Saturday, October 2, 2010

Theola My Novel is being Edited

Here are a few pages. This was a NANO PRO Blomo project in 2005. Time  get back to it. The story itself is finished.




Theola

The quest of this
Woman is to goad others on.

By Donetta           

Preface

Remember our maker in the days of our youth, before the point in time when immorality comes and the occasion draws near when you will say, “ I have no satisfaction in my days”; before the sun, the light, the moon, and the stars are darkened, and clouds return after the rain; in the day that the watchman of the house tremble, and mighty men bend forward, the refineries stand inoperative because they are hardly any, and those who look through windows grow sightless; and the doors on the street are shut as the sound of the refineries are low , and one will arise at the sound of the bird and all the daughters of song will sing softly.
What's more, men are afraid of regions and of have terrors of traveling on the road; social structure drags its self along, and the medications are ineffective. For man goes to his eternal home while mourners go about on the freeways.
Remember Him Before the silver cord is broken and the golden bowl is crushed, the delicate clay pitcher by the water supply is shattered and the controls at the reservoir are crushed; then the corps will break down and will return to the earth as it was and the spirit will return to God who gave it. Futility of self-importance all is narcissism!
In addition to being a wise woman the Elder also taught the people knowledge; and she contemplated, investigate out and endorsed many a truism.
The elders sought to find delightful words and to write words of truth correctly.  The words of wise men and women are like prods and masters of these collections are like well driven nails; they are given by one Leader but beyond this dear ones be warned the writing of many books is endless and excessive devotion to books is wearing to the body.  The conclusion, when all has been heard, is: fear God and keep His instruction, because this applies to every person.  For God will bring every act to its conclusion, everything that is concealed, whether it is excellence or if it is treacherous.

Introduction


When I was a child I made a creed for myself that went like this.  If I can make those who I come in contact with in my lifetime smile at least once in their lifetime I will have amounted to something.  I was a cute little girl so I found it easy to wedge my way under into the heart of many a hardened soul that would peek out and smile. As I grew older that was not the case.  It became harder and harder to find a glimpse of individual true identity.  It has always been my heart to understand the reasons that people walk around devoid of the fulfillment that life has to offer.  I see some who are as vibrant as the titanium white I mix with other pigments when I paint. They have something special they have a self they are like honey drawing others around them.  Some are true and clear yet others give this showing as pretense and as a method for some ill-gotten gain. There are those who have discovered this art and use it to gain an advantage.  I see people drifting each day void of character and dull of luster.  They are itinerants just making it by.  It is in my heart that I long to highlight the influence of true brilliance. I desire to help the population see it. I want to open their eyes to a life of nonconformity. I like it when citizens give an offering of a true self to the human race.

Masks are worn tightly cinched.  The ones who remove them must have great courage and understanding about the ecstasy life has to offer. This source of pleasure has a great price.  If we do away with our masks with the wisdom of carefully selected risks we can then be emancipated. If we are to careless at this we can leave ourselves vulnerable to those of lesser integrity. Many a dear soul has done just that. There is a price and profit both to being masked and unmasked.   I long so desperately to see people liberated. To see them free from all that has take away from who they truly are. The one who is in their core?  The masks that we all find safe to hide behind are the graven images of the identities that we assume. It is Gods desire for each one of us to be true to our own image. That was His intention for us.  Whether a painter a writer a dancer or an engineer we must become true to our self.  We must find that inner voice.  Have you become too comfortable too harmless?  When we are true faced the power of it is a force to be reckoned with.  Amazing accomplishments are achieved.  Wonders are performed. Masterpieces are created and people will wonder and long for the power that they see displayed. Do you live under all the self-imposed carvings? Can you let go of the facade that you put up with?  These pretenses become costumes to be dressed in. They are not authentic.  We are not reliable in then.  We cannot trust our selves because the lie is so heavily borne.
As a child I wanted so badly to de-mask those who I saw.  Even now when I meat a stranger I want so desperately to see beyond all the outer shells.  I want to touch his or her heart and to witness the authentic in each person. The people are walking dead. Walking wounded bleeding for so long.  Can we be a part of the healing by living true faced? I believe that this was the intention for this earth.  If those who are true faced can took into a mirror the hearts would be exposed for both good and the bad.  The intimacy would force a

