My Testimony
I was the illegitimate ( learned in my twenties) , last child, of eight born, into the generational curse of white supremacy, bigotry and worship in darkness. It was the intimacy of torture that caused me to meet Gods angles when I was a very young child. On the alter of those who worshiped Satan lay my body. My parents drunken nearby at a lodge fire. My parents had gotten themselves mixed up in a cult. Perhaps unwittingly.Gods angles came and took my spirit to the forest places. It was there that I first knew love and safety. For God caused me to be free from the body that those who were workers of darkness were all but destroying. Abuse unparalleled was my existence with no human rescuer. Were it not for the forest angle and many other spiritual servants of God who kept me strangely dis-connected when it was necessary I would have gone mad. They were my friends. You see, I was as a child under the authority of those who in their own free will chose death. They choose to worship in the darkness and pursue the wicked gain . They were blinded by the perverse lie they had believed. Yet I was chosen by Him to survive. Because I had known his name. And I called upon Him. I don’t know just how I knew his name when I was so little. But somehow someone, even perhaps He Himself introduced me.
Psalm 91;
I turned 20 with a bible in hand, in danger, and psalm 91 in my heart. Suicide was my morning mission if this failed me. That day a woman named Leslie came and gave me an avocado. She feed my starving body then, she fed my spirit. She lay an open bible upon my lap it was opened to the reference of John 3;16 “For God so loved the world that he gave His only begotten son that whoever would believe upon him would not perish but have everlasting life.
She feed my belly then my spirit. I said "I believe that"
Many events happened in that next two weeks of my life. The most significant was a literal battle over my soul. After several hours of war between the heavenlys' God said it is finished she is mine you can’t have her. I have a purpose for her she is mine. My body had raised men who were holding it down. It had flailed on stone and no bruise had been left. I am His!
The next several years had included most significantly a prayer that all I wanted was a home of my own and a man that loved God. I have now been with that devoted man for twenty nine years. The first 10 years were spent in a recovery that baffled even the most of experienced of medical professionals. I have undergone vaginal, abdominal, rectal, nasal, dental and inner ear reconstruction’s. My mind has become whole with only some small effects left by three small shirring tears in the inner brain tissue. This in itself is very rare for those who have know such violence and darkness. Many medical professionals have given God the credit for the amazing results they have witnessed. My recovery culminated in the telling of the murder I witnessed. As another witness had notified the police in that town of the same event. We were both kids at the time of the murder. She had told only a week or so prior.
After seven years of rest we decided to begin our family. A dream I could not hold onto hope for. My faith that His will be done gave me the vision to pursue an adoption I was very extensively examined and found to be totally recovered having proven all phases of restoration. We were honored by the judge with our certification to adopt any child. . Our certification to adopt was an acknowledgment of a job well done. We adopted two internationally kids. One in 1997 the other in 2001.
It took a tenacity that is a gift given to me to keep my promise that someday I would tell on them for what they were doing.. A promise that helped me survive and more than that, to overcome. In my last hospitalization I was given by God a song that helped me through some of the darkest of memories to be exposed.
<Song> For we’ve been made more than conquers through the blood of Jesus Christ, So hold on were getting stronger every day. There is no need for you to run away. Brother’s and sister’s well now the time for prayer cause don’t you know the battles all been won. For Jesus said there would be tribulation and He said that I have overcome.
I kept my promise. When I was surviving those dark days I swore that I would tell on them as they drugged me, also “if I don’t let them make me like them, and if I don’t let them make me crazy, I will give myself a life some day I promised." Through Gods divine mercy and grace I am alive and that promise was kept. I am loved. I am His. He is mine. I have known His love and I am profoundly grateful that He chose me before the very foundations of time.
The experiences I have known were not Gods fault, as to blame Him. I was under the authority of those who did not know him. I had the privilege of knowing evil with intimacy yet seeing righteousness and Love prevail. This privilege has afforded me many gifts talents and insights. I have intimately known the profound depth of Gods love.
I am reassured each morning with the gentle kiss on my forehead as my dear husband tinder’s me. The times are few now that I fall into the memory of those days in my dreams. I awake each morning to Gods very real presence, with a flush of joy as my son says good morning and my daughter wakes for the day. As I open my eyes I see a palace where the peace of Christ abides with utter abundance.
Through the years the medical issues have been more than a challenge. The last few days I have even needed to remember who I am. Yet through it all His loving me is sustaining me. I am tired and I am wherry but try with all my being not to become worn out.
When my eyes become clouded with the way others may see me it is time to wipe my glasses and try to refocus. I grieve at the mass imperfections of the difference between reality and the visions that kept me going. Everything has its season. Reality is yet another curve in the path. One to come to terms with. Yet He has kept me living.
Coming out of it all with P.T.S.D. (post traumatic stress disorder) and recently diagnosed with a rare gamma globulin immune disorder CVID common variable immuno-globulin deficiency. It may either be a hereditary (found mainly now in children in this generation).
given the level of stress issues it is no wonder that my immune system well needs sustenance. That comes by way of IVIG infusions every four weeks. My body is getting older now.
