Saturday, January 9, 2010
Friday, January 8, 2010
I E P
The report was very good news . She has improved significantly from the two years ago in most areas. There are still 2 areas that she fell significantly below so she will have a 502? set in place next week is the meeting to set it up. This will give her special considerations. She is a great kid.
I went very well.
I said to the women...My sister died yesterday. They were all starteled. I told them that this day I choose to live for the living and to care for the living. There will be a time for everything under the heavens. Today. I care for the living. Focused only on that.
Dove had a field trip to the park. So this morning I'm let in on it that she needs a packed lunch! Well I knew I would just have to get it to her later . So I went to the grocery and got them each a bag with a sub sandwich, a drink and some chips in it
and took it back to the school. There was some mix up that Dash was told he would eat in the cafeteria he took his bag over to Doves room. Dove had TWO lunch's! She ate them~
So when Dash got home it was a real hurt to find out what happened to him.
I gave him first choice at the doughnuts I got for them.
When I got the lunches I noticed that the meat was only 1.77 lb. I am out of it. I had prayed about that task and how the meat was gone in my freezer. Well I asked the butcher if he could clean up a few large roasts for me when I came back shortly for them I found out he had cleaned the 5.99 lb in a misunderstanding. I told the other butcher no thank you on the 5.99 and asked if he would again get me the largest roast back there. He could not understand that I did not want to buy the cut london broil, that I wanted as few a cow in my meat as possible. He asked again...so what is it that you are afraid off? That erked me abit, I replyed that is just my boundry thank you. "boundry?" he said what does theat mean...should I have explained:)
Later he came to me while I was shopping in the produce and offered me the three cut roasts for that was a misunderstanding on their part and asked if I might receive them. Of course I said. I then told him of how his tone changed and said MAM JUST TELL ME WHAT IT IS THAT YOU WANT....now I had clearly told him...So I then explained again that it is a commitment that I make to my family to grind from as few a head represented per pound as possible. I said that perhaps I thought I had lost his respect in his tone of MAM>>> he said well miss sometimes offend totally bipassing the point.
any way....I have meat to grind. 30 something pound at !.77 per pound. Best deal I have had in a long while.
I told her it felt really good to laugh. I said "my sister died yesterday and I really needed that laugh."
I told her that My act of worship today was to care for the living.
On Creig's list I saw that a fellow was asking if anyone wanted Lemons...yes they look like oranges. They are a hybrid of orange but oh they are lemon! Tart and wonderful. When I got there there were thee other women who had just about stripped the tree. The fellow said that there were plenty on the other side of the wall. It was a vacant house. So I went out to drive around. A car pulled up with two ladies in it and I told them their were not any more and omitted the fact there were in the other yard. Tacky of me a show of poor Character on my part. So in an amends I gave several over to them as I picked. Peace was made. It was true that there were no more on that side but there were possibly more on the other side of the wall. Selfish I know.
I have a greater appriciation for the crown of thorns. This tree had 2-3 inch ones and my arms testify of it.
I worked hard a good hour or so and came home with a good supply for the summer. They will need to be juiced and frozen up. My arms are so scratched up. I did have gloves though.
On the way home I stopped at the Trader Joe's to get the non dairy items we need. Got yogurt and the soy ice cream, eggs and a wonderful stalk of Brussel sprouts. Pulled in and unloaded all but the lemons. Left them here for Steve to lift in. At the store lemons were .39 cents each...think of it. Understand why I went to work for them?
There was a woman behind me in line. My time was tight to get to the house before the kids but I thought I would have enough to let her go ahead, she had a dog just from the vet who had terminal issues. I let her go ahead and gave her empathy of her pup. She said "oh that is just the least of it too. If you only knew?"
It was sereal, I looked at her peacefully and said "my sister died yesterday"...
She said "Oh sweet heart and instantly embraced me and held me. I wanted to melt a bit and stood my ground and rested there in that still of the peace. Thanked her and asked of her dogs name and hers. Told her I would pray for her. She asked mine and said the same.
Well Dash was all upset, he found out on the bus that Dove cheated him the lunch. He was upset. She tried to make amends to him but it took a while.
Fell asleep hard on the sofa
Dash came and sat by me to watch stupid TV and I just leaned over and fell out hard asleep for an hour or so. Real asleep like nothing could of shook me. I dryg myself awake to make a salad as per the kids request. A million song lyrics flowed little parts and pieces as if a medley of words flooding into the expression of the depths of my soul. It was very cathartic. Odd tunds from all areas. Many years and hymns too. Strange how it was as if I just listened and found a strange humor in those words lost so long ago in the ebbs and cracks of my mind.