sright standing.  Our choices would be a true reflection of both good and bad character.  Perhaps the ugly truths in each one of us could be challenged. If we were discussed enough we might do something positive about it. Then our hands would be clean and our eyes could sparkle and we might even become able to love ourselves as we are. 
THE PROHIBITION AGAINST LIKENESSES
Exodus 20: 4 the commandment against idols (“graven images,” KJV) and likenesses (forms) seems to been made against the possible incursions of Canaanite religion.  This has a spiritual importance, namely that no material representation can be made of a spiritual God, which is covered by the prohibition against idols. The warning against forms (“LIKENESS”KJV) however is something different. The likeness was a mask worn over the face and used in Canaanite religious ritual.  Archeologists have discovered examples of likenesses at Hazor near the Sea of Galilee.
God made us in his own image we were once so beautiful.  But we become afraid through our guilt and shame.  Man once hid himself with fig leaves and now we use the pretense of social masks. We all have an innate need to be noticed that is left unmet. Look into the eyes of those you love what do you see?  Make it safe for them to be real. Look deeply and perhaps you might even be seen. What kind of mask are you wearing?  Does your social mask really profit you in the things that are lasting or is it just a money-oriented value you gain. Most of our masking is for acceptance from others. Is that really worth it? Who are they accepting, not you. Even unmasked you may not be accepted and that has to be expected and o.k.
 In some circles the punishment of rejection awaits those who impose reality on others.  They often become outcast. Rebuffed and rejected, discarded and unwanted. They become useless to those who cannot find gain from taking advantage over them.
A determination has to be established that you will be true to your gift at any price. You will express the uniqueness that is within you and some people will like it and some wont.  Be prepared for that it will occur.
This is where many artists fall.  One of the only respectable forms of removal of the pretense is often found in expressive art.  It is given permission then.  Is it any wonder the high selling price that art can command? Each mask does turn a profit; it yields an advantage and offers a benefit.   But how much is it really costing you. 
Have you like most sold out to a life of hiding?  Are we all missing out on the treasure you truly are? Is this world at a loss of the gifts that might have been known had you lived honestly. Where are you? Can you be found or have you vanished behind some image that pretends to be you.  Can you be found?  Are you there, real and aware?  If not, won’t you come home we are missing out on knowing you and receiving all the gifts that you have to offer us.  Don’t let the fear of rejection stop you.  If we don’t like you it is our problem not yours.


CONTENTS



CHAPTER ONE… Forest repose

Page 4


CHAPTER TWO… The hidden heart revealed.
Page 43

CHAPTER THREE… I want to live a life uncommon.
Page 57


CHAPTER FOUR…. Fight your battles wisely.  Page 67



CHAPTER FIVE Declare a stand and prevail.

Chapter Six
Woodland contemplation






Chapter One



Forest repose.


It is so quiet.  I’m here! Oh the forest.  How soft this sheet is against my cheek.  Toes are smoothly rubbing over the warm fabric. What the heck! oh man the comer of the sheet came off the mattress.  Oh my back is rested that’s so nice to awake to. After that long drive laying here it is amazing that there are no muscle spasms. Light is dancing on my eyelids.  That’s strange! What am I seeing?  It’s that window… oh, the leaves, oh that is so beautiful.  That is so beautiful. Those leaves, maybe they are silver dollar eucalyptus. I have so longed for this time in the woods.

