Sunday, September 11, 2011

The Memories of 911 were very personal to me. (a repost from 2007)


Red Square

First Sight December 2001
I took great pause in posting yesterday on that day of dreadful remembrance.
That day, for me, was made a very memorable personal day.
After the start/ stop/ start of the adoption of our son, a match was made on a child who was born that March. At six months of age the children were released from the Russian data bank to anyone who was certified and who wanted to adopt them.
That day I stood there in my kitchen just a short week after we accepted the match of our son who was starving and abandoned in the un-adoptable side of a Russian orphanage. I stood fixed at the kitchen set at the first blow to the towers. I was on the phone to my husband as I gasped at the blow to the second tower. I wept knowing that lives were lost. As I saw the souls leap into eternity, that day, my dreams were possibly going down with them. I had waited 20 years for this son.
I fell to my knees in horror knowing that the world would never be the same and that possibly the little boy half a world away might loose his chance for life as well.
I am sobbing now just remembering this... I knew that God had made a promise to me. I had lived in that promise for most of my adulthood. I saw the promise of so many lives lost that day as I wept, As I weep now.
We were kept on standby as the new President of Russia was changing all the adoption laws. We had poured out financially to our limit and did not know how we could possibly make this happen. It was out of our hands. My husband was in the process of his plant closing and he watched 6000 people loose jobs around him. We never knew if the next day may bring a pink slip for us as well.
My Son was half a world away starving, languishing and I could only pray for him not knowing if he might be as our little Natasha ( an infant we had to turn down, she was far to ill to survive and our Miss Fiction came home to us instead three years prior) will always be, simply a child of my heart never to have a Mother and Father. That child is most likely deceased now.
We watched as our troupes entered the Northern Afghanistan boarders. Our Sons orphanage was only 500 miles as the crow (or bomb) flies. We just prayed for peace in the region. And wept at night and longed for him in my arms. We were having so many things (battles) during those few months. I had to face a Radical Hysterectomy because they could not stop the bleeding I had. The doctors wanted to put me on a type of chemo tho stop my cycle and the internal bleeding. It was an injected rod that would have to be surgically removed if the side effects were to bad.Thank God for Wisdom I said NO> we could not risk being in a third world country with it in me. Only to find out it was Bad stuff that was being used as a lucrative pharmaceutical extortion plot reveled on national T.V. the night before I made the final decision (God kept me safe). They planned surgery for early December. I had a child half a world away and I was about to have my own reproductive system removed form me with empty arms (save that my sweet daughter was in them), yet I could not hold my daughter due to the internal bleeding and several surgeries to remove the adhesions so I could stand up straight. I had end stage endomeitriosis.
The date was set for surgery. A week later We were called as one of the first families to get to fly out internationally. We were at great threat of kidnapping however. We made a trust for our daughter and had to choose. To go get our son out, or be safe and let him go. HE WAS MY/OUR SON!
There are many dangers I can not speak of due to those who travel after. It will not be as doable now the laws changed that spring. We were under the wire by 2 weeks and so we were able to do only the one trip. Since then families have to make two or more trips to adopt.
We got there in great danger we were to not even have our voice heard in public. We screamed "American" just by our dress. But to voice in public could be life threatening. We were in Russia three weeks after the secret service entered the Northern Afghanistan region. We were there just over two weeks without my girl in my arms and a very sick infant who was at risk for retardation and dwarfism.

So 9-11 is a very personal time for me. It reminds me of great loss yet of great hope and promise for the future.

Post script. The day the judge said yes was the day I was to have surgery. It was performed 6 weeks after we got our Son home from Russia. I was post menopausal with a 3 year old with special needs and a 10 month old Who was very ill all with raging hormones.
Our Son recovered from the hypothyroidism 3 years later. and the threat of retardation passed as well as the dwarfism..He has special needs however don't we all :)
Our daughter stayed here in the states with her elder Paternal Grand Parents who risked so much right along with us.
We were able to receive an adoption reimbursed of $6000. from our employer only months before the 25+ year carreer was over.

3 comments:

Talk..to..Grams said...

You have had some hard days....God has been with you every step of the way!! Blessings to you and love, Grams

Denise said...

May you and your sweet children always be greatly blessed.

LoveMyStarr said...

What a day to remember! I am so thankful God kept you and your son (and your whole family for that matter) safe and allowed you all to become a family.

Older women likewise teach the younger women...

• how to love their husbands
• how to love their children
• how to be self-controlled
• how to be pure
• how to be keepers at home
• how to be kind and submissive (not subservient) to their own husbands. (See Titus 2:3-5)

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By Maya Angelou

'A woman's heart should be so hidden in Christ
That a man should have to seek Him first to find her.'

When I say... 'I am a Christian' I'm not shouting 'I'm clean living,'
I'm whispering 'I was lost, Now I'm found and forgiven.'

When I say... 'I am a Christian' I don't speak of this with pride.
I'm confessing that I stumble and need Christ to be my guide.

When I say... 'I am a Christian' I'm not trying to be strong.
I'm professing that I'm weak and need His strength to carry on.

When I say.. 'I am a Christian' I'm not bragging of success.
I'm admitting I have failed and need God to clean my mess.

When I say... 'I am a Christian' I'm not claiming to be perfect,
My flaws are far too visible, but God believes I am worth it.

When I say... 'I am a Christian' I still feel the sting of pain...
I have my share of heartaches, so I call upon His name.

When I say... 'I am a Christian' I'm not holier than thou,
I'm just a simple sinner Who received God's good grace, somehow!

Words have power. Here are a few of my favorite sayings.

  • A warm cup of tea is like a cuddle with a friend.
  • The North American Indians have a more eloquent word for ‘friend’ than we do in English. In their language, the word for friend literally means, “the one who carries my sorrows on his back.”
  • Return with Honor
  • The sage anticipates things that are difficult while they are easy, and does things that would become great while they are small. All difficult things in the world are sure to arise from a previous state in which they were easy, and all great things from one in which they were small. Therefore the sage, while he never does what is great, is able on that account to accomplish the greatest things."
  • "HOME IS WHERE YOUR STORY BEGINS"
  • “Live so that when your children hear these words they think of you… Fairness Caring Integrity Honesty Love Trust.”
  • "O Lord help my words to be gracious and tender today, for tomarrow I may have to eat them."
  • "No man has ever been shot while doing the dishes"

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