Reflections of a fine day.

Today I awoke very early went north to help my Sis with her living room yard sale. It was very slow for her. I got a key board for the kids to play, a few other fabric yards. We had a few ladies. Mostly the lonely who needed a tender ear to care that they were alive. I left around 11 am.
Beloved had fed the Kidd's lunch. I had a nice left over salad and a rest. Hubby left to do Overtime and I left soon after by 12:30 to go do childcare for a friend, well several, her kids and I are friends too. The five children (my two in the mix) all played well. We left around four and came home to a warm embrace from beloved.
He spent the day with a friend who has a very desperate life marriage in tatters and a worm eating away at everything they have. Beloved was very reflective. I was glad to be in our home again. Peace here and I love it! He and I wept for the trouble we see in the lives around us. Here we are pressing 50 years old two small kids and we find ourselves reflective of what we really want to do with rest of our earning years. We are 15 yrs out from retirement. The city offers the income but this mortgage is a burden to keep up. Scrimp to stay afloat we are afloat but the boat is not a vacationing vessel.
I would love to be debt free. Sell out, go North somewhere like Wyoming or Idaho have chickens live on the land a little. We spin this wheel often it comes to a stop on employment opportunities , health insurance and then the wheel spins again round and round dizzying and yet we are still reflective. I know that God gives us the desires of our hearts ( I believe that those things in us are placed there as a guied an oppertunity for choice) . With such risks we are crippled with the wheel coming to rest and then spinning our dreams and then the risk brings it right back to rest again. I love that the dream is not over or forsaken, I wish we could see the wheel played out on the land while the children are young and the lessons are clear from the influence of the myriad of dysfunction all around me in the life of the dwellers here in the mega city.
Beloved is playing very old Bat Man flicks on the computer with little ones. I cleared off a little more of my sewing surface and perused a book on the sewing feet of my new (used) Huskavarna 1+ machine. I am grateful and it is lovely. I got a few beads in the mix of stuff from the sale so I moved to the bead table to sort. My dear husband does not want me to ever feel like I have to work outside the home unless I really want to and then I know he would be my biggest supporter. I want to be home. Sometimes I feel so undeserving of this fine life. I know I work hard with the homemaking from scratch and the kids interventions and all. I am falsly ashamed of how others have to suffer so much with hard roles . I wish the world had little suffering. I wish that lives around me knew joy, love friendship with their mates and respect form others and from even them self's.
Reflective , grateful and at peace.

A ring for LIttle Dove

My sweet Little Dove has been having a hard time with truth or the sack of it. I feel somewhat responsible due to over reacting with anger at her when she gets into those things that are not for her to explore alone. Pure kid stuff, Migraine over reactions screw it all up!

So I got her a ring last night and went to her this morning and committed that it is my heart that she can trust me and that it will be safe to tell me the truth and live and honest life. I told her it is a symbol of the trust between us and that I choose to trust her that it is my desire that she feel safe to always trust me too.

It really meant allot to her, and to me.

She went into my jewelry box and found a heart ring similar to hers and gave it to me to ware.
We connected and it was her way of saying Ditto mom.

My heart sings a song of gratitude tonight.

Over the last 24 hour I have been given so much. I wept when I was loved. It is the only time I ever release a tear or the pressure escapes.
I went to the store last night to decompress. I walked around the garden department with the image of my husband and kids on their way to the neighborhood park. Little dove is retuning now to herself after days of insomnia, mania and racing. Dash hawk has digressed in his palliate/ breathing work. Tired and overwhelmed I went to the local "W' to have a break.
In the garden department I found a geranium 1/2 off and a large patio container 1/2 off also. They both needed a lot of tlc. I shopped and tried on a nice shirt on clearance for $2 and one that I loved for another 12$. I made my selections and with an awareness of the tight budget choose to gift myself. I also saw a lovely little sterling silver ring with a pink CZ heart for Little Dove ($7) .
Anyway when I was relaxed I exited to find the cashier was just to leave. I told him I would go to another register He said no come on in but that it was kind of me to offer. He was off in an 1/2 an hour. He gifted me with the plant 6.99 @ 50% off for $3, then the $20 at 50% off for only $5., I noticed and thanked him. He hushed me and said that I was a nice person then he also reduced the $12. shirt and it only rang up as 9.99.
When I went to my car a very nice young man who was a customer out in the parking lot helped me not only with the heavy plant but put all my plants from below of the cart into my trunk for me. His car full of fellows teased him in the parking lot by pulling away and being silly.
I thanked him and got in my car.
The "your a nice person" comment touched me SO deeply. I st in my car and wept and it was all maybe a 15 second weep but all the same I felt loved.

Today I met a girlfriend and her two kids at the science center, I have a membership and so it got her in my two and myself, she had only to pay for one entry and one movie.
During our stay on old 20 yr+ friend who worked there gave us free entry to the IMAX all 6 of us, we saw a film on the brain set in the tour DE France.
Later when we were just ready to leave he approached us and offered us the 3D under water world seats as well! WE went in and saw it for free too all 6 of us!

Then just yesterday when I was putting away all that fabric I was given, I noticed a shallow short space that a rubber made container might fit. Well tonight after I had cleaned and transplanted those plants I was walking over to the side of the house to put away the trash and under my tree was a shallow (perfect size container! BRAND NEW and in it a Mervin's bag with a beautiful ( i love it) swim suit dress (cover) brand new MY SIZE!!!!!!!
In the box is a torn up gym membership slip. I tried to call and the gym was no help in finding its owner.