Wonder if they miss me. Theola I love you, I love being who I am.  How hard it is for me to hold on to that. How does one love their own heart, when faced with constant conflict within me and around me?  But that is why I came up here, to have a rest for my exhausted soul. It is so secluded here. Father God you are here with me.  Good morning my God.  I love you. So refreshing is your breadth on me.  Do you see me walking in my purpose?  Are you please with my requests? Hear me.  Why do I feel so deserted?  There are those who are for me and for the job you have set before me.  There are all those who should know you and understand.  How painful that they are my greatest nemesis.  Why can’t they see this path you set before me to that I must walk.  Why is it they set so many obstacles in my way.  How could they be so hurtful as to give such an ultimatum?  I am so grateful to you for I know there must be some great end to all of this agony.  Can I make it to that end successfully?  Oh my heart does pain me so very badly.  All of this is for the children. All of this, the pain the rejection the threat of dismissal it is all for your children.

There are so many experiences that I have known. This is my existence amidst the relationships that cause so many trying events. Somehow all of this has evaded the understanding of so many.  Have I lived to just fill the air? It seems that few if any have recollected the moments of past exchanges and how people were bent toward personal destinies after our interactions. It is to be kept our sacred secret Father. A silent knowledge all of my own like the beauty of this moment.  Continuance and the permanence of my place in these times prove so complex.  I am in two worlds at once. As a member of one, and I am an outsider in the other.  There are so few who even have ears to hear me.  This silent scream of mine has caused my thought to wax sour.  Yet this rest afforded me will refresh me.  It must refresh me for I have but a few short days before I return to the other world where I will walk again as an outsider. This however is my charge sent to live here on this terrestrial Earth. One who has a gift to offer to the “others”?  Like each one of “His” I too have an adventure all my own. Only perhaps it appears I may see it clearer than some.  This One who is guided by ‘He’ who is the Divine, I choose to hear.
          My great desire is to see and to understand all that is to be mine. Mine alone to pass through.  This is this charge that is to be carried out in my times to come. This journey will not be exclusively my own. It has been my given quest to offer the view I have been shown to those whose eyes and ears the Creator will open.  They may only be open for a brief moment in time. I must keep abreast of the silent one. It is he who speaks softly.  The visions are only given for a time and times. 
What am I to think in this there must be others? Surely I am not alone in this.  So I will search them out.  I must use caution here.   I think there may well be tricksters in the mist, those who pretend to be able to see and hear.  Why do they pretend?  Why would anyone settle for a counterfeit when they could have the real thing? How could the depth of such a journey be conveyed through the articulation of the written word? Even the spoken word is unheard. 
How can I posses the courage that will secure the honor and the right of passage I so long to gain? I long for that moment when I can hear the approval of the one who sent me. I want to hear this more clearly than the criticism, the correction of those who are seemingly so short sighted. 
          I wish Yvette could understand the impact of her words.  She is so full of venom and discouragement.  Death that seems to hang over her head is a murdering vacuum that follows her in her wake.  She causes such difficulty and discord.  Working with that woman is like combat. She attacks the unsuspecting who have no arms to bear.  This always happens at their weakest moment.  I am so tired of her opposition to the peace of our patients. To her they are a liability.  In their faces is a threat of non-payment.  She has to wait to release the patients from admission until she is sure that they won’t default.  “Hello”, is replaced with “what kind of insurance do you have?”  She is always in eye for the welsher.  One would think that it was her purse strings that were held by Trumann General.  While in fact in many ways it actually is.  She is assessed on her reviews under the category of non-payment and she gets chewed out when it occurs.  She is blamed for the defaulter. Her words hurt me too.  Perhaps this is why Yvette is so defiant and contentious?  I hope that I can see clearly to love her beyond her armor.  I long for her to be free from such rage and anger.  She is so offensive to everyone.  It is as if she wants to be hated.  It is as if she was made to believe that she deserve it. Will I be willing to blanket my own heart in the warmth of this great and noble purpose? Can the sacrifice that will be requested of me be accomplished?  I choose to love her.  I must exercise strong boundaries with her, yet show her the love she so desperately needs.  This adventure will be and has been one fraught with the most risk.  I fear her.  I have seen the spirit of violence over her.  At times I think she wants to kill.  I see in her a frightened wild animal rabid with wounds of some major extent. 
          I have to fight for those with whom I will be investing my time and energy.  The reactions and actions I choose will be governed by my choices as to how I will act, making every effort not to react. I have such an obligation to attempt to free them.  This is my mission to free the captive by either blowing out the prison bars or turning a key in the lock.  What is the key to Yvette’s’ lock?  What of all the others?  Where can I find the answers I need to help all these people?  I am only a Hospitaler, a Chaplin a simple servant to the world at large. I don’t want to just peddle hope and courage.  I want to instill it.  The pain, fear and pride get in the way of the evidence of faith and trust.  The loss and desperation evoke deals being cut with God.  Promises as if He could be bought off, the ostentation of it all makes me ill to witness.  So many times I see with only my eyes and judge these desperate souls.  I need to find more understanding and wisdom for this job.  It is no wonder that the insolence looks like arrogance but these people are facing the greatest hardships of their lives.
Here around me and within me my battles are waged and will be hard to see and fierce.  The truth can be so allusive yet I must keep in pursuit of it. Oh Theola, Oh my heart, can I really be this Elder. Am I really a healer or just a woman with good intentions?  Can I hold fast to humility?  When they look upon me will they see through to the heart of a friend?  Will they ever see me afraid and modest?

