiar flavor in some dessert dishes, such as pumpkin pie, it also provides a delicate taste sensation for those seeking that special difference that it can make in a main course and even vegetable dishes.

No doubt the method of preparation of any food is very important in the resulting flavor. One additional variable affecting the end result is the skill with which the cook utilizes the vast resources of flavor enhancers, otherwise known as Herbs and Spices

Spiritual Sunday

Stress
Stress can cause an explosion or an implosion

As we drove up to the back country north east we listened to the sermon Steve down loaded onto cd.
The preacher spoke of stress.
How in it it is the focus
We all have stress.
Sometimes it causes explosion of anger and frustration. Other times withdrawal.
It has recently caused both for me.
The shame of a loss of focus (a stress alone) tuns face away.

He spoke of focus.
Nagging and complaining and fears all stop peace when peace is primary.

We listened to Jewel on the stereo as we drove out of town a line in the song..."please be careful with me I'm sensitive and I 'd like to stay that way" and I cried there sitting in the truck as we drove.

You know that the pastor also spoke of contentment the relief of stress in that. Fear can rob that. It is hard sometimes to hold onto our own contentment when we are making great efforts to bring contentment to others. Soon a loss of contentment causes you just want to have your own or let go of for the fight is too long and too much effort. Hopelessness sets in. Stress grips hold. Then the other straws in the bail start to poking you here and there. Financial the most annoying that is the fear of want. Poor or rich he reminded us that Stress abides simply as a part of life. For the one with the focus on Gods love and loving Him gains in lessens of maturation accrue to our gain.
The focus
Mine has been off a while now. Fatigue can cause that part of the trial I suppose. The heal that gets snapped at by that ol' viper. I wore boots today. Kept myself both physically and spiritually protected somehow a bit better long enough to consider my focus.

I have imploded with stress here on the blog. Exploded here at home far to often.
I will make great efforts to focus on peace, beauty and the examples so taught to me through the scriptures.