receiving...on this GOOD FRIDAY

On gifts and giving
It was the hardest gift to give I think that was ever given.
Yet it seems what is even harder for some is humbling themselves to receive it. I know it was for me for I was lead to believe that if I received thus I was then a servant to it.

"Oh why would anyone want to give me such a gift"...they murmured in the lowliness of self perception. "what could I ever do to deserve such a thing" they ponder and then neglect to extend a hand to receive it.
Then others they try to show us how very much they believe that they have earned such a gift. They perform with great pride knowing that then and only then would any one ever deserve it.

I like what I tell my children. Life is not fair. Gift givers do not HAVE TO be fair in what they give.  When a gift, a true gift is given it has NO strings attached. It is a offering that once out of the givers hand no longer belongs to him any longer. Now in so many folks estimation I suppose they are owed when they give to another. Whether it be allegiance, duty or debt, it is believed that they are owed something for giving. Well that is not a gift it is a payment for service. It can be owed to another without even agreeing to the terms, or even knowing they exist.

There is a greater giving. It has no expectation, it is given freely. Is can be received freely and enjoyed with a humble and grateful heart. Now this gift has no binds to it either and can be passed on without offending the giver. This is the kind of giving that I love most. Over my lifetime it has become my practice to follow this example in giving. Once out of my hand it is no longer mine but belongs to the recipient. Now the gift may have been some great investment of money heart or time this matters little for the gift is a gift.

On this Good Friday the thought of the greatest gift ever given to me is flush upon my face as I pour out a humility to receive without allowing the temptations of servitude by avoiding even the thought that this was given with "expectation upon me". By living and receiving and giving in this example there is a freedom. As the recipient in this manner I am internally compelled through a sense of appreciation to not only delight in this great token of love but open handed pass it on to others.

Not a servant to the giver of gifts but loved enough to be called a friend. For when a gift is given to you with such freedom as to whether to receive it or not. That is a gift truly given by no less than a friend.

This Good Friday enjoy most the friendship of a gift given under the most respected friendship ever exampled. Remember no white knuckles needed open handed pass it on. The gift keeps on giving.

processing

I posted over here tonight processing

Tackle it Tuesday

Good Morning!

My Sweet Dove was much more at peace today.

With the changing tides foundation garments were required so tending to it last evening she was much more a confident kid this morning. I love the feathered top she found on a clearance rack $3!.

'

So after the lunches made for all of them, the breakfasted had we were off to the bus stop.

Greated by this each morn. I have neglected to show you this reward for all my hard efforts.

Poppies, iris, alyssums (accidentally pulled most of them thinking them weeds) and some others don't recall the names.

 

 Bus stop silliness, that is "baby face " a morning game of chase played now for several years. Dash teases and sister runs in chase. It is their thing that is like a dear ritual every morning. They are forming ties with each other before the day begins. That is what we call it around here. We will intentionally make "ties" with each other. When a discord happens we be sure to tend to ties before the sun goes down.

 Each morning the bus makes a loop and passes me as I walk around the block.

I have lost some weight with the many new thought and changes of late.

Efforts count too.

I sign the sign for i love you, as it passes.

 A mocking bird gave greeting as he was sitting on an organ pipe cactus.

 Yesterday I passed this home where the fellow was leaving in a shuttle . I told him how awesome his lawn looked. That fellow grabbed his chest shy of tear and thank me for the acknowledgment saying "My father always said you can tell the measure of a man by his front lawn".

Just thought wonder if he was flying off to his Paas funeral.

 Now

GLORY GLORY GLORY!

Its Easter time. I forgot to show you what is flourishing in the front yard.

After several a year now getting established the Iris are in full form!

This is as big as my hand fingers out stretched.

 It is a wonder and a joy! Daddy man and I sit at the window during our time of visit at days end and just enjoy the view.

 Today is lead in adds day

I been holding the daddy man at tight rein assuring him to hold on for the cola would be a deal this week with the Holiday. So I'll need to go get several for storage. He has one a day at supper. It is his vice.

I will have his lunch drinks to mix and bottle.

Reuse recycle to reduce

This day will include time in the garden and once I change out the full m memory card in the camera I'll head out to the garden. I'll post over at the BEE BLISS after while. For now it is time to go water and tend the coop and the dog poop hahah

Also tax preparations of the medical documents for the itemized deductions (an instant savings account around here) once taxes are finished I'll have the data entry for budget.

Then I think I'll sit and eat bon bons 

HA!

under the watchful eye of those mischievous gnomes I tended my (click here) "Bee Bliss Gardens" until noon.
Now how those kids got him up there?

A little lunch and three store to go to, then home again.
Dash and I have allergy shots after school as well.

Meal Plan Monday

 

 

click to enlarge

Every few months my shopping takes me to a health food store here in Mesa to purchase herbs and spices in bulk. The cost are so minimal in compare with getting them at a grocery or kitchen store.

Notice the costs on the containers 

click to enlarge

Herb of the week...

Arrowroot

This is actually a starch from the rhizome of a West Indian plant. It is neutral in flavor, therefore, Arrowroot does not mask the natural flavor of foods. Its value is the clarity that it lends to sauces and dressings when used as a thickening agent.

Substitute Arrowroot in place of flour or cornstarch when making fruit sauces, pie fillings, puddings, salad dressings and dessert sauces, as well as meat glazes and vegetable sauces. Use only the amount of Arrowroot and lower the cooking temperature though!