          The sunrise is shining I must get up!  The showers warmth will do me good.  All these contemplations fatigue my mind and pull me back toward sleep.  I see the faces of all those souls that are depending on me.  I have to just let them go all of them the children and parents of the Casmir family, Millie Mae, the staff and the Doctors. Their faces filled with pain and fear they long for hope.  They look to me to give them courage. 
          “God you are the hope that they need.”
Every one and everything else will let them down.
          “Oh God please help me to trust you and to rest. I’m so tired.”
          The flow of desperation seems to never stop.  I see one family after another facing, broken bones or broken dreams.  I have stood beside so many who see me at times like I was the ghastly reaper himself.  I am numb from so many visits to the hospital mortuary and so many deaths to tend to and so many dead to bury.  There are funeral arrangements to be made. 
          Weeping, I wash my hair clean.  This smell of coconut and pineapple takes me to the islands in my mind. I wish I could just melt into this soothing ease. It is so quiet here with the absence of the air traffic.  No rumbling of the helicopter pad and its’ desperation. 
          This year has been so hard at Trumann Kendall General Hospital.  We have children drowning every other day.   I try to imagine that the water was as soothing to them as they passed into the embrace of all holiness. Dear Perdita her eyes are so empty now.  Once they were full of wonder and hope. Imogene just sits beside her little girl’s bed and weeps.  I do not know how I could endure seeing my child in such an abyss. How can I find a way to reach Imogene her heart is so broken? 
My mind is racing. “Please help it be still a while.”  I am just melting into tears flowing like water, misting like the mountain clouds as they engulf me.  Weep my heart for the tears within me have been caped like ice.  Frozen while I have to embrace the mothers and fathers and brothers and sisters of those I’m serving each day. Numbness now and I am still. With the water off it is now truly quiet.  I am motionless in space. 
“Hold me God. Hold me.” 
          Cotton soft absorbs the tears and the warmth on me drying my weary body.  My skin so olive, I love my skin. I was the girl who always had a tan a glow of a sun kissed face. The mirror is fogged but I see you Theola.  I see your kindheartedness in my eyes and that’s what others perceive in me.  That’s what I offer them.  Present it now to me, rest in patience.  I need that consideration now. Here is a tired soul laying still.  Rest in the tenderness, hush my mind.  A wish to be pleasing today, my wish, that someone could see the beauty within. Inconvenience no one and be troubled by none. Gently glides the comb through long brown hair. I have always loved my long hair it is so familiar.  It is a constant and never changes. Eyes so hazel reflect a refreshed moment in time. Eyes full of everyone’s sorrow.  There is no place for my own. Heal me. Refresh me.  Fill me with the joy I so long to play in. Give me time without anything pulling our pouring me out. I wish to lay down all the concerns that are so distressed and have peace without any torment.  My mind prays thinking of how great the love I have for the presence of my friend my God.  My thoughts are so full of amazement at all the things I have seen and how the miraculous has been the norm in my daily life.  Death with the bargaining I see every day can have a rest.

