Special Needs kids and Independant sleep

We who mother children with special needs are a different breed of woman. The things we grow to understand are often nion to impossible to comprehend by most. These lessons won in the dark hours of night when all that is before us is the instinct that cries out to be heard . The voices of all those who mean so well are hushed in our minds and the clarity of what must be gleaned from among them. we must establish our own innate resolute purpose. The purpose and design attended and afforded us as those mothers given the place destined for us. Mothers of children with special needs.

Now many a public person will tell us how amazing we are or how lucky our children are to have us.
Often we who know better, we who live the day in and day out with our children are the wiser. It is we who understand how honored and privileged we are to have these  unique kids in our lives.

We know that it is us who grow the most, who mature beyond what we once would of ever thought possible . Basking in the rewards of those accomplishments we see through the strides of our young ones.

Last night here in our home, in my life uncommon, I was witness to such a marvel and a wonderful break  through in my daughter.

Dove slept in her room. 

A small thing to most parents who would never give it a second thought. There are many remedies and tricks offered to us by thousands who look at it as if it is a small thing to accomplish in parenthood. Like somehow we only need to pay heed to their council and all would be well. It is as if we parents are somehow to fault for not following the council the advice that they are convinced would do the trick. If we would only do it the way they did.

We Mothers and Fathers of Special circumstance only wish it we so easy. 

So uncomplicated.

We become all but convinced that WE must be doing something wrong. We become desperate to FIX it. We can not, and that is the hardest thing to face...

we have to let go. 

In our letting go we must face the courage to believe in our instincts and intuition in order to set stage for our special needs kids to grow and heal in those ways uncommon to most parents.

Dove was challenged that she would no longer be allowed to do sleep overs, nor would her friend, until they slept in their own rooms. All week the other child kept her word of course the other mother sat with her helping her. This other child has PTSD from abuse done by an ex boyfriend of the maternal. Dove let her friend down in this... that we gave her choice each day and showed great mercy as to be in there with her. I offered to have her just lay on the bed while daddy man read story to Dash next door. By her choice she continued to decline and we just "let go of it" it was in her control  her power. 

I sat with her telling her her life story as I read Psalm 91 to her and told her about how much courage I had to face the "what if's" that is her challenge. She was freely sharing her fears so I could address them one by one. She would sleep and then I would hush she would stir and I simply continued the story until she would fade again. This lasted until 1a.m. at that time I had to go to the bathroom so bad that I just HAD to get up. I was in so much physical pain I could not take it any longer.

My neck screamed at me when I tried to move my head. I had to get my big toe out of her grasp without waking her. It did not happen as I had hoped and she jerked awake panicked. In my stooper I muttered an exasperated s*T! Dove I have to pee! As I rushed to the bathroom all but in tears I just dropped my face in my hands and said "please God , I just can not take sitting here any longer, help her"

I returned and closed the partially opened window (Dove was warm). Locked it with the locks I told her all about and said "honey I just cant sit here, I am hurting. I am sorry I blurted out in my stupor child."  she said..." Mom It is alright, I think I can do this...you go lay your back down on your big bed . I'll be alright."

She was in her bed this morning.

Waking as the Daddy Man went to check on her as I showered and tended to the pains imposed upon my bones. My jaw a flame for the medications were neglected as was all else for my self care in order to accomplish the task. 

He was in tears! 

"she looked up and around as if she was wondering where she was ..." he said.

She exclaimed to him..."I did It! daddy"

I breathed and began the day.

cereal for breakfast and rest for today

Thankful Thursday *encounters*

Good Morning!
Lynn over at Spiritually Unequally Yoked is hosting this week. She asked us about any encounters we have had this week in the midst of the Spring.

This morning again found me bent at the hip sitting on a stool out in the front yard harvesting poppy seed pods. This is a wonderful reflective time where the whole of this mad world stops as neighbors wave as they pass by on the way to day jobs. Stress upon faces as each one is in such need.

There was a morning dove doing half her call, she had me respond the other half. We spoke back and forth until my human voice spoken hushed hers.

It is a wonderful thing to learn how to speak in the languages of those whom we have audience. Many dialects only spoken by that one unique soul. Unspoken words that hold a voice all their own. A voice of soul, troubled minds and wherry bodies.
Spent a few minutes with a neighbor who is in the Red Hats Club, a group for ladies over 50 years of age. They apparently have chapters all over the U.S. She had tattoos on her arms. Now even though I would not be one to so permanently mark my flesh others find much expression of soul that they might not ever find expressed if it were not for this art. These are very often meaningful messages of who these folks are or once were. It is a common thing to witness a lack of translation where others just judge them on what they care not to understand. She was heard as we then were open to speak of other things. At the end of our time...she left with her heart intent to PRAY for my husbands project to succeed today.
If you see a tattoo and you have earned the rights or freedoms of trust ask, you might just find the story of a life lived or in the present tense being lived out in the ink.