Steve walked in just then and we all enjoyed each other and the air was light hearten.
made a big salad we all watched home edition
SILove came, her father just recently passed. She came! Wow how very loving she and Steve's Brother came to give me kindness. A beautiful vase of roses WHITE CHRYSANTHEMUMS and lilies with one sweet red rose in the center. A very loving card as well.
I then felt that loved cry within me. We all went back in after they left and it hurt in my heart cause I was loved. THat old healing thing that happens when I am loved. Dove kept asking if I was alright. She reached over to hold my hand and I just said my heart hurts. Dash had asked why? I told him because my sister died.
He said "so"? Whats the big deal? I gave him an example of how if his sister would never be seen again what he might feel like, I think he got it.
White Roses = purity of spirit
White Chrysanthemums (again) = truth
Red roses = love
Lilies= ? He is the lily of the Valley, He is the bright and morning sun
So here I sat while they played on the computer way too late for a tired kid. Dash got on his Daddys last nerve. I interviened and said wow it is so late, they must be so tired. What a big day.
Oh guys that orphanage dance drives me CRAZY!!!!!!!!! So Dash just pushes and pushes trying to plead a case where NO was NO. Would not STOP. He believes NO one has the right to tell him what to do.
OH well it will happen all his adult life that he will have to do things he does not want too and that he will not be able to get to do things he wants too. So to that he would not STOP still.
In the orphanage he learned to do this dance where he got what he needed or wanted by raising a holy stink till he was heard. Unfortunaly by that time they would lose it with him.
I Lost it with him tonight I just lost it. Blew it. Oh I just hate it that I am the adult and I LOST it.
It is so hard, he was too tired and would not let no be no. An injustice was had and come hell or high water he would just not drop it and stop arguing that case teil I lost me temper.
Steve appoligized for ignoring and for not stopping the gaming before they got so tired.
Oh I know I have to give myself A break. Unfortunatly the break is in the cord.
So I will have cords to mend in the morning.
This morning is a bit like swimming through molassis trying not to feel bad about any and all acts of omission with my darling sister. I know it is a simplw assault on my mind.
Still gotta swim through it.
Dove Individualized Education Plan meeting with the school is this morning at 8 a.m. so gotta muster it up from Him , from within.
Take courage and look forward to seeing the working out of it. Heavy chest as in heart.
here I go
Thursday, January 7, 2010
focus...up...take care of the living.
Angie 's teaching up water on washed my face hot towel. focused take care of the living
toast and lunch for the kids they are off to school
take care of the living huu ahh!
Gods not dead he is alive Gods not dead He is alive Gods not dead He is alive I feel Him all over me.
a bit of a crushing in my chest it is sorrow
sorrow for the living not the dead for she lives in God she is only on the other side of the Vail.
take care of the living pulled my frame up onto the side of the bed. press on into taking care of the living.
doing so today
refrigerator cleared of old left overs, the living need me to shop for foods...do I feel like it it matters not or little to it for it is for me to press through to
take care of the living.
my tree needs water
the garden tending
the dogs need attention
the chickens too
dishwasher is mucky with the minerals so vinegar is running through it before I do a load.
I breath take care of self coffee made sits beside me. my keys at my hand open my heart and my mind to process and reach out.
The gift of loneliness is reaching out.
Paint clothes on I must tend to the living to get Dove along the way into her room begin her transition to sleep on her own again., She needs the normalcy soon. I must press on and through
care for the living
life is here awaiting us
He is alive
Wednesday, January 6, 2010
i never cried for many many years literally never cried.
this love that is given me heals me
I am crying
they say that the gift of sorrow is healing
just a few moments ago my neighbor across the street rang the bell
earlier today the kids thought her dog got out. They went across the street while I watched them, she was in the back yard and came to the gate. the dog was secure inside and the children went back to the house to play.
She loves God like many of us do. I told her my sister just ...I told her I just said good bye
she did not understand me then she asked me when that did happen in her broken english
I told her just 30 minutes ago
she held me so tenderly she held me.I had to hold it together for the kids
She gently held so sweetly walked me all the way to the door opened the door said go in and rest.
it is late now 10 p.m.
she just rang the bell and when I opened it she gave me a chrysanthemum plant
I got my flower book out for I love the meaning of flowers as in Edwardian days.
Truth...it said the white chrysanthemum is truth...it is said how amazing such a small stem can hold such a large flower...