          Even though it is so chilly in here, this little cabin is a real sanctuary.  An old cast iron potbelly stove sits center stage.   It demands the attention my efforts will afford it if it is to get any warmer in here.  Without having much to work with the fire is tedious and small.  The kettle could use a good rinse out.  So many years, lifetimes have passed since I have even seen an old pump in the sink like this.  This must be well water.  After a lot of effort the water ran clear and the handle on the pump loosened up a bit.  It stopped rubbing metal after only a few squeaking heave hoes.  The kettle warmed water for the tea. Warm orange spice tea will be nice with some of the organic blueberry muffins I brought from home.  Those muffins would go well with butter but without it they will just have to do.  Theola be still. Take it easy a while.
          This will be a wonderful morning here alone.  No morning theology or pious moral reasoning with Egan today.  He is always on time to attend that last moment of my desired solitude.  He seems so close to knowing God but in all of our deliberations all I hear is what he knows just about him.  He is unable to formulate any ideas that differ from those absolutes that we were taught in seminary. Being separated by our religions the intimacy is spoiled by defensiveness.  College and the university gave us absolutes and defined reasoning’s so we could in theory respond to any given situation; the business of the Clergy has replaced personal relationship with God.  It hurts so badly to be in an employ when it is so far from the foundational reasons I pursued in it.  The exclusions and restrictions Egan sets for me are heart breaking.  Can I continue to work under this repression by a brilliant yet misled man.  He never really was in favor of a female Chaplin.  I have invested so much into college and the university loans. I know I am doing the task that was set before me.  I see it every day in the faces of those whose path I cross over.  How can a cup of tea so delightful become so embittered?  I am so overflowing with anger at the contemplation of Chaplin Egan Seraphine!  He is so zealously pious.  I just wish he knew God and not just generally speaking about him!  I just wish he were free from the regulations of business that Medwin Bryant in administration constrains him up with.  I wish he could understand how hard it is to listen without responding to the words only.  I must become more able to here the hearts of those who seek out my help.  How am I able to help them if I am not capable to meet their needs? I know he is not my adversary nor is the hospitals administration office but it is so hard not to desire to put up a fight in opposition to them.  My rival is not flesh and blood.  The ignorance just caused so much loss.

Friday, October 1, 2010

Friday Funnies


hello
so today after going to get Doves prescription walking around the store I went on to my next stop.
I shopped another 45 minutes. Checked out and as I was leaving the store a hand rested on my shoulder from behind me. As I turned the woman addressing me whispered...

you have tissue hanging from behind you

I laughed all the way to the truck unloaded the cart got in the truck and laughed my fool head off!
Now mind you I cut the tip of my thumb off today it was wrapped like a gulf ball trying to stop the bleeding. All that time no one said a word!
The woman who told me could of been a model she was stunningly beautiful
inside ans out

got areal good laugh out of it

look at me humor in mine own self
not embarrassed
not ashamed 
humored 

Thursday, September 30, 2010

Thankful Thursday

How sweet it is to be within the vale the ebb and flow of feeling fine.
With this fine day filled with decor and aesthetics I found myself dancing.

Tis a gift to be simple tis a gift to be free
Tis a gift to climb down where we ought to be.

And when we find our-self in the place just right we will be in the valley of love and delight.

What a wonderful thing it is to break loose from all those things that stopped my feet from dancing and my arms lifted from the weight that was holding them down. 
I am back within the vale.

