special needs..., need special love.

Dove is forgiven of course.

I am a bag full of feelings with an abdomen feeling like a punching bag.
I am sad angry and I just love my sweet daughter so much.
The nausea medication is helping me and the pain medication is too.
She (Dove) is so hurt in her sweet spirit that she lost control and hurt me.
Oh it takes special love to understand and help a special needs child.
I needed God to empower me with that ability today.
I just could not do this alone.
I will miss out on my long awaited date with Mr U. and I am sad and angry about that. The day was so cool he took them hiking and then to a large park to paddle boat. I missed out.
I... well I took pain medication and nausea medication and slept. Bad dream after bad dream. I think it is the remnants of the morphine at the hospital. I need rest and I awake feeling so weird not having a clear mind. The dreams seam to snag me.
For those of you out there trying and doing your best with your sweet babies (growing children) that are different, special. You (we) are not a lone.
I think God is going to just make us able...
Come in where we are just flat out weak, and make us strong.
Heart broken and a bit crest fallen Your friend.

Parenting special needs kids can be dangerous to your health:)

I remember that my little girl does not mean to hurt me, and that my sweet son did not mean too either. Parenting special needs kids can be dangerous to your health:)
When your kids freak out whether they are special needs or not they just need to flee to their safe place. That for us is my loving arms. I am sad today that my kids feal awful that they hurt me. I have to not let them flee into my arm the same way any more. I am not able to bear the weight of them now that they have grown more and have become so strong.
Now if I have to I will need to step pack and let strangers hold them. I am sad about this.
The family went out on a hike it is 78* here high and the most beautiful day of fall weather as I have to rest and be real still. I want to avoid the pain medication as much as I am able. The nausia medication , I think I may go take that. Why...
God why do I have to keep getting hurt? Well I guess I better not allow myself that focus of pitty. I got hurt agin and I am angry too about it.
I have a date with my beloved tomorrow...Had may become the oppative word. I am frustrated! angry and sad. Cause you know I can not be angry at my kids...

blunt force trama to my abdomin

Wednesday at the pediatric doctor for the kids Dove hurt me then Dash too. All over flu shots. They did not mean too of course.

Please say a prayer for us they feel terrible they hurt me and I
Well after a theogh exam a ct with contract morphine and a hefty co pay. Blunt force abdominal trauma and bed rest.
Good night.
D

I am having a "blue " day :)

You Are Having a Blue Day

Today is the kind of day that challenges you to the core. You're going to have to stay cool. You have the intelligence, skills, and drive to rise to the occasion. Your mind is sharp. While things may be a bit chaotic, you are still taking the time to reflect and be calm. Today you are extra attractive and interesting to people. You are giving off a detached vibe, which is very intriguing.

What Color Day Are You Having?

"Funny" but true.

Thursday Thirteen

1.

The kids are playing school. The girls just taught Dash to carry in order to add 62+62 They are having fun.

2.
Yesterday on the way home from the doctors I took the kids through the reservation. Dee had never witnessed cotton growing before and was stunned. I was looking for a place to pull over so the kids could walk over for a closer look. We did so but found that we had to get back into the truck in a hurry. There are a lot of dogs on the reservation. I drove up a way and they all got out. We talked about slavery. The center bud has very sharp dry leaves that would cut he hands of the pickers. The balls of cotton have the seeds in them . The seeds are very sticky. The kids played with the cotton removing the seed the whole drive home.

3.
The dogs are now outside dogs. I have now the freedom to open my bedroom door in the night without a boomerang of a 90 pound lab to play the drums with his tail on every wall Wow freedom! The floors are visible as well. They stopped growing the daily balls of fir. The animals look so pretty lying on the lawn. I am no longer their slave.

4.
Due to that great hall of sewing things from that garage I had just what I needed to make the quilt for the baby.

5.
A family portrait taken for the adoption party for the closing of the agency. I made all the workers a scrap book page and we each signed it thanking them. I love my little family and am so grateful that I was able to adopt my children.

