IVIG was hard today

my type is limited
hard infusion
port tore a little from tissue in my chest
must keep my arm still to stop the pain of the skin moving over the port site.
got too tired this month.head really hurts very limp rag tonight
so hit harder, with knees, dog and every other opportunity to overcome ha
trust i'll feel better tomorrow.

you all have a sweet Sunday

word out Shorty Bear?

Has anybody heard anything from shorty bear (Denise) I tried calling leaving a message and nothing.

Dash has a vision appointment

Bless God and all of you for your prayers and encouragement. This morning Bren sent me a list of passages. As I looked up each one, they were high lighted already. Being reminded of His Word, this living word caused me to be still. God is God. I was not able to get back into the Children s Clinic at ST. Joe until late April. I was able to get into a renowned pediatric ophthalmologist on Monday. I will have my infusion of Saturday and so it will guard me as to be able to go into a pediatric office without the concern of my immune issues. My kids have spring break as well next week so no missed school. The nurse at the allergist looked into his ears and saw wax. The Urgent Care doctor did not see any. This gives us hope as well. He is still hearing poorly. We are trying to use 8az warm water 1 tea hydo peroxide rinse with a special syringe she gave me. He was not able to get his allergy shots today. He blew a VERY low number on his meter. We used some albuteral. He had a field day in PE today.

Steve and I are most eased by this, we hope that the Urgent Care doc just made a mess. We still have to confirm with vision and hearing testing. Goodness! Yes...yes...goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life...follow? not lead... follow...interesting notion.

On another note. Dash dropped a VERY heavy bolt/tube of  banner paper on Dove's foot. It is swollen. Steve and I are just shaking our heads! She may need an xray in the morning!

While tending to a limping child while hobbling through the house myself (all but comical) my left knee gave out a BIG pop! I is now loose and feeling less painful. Isn't that cool! Sorta like cracking a knuckle. This last round of shots is taking a bit to get adjusted and out of pain. The brace is being formed and I should get it in a week or so. It will be fitted and hold my leg as to press on the outside of it to keep the bow legging of the bone on bone. It is pretty fancy.

Please remember if you will to pray for my sister. She had knee replacement just last week. VERY pained she is. Sweet Lady.

The Word filled me
Please do me a favor...
Comment for me the passages for the life blood, the blood that covers all. I need a scripture infusion. :)
Thank you all
Donetta

Someone bless these seeds I sow

"They that wait upon the Lord, shall renew their strength, they will soar on wings as eagles; they will run and not grow weary. They will walk and not be faint" (Isaiah 40:31 KJV).


The thought occurred to me to try to take Dash down to the clinic we once used when it was under grant. No longer under grant perhaps they might take our insurance. They will have record of him. They will have the vision and hearing testing at one place. 
I will wait until after Saturday for my strength of body through infusion will help me along.
I sense Dash is afraid. He may need once again to use his hearing aides. He does not know about the Ushers being an issue. Waiting in this moment I will wake them and begin a new day.


Wings give me wings

Ushers Threat

Please pray
Dash has lost hearing in his right ear it diminished all of a sudden. Steve took him to urgent care. No infection. A vision test shows decreased vision. Our hearts are pounding! It hits in late childhood early teen. He turned 10 two days ago.

Ushers is a syndrome that is 8th nerve involved. It has been on the back burner now for a while because his hearing had miraculously improved. Now all of a sudden he can not hear well out of his right ear.
Research said dizziness comes. He has complained of being dizzy, but he was playing in the yard.

I'll get him into the eye doc in the marrow if I can, and if I can drive.

If this has come upon him...deaf/blindness would just be devastating.

We feel like we are just going to loose it with all that has been happening. Goodness will prevail. Oh may this not be called of him, or us.

breath, breath...it will be alright. May this not be his battle to fight.

Of loss and the calling of Motherhood

Thank you everyone for your kindness. This week has been a bit much. Dash stayed home with me yesterday. Tending Dove in the morning, concerned she was stuffing bottling up all her emote she shared she had cried all night. She has missed so much class time she went on to school. Dash and I walked her to the bus stop.