My sweet little family is flowing with the tides of charm and peace.
Loving life today. 

This day was spent swapping frames hanging wall art and pictures and then it stumbled into rearranging my studio. For three years now I have had the supplies to attach a tassel on my duvet' cover. Long time back after many years of longing the tassel came to me via a very very low cost. Even purchased all they had. We love it! Worked for over an hour just pressing the California King cover. Think two thick sheets sewn around three sides and the forth has a button opening. It is a cappuccino color. The tassels are large black with a good 3/4 inch braided satin binding. It looks so cool! Steve loves it too. Our room is very calm now and restful tones welcome us in. With the sewing room reversed it is so much better to be in here. We were able to add the second stuffed chair in here so we can have another corner to visit in. Our home needs more conversation spots. We tend to have several work zones sorta sitting for one. We need to have little spots where we come to gather for intimate conversations.

Dash is good today. Very loving. He was in a heap of trouble for he did not give the PE teacher the note I sent for him to sit out. He did a full PE and recesses out side today after being told not too.
He was very apologetic after I made it clear that I was very angry because I was very afraid for his health. By him disrespecting his own health he sets me up to not easily trust he will do the right thing. Told him it was a bit like the boy crying wolf. Now he has to gain trust back because I cannot see us not being able to trust each other. I must be able to trust him for it is so important that we love each other enough to be here if we need each other.

Thank you all for your well wishes. I look forward to catching up more around here. Time gets very limited on computer. So many many task left for so long unattended.

