Friday, May 8, 2009

I cancelled the attendence of the funeral

The mrsa has spread to my ear where my glasses rest .

I had the unpleasant task of excusing myself from the funeral tomorrow.
I called my sister. I
just felt terrible to cause her any more distress or unpleasantness.

I am VERY highly (or the mrsa is) contagious.
The mras is also known as the "flesh eating bacteria".

The baby shower for my niece is Tuesday.
I do not know if I will be well enough to attend and I sure would never ever risk anyones health to an illness for the sake of hurt feelings.

The oral anti biotic is taking me low, it is a real powerful, strong drug.
It has to be. I cant decide whether to lay down or sit up. Just feel yucky...

I am so grateful to be here is America where I can get well and have the medications needed to heal.
This too shall pass

Thank you all for your encouragement about the Mothers Day Meme.

It is my hope to encourage others to the freedom gained through forgiveness.
That no matter the reason....We are able to become able to forgive....
Take courage.
All things are possible.

That being the purpose of writing the meme.

Thank you again for the sweet out pouring of kindness.
I'll be alright , do appreciate your prayers...

Mrsa Attacted my wrist MERCY!

I am not feeling well at all.
My arm has been really bothering me and this morning it was very hot and red, with little pimples around the wound...
I made a visit to the doctor and good thing I did. My wrist has a staph infection called mrsa, NOT GOOD.

I took the oral antibiotic and the ointment on a cleaned wound covered.
I within 10 minutes found myself violently vomiting at the thrown. You know that place where you earnestly pray :)

All research I read say it is human to human, probobly off a counter at the store.
cover your wounds...Big Dummy Here thought it better to let it dry out.

I am not another 10 minutes out from getting another antibiotic down me. I am feeling pretty bad.

Sure would appreciate your prayers.

me thinks I angered the darkness...
The LIGHT PREVAILS!!!!!!!!!!!

Thursday, May 7, 2009

Mothers Day

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In 2000
I had done a bible study on The commandment
"Honor Your Mother and Father in the Lord, this with a promise that it will go well with you upon the earth.

I was to be made ready to do one of the most courageous acts of Obedience in my Christian Walk.

On the Life Restored Blog is much of my life story...
Lets talk a bit about
Ruby Marie my Mother...

A young girl who at the age of 4 saw her white K_K_K father murder her Cherokee mother ( a slave in the hills of Tennessee in the 1910's) and cut her up and bury her in the yard.
Evidence was far to easy to hide in the hills.
My dear mother would be beaten if she ever went near that played....

Hard stuff yes.

My Mother told me at almost the last visit to "tell, tell all"

She told me that after I had visited her once...
Then a second time.
I was estranged from her for many years so that I could recover those things I suffered at her, and many others hands.
Hurt people hurt people...often those people happen to be their own children.

At 13 she was sold to a man who was 32.
She was sold for a house full of furniture.
That man was a leader in the 3K's and he had a 18 month old baby that was left after his its mother was deceased.

My Mother gave birth to twins soon after where the first born male was found dead on the kitchen table after on of their "meetings"
Not an uncommon event in those days.
For he was a part of ceremony.
The infant was part Indian.

My elder sister (the twin) and I are 18 years apart.
It was she who came back into my life while I was in hospital with flash backs.
She was the one who really saved me she confirmed the flash backs were a reality.

My Mom had sought healing in her last couple of years.
The therapist was working with my sister and refused to work with my mom at the same time.

My mother went on to bear 8 children in all
Marriage after marriage I think 8-9 in all.
She out living her last who was a Veteran.

So here I was after years of vowing She would NEVER touch my child...
Asked by God to forgive her and to even go to her at the nursing home.

I obeyed acting as if I was visiting Jesus himself.
That is how I began the maturity of healing with this spirit of a human.
Who had been locked into the darkness from such an early age.

I literally pretended I was visiting a prisoner.
After two visits it was Christmas time.
I allowed Dove this close not any closer to her.
I cried a river.

She got to see my daughter but I never allowed her to hold her.
This a vow I had made to God when He gifted me with Dove.
I was still healing for the things at her hand are unspeakable.

I forgave her.

I honored the OFFICE of Mother.
The woman I could not honor , But that was not what I was asked to do.
The scripture taught me to honor the OFFICE so that it would go well with me.

In doing so I was freed to become the best Mother I could be.
If I would have held hate or un forgiveness toward that office
I would then have disgraced it.

It would have taught my children to disgrace it also, it would have passed to generations.

As you can see by my posture it was excruciating for me to be in her presence.

She repeated what she knew.
She set me up to so many pedophiles that it took many years to recover.

I am telling you this for it is in seeing through "the human doing" that we might be compelled into the holy of holiest where we can see the heart.