6.
The leaves of the zucchini are huge! With 4 inch fruit on them.

The flowers are amazingly beautiful!

7.
I am hoping to get to this project soon. I got this boarder for around a $1. a roll! I have had it for some time now. I may get it up on Saturday.

8.
The wild birds are hungry.My sweet Mr U. stopped and got a large bag of seed to fill the feeders. I need to open it and fill up the feeders today.

9.
I may get this at another time.

Now I do have my eye on this... for Dove and I love Plums.

This is a bigger cost, but older tree... so I will have to consider the cost ratio.

This is a longed for tree. I had one of these at the other estate ( I called it "Bird Haven Manor") and I grew them for jelly. Every year it was what I would give my friends and neighbors along with home grown navel oranges for Christmas.

The apple tree.

The children look most forward to this.
They are more like a crab apple and are great for applesauce or pies and such. It is the one self pollinating apple that will grow in my climate. There is the navel orange and the lemon as well. I will need a lot of mulch for the planting of the trees. I hope beloved will dig the holes for me. I just can not use this knee anymore like that. I have to see how much the day laborers would charge me for it. I have a gardener that I use once in a while. He helps me with the hard tasks I just can no longer do.
I thought of taking them to the nursery but I just am not up to it today.

10.

I saw this gate for the garden in august. Look at the price!

FREE!
The bottom of the freezer box is the frame. We had the scrap wood. I think the wood was 50 cents a piece.

11.

August 2008

This old plot of earth has come a log way.

Today
The cantaloupe is in the far corner...Yellow crooked neck summer squash, zucchini in center right.
Green beans thrive by the compost, beans and peas to the left did not thrive so well. Learning lessons daily.

12.
This is not a wave hello, it is a last second (oops), no pictures mom!
Did I tell ya...:) He does not like doing his breathing treatments.
Oh... don't let me forget to mention Dash does not like to do his breathing treatments.
Lord knows he won't let me forget that fact! :)
So "We" (ha ha) agreed,... I'd make his lunch if he did his breathing treatment.
The way to a little mans heart (breathing treatment) is through his stomach:)

13.
I need to get me a tip jar and a menu.
Dash wants "bow tie" pasta and butter, Dove and Dee want tuna salad...Dee will only eat it if I put mustard in it (I tried it is was pretty good), and I am having a salad.
I only have a few more bites left.
I have spent all morning sitting here with this silly post forcing myself to rest.
Like I have much of a choice. My lower abdomen was hurt by the children when they were in my lap and my knee and calf are terribly pained.
I just thank God that the kids are doing well today.
They are really trying to get along well. No reactions to the inoculations.

They understand that yesterday just plum wore me out!, and they really need to take easy on me.
Have a great day!

Thankful Thursday

I have posted at the other blog..."A life restored".

I am awake this very early morn, with such a deep compassion and urgency on me that I had to write it out.
I was so at peace now that I have "outside" dogs.
I was able to walk out of my bedroom door and give my heart it's needed release.

My heart is swollen with the grief that I see in the ignorance around me. I delight in knowing that I am loved and found myself so deeply touched to tears while reading Eph. and Gal. in the scriptures. It is knowledge unknown to so many and I am deeply thankful that I have the light of that freedom shining over my life.
I am thankful for clarity this morning as my mind is much sharper on my new medication. I am ready to go rest some more now.

Good Morning!
After an hour and a half more rest...
We are off I had a half an hour just holding my children of the sofa before the extra charge arrived. She too is special needs (emotionally abused badly by a male figure in her moms former life).
They are all calmly playing outside.
Dash is not amused having to tack a breathing treatment, I was able to get the albutral in him. I will have to do another breathing treatment of steroids in a little while. The doctor and I decided we would introduce the needed steroids in this form for children can recover any growth loss sustained using it. I have to give him four treatments of the albutral and two of the steroids daily and the anti biotic and the zyrtec. After the 10 day run I give him 2-4 of the one and 1 of the steroid every day for the rest of the season. This will be his prventative. The advar is a drug with bad side effects (we choose not to use it) as is the singular (real bad for little boys).
I am so grateful that I have everything needed for him. Unlike so many mothers around this globe.
It is very temperate outside for the kids on this their day off for fall break. They are playing well so far togeather may it last.
Well fortunatly I have the supplies I need to finish three gifts for upcoming events. Also the curtins. So I am off to tasks. I can day so far. It is a beautiful thing seeing children , just being children. Playing with mud and making "pies".