For the first time in years

I went one full month with no
~~~DOCTOR VISITS~~~
no illness

Wednesday, September 29, 2010

Allergic reaction to his shots

Dash is alright now  but boy did we have an event with him tonight. He and I went to go get our allergy shots. We used the stairs to exit and the door locks behind us.  He said then...(this is 30 minutes after shots we sit in office), Mom I want a squirt (albutral) so we are locked out. I stand keeping a watch as he assures me "I'm alright"...



taken while camping this summer

We get home and I begin setting supper on the table.
Dash asked me to sign a paper for school. My hands busy he was asked to wait a moment. HE WENT ballistic! His face is red, he is talking strange, snorting heavily. He is angry cause I looked at him. Then he (yes Dash) leaves the dinner table. If any of you know Dash you'll understand. He went to his room. " I just want to go to sleep mom"
Panic!
As we race this kid "I did not know" to the car he is fighting it the whole way to the point that daddy man said I'll carry you to the car if you do not stop the fit. HE did not want to be looked at.

I got him back to the allergist thinking it better than the ER. They got him right back to the urgent care room. A shot of epinephrine, oxygen, antihistamine, breathing treatment and then one and a half steroid pills. My boy is back. He said "oh this feels better" after the shot.

So he is fine. Daddy man let him go to the friends house, after my insistence he is going for him to bring him home. Now a 10 year old on major speed.

Breathing.
blessed

Word Filled Wednesday

Click to enlarge

It says
"I did not find any hearts. I am sad for the squid for it did not know how to love.
LOL (crys)

Dove and her 6th grade class had a special science unit after school last week. This is her synopsis. Read the paragraph about the hearts. By the way squid have three hearts hers did not have any.


The wolf will live with the lamb, the leopard will lie down with the goat, the calf and the lion and the yearling together; and a little child will lead them.
Isaiah 11:6

Clean hands

Through out my days it has been my desire to have Clean hands and a pure heart. Now many things will come toward us that will muddy up our hands and do everything against our heart staying pure.  I want to be blessed. Blessed is the man with a clean heart.
No blood shed, no wounds to the hearts of others that might leave my hands soiled as it were with innocence defiled. The worst thing about this life is when good men and women do nothing. That is when evil will flourish.  Have you ever noticed however how hard it can be to kick against that wall.
Well here for a season my foot just got too dog gone sore to kick at that old wall in my way. I did my best to side step it with a 'it is not on my hands' kind of mentality just so as to not have a broken foot.

There is a real cool phrase I have heard...

"well, how's that working for ya?"



Well it seemed to offer a bit of rest from the toes tried and tired. I noticed something though. If I did not kick against the evil than no one did. Or so it seamed. A child then got to kicking at that wall as well then he got tired. I would just say...do what you know is right. How is it said? "be an example"
The old do as I say not as I do was just not cutting it for me. So with all my strength I began to press on that wall. Now trust me it took some major opposition. Made the masses inconvenienced but eventually the effect of the wall became notice. It was changing the lives of those I hold most dear.
The time had come at hand to just out and out pulling out sledge hammer if I must and knock it down. As it seems me stepping down to make everyone comfortable caused just as much an issue. All things due in it's season of course.

Recently to my delight the hands of my family have become washed as it were.

These new ages of all things permissible does not mean that they are profitable.  The technology that surrounds us and is streamed into our lives is a wash as a flood of refuse. All the artist and film makers efforts pilfered by the masses. The software authors loss of respect and revenue is the wealth of the masses as well. All here for the savvy to exploit. We call it our right or our good fortune.

When is our good fortune ever a gain if our hands are filthy. " 'taint non of us clean of it"!

So it is our efforts to become so. The loss of all the "free" entertainment, educational information, movies and even the old shows streamed in. Unless they are acquired legally we are not of clean hands.
Of all the apparent gain it is filtered in error. Error that well can come back on our families and bite them in their character and in the lax of life. A robber in itself.
This had caused such great shame for me personally that I all but withdrew from life on the computer.
Now however the hearts are purer, hands becoming clean. It is a great expense to remove all illegal software, movie, media, and such. Yes we understand this however there are a few wonderful resources out there.
We found one that for $200 a year you can gain almost all of the varied Window's applications of software for a year. It takes great diligence to down load and restart, rebuild the computer systems. Not for the faint of heart. It does do wonders however for the pure of heart.

Reaching out with dirty hands makes one just want to keep them in your pockets. Once the hand is clean it is a joy however to extend it to another.

Like in the movie 'Wallie' we are consumed.


It took 700 years for this poor ol' robot  and the earth to see life, once they saw it freedom then began for all those folk who thought it so awesome to be feed the comfort. Most never even realized that there was life out there away from the computer monitor.  Those dog gone things started to own the folks. We are to own what we own. If it is not ours them we must return it to the rightful owners.

It has been challenging. However once the outcry of the missing media calmed down...we are now as a family going for nightly walks, eating supper together at the table again. Actually looking into each others eyes.