This is my Daughter during that time.
Little and I kept her from my own Mother.
My skin would crawl in her presence.

Obedience is far more important than sacrifice.
That obedience set me free to forgive.
Never to forget, but yes forgive.
I saw her consequence of choice in her life.
The execution of hell tearing apart any hope of a life from her very beginning.

I had the support of one brother.
He was a help.
He understood my boundary and guarded me my vow.
I was kind yes, but kept distant.
How I wept the loss.
I never had a Mother.
I had a wounded child rise me.
A Mentally Ill Mom.

Dove was her second to the last (Dash being her last) of almost 30 grand children.
She never met Dash.
She spent her later years estranged from almost all of her children.

Dash was born two weeks after her death...
Ironic isn't it.

I was a newly wed bride, she and my sister moved here to be close.
My husband had to set a boundary and disallowed me to speak to her for two weeks.
She had total mind control over me.
It was unbearable.
It was the best thing he ever did.
She would have bled us dry in so many many ways.
The dear woman was a master manipulator, but she was able to get her needs met through "victim Mortar"

We tried a few times to share our lives but every time it would lead me to a very tenuous emotional state.
I had to part ways.
I thought I would die.
I had to walk away from my own Mother so that I could stay among the living.
Think of it.

This sweet kind Jeckle and Hyde was my dear Mother.
The pain, fear, anger, sorrow,and guilt of being her daughter
has made me an amazing woman.

She gave me that!
Her kind side is where my hands learned to be open.
Never a Veteran would ever go unnoticed.
To this day I hold that as a priority in the presence of one who served my great country.
I am one patriotic woman.
If our Flag ever to fall I run to stop it from touching the ground.

I got that from her too.
When she was 12 her dad refused to buy her shoes to be able to attend school.

It was in the early thirty's that the Nazi's came to hold groups in the cities trying to recruit kids after the depression.
They would hold great rallies where they would salute hitler
(lower case intended)

She was terrified.
It was understood that if the street gang knew you were not with them...
Well strong 3xK's in the area.
She knew what her dad and the group were capable of.
There was no escape for her.

My parents shown here divorced when I was an infant.
I took pride in doing the "right thing" and invited them to our wedding.
It was the first time they had contact of any manner in 20 years.
It was the first time I had been with her in a two years.

I honored her at me wedding.
It was so hard.
Do you know the bigotry against fat people...
I was raised with it in my ear!
I still have to hear it now and again and I hate it!

Growing up was hard
She worked at the gas station 12-15 hours a day and my step dad was a violent man.
He was crazy. Yes literally with an illness treated with penicillin.
I turned hard...
I worked from the time I was 9...Now I can see she was trying to keep me attended.
I slept very little, was not allowed to do homework...
Now you know why My Education is so important to me.
It is a promise I gave myself.

It was not always that way...
I tried to be her friend...but I was an extension of her beauty.
She had no self.
I was her, I had NO self.
I was paraded around as if she deserved (thirsted for) all the accolades.

I was called by God to go to her again the following February.
It was Valentines day...
It was a tough day...I could not find her and thought for 5 minutes that she had died, but they had moved her into another room.

She was incoherent.
I told her that we were going back to Russia to get Dash.
she began to relive the "dead son of hers, she said that..."the Doctor said to just keep her pregnant and she wont miss it (the baby)."
My mother said ..."I did not kill him, they did."
Dove was with me and so I left to get her away from there.

A few days later I heard God say Get prepared she will be going home soon...
I called my MOLove and asked her if...she was available to care for Dove.

I received a call.
I rode with her to the hospice...

The Gift My Mother Gave me...

"Momma if you can hear me and your with God tell Him what you might like me to sing to you...I can hear Him"
Out of my mouth came.
"She'll be comin' round the Mountain when she comes...
She'll be comin round the mountain when she comes...
She'll be comin round the mountain
She'll be comin round the mountain
She'll be comin round the mountain
when she comes.

We'll all go out to meat her
When she comes

We'll kill the old red roster when she comes...

We'll all have chicken and dumpling when she comes...

She will be riding six white horses when she comes...
This I came to learn from an elder sibling some time later was her favorite song.


My dear readers she gifted me with her last word...

Donetta, God Bless You Donetta

She is my Mother...I love her...

I am a Better Mother having known her.
The spirit of a shell of a woman.
My Mother...

Thankful Thrusday

Thoughtful kindness
it wrapped me up
words so sweet tied me in a bow
Sent through the air like a song on the wind
it was a serenata to my soul

Thank you for all your kind comments.

Seeing all those years of my life
gave me a day paused in anger of it all.
I suppose it is in that, a gift of strength
I was given
not a pleasant day for me...