The oils in spices and herbs are the source of their flavor and aroma. Ground or powdered forms lose their potency much more quickly than whole leaves and seeds.

Oh man I am shaking

I just spent over an hour on the floor holding Dove while she just sobbed and sobbed wanting her girl friend. It might have had a bit of the reactive attachment thing going on but it was just gut wrenching!
My sweet darling came in concerned of me with my back on that floor (Dove sleeps on a palate  on our bedroom floor).
Now I just feel like sobbing. He came in and went to bed early. They both put in their earplugs. She was so out that I had to lift her sweet troubled head off my arm and roll out from beside her. Holding onto the dresser I somehow made it up to my feet without disturbing her. I was so hesitant to move that she would clutch me with her sweet painfully strong hands. Oh I am just shacking. I tried to lay down too but had to come blow off the stress.

Being told Friday to mind my stress loads and to increase the medication for a week or so I just took another half dose as told.

She is so , she is so... oh Lord she is so broken. A part of me is trying to rationalize that perhaps this is part of being 12. She does not want to attend school on the morrow because a friendenmey tricked her into trusting and now has told all the other little brat kids (humor me) that she likes this little girl who moved away. Now they are all talking smack about a child my kid shy of idolizes. That in itself scares and concerns me folks. She just sobbed repeating over and over and over at no end for the little girl "I want ..." just crying her guts  out.

Ok breath...
My kids were both so tired too, they each went to sleep overs at friends and they were undone. With Special needs kids routine is paramount and everything runs real smooth so much so that we forget what this causes. No wonder we have so few dates together lol

Dash'ism  "Mom I do not want to sleep over again just a play date ...they just would not stop talking so I could get some sleep!"  Ya know he was undone too but I just could not get to him for keeping Dove's frenzied sob under some control and helping her with just every trick in my mind. She would calm and Then all of a sudden sob pitifully. Breath...

Well tomorrow is a new day. Perhaps with rest they will be better moods. If she is in such a state to go to school? Let alone the lack of rest for both of them. Dash will not stop if he is turned onto conscientious as in awake and goes 100mph until bed and then is gone in a minute so ya know this will be an interesting morn ahead for me.

I knwo I'm ranting and venting, I am crying too...Oh Lord this is hard! He is making me able and will continue to do so.

I have an appointment with the sleep specialist about my snoring. Apparently it can be dangerous to my health. A sleep study ahead I am sure. This office threatened me $100 fee for no show. I thought hay that was uncalled for! Then seeing the calendar realized I missed Dove's follow up last Monday...you know the day I was so sick with a double ear infection. So I face that dragon too. Need to use fineness and wisdom their. An apology, a hope for pardon of the fine and a good set statement of how unprofessional it was to receive a message of reminder that was accentuated by her staff with a threat. I deserve kindness by golly even it I do make a mistake! Hows that for a change in attitude. Got it from last weeks EMDR therapy (hence the phyc telling me to mind my stress for I am in for a rollor coaster of emotions after doing that work.

Breath.

thanks for well for anyone just being out there in space and caring. I have to find a counselor psychologist for Dove. Oh that just feels so threatening as a parent. I have to do it though she is in a bad way, it is my duty as her caregiver to see to it she gets the care she needs now and not wait until adult hood when she has to overcome some addiction or abusive life style.

Breath...
I think I'll watch some HULU (tv on computer) and just try to zone out a while. I am here with the dangerous chocolate carmals. I think I will take one more out and go put them away. It is not really going to make me feel any better. That is what this post is for
loving you kindly

Arizona Bloggers tea

Oh what a wonderful group of ladies.

What a privilege to hear the beauty of voices chattering and sharing minds that flow with such creativity.

I forgot my camera!

Laughter accentuated the meal. A nice gift exchange (the last of it's kind) was an adventure seeing the things that were so unique. 

The other day I had thought about spring and had glanced at purses when I was out getting a gift for Dash to give at the party last night.
I passed them by with a grateful heart for what I had.
So funny the package I first had in hand just did not feel right somehow so I traded for a box that had wonderful vineyard type paper on it. In it ....

Yep!

A new purse. Now the funny thing is Saturday morning I put on some glue on nails and gave myself a pedicure too. That bright pink...That is the color that I painted my nails. It was the first time I think in over a year that I used that color. It matched a pink in my spring colored skirt. Same color as the bag!

 

This is the bag I purchased last fall. It is leather (my first leather bag) so it will be cleaned with some saddle soap before I store it. That bag is like a suitcase. Served well flying to Florida but it has gotten heavy on my shoulder. They have a way of filling up however big they are.

I tried the new bag, it is so spring like but I think it is supposed to be for a travel case. It has to be held by hand or on my arm so it is iffy if I'll keep it for daily use.

Cool though how I received what I had desired a new purse.

All I have need of. :)

So visiting with so many wonderful new ladies opens up a whole new school yard of knowledge and friendships. It was so wonderful to take it all in. 

Both of the children had sleepovers last night .

It was the first time in YEARS that we were alone just the two of us at home. 

We went to pai wei for fresh stir fry and then went to the Wal-mart and purchased an old movie called "seven pounds" with Will Smith, It was so nice to cuddle up on the sofa and just watch a movie in quiet, no interruption or questions. Nor did we even have to pause it for anyone. I know it sounds simple but it is the simple things in which we find delight. It is just our way.

It was wonderful to have a date together at home in the peace and quiet of home.

All a day of play for me.

I am so rested.