Oh that wall is finally coming down and not being a blind wall. Seeing life as a balence is an awesome thing.
So now my hands are clean, my heart is retuning to me. I no longer am ashamed. Shame is a gift that calls us to make a course correction. I had to stop ignoring the wall that tired my foot, divided my union and made me look like a prude to my kids. They have a respect now for us. I too have a great respect for my husband. As he now rebuilds our computers and makes right this wrong.

It was like honey drawing in the naive.

Own what you own. If you can not afford it than ask God to fill the need/want as HE sees fit. Is it a loss yep. Oh what a gain however when your hands are clean and your heart has the freedom found in purity.

Tuesday, September 28, 2010

computer rebuild

My computer is being re built and is a real challenge just to even try to post so be patient I am trying to be. Although at the moment I am very frustrated.

Sunday, September 26, 2010

ivig was best so far

Good Morning all or anyone who is still there :)
Just wanted to make a not that yesterday's treatment was the best so far.
We only needed to use 1/4 of the total amount of anti nausea medication. The side effects were less invasive as well. It is like a full body restless leg syndrome where the whole of me is just real unpleasantly stretching and jerking.
It was so much better. I was even able to sleep it off. The time line now has gone down from 6 hours to 5 hours 40 minutes.
The labs came back and terrific news. I am no longer depleting my lymphatic system just to stay well. Those levels are on the rise dramatically.

The full gama globulin levels have gone from  16 in April, to 26 in June  up to 
740 in September.
The normal range is 700-1600!

I am really reponding so well. 
Across the board the labs are really improving. My strength is getting better as well. 
My Mister and I even were able to have a little mini date while the kids went to a birthday party. So a nice little drive and even a walk around the mall! Yes a walk after infusion! We went and got the kids 2 hours after we dropped them off. We pulled up to the house and I was starting to get out of the car and it hit I was like a zombie trying to get inside. Revived a bit to heat a snack to give the family. Tried to spend a time with Dash and fell out hard and deep. After a good hour was able to rise to watch an event that is vailed due to Steves employ.

It was TERRIFIC news for his employer. This is a very exciting time and now we have a good hope that Steve's job will be more secure. After four years of effort, success was established. This is huge for more than just our little family. Wish I could say more. Suffice it to say God is Good!

So today I have to go eat humble pie for I got a traffic ticket and have to go to traffic school all day. 7:30-5 pm.  At least my health is serving me well enough not to dread it. So I better get going.
Everyone enjoy your day. Remember we never know who will cross our path. Be a blessing and recieve all that the day has to offer you as well.

Older women likewise teach the younger women...

• how to love their husbands
• how to love their children
• how to be self-controlled
• how to be pure
• how to be keepers at home
• how to be kind and submissive (not subservient) to their own husbands. (See Titus 2:3-5)

Blog Archive

By Maya Angelou

'A woman's heart should be so hidden in Christ
That a man should have to seek Him first to find her.'

When I say... 'I am a Christian' I'm not shouting 'I'm clean living,'
I'm whispering 'I was lost, Now I'm found and forgiven.'

When I say... 'I am a Christian' I don't speak of this with pride.
I'm confessing that I stumble and need Christ to be my guide.

When I say... 'I am a Christian' I'm not trying to be strong.
I'm professing that I'm weak and need His strength to carry on.

When I say.. 'I am a Christian' I'm not bragging of success.
I'm admitting I have failed and need God to clean my mess.

When I say... 'I am a Christian' I'm not claiming to be perfect,
My flaws are far too visible, but God believes I am worth it.

When I say... 'I am a Christian' I still feel the sting of pain...
I have my share of heartaches, so I call upon His name.

When I say... 'I am a Christian' I'm not holier than thou,
I'm just a simple sinner Who received God's good grace, somehow!

Words have power. Here are a few of my favorite sayings.

  • A warm cup of tea is like a cuddle with a friend.
  • The North American Indians have a more eloquent word for ‘friend’ than we do in English. In their language, the word for friend literally means, “the one who carries my sorrows on his back.”
  • Return with Honor
  • The sage anticipates things that are difficult while they are easy, and does things that would become great while they are small. All difficult things in the world are sure to arise from a previous state in which they were easy, and all great things from one in which they were small. Therefore the sage, while he never does what is great, is able on that account to accomplish the greatest things."
  • "HOME IS WHERE YOUR STORY BEGINS"
  • “Live so that when your children hear these words they think of you… Fairness Caring Integrity Honesty Love Trust.”
  • "O Lord help my words to be gracious and tender today, for tomarrow I may have to eat them."
  • "No man has ever been shot while doing the dishes"

Click here for all crafts

e patterns My sister told me of this site

Please pray for her parents and family

Please pray for her parents and family
Amy has clicked her heals and flown to her real home. There is no place like home.

This was given to me for the third time in just a few weeks.

Zephaniah 3:17 NLT
"For the LORD your God has arrived to live among you. He is a mighty savior. He will rejoice over you with great gladness. With his love, he will calm all your fears. He will exult over you by singing a happy song."

Thank You Ross

Getting to know Me

What warm hearts you all offer

Thank you all for the kindness you have shown me with every Award. I am embraced. You Are a blessing.

Thank you Michelle

Thank you Michelle

Thank you Annette they are beautiful
Thank You Annette
Autism Awareness