I pushed through the day
This my goal
I found every trinket
a symbol of life
Those days that I knew.

While I was out with the family the night before they took me to the
Hobby lobby
All charms 50% off so I got 8 of them (2 for a $1.50)
The rest were a collection acquired over so many years.
So yesterday just for me I set to task
With a broken pliers
I pressed on, 6 hours I spent doing...
No chores no duties
just sat and created this
My gift to me.
click to enlarge

Dove called it all of my talents
She is so perceptive it really nailed it.

I have been nursing this burn on my wrist all week.
WoW it is a painful wound!

On tuesday afternoon my children took the phone into the bathroom
A covert opperation
Hubby comes home half an hour early...

Well I ,(embarrased) grab the chicken out of the refrigerator and put it in the sink to prepare to bake it.
He reaches over and touches my hand...

The kids and I thought we would take you out for your birthday tonight, instead of tomorrow...

When asked what I would like for my gift I tought ...
Well I do have a tree in the budget for the yard...We need a tree...
We went to three nursery's...all were closed.

When we were on the way to get a meal out... in conversation...
Steve proceeds to tell me of a radio show where a business just gave all of their employees a 10% raise!
The company much like us were living on the principles of NO DEBT...Hobby Lobby!
My heart flipped!!!!
Hobby Lobby! He looked at me and I blushed...he asked "would you like to go there instead for your birthday gift?"

Oh. Oh. Oh! yes I would!
So off we traveled, to our surprise we were only about a mile from there.

Steve took the kids for a walk,
I got to just peruse the store for a good 45 minutes,
choose what I might like for my birthday...
This is what I chose.

It was so cool all of this 50% off!
Within my self imposed budget.This is for my pans.
My back is so sore sometimes getting down to get them out from under...
It is not an easy thing when you can not bend down on your knees.
We had talked of looking into one of these some day.

Isn't she beautiful!

These for the front door
When we had our house before this it was a Victorian (Edwardian) decor.
I missed the doorway I had created and this is my way of saying "this is my home".

Thank you for the sweet cards...
I had a better image but it showed too much :}

This morning a child's mom stopped by to say hello.
She is old of work so I shared some food with her.
We had a nice cup of coffee together.
Please pray for her family, her mother had a lung removed Monday and she is having complications.
We do not share the same faith, yet we are able to enjoy each other.
She really likes me a lot and like to take tame and be with me.
If We can shine "light " into each other.
I know where my light comes from...
She respects that and still enjoys being with me...perhaps one day.
I do show her and her culture respect and do not provoke a divisive "re-action" to our difference.
We are able to have a level of mutual respect and pleasant conversation.

I puzzle her. She does not understand my resiliency.
When she has ear I will make it much more clear to her.
It was a nice time of mutual support.
She had gifted me this box.

two days ago I had one in hand at the dollar store.
I told God that I would let him supply it;)
I told he I had done so.
It meant a lot to her.
HIS ways are above ours.

OH MY GOODNESS!!!!!!!!!!
Excuse me , but I just got a call from my BIG brother .
He called to wish me HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!!!!!!!!
It has been many many years (6 yrs) sence we have spoken!
He then had to excuse himself to call me right back for he got a work related call..
I better get off of here for when he calls back.

He called back and we had a great talk.
Wow He loves me...

Thankful on this Thursday!

Tuesday, May 5, 2009

Word Filled Wednseday

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He has numbered my days...

“Before I formed you in your mother’s womb
I chose you.
Before you were born I set you apart..."

Indeed I am composed and quiet, like a young child carried by its mother

I will make you a fisher of men...
Suffer the little children to come unto me,
For theirs is the kingdom of heaven.

When I was a child I thought as a child...

I will restore the years the wormwood has eaten.
The two shall become one...

I will create in you a new heart and a new mind the former things will all pass away...

You shall be called Mother of many...
For this thing He has promised you, he is faithful in fulfilling...I will bring you into a new land....

I have come that you might have life...
and have life abundantly...

I am Glad I was born...
Today is my 48th birthday.

Like a vapor it passes
If by reason of strength 4 score and 20...
And yet it fades like the grass...

I have known you
I have called you by mane.

I have given you a new name...

Tenacious Vivacious White Raven.

Tackle it Tuesday

Tackle It Tuesday MemeGood Morning!
Now here was a huge tackle
That the Daddy Man did this week end.
He deserves some recognition on this one!

My Morning tackle of hand stitching
(details on "A Place to Create), later.
This done while having some wonderful fellowship on the telephone.
Down loading images all the while.
The knit squares a gift form my MILove
(Thank you...)
She gave me sets and I love them stitched together to use at the stove.