Fall break begins with a bang!

My first garden harvest.
A crooked neck yellow squash.

Wow!

Dash gave me such a hard time over his breathing treatment. Speaking harshly to me with an angry tone. He wants to be a "normal" kid so bad. He is angry he has asthma. I understand that, but wow it is tough to be spoken to in such ways. I had to set a strong boundary. So began my morning. I got them off to the bus with seconds to spare, we are usually early.

I have a baby shower coming up soon and this is a little boys quilt I am working on.I got to it today.

The bathroom window curtain needed to be lined. I will finish it and turn it our tomorrow.
This afternoon pulled it up out of my toes!
I pulled up to the school and awaited the children's arrival. The office told them to meet me at the "corner" not the curb and so late they came . Dash was so..late I began to get annoyed and a bit worried. Dove entered the truck angry...very angry. My other little charge (Dove's class mate we will call her Dee) was defensive. Here we go!
So the drive up to the North part of the city was tense and 20 miles away. Dove spoke harshly to me and I had had enough. I set a strong boundary rather imperfectly and then had to amend it a bit.
Once up there I stopped to get my Hormone at the apothecary shop and the girls just both had had enough. Dee had spoken very mean at school to Dove when Dove was just obliging her by playing with other friends. Dee could find no one else to play with so took it out on Dove. Now remember Dove is special needs, she has social cognitive dysfunction. It looks liked a kid who is innocent and gullible. A kid who is easily intimidated and manipulated. So Dee is a child who has had a real rough journey and is a master manipulator who is just now learning boundaries. Needless to say a half hour standing in the parking lot with a very VERY distraught and crying and angry little Dove who felt so confused that she was beside herself trying to understand why this little girl was behaving so. Then we have Dee who need to be lovingly confronted that manipulation is not alright. Dee needed help working through jealousy. Lord Lord...no one has tough this child! So It is I who now have the wisdom to offer her. Our pet saying is ...Dee, you are the kid...I am the mom, be the kid! I found the provision , all I needed. Father... my soul subsistence, all I need. Wisdom prevailed and working patiently I broke through this kids wound of abuse by a former boyfriend of the Mother. Who the mother is in hiding from. The child even has died hair to protect her.
Oh Lord a world of sin and danger.
Well now at 1:30 I had three kids waiting in the doctors office going stir crazy. Needing to go potty one by one. Then the visit and the clear instructions on Dash's long term asthma care review over three treatments four times a day. The controller used as a breathing treatment of steroids as to protect his growth.Three stir crazy kids spoken to in sign language as I kept constant focused eye contact with the awesome physician. I thanked him and then told him he was awesome and thanked him...He paused and said..."well I was thinking it was you who were so awesome. I have this only ten minutes and you have it constantly. "
Oh! and then came the flu shots!
Dove went into full blown panic.
All 60 pounds of her climbing all over my lap like a toddler.
Oh my knee!
Dash went first and I tried to scoot the chair over to reach him, but Dove in lap .
Dash melted down and took into flight.
He cornered himself in refusal, and Dove left my lap (thank God).
I got to Dash and finally just had to secure him.
Then it was the "oh that was not so bad"...!
Doves turned into "PANIC", red faced crying 11 year old child as a 2 year old. If she could of melded into me it would have happened. As she pressed into me on my lap.
Three boxes of dots candy in my purse ...I asked them if they could hold them because they made my bag too heavy :)
They were all Much obliging.
Then It occurred to me Dash needed a chicken pox booster and review of records confirmed it. Here we go...
Dash again freaked out.
52 pounds of angry frighten little boy on my lap.