Dash and I spent time out in the yard. He climbed the big tree and clipped all the sucker shoots off. It was good for his heart. He used stones to spell out a big heart...I love you Rena, we all do. It was good for his soul. He was able to speak of letting her go. This I taught him as she was to pass. I told him of how I learned this when my mom died. How it would help Rena if she knew that he let her go. As Dash relieved those 'white knuckles' clinging her to life. He had let go as she passed.

The vet was wonderful and kind to all of us.

That morning I had gone the dentist for two filling. He gave me the prophylactic anti-biotic, the shots to numb. As he worked on my teeth he said. "I have good news for you, I was able to just buff out the stain line with out having to redo the fillings. This one is on me" Yes NO CHARGE! I asked if the other tooth could be buffed he did so. Now I have looked in my mirror a good year really disappointed having three front teeth that had lines of stain at the margins of the fillings. My dentist said....

"Those things we put off persist"

His wisdom followed me through the day. Through the act of kindness that I was called upon to perform for Rena. I knew it was that her pain would persist as would suffering. I knew that it could be put off no longer. It was so hard for she was to die the day after Dash's birthday. 

Dash came to understand that she loved him so much that she hung in there for him to do so. The night before, the night of his birthday I called the kids in and told them she was getting ready to go home. They loved on her. I was able to get down to the floor. She just rested her head in my hand. Dash protested that she will live another two months. I reminded him that a few months back she came round and choose to stay a while longer for him. She is tired it is time to rest.

The hardest thing is to be a parent there with a child to remain together and support Dash was my calling. 

At the end I hid my face and began to weep. The sweet vet came over to embrace me and hold me while I shook without Dash being too aware. It meant so much for her to do so. How hard it must of been on her. They were to close within 15 minutes. So we had to make that choice to go fast. Steve walked in from work finding Dash and I over her. Speaking to Dash's refusal then Steve carrying her right to the car. I held her on my lap. Pain in heart and body as we caught every street light. She just rested and looked around. I just held her tired head and cried. 

With the gift from the dentist we were able to stay with her for it covered the cost within ten dollars. Gods ways so much higher. Those thing we put off just persist a gift of words as well that only God knew would carry me though the afternoon.

Yesterday with Dash with us Steve and I went to get my last round of knee shots. I was also fitted for a leg brace. It should come in two weeks. In lue  of knee replacement we will try this a few months. It will also help me to get my weight down. Dash wanted to be there. He saw me injected I was so concerned his heart.

Steve got me home once on the sofa I knew I had to go to my bed. It had all just been too much.

There I slept from 5pm to 4am this morning. My back sore I had to get up. I will limp around today.

There is a place near the door where Rena would lay, greet me each morning. I keep looking there to see her. It feels so odd to loose that morning custom. This the hardest thing to face...I must wash the wall and the floor there when I am able. Tell then I see her there in the stain on the wall, the patch on the floor. 

Today when they all wake up I will mother again. Comfort their pain. Feed their bellies. See them off. Weep on my own, and comfort my Lab as he has also lost his best friend. 

My infusion is on Saturday, I can feel the need of it strong. Not looking forward to that question..."how was your month"...just one time soon I wish she could hear what a wonderful month for me. These trials, challenges well I really need a break.

a tear wept

Rest in Peace Dear Rena

Dash "I love her. She is the reason I wake up, and the reason I come home from school"

We just now returned from the vet. We put her to sleep to ease her suffering.

We all three held her hand. 

No more pain.

She went peacefully. 

Say a prayer for my children please.

 Rena our dear Golden Retriever

died today

10-23-1998~3-7-2011

Marriage Monday

~Trust~

Love never fails

"I am for you and never against you.

I am your friend"

He trusts in, confidently relies on her all of the days of his life.

I have known this love. I am living this trust. Yes even give this confidence and received it.

Trust is something earned, not simply given freely. Trust does not mean that mistakes or tragedy never happens. Trust is gained in small steps over time. It is that only God can ever be blindly trusted, that is in an instant. Even so for many God can seem untrustworthy if self expressed expectation exists. God has different ideas than we often do. We can know however, whatever the difficulty

that God is for us and not against us.