This week there have been encounters with the bees in the poppy bush. We work together both dependent upon each other. The only thing that could separate us if fear itself. They smell it they really do. We work side by side. They are so amazing working to care for family and their lead their queen. My husbands' queen sits side by side with them working to care for her family.We are one. Same spirit same mind and one in purpose. Dependent upon each other for the very survival. How fear of these critters would be our own demise. WE MUST SAVE THE BEES! If not for their sakes and a sense of morality for our own utter survival. They are our pollinators and we are loosing out do to FEAR.

That in itself is the true battle for the knowledge of who we are and who we were intended to be and to interact with this magnificent world...Fear takes away our own ability to walk upright in mind into the authority we have. Authority has lost it's authenticity and has become a power/greed based poison.

Encounter the world around you and remove the fear by choice. Make a larger effort to cease being afraid of humans. Even in this (in the spirit) I have authority given to me by HE who lives within me. With great efforts I have learned, and am yet learning, to live without that crippling fear. Grow in that as well. Not only with people but this spring...with the created nature too wonderful to hide from out of fear. To wonderful to poison because of a lack of knowledge. Everything trickles down. Goodness and evil. Life and destruction. This earth in all of the splendor was a gift, is a gift of great value. Unwrap it and take delight, respect the giver of the gift enough to understand His intent in affording it for us.

Find beauty within and without.
Step in front of a mirror. Your magnificent that's truth. Do not let your eye lie to you about what you see. Perhaps let that spider climb in a jar and put him outside. Unless he is poisonous set him free to live in the reflection of it's beauty also.

Are you poisoned? Readjust your mirror. See the truth and do not fear it any longer.
Gotta buzz...

Name them one by one...These are the things we are to speak of

Word filled Wednesday 

here at seven clown circus

1. I got to have an appointment at my dentist within 15 minutes of when the major pain hit.He took an x-ray the tooth saw the infection (no charge) and a RX for penicillin, then 5 minutes later I was at the surgeons office who did the re-do root canal last November, He took a much clearer x-ray (no charge) and gave me a quote on the tooth worse case and the options I had. That was all on Friday afternoon and I was home minutes before the children arrived home from school.


2. Tuesday we  (Steve was with me) had the surgery, and it was not the worse case and there was a $400.ish difference in charges.
3. The insurance denied the crown that was done in January on that tooth. The charge remaining was around $400.

4. At the end of March we refinance the house taking a 22 year loan down to a 15 year load and increased our payment around 150. per month. One and a half points lower in interest, $500. fee that was refunded to us at the conclusion along with another $300. ish
We got a free months no mortgage while it was in process,

5. The Quote for the worse case was within $1. of the mortgage payment we did not have to pay for April. So the surgery and the crown payoff, three Rx's for the tooth all came to within $20. of the mortgage payment we did not have to pay. NO DEBT.

The other $300 refund well get this, Dove gets her braces off in 2 weeks, the payoff...$294.50

 

Daddy man saved me.

Radish were planted this week but that is about it for the summer garden. I think God has plans for a little holiday. It will need little if any care. I will miss the fresh produce

 

 Food for the sore of mouth

I had just "happened" to get some of this days before the unexpected surgery!

6. My in laws had an amazing event...
Steve's dad (an elder gentleman) went out to get the newspaper Sunday morning, There was black glass all over the driveway. He called Steve's mom out to get a picture of it. As she stood by the vehicle taking the shoot she looked up started to see a man lifting his head up sitting in the drivers seat of the vehicle! She had the presence of mind to snap an image! So the police were called and within the broken glass was a $100. a $20, and a $10. bills.
The police came and took a description and she realized she had the picture and was to down load it, and eventually the police came to get it, Meanwhile they arrested the guy 2 blocks away. She does not even have to testify! They had his picture at the wheel!!!!
The Police called her brave and present of mind and were so impressed by her, as we all are.

7. This list may be Long but these are the things we are to speak of.
Dove had her first tween fit, she had error-ed and got real angry and raged and raged with those "I hate you " type things really hitting below the belt with words, and in the middle of it we both kept CALM! It was so cool. Then mid sentence of "I hate you!" We heard foot falls coming at me...with this jaw I was guarded and then she threw her arms around me and "I love you, I don't hate you, I'm sorry Mommy"!
Draw a tear for you too? all over in around 30 minutes you moms know that that must be some kind of record for a teen.

8. I am harvesting poppy seeds and the bag is half full of pods. Today I remembered a dream I had a "some day I wish I could.." I have always wished I could walk country roads, or forest trails and toss wild flower seed.
It dawned on me...and I am going to toss wild flowers along the roadways that I travel commonly. Then years from now the kids will say..."my mom threw those seeds out". The flowers will bring beauty to a world with so little of it. It might even bring joy to someone who needs it.