I found a nice Asian $1 store yesterday is my quest to fine some bar laundry soap.
I got a few things
The knives needed a good steel wooling.
The little pads in the bag are nice.
Big pads of steel wool can get nasty and they are often then tossed and wasted these are a nice small job size
Keep your steel wool dry after use.

before, then with a bit of elbow grease (hand strength) alone walla!Much better. These are fine steal Japanese hardened steel knifes.
Cheep knives well do not do this with them.
The metal will just get all scratched.
Picture removed showed several frames awaiting to be finished.

While at that little shop I found inexpensive frames for the kids honors.
I have been wanting to acknowledge them for the efforts.
I will frame and hang them.

Found the bar soap.
Laundry soap just ran out from that last run I made.
This clear soap is a better choice.
It has a coconut oil base.
$1.29 a bar, I grabbed 5 of them and that is a 6-8 months supply of staple for laundry soap making.
The other items have many more jobs to do than that per box.
This the remnant of the last box unpacked.
Things yet to hang and to put away.

Found these little purses to put the coin in for the kids skate party.
They each get a few tokens with the deal we purchased.

Found these $2 each.
The job with these is to put the tax information for the required 7 years into.
This job is long over due and I will enjoy the efficiency of it.
Each year just shed the oldest year and replace current finished tax documents in it.
This is important to have at hand if your needing the most important things to grab and run.
Like a fire, or natural disaster.
I am just doing it for duty sake for the wisdom of it.

Found signs for the 4 runner one each side back window and one in the very back window...
I need to fill these out.

My first takle of the day was Doves education.
Math homework to do...
Measurement is a very abstract thing.
I was inspired to give her the resorses to use as a tangable reference.
The information entered in.
We all learn differently.
Dyslexics are often left uneducated because teachers are forced and often refuse too, think outside of the box.
I love that I still do homeschooling in my own fashion.

Parents are the first teachers.
Home is the first school.

Well off to set to the next task.
Enjoy your day.

I wish you could of watched the light come on in her eyes.
It was pure delight.
Like chains off her wrists.

Older women likewise teach the younger women...

• how to love their husbands
• how to love their children
• how to be self-controlled
• how to be pure
• how to be keepers at home
• how to be kind and submissive (not subservient) to their own husbands. (See Titus 2:3-5)

Blog Archive

By Maya Angelou

'A woman's heart should be so hidden in Christ
That a man should have to seek Him first to find her.'

When I say... 'I am a Christian' I'm not shouting 'I'm clean living,'
I'm whispering 'I was lost, Now I'm found and forgiven.'

When I say... 'I am a Christian' I don't speak of this with pride.
I'm confessing that I stumble and need Christ to be my guide.

When I say... 'I am a Christian' I'm not trying to be strong.
I'm professing that I'm weak and need His strength to carry on.

When I say.. 'I am a Christian' I'm not bragging of success.
I'm admitting I have failed and need God to clean my mess.

When I say... 'I am a Christian' I'm not claiming to be perfect,
My flaws are far too visible, but God believes I am worth it.

When I say... 'I am a Christian' I still feel the sting of pain...
I have my share of heartaches, so I call upon His name.

When I say... 'I am a Christian' I'm not holier than thou,
I'm just a simple sinner Who received God's good grace, somehow!

Words have power. Here are a few of my favorite sayings.

  • A warm cup of tea is like a cuddle with a friend.
  • The North American Indians have a more eloquent word for ‘friend’ than we do in English. In their language, the word for friend literally means, “the one who carries my sorrows on his back.”
  • Return with Honor
  • The sage anticipates things that are difficult while they are easy, and does things that would become great while they are small. All difficult things in the world are sure to arise from a previous state in which they were easy, and all great things from one in which they were small. Therefore the sage, while he never does what is great, is able on that account to accomplish the greatest things."
  • “Live so that when your children hear these words they think of you… Fairness Caring Integrity Honesty Love Trust.”
  • "O Lord help my words to be gracious and tender today, for tomarrow I may have to eat them."
  • "No man has ever been shot while doing the dishes"

Click here for all crafts

e patterns My sister told me of this site

Please pray for her parents and family

Please pray for her parents and family
Amy has clicked her heals and flown to her real home. There is no place like home.

This was given to me for the third time in just a few weeks.

Zephaniah 3:17 NLT
"For the LORD your God has arrived to live among you. He is a mighty savior. He will rejoice over you with great gladness. With his love, he will calm all your fears. He will exult over you by singing a happy song."

Thank You Ross

Getting to know Me

What warm hearts you all offer

Thank you all for the kindness you have shown me with every Award. I am embraced. You Are a blessing.

Thank you Michelle

Thank you Michelle

Thank you Annette they are beautiful
Thank You Annette
Autism Awareness