Trust in marriage is that, knowing that the each is FOR and never against the other. This dear hearts is earned. Time after time proven out. In early marriage trust is risked in intimacy, sharing history, sharing of true deep feelings for the first time. The giving of ones whole being body soul and spirit over to another. Unfortunately this step is ofter acted out upon before wed lock. The wound of the broken trust can damage lives for ever. Break ups in courtship is wrecked when the real gain could be knowing who we are and what we may or may not desire in a marriage (a lifelong mate).

Confidence is the trust gained at this risk. Can I believe that he/she will hold a confidence or blab it all over. Many loose trust early here finding an ill placed humor or slip of the tong. An argument that humiliates. Such things pose great cost in the currency of trust.

Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding

This was actually the very first scripture I ever memorized. Now Marriage is like this. Many times it is so hard to understand the actions of the other. It is the motive that is in question. If we have risked and gained it is that the other has earned enough trust that even if we do not understand...we know they are for us.

 1983 BIKE TRIP TOGETHER. 

THAT IS 'OLD BLUE' OUR TRUCK STEVE BUILT THAT THING UP FROM FRAME. OH THOSE OLD GREASY SOCKS  ;0

Once we learn each others life stories we can gain a mind of "it's no wonder they respond that way". The goal then is in being for each other. The trust is healing, empowering. We become safe with each other. We are enriched to understand more clearly a since of who we are. We belong to each other. With a mutual mission a goal we begin to accomplish a life together. That is the marriage where the two become one. In body soul (mind) and spirit. It is most often in the mind we differ. However in some marriage trust is broken in the ways of the body. Adultery, or ridicule even in withholding. Others change of minds are an issue of trust. Refusing to let the other think for themselves. It is a wonderful thing to empower each other to think things through. 

It is however in the SPIRIT that one ship is most critical. If that is in power in place then it is no longer a trust just through two, but it becomes three strand.

A cord of three strands is not easily broken.

Married 29 years March 20th

In marriage often trying to figure out what the other one was thinking is the challenge. The catalyst to argument. Trust earned takes the time to try and figure it out through discussion. Attack is not necessary or even an option. That will always be a choice. If we are for each other no need to attack we protect innately. Argument than can reasonably occur at a difference of opinion. It is those arguments that are based in misunderstanding that so often break a bond, a cord of connection. Fighting over some thing that is assumed or taken as harm in act or thought toward the other spouse.

The vows of marriage is all about being

FOR EACH OTHER NEVER AGAINST EACH OTHER

This is the core of trust.

This is the confidence built.

This is the cord that can hold a marriage through friendship, intimacy and reliability.

Oh that cord will be pulled upon I assure you.

It is critical that trust never be broken it is a terrible thing to try to restore. However if trust has been kept, if risk has reward things be ever so much easier to forgive. Even in everything we be for each other we all can error. We all can sin and do sin. It is in the risk of trust. If trust ever be broken beyond repair...it is then that the wound can soul kill. Soul (the mind) can often be restored but it is a terrible torment to the one called upon to forgive. I have witnessed this in many unions over the years. 

Trust...in and confidently rely upon

Be that mate that pays off the risk placed upon you.

Be trustworthy.

The key to a marriage built on trust.

hot Buttons in Marriage

Hello precious Sister,

Some time ago, many of you answered the survey question on this post, "What's the Biggest Problem or Frustration in Your Marriage?" Your valuable feedback in the comment box—and by email—revealed a number of areas or "hot buttons" that married couples find particularly challenging.

And I have not forgotten. So for the next umteen months, we're going to be covering the subject matter as a group. I'll throw out a single word like trust, money, or communication and that will be our topic, OK? You can title your post however you like.

Our Topic for March is "Trust"

Please accept my invitation to join us for Marriage Monday on March 7, 2011. Our group topic is trust.

As always, you have all the freedom you need to cover the subject matter in whatever way you want. You can post prose, a bulleted list, a video, a slideshow, a poem, or a song—whatever the Spirit leads you to share with us. You're the expert, and we're counting on you to teach us a few new things to apply to our own marriages.

Sisters, let's roll!

Blessings,

e-Mom @ Chrysalis

http://chrysaliscafe.com

http://facebook.com/ChrysalisCafe