My spirit is settled better and Monday I will attend to getting an appointment to change medication.
The one that I have been on is making my hair fall out and it is really freaking me out!
In all efforts toward reeling the kids away from the media and into the family goals I sat the three of us down and opened up the garden plans and purpose to them yesterday.
Laying all the seeds out in front of Dash I then gave Dove a sharpie marker and some baggies. I made a compass on the plans and helped them to identify the strategic locations of garden sections.
Dash then found the seed to go there and Dove added them together and put them in the labeled baggie.
After teaching then some of the process of discovery and study to provide the soils its needs as well as the specific plant. I hoped to open their eyes to what is going into the foods that we are growing. I explained to them that I had not been doing my job as a mom well enough because I had let them have too long a holiday. It was time that they become more active in the family efforts toward sustenance and learn some skills on care of home and property.
I took them then out to the clothes line and taught then how to hang a towel. I was able to patiently showed each of then (overlooking the muddy corner ) how to keep them off the ground. When they fetched them off the line they were overheard saying Oh we let them get crunchy "that's what she meant".
Yesterday was a very hard day from opening my eyes to the closing of them.
Just challenging in every way! The challenges were just a bit over the top!
We hit the sack around 9:30 and oh the morning came fast. During the night a bizarre thing happened.
I had a dream that an adversary of the enemy of my heart satan lower case intended...was hacking at my heart with a dagger and harshly spitting words demeaning words at my face. In my sleep I got mad should be said with a stronger word but for manners I'll say torqued! In my steep out my mouth in reality came...
"Get out of here !! In Jesus name! you GET!!NOW!!!!!!!!!!!! and awoke.
I was rather startled and laid there wondering if I really said it aloud had I awoke Steve. In a moment he got up to use the bathroom and never said a Word to me...I just laid there silent. He came back and laid down. He had ear plugs in.
I asked him this morning and yes he heard me but did not dicifer what I said and then when I said nothing more he just thought I talked in my sleep.
It came fast today and I knew I had to use all the time I have wisely.
I wished I could rest but the heat hits hard and fast.
Slipping out the door and shoeing my feet I chugged a glass of water and went out to start the task.
After an hour or so Steve came out to find me working hard.
He has recently been diagnosed with the thyroid issue. So I did not wake him to ask him for his help. He came out to say hi and probably regretted doing so.
So that was the morning ...
This day was full, Steve took Dash to Harbor freight and fixed the tires on the hand truck and the wheel barrow.
Dove and I worked on garden plans. While the boys were gone.
When they got back I took Dove to gain her desired toy with her Birthday money.
One errand and then to the Mall.
I had a real good talk with her.
She is so simple. It is scary.
I am trying to help her understand that not all folks (or better said few) are innocent and she is being taken advantage of by these two kids that play her like a puppet.
They were trying to get her to walk alone to the park. NO WAY!!!!!!!!!!!!
then they ridiculed her because they are allowed to by their parents...
Oh this is going to be a job needful of much wisdom.
It is one thing to raise a pre-teen another to raise a special needs 12 year old who is not cognitively aware of danger.
God will make me able it will be a ride I am sure.
He will have to keep her safe where I can not.
We all four needed to go get the parts for the water tank hook up.
That was the next phase of a wonderful cloudy day.
Hard hard work all day.
Steve is the most creative.
Note the cooking strainer.
Or now called the tank stainer LOL
Silly guy is fun.
We worked so hard today!
Well with the weather like this we just felt compelled to go as long as we were able...I dug and used the nice sharp spade to out line the beds.
I also moved soil over to the raised beds.
I laid straw on the floor of the raised bed and then moved dirt over to cover.
The main garden is going to have sunken beds. The research I did proved to make good sense that the water would water the bed and not the path.
The children were FORCED :) out side to play.
The media is like a terrible magnet we have to pull them of it.
The little fellow on the left is the raccoon that Dove sought out for today.
Cute little thing.
After left overs the kids are getting ready for bed
My arms hurt
My hands Hurt
My knee and calf and worthy of pain pill :)
My back is tired...
Such as it is when the race is done...
We are left to think a few things...lack of rest for several nights...Migraine...hard day of parenting ie kids were a challenge.
Condemnation and inappropriate shame just plowed me over.
I was so embarrassed of my history meeting some new friends...nothing new.
but couple it with this demilenation issue I just was at a real low about myself.
I know that it is how God sees me that matters.
It is my weakness to forget even that.
I really really hate this forgetful problem.
I do have an appointment with the neurologist to review the Alzheimer stuff.
It is the hard things that we face.
If it were a broken leg...
If it were a cancer...
If it were a whatever...
but dementia possibilities
It is like I have a third eye or like I assume that folks might relate to me like I do.
I am just to intelligent to deal easily with the possibility of losing my mind to it.
Then there is the Post Traumatic Stress Disorder that leaves me living in a vessel that reacts like everything is a threat. Yes this is a type of a chronic illness.
Now I can not just pray it away...that would be cool...He has removed so much of the effect of it. This is a life long process. I mentioned the murder the other day and it made the feelings flash through me in the sub conscious.
I just get too tired. My husband is suffering with being tired for he is ill with a recently thyroid condition...I am caring an extra load and have been for some while. My beloved is ill it is for me to lift his burden and carry some of his load.
We only have each other to do so.
I just got really over whelmed.
Dash has been having some issues related to his special needs.
Dove is also having the issues that put her in a danger due to her special needs.
My load is very heavy right now.
He is helping me so very much with provisions and ways but they are yet for me to do.
I have to keep eyes to the prize.
I was so embarrassed at my lack of self care...I took last evening and had an in home spa...Colored my own hair, and tended to my feet and legs.
It did uplift me to see a little attention to the vessels details.
I am sorry if I worried you.
Thank you for your prayers.
I love being a wife and friend.
mother. teacher of the young ones
gardener, cook and keeper of the estate.
To whom much is given much is required.
I got too lonely with the Demilenation/ dementia? issue
Tired from all the things required of me
and thoughts of asault on my esteem those battles of the mind.
I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.
I just had non of my own strength left
and there was more much more required of me.