You Are Having a Pink Day

Today you are focused on other people. You are needed, and you are happy to help. You are willing to be nurturing, even when it's a bit draining. Right now, you can't say no to family and friends. You are bringing tranquility and hope to those around you. Just make sure to take care of yourself as well. If you become too worn out, you will be unable to be truly helpful. As hard as it may be, you need to put yourself first today.

Ha ha....

I stopped by the other pharmacy for my pain medication for my knee and my twin jet (epi type) pen . They taught me quickly how to use it encase I am exposed to latex again.
Kids in back seat ready to be home and play and Dash had to use the rest room real bad. I drove home.
When we all got home it was all as if nothing ever happened.:)

so...I had the big brother (a young man in his very early 20's) to pick the child up. (late at 5:50 when due at 5:30)
He found a safe place to rest, a moment and open his heart.
I gave him a drink of water and a bit of support. He left so wherry.
The children are now finished with the breathing treatments and are being read to by the Daddy Man.
I am tired. Poured out and satisfied that I made a difference today in the lives of my children and others.
Talk about a garden harvest!
Man I grabbed this day by the tail and whipped it real hard!

You Are a Thumbs Up

Your life philosophy can be summed up as, “Tomorrow is another day.” Your greatest wish is for everyone to be content with what they have. You are naturally content and optimistic. You encourage people to be happy. Even if life isn't perfect, you believe that life is what you make of it!

What Hand Gesture Are You?

No school tomorrow .
My extra charge arrives around 8:00 a.m. and stays tell around 5:30p.m.
ye ha!

Wordless Wendsday

"The Editor is in"

Tackle It Tuesday

My biggest tackle this week will be overcoming a big stinky mess.
Dove accidentally (did the wrong thing) Sunday she dumped a new full quart of "fish emoltion (POOP)".
It is used as a mix in water to fertilizer organically.
Lord , Lord!
That was cleaned up to a stink (that I could not get out of my nose) that the lab found great satisfaction in EATING!
So I slept on the sofa as to avoid the sick mess in the house just encase.
Now, today...the Golden has decided that it is just fine perfume and has summarily rolled herself (in it) right out of the HOUSE! They are sleeping out side!
I came in my home and it smelled so foul I burned some incense just to tolerate it.. I was glad of all the wonderful smells of baking before beloved came home. A great side benefit.
So "The Lab" got the jar (broken) and flung it all over the yard and himself. YUCK!
It smells like I raise fish!

Now I have two big dogs to bathe after Bible Study tomorrow!
Oh man I will have to smell it up close to bad I cant just pour tomato juice over them:)

I had dash help me here and out front teaching him to let air into the soil with the fork, so the water can penetrate.
I planted some daffodils in the front yard today.

I have been keeping up on washing the laundry and did this load and a large load I hung later.
Each day I hang laundry and I love it!
I feel so empowered to take my power back and not pay SRP (the utility) for the free sun.

The rest of the tomato and herbs are in the straw bails now. It is still so hot here that I covered them with inverted boxes while the sun was on them

My sweet son has allergy/asthma and was home today (Monday).
He was so high strung on all the asthma medication he could not stop himself from moving or talking a lot! We played 3d pinball and I tied some cords with him (as we call it hear)
I was able to get a great deal on his prescription by asking the doctor for a 90 day script with 3 refills. I will not have to visit the doctor for breathing treatments all winter for I now have the other medication that I was having to go to the hospital or the E.R. for.
BIG savings in many co-pays for visits and prescription refills.
We got him a run of antibiotics for a suspected sinus infection. With a hearing impaired should the nasal voice is easy to miss at times. He, when in health, has to effort to speak without it.
I got home from the doctor and the pharmacy and the grocery to a message. It was the pharmacy she had forgotten to put the antibiotic medication in the bag:) So Dash was a hungry good sport and I drove back up to get it.
Dash wanted to go to Mc Donald's...I told him I will take him to the store to get healthy fresh fruits and vegetable, we used the wait time (for the prescription) and he had a ball. He had so much fun getting strawberries and grapes and a green bell pepper for Dove because he know she likes them. So sweet.

