It's all good

Just returned from the city. They did an iv contrast through the port and all is as it should be. They did an hour iv drip antibiotic for good measure. Ultra sound confirmed no clot my in neck. My body is being fussy about the cath and port, nerves on my clavicle are bothering my shoulder. Just have to live with that pain or have the port removed. Not what I would want to do.

Wonderful day to ya all.

One day this will not even be much of a topic.
What a nice day that will be

Steve stopped and got me a pomegranate/blueberry smoothy yum
just chillin' :)

Because WE LOVE HIM Psalm 91

sitting here the thought that fills me is 'what can you do'? I mean really. In life the real thing any of us has power over. We plan.
Yet is is only in the willingness to embrace loving God that our personal choice takes shape.
There will be trials in every life. There will be opportunities to overcome by embarrassing the Love that surrounds us, and if we receive it it fills us.

Because we love him.
Because I love Him.

We received a call this evening to confirm the appointment to go down to Good Samaritan Hospital and see the surgeon who did the port. Now we had made this appointment knowing the visit would take place. Knowing that I love HIM knowing that HE loves me.
We have been instructed that I will need to fast tonight, throughout the morning. There is  a possibility that the port is malfunctioning a slim chance that they might need to replace it. A chance that a simple aspiration my need to be preformed. HE LOVES ME.

Do I believe that? YES I do.

Is it in my power that I can choose to trust that love that surrounds me. Yes it is. After supper my big thick comforter surrounded me. I lay on the bed and curled up in it and slept a while. Blocking out every distraction. Every sensory bombardment. Embracing only the stillness that will keep me in that glow. Keeping the edges of my humanity supple and welcoming of said light. Trusting by choice, resting the outward man to abide in the Holy, the spirit.

If you think of me bid me that light fill every dark corner of me. I thank that loving light, that intimate friendship with my God in whom I trust. No evil will befall me. What will I say of Him, my God and my fortress...He is the light that comes into me. With everything in my being the opening up and receiving the glow of that warmth cold disperses. Everything else is a mute point. 'I am OK, Everything faced will be alright. I choose to believe this NO MATTER what the day brings. I know that it is not about me. It is about the flow of that light. It is not about us when those thing common to our mortal state challenge our resolve. Stand let nothing distract you from the love of God.

Rejoice with me. That this Love surrounds me. Delight with me that I know this as my skin is holding me in. In Your sending the warmth of your Love for HIM my way... prayer. It leaves me in good company.

Love to all of you. I'll let you know the Good news tomorrow. Oh I just did. This is the Good news that I love Him, his presence. His loving kindness that surrounds me GOOD NEWS.

CVIG Port IV complications

Oh life
life is holy, and it is not about us. It is all about a greater story that encompasses what our little line and chapter tells. In this novel was the beginning and one day shall be the end.
Sunday's little verse held a long visit to the ER.
Saturday I had my 6 hour infusion. It was so easy, one little stick. Six hours of dignity. No one standing by the bathroom door watching over me. No pained arms and stressed spirit. The port was an awesome liberating gift. It still is.