I have a paper shopping bag almost 3/4 full of pod. I guess a good 2 cups worth of seed. There is more to harvest yet. It is so peaceful harvesting it. The weather is perfect for it.

 Funny, notice the game in the back ground Dove and I played last night

Speaking of boy and the freezer.

9. We had an experience of boy meets freezer power switch and the unit had a lot of frozen blocks in it like these. there were some in the sub zero unit as well. It saved our hides. So remember to fill up your units with ice for it is cheaper to power a full freezer than a part empty one.


10. Yesterday I was able to finish the budget forms for this year up until May. I have funds to fill these empty freezers left in this months budget! I have shopped VERY little this month.

So under the fort was a whole, the kids + shovel = bigger hole.

I wanted to plant a lemon tree, I am not able to dig right now:)

See even when the kids are up to mischief the Lord has a way of using it

 My Dalia's did come up, that is the only thing I got planted here in time

11. The back lawn is a mess. The knowledge dropped in my lap at a grand parent of Dash's friend as to how to bring it back. I had begun research on saving the hard panned yard. This grandpa knew and told me how to do it! So an appointment is set with a local gardener to come to do the hard labor of running an air-irater (it takes 1x2 inch plugs out of the ground). I will then fill it with gypsum and sand myself next week!
The man was outside across the street, Steve and I just spoke last night about asking him how much it would cost for him to do the work. There he was today!

post script... I need to water the lawn/yard for the job...It is to rain for the next two days!

Well It could go on and on...Thank God for this wonderful life!

hello

Hay folks
nurturing a painful jaw right now and energy is very low for sitting up increases the swelling
Had the follow up this morning and the incision is healing well. Insult to injury:)
 A cancer sore developed at the edge/end of the incision. Say "Oh poor baby" :)
I was put back on another run of steroids to keep the swelling down, as soon as the other run was over my jaw swelled up. So I am trusting by tomorrow the swelling will reduce and the pain will subside.
Without the swelling the pain is doable. Although I had a good talking to about keeping up on the pain medication...he said to "give my husband a break" haha
Loving life and celebrating the fact that time moves fast and this will be over within two weeks  he said.

Oh life is so beautiful around me. So many wonderful things, I just lack to energy to elaborate.
Look for the beauty in your day.

Catching up on the weekend

Hello
The sleep study went well, it appears I do not meet the qualifications for a CPAP machine, this is good news for that means I did not show sleep apnea. The results of the study will be presented at follow up.
He came in and woke me at 6a.m. said he got all they needed. I drove home in the still of the city only seeing perhaps 10 cars all the way home. Even had to make right turns and flip 'u'ee's because the lights would not change for me.

This has just been a real well, a real tiring last few weeks. Thanking God that the phenomena is cleared, however the doc office called saying that there was a abnormal result on the immunity blood work up.
I have to bump up, the follow up, on that too.

Then this awful oral surgery thing. It was going well until today, to much and the steroids were finished today. My face swelled, tongue and throat too, it just plane hurts to hold my head up long. I have way over done it this week end.

Saturday was Steve's employers company pick nick, the family had an extra boy in tow for Dash, and a girlfriend and her daughter came for Dove. The kids had a ball but being the first day up all week it got to me. I needed to leave about an hour before we did. By the time Steve realized I meant "I NEED TO GO HOME" it was too late and my face swelled and I wanted nothing more than ice and my pillow. The parent came for the boy at Steve's call for no one saw me for a couple hours but yet the steroid gave a false sense of "all is well" . I got up and lounged then had the sleep study last night.

Today we took a trip up north to get two trellis I had set up to pick up. Dropped off two necklaces that were special orders then we went to the Grandparents. I had to get going and said so, we left. However the freeway ramp was closed and we had to take bumpy suface streets all the way accross town until we were able to get onto it. I was in tears and just got once again to my bed and ice, three packs. Frustrated at the traffic issue but greatful too finally be in bed. This evening without the steroids the pain is just bad

Steve said "you have just been through the ringer"

yep hang me out to dry.

So many cool things have happened this week end I wish there was more of me to tell.
The court called and the trial I was to be witness at on Thursday was canceled once again. THANK GOD!

Life is wonderful, Steve did the dishes, tomorrow is a new day...
and this too shall pass...

It is so cool that I walked into my new self last night and did the study on my own. It was a most unpleasant nights "sleep" ha ya oh that is what that is supposed to be...smirk

Steve took the kids out to the mall when we got in from the grandparents and I slept all afternoon and just kept my face horizontal as much as I can. Speaking of that...
Everyone is good the kids are doing well. Dove laid on her bed for 10 minutes with the lights off. Trying to desensitize her to her room (the lights in the hall on the whole time). We had held and snuggled on the sofa, me laying on the sofa...who would of thought ha first time I have watched tv and laid on the sofa in months!It was so good to hold her though and just have that quiet time she is such a tender heart.