Three large tubular sweet potatoes (look for uniformity)
beets need to be on a try thy will leek.
Small potatoes will be used as baked by reheating them, hash browns (they will just need to be browned and crisped)

The acorn squash was supper, I plated it cooled it then placed some brown sugar clove and butter in the bowls of it. At supper I just reheated it 3 minutes in the microwave.
I also placed in two washed pie pumpkins whole. Just placed them on the shelf.

This food all pre-prepared in an hours bake time.
This also saves utilities.
I put up all the roots in plastic ware and recycled the foil in the bin.
Cut the pumpkins in half and made pumpkins seeds.

Hot oven called for cookies and cupcakes.
Un-frosted these will freeze well. I frost a few at a time with home made butter cream.
The sunflower seeds in sea salt water were just up on top rack while the cakes baked.

I used the white kitchen aide mixer for this large quadruple batch of sugar cookies and the red mixer for the cakes. It was so cool to have the two different tools going how blessed am I. I never did find out where the red one came from. I know though that I had shared this fantasy become reality with Abba God. My sweet and loving Papa.
My frugal philosophy is if your going to make it make a lot of it and freeze it. Do the dishes once!
I placed the dough in the deep freezer for an hour and it cut beautifully.

Snacks and vegetables for the weeks meals are ready to re-heat and serve.
After Bible study I would love to work on the master bedroom and hang up the pictures we had all packed away.
Well the bedroom never saw my diligent hand.
My instructor came over after study and we shared good laughter and a salad as we spoke of the meaty things of God.
It was great for both of us. So wonderful to be like minded and like sage.
I tended the children and was the intermediary for a little girl squabble having to do with a loss of boundaries and miss communications.
At the end of the day Dove cuddled up nest to me and we watched "Family Fued" (a game show) .She looked up at me and said ..."Mommy , I love you. I had A great day and I just can't wait until tomorrow".

Marriage Monday "10 Tips for Frugal Living."

1. Menu plan.
2. Do not buy what you do not NEED, or what you truly can not afford.
3. The total Money makeover by Dave Ramsey is a plan for financial fitness.
4. Educate yourself. This month for me I will learn the art of bread baking.

Learn a new skill that will save you from having to spend funds for someone else to do it. With the internet and the library we have endless council on "how too" just make good use of it. It is free (save for the internet access of course!
Over the summer I studied gardening and have tended soil and planned, planted and tended. Now we have food growing in our own yard.

5. Mr U and I do not buy anything we have to make payments for . We have no cell phone bill, we do not have cable nor any other thing we have to "make payments on". We budget for entertainment and purchase movies after they drop off of the "new release list". A little bit of temperance goes a long way.
6. Teach your children that advertisers are "snakes in the grass" They temp and toy with your emotions. Talk with them in a relaxed manner and make fun of the commercials. We say "what are they trying to sell you?" Then ask Do YOU really need it. Learning and teaching the difference between WANT and NEED will take your family far.
7. This tip is for those who are friends with God.
When a need or desire (want) comes up ...ASK him to meet it. If I need fruit or a certain thing on my list. I pray (looks like just talking to you I speak relaxed with my Abba God) Then keep your eye out for it and be patient. You will be amazed at the freedom and joy and delight this way of life gives.
8. Use the "Lead Ins" those adds that come from the grocer that have the big deals to get you IN the door. Take the invitation but do not fall for the ploy (once they get em' in tempt them with all we are worth")..."snakes in the grass". Then buy those items you use on a regular basis in bulk. I usually save 30%-50% and then some. Remember Ruth in the Bible. Glean the shelves. Make a walk through the field (the isles) and keep a eye out for grain (deals) the harvester (the grocer) has left for those willing to receive "the imperfect". Often it is really perfect just not popular. They get paid for every inch of shelf space. If A product does not make them money they will often clearance it out to get one in that will bring a profit.
9. Reuse, recycle and stop wasting anything. Use your water wisely. For example when you do dishes try this...Fill your sink half way, then wash up your first sink full now rinse over the dish water...this will fill up the sink with the hot water (you are paying to heat) and not just let it run down the drain. Now wash up the next few pans while you have a pan soaking in the other sink with dish soap. Once you are ready to wash it pour the hot soapy water into the big sink not down the drain. Use up the heated water and the extra soap. Simple things done every day with thoughtfulness will add up to great things over time. I believe it is simply an attitude of respect and gratitude for what we have. Think of those in 3rd world country's what would they think of how you use your resources? I have been to Russia twice you bet they are appalled by the way we Americans just throw away what is given to them. They just chase the dollar and spin around.