However... Saturday night my neck began to swell. Pained it scared me a bit. Trusting all was just going to be alright I laid down to bed. I awoke with palpitations. Startled me awake. It really hurt on the side of my neck where the swelling was larger. We watched it overnight (I know stubborn, I did not want to call an ambulance) we had another child for a sleep over. I was not going to drive myself. Sunday morning still pained and less swollen I called the surgeons number. Being Sunday the nurse told me to get to an ER. She had concern of infiltration or clot. I did so choosing to travel up north to the better hospital. I arrived at 1p.m. To my utter glee there was actually a parking space in the tiny lot near the ER door. Tinny spot too between two huge trucks. Having the car my spirit swelled into a smile getting my Honda into the postage stamp within the lines. Being able to squeeze out of the door.
there was a stand with masks and I quickly grabbed one (it stayed on the whole time). Within two minutes someone from behind the counter came around to me. She asked my reason and filled a paper. I sat away from others. VERY shortly after a nurse took me to triage. The first woman came back around and was told to take me to a room. THAT FAST! I floated into the light of love. Being so well cared for . They took me to a room (not a curtain a room) with another woman on the other side of a curtain. She was ill as in viral or something . The nurse gave me gown and as I slipped it on put me right on monitor with patches and wires. Within a moment another fellow came in, thinking he was a nurse his demeanor confused me. He was the doctor. This now all of 10 minutes from walking into the ER door. The lobby was not empty by any means.
He called the other hospital and was about to set up a CAT scan with contrast. The nurse was mesmerized at the port. It was so small in compare to what she had ever worked with. I wanted to slap her hand away for she kept pressing around and on it. It was CT scan there or at the other hospital in the morning. With the kids being home today an agreement was made to proceed. I asked the nurse for some Tylenol. Then the doctor returned after speaking with radiology they decided on Ultra sound. Soon that is where I was. Peace was around me like a light. A study performed on my arm, neck and chest.
The tec was kind and we spoke of the holy. She spoke of my attitude being so positive. She called in another senior staff and he was working on my wrist. She was not able to find a vein. He was startled at how small my veins were (that explains a lot).
They concluded the study he walked out, then he came right back in. He reopened the file. He then did the extended scan onto my chest around the cath and the port.
After being taken back to the room and placed on the monitor and oxygen device I laid my head back and rested not 2 minutes and a fellow came in. He said 'we are moving you to a private room'. There was this instant in time. Fear began to push at me, I actually thought clearly. I could be afraid...if I got afraid it would change nothing. The warmth like a light embraced me and clearly in thought and choice I decided not to be. Asking the fellow 'should I be concerned?'...he was locating the room and said 11 B. I laughed and said "hay that is not a private room...it has two beds" teasing him. He could not find the room so left me a moment in the hall. Another gurney came behind me and mine was moved against the wall. My orderly returned and laughingly he was chastised that I almost got a ticket. By this time the humor of it all was filling me up. He was right they were taking me to a PRIVATE ER room. The doctor was protecting me from infection. He pushed me in (forgetting to give me a call button) and left. It was so quiet! Silent. Wonderfully the peace replaced all. It was that the light came to show me the folly of it all. All fear all dread it was nothing compared to the vast life around me. Moaning and groaning the pulse of the place needed that light. As I lay there envisioned was hallways of doors with lives behind and light. Light that was welcomed and drawn in upon my desire for it to be there. It was magnificent. As the silence removed all the clamor it was willed into and around me. I fell asleep as I awoke there was a clear choice as to how to respond within. It was alright to lay there. Peacefully, when they were to come they would come. No urgency. Not having any idea of how long I laid there...it began not to really matter. Returning into the love toward those vast numbers of souls the light need to illuminate the dull lack luster of it all.

Others matter as do we. We are not exclusive to attention. Letting them know this by caring about their day as I laid there startled and stunned them. It touched many who crossed paths with me.
After some time and a partial visit from a woman from registration we were interrupted by a man who came to take me to x ray. This was unexpected. Again the same iterations with others. Returned to the room came the woman to finish registration and to take my co-pay.
Moments later the doctor came in. He was positive then qualified it. Although no blood clots I do have fluid on my chest around the port and cath. My lungs clear. Now we stand on watch for infection.

I was released. At the lobby I called Steve it was 6P.M. and he was worried. It was 6 hours latter.
I also called the nurse at the other hospital. We are on watch with an appointment to return to the surgeon and have all the studies repeated on Wednesday or before. We will trust that the fluid will absorb. It is unknown if the fluid is from the surgery or the infusion.

I was a study for all who meet my case. It was somehow poetic to teach over and over the facts of CVID.
Over and over and over. The port seamed a fascination to several of them.

It was the light however that is the true fascination. It is for me a wheel within a wheel. This realm encased within the other. Spirit is all around and if we lit it within. It was that the letting of it within caused for it to be around. It touched those within my space as it was touching me.

It is my greatest wish that it touches you.