Now this is the second time I have found something I wish I had under my tree. I found a little carpet sweeper as well!!!!!!!!last month just after I had replaced all my carpets with laminate flooring and had purchased two area rugs for under the coffee table and the dining table ....

REMEMBER the woman who's oil and floor never ran out. She had given Samuel her last loaf and her and her son were expecting to perish.... She never ran out of the oil and grain she needed.

So......I have been loved and I sit here humbled and tender and sorta refreshed.
The Movie at IMAX about the brain really helped me as well to understand my brain lesions and Little Doves Nero problems and I think It helped the kids understanding too.
I have been so angry about the migraine's and the brain lesions scare me. I really changes my personality sometimes and I just grieve that I don't act like myself during a migraine. It really angers and saddens me.
But, I am loved and tendered by the all encompassing cloud of loving kindness that envelops me even at this moment. It makes me feel and I almost get to cry. but I just breath it in and let it settle with all the other dust that irritates my bones and caused pain in my physical body (congestion and headache).

Pretty cool day hu.......

Im tired............

I am a little down at the moment. I am tired. Today it came to light the four days a week summer school is 5 days a week for the 11-11:55pm class. So the Fridays off is now an interrupted day! I am disappointed. I just got back from the city and Dash Hawks apt. He did not do his home work yesterday of even today. I feel so over loaded. I wanted so bad to finish cleaning off my sewing desk, and clear off all the lingering mess.. not yet... It is 4 pm and again my dear husband is another two more hours yet of Overtime at work. No break in sight while all around me folks are going on holidays and camping and traveling and all that stuff that even though I now its not all that it is cracked up to bee sounds so fun and like a great diversion. I could just close my eyes and fall a sleep. Yet I have two dear children who would miss me if I did. oops I almost just did.
Phone call, long talk. Yard sale Saturday morning to help my sister. Friend will join my but has to confirm. We'll have to leave so I can arrive at one to babysit with my kids in tow until 4 pm.
Tomorrow is another day....

Becca plays with my doll.

I snored so loud last night that (little hearing impaired) Dash Hawk told me he heard me, but, he added "I'm still a great momma"!

The sunset was so amazing last night! I was drawn out side to go for an unplanned walk, However.. the particulates in the air, so is informed, just after the walk, were exceedingly high and that was why the sunset was sooo amazing.

Dash Hawk just climbed into my lap. Dash Hawk wants too add that "he said I love you Momma". he continues with his statement "Your a great Momma". Followed by A long loving embrace.

We are going to go look up some Lego star war stuff ( but not buy anything) now.
blog more later

Laminate flooring job. Done!!!!!

The day after Thanksgiving we began replacing all of our carpet with wood laminate flooring (apx 1800+sq ft) , this after I had had knee surgery in late Septembe of '06. I had Thanksgiving dinner here Christmas dinner here and all of the wonder of life with two young children. Recently we finished the floor (5 month Job). Now I have a Studio in the old school room. I am still unpacking that room all my sewing stuff is now out of the garage. The house is getting closer to normal and I love the calm and order. It feels so nice to have finished such a major under taking> My husband and I removed all the carpet, moved all the furnishings and packed/unpacked untold boxes, replaced it all and lay the floor. My husband is a wonderful craftsman. This new floor was a desire I had held for all the years of my adult life (25+). I had always looked so forward to the beauty that a wood floor offers. The ease of care has been such a blessing too.
I now have my garage back for my car( 109* today). It sometimes seemed too big a task and that I could never see this day. I swept and mopped (wet "3m" mop and only water, its great) all in about and hour so easy and I have so much less stress with the dog/Kidd messes.
My son and I have asthma and we are now able to have so much less medications!

I AM GRATEFUL!

Photo Fun!

I have learned how to add pics. How Fun!

Sky Seasoning

Little Dove got into the finals.
click on the pic!
Then return by hitting back space.
Enjoy!

I know that parents arn't perfect.....

But I wish we were. Wow lesson 4million and 2.
Well those $10. for 3month mail orders Rx-----Turned into an $15. co pay, $41. two week Rx (insurance would not cover because refill was in the mail) and $15 express fee to expedite the shipment( which still didn't come when they said it would!) . All because of our oversight.
Well the 3 month only costs us only $10. mail order that makes us feel a little better.
Our poor baby however paid the real price the "Herbie Jeeves"
Benidril was what I gave her last night to help and the pharmacist also suggested it today I was so glad to hear that mommy instincts were right on that one.
She starts school tomorrow so Ill rest her today and hope that she recoups for tomorrow.

Prozac withdrawls

Little dove is still awaiting the arrival of our expedited mail order Rx. Withdraws have set in and the Doc. office was demanding a 7day processing on Rx. I will take here to an urgent care when she awakes. It is now 11a.m. and she still sleeps . Her sensory integration dys. is keeping her on a razors edge and I feel awful for her and guilty that this slipped through the cracks. I know that the guilt isn't mine to own it just is. I see her struggle in her own skin.
She has a scratch on her arm that she caused to bleed and she is digressing and stressed. She slept on the sofa again last night for some reason she does not free float so bad on the couch. I also feel angry because she has summer school in the morning and the stress of it might bite her bad. She has a panic disorder that can just be crippling and I cant just make it stop or go away and I feel so helpless as a Mommy.
I cant wait any longer for some Rx for her and I'm mad that I trusted that stupid mail order company.!!! Today is a Sunday! I don't know if Fed Ex delivers on a Sunday.
More copay and double cost for redundant Rx by days end. I feel frustrated, and frightened that she might have a bad start tomorrow. I can just get her to the urgent care and buy another Rx,(trusting that they will give me an Rx) and PRAY, and TRUST God.
I gotta hold my VISTA.