There is a story of the Monkey catchers ...They place a sweet smelling nut in a heavy glass bottle. The monkey reaches in and grabs the nut and is trapped. The only thing holding the monkey... is his greed.

10. Sharing what we have with those who are less fortunate.
There will always be those who have more than you and those who have less.
Considering the single parent and help them out. The time will be less difficult for you because you will truly see how fortunate you are. This also teaches children to respect what they do have.

I'd love to hear how you're stretching the family budget during these challenging financial times. Please join us today for our MM topic, "10 Tips for Frugal Living."

As always, your entry doesn't need to be a long one. Once you've posted, come to Chrysalis and add your permalink to Mister Linky. Then take a few minutes to visit the other Marriage Monday contributors.

Next month, we will meet on Nov. 3, 2008. Topic: TBA.

Wanted: You as a Guest Hostess

Would you like to have the opportunity to host Marriage Monday? I'm looking for a few regular MM participants who would like to take a turn as guest hostess. Please e-mail me and let's discuss the possibilities. It's time to share the Marriage Monday linky love farther and wider!

Blessings,

e-Mom

Sunday Smiles *Choice*

Good Morning!
I had some very powerful effects over "mattering to myself yesterday".
We all wound up out on the patio eating by candle light and rain shower it was awesome. It turned into a wonderful time filled with heavy laughter as the kids chased a laser light around the dark yard with abandoned, as my husband and I laughed ourselves silly. I am feeling much better this morning.
We brought the trailer home from the rental lot.
I will work on clearing it out.
It has all our gear in it. We will be putting it up on the market next week end.
It is a bitter sweet sell. I had a sweet memory about how years ago I gave away all of the things I had from childhood. That was a lot of things. I gave away all the furniture and all the special things that were my childhood. A small home of furnishings . (I started working at 9 years of age). I did this by choice to be free of all the ties that bound me to those family curses and memories that held me in dysfunction. God showed all the wisdom in it.
I remembered being obedient in the free choice of it. I have also a choice here to sell our trailer to make way for our goal.
We have now stopped the credit card completely.
(((((((((((funny the new ones just came in the mail and we happily agreed to only activate them in a dire emergency))))))))))).
We will not go into debt to buy a newer truck to tow it.
So we sell this beautiful trailer.
My though is how wonderful!
It will bring another the same joy I had with it.
It will even bring me more joy in having a jump in our three months emergency savings fund.
I have a clear choice that I am in total agreement to follow this course
( I am a little sad of course).
The reality is that perhaps it might, just like the house full of furnishings return to me in some way (so many times over) some day.
I know that My God is able to honor choice that is made with clean hands and a pure heart.
So today I let it go, my cabin in the woods on wheels.
I pray that it bring the joy to others that I have known in it.
I trust that God delights in me, as I delight in the goal we are reaching out to achieve.
As of now we are completely debt free, the credit card is retired!
GLORY!
With the exception of the mortgage, about a third of the value of the home.
We are whittling the budget down and allowing for the reality of expense.
I am writing all expenses down and charting the real cost of living .
We have our emergency fund in place. ( per the book by Dave Ramsey)
Now we have a goal of 3 months living expense emergency fund to set aside.
Then we hit the principle hard!
Save for a long needed and desired vacation.
We have increased our percentage for our retirernment investments.
Today I smile at the future.
A Sunday Smile of worship making the right choice.