It is more than the stem that holds me up it is love.
thank you everyone for your healing loving kindness. it is healing me he is healing me in love and through love
My machine was apparently crashing from the adobe flash player my husband installed the latest bata 10.1 and it seemed to fix the full screen hulu and the issue with the blog crashing when using life at my house. Still have to shake out if it solves the image download issue
1. Shall we gather at the river, where bright angel feet have trod, with its crystal tide forever flowing by the throne of God? Refrain: Yes, we'll gather at the river, the beautiful, the beautiful river; gather with the saints at the river that flows by the throne of God. 2. On the margin of the river, washing up its silver spray, we will walk and worship ever, all the happy golden day. (Refrain) 3. Ere we reach the shining river, lay we every burden down; grace our spirits will deliver, and provide a robe and crown. (Refrain) 4. Soon we'll reach the shining river, soon our pilgrimage will cease; soon our happy hearts will quiver with the melody of peace. (Refrain)
my niece held it to her ear
i told her how grateful and privileged i felt to of walked this path with her. i thank her for coming forward so many years ago and that she saved my life. I told her how i know it said that those who go on before stand at the right hand of God ever interceding for us and thanked her in advance for doing so.
i told her i loved her
she had been brought out of sedation and she could hear me but not speak
her daughter said she had to hang up and go to comfort her.
I am so sad and my eyes are pooling a river though the woods
she is going home within moments.
Today my Sweet Sister Midge was put on a ventilator...she has a DNR order so my niece will be removing it after the grandsons see her and say goodbye. My niece is in the conference room at this very moment. She will be holding the phone to Midges ear so I can say goodbye to her. I know that she has peace.
I received the call while I was out.
On the drive home a saw a hawk...it was souring over a field. The song and lyrics came to me."humble yourself in the sight of the Lord and He will life you up, up unto heaven."
I sat there at a very long light until the hawk had made his way high up into the updrafts.
I drove farther and as I turned down my little short cut...a hawk flew straight toward me along the roadway and lighted on a pole above me, There was no traffic and I stopped in the middle of the road. Rolled down my window mot 12 feet below him. I said "hi beautiful" and he flew off into the trees.
She said goodbye, The sweet Spirit said it is as it should be. To let her go and to take inspiration from her friendship and her life.
my big sister will die today to arise with Him up into Heaven.
Good bye Midge my friend I love you...
i am sad but peace has it's way with me. I grieve for the living that have not peace. For my niece she too has peace and I rejoice in that
fire fox is crashing
Denise of life at my house, I can not post on your blog. Each time I visit you my machine crashes. You know how bad I would just love to be able to say hello...If you read this please let me know. Have you had any reports of this issue by any one else. It is possible it is an attachment or link. It may not have anything to do with your blog. It is just the only one it crashes on. That and hulu if I try to full screen.
Any how Susie somehow I am not to upset by it. I see so many many things that need to get done. If I had my druthers you know I could just rest here as apposed to a tv.
Everyone is fine here I have so many things I wish I could show you but the images of photos if downloaded cause a crash as well.
Machine is fussy.
Debra I think we are kindred...glad of it :)
lets see if it posts.
Tuesday, January 5, 2010
I may not be able to post for a while. my computer has been compromized. Steve is running a diognostic. We may have to do a complete re install
I spoke with Denise for a wonderful 45 minutes. Continue for her with prayer. It is a hard thing. Her life has turned upside down. Eddie sees the doc in the a.m. as well as his first therapy. Things have effected his personality. It is a VERY hard time.
Thanks for all the kindness.
I hope to get to be on here in the near future.
Well let you know when we learn the sorse
love ya all!
Monday, January 4, 2010
your comments of kindness are a sweet comfort.
There is a time for everything under the sun
a time to rejoyce and a time for sorrow
a time for comfort
I have a dentist apt to get my crown put on at 8:30 The kids to school and all.
very very pained in my breast from the proceedure boy I need strength for the morrow.
Love is a powerful force
you love heals me
I will sleep soon
I appreciate all your sweet words of life...the tongue life or death...life a gift of words
LADIES GET YOUR MAMMOGRAMS!
Hello dear folks
I had the mammo and ultra sound done, they did do the aspirations. 10cc on the left and 5cc on the right. Real tired and sore. Rejoice with me it will all be well within a few days time. I did not bleed or bruise.ya!
Oh explanation I have fiber cystic breasts.
Sunday, January 3, 2010
Older women likewise teach the younger women...
• how to love their children
• how to be self-controlled
• how to be pure
• how to be keepers at home
• how to be kind and submissive (not subservient) to their own husbands. (See Titus 2:3-5)
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01/03 - 01/10
- Feet of a dancer thank you my friends for being he...
- my axis
- Care for the living
- Doves IEP today
- Painting Doves Room
- take care of the living
- love heals
- Machine crash results
- Crying me a river tonight
- i just said good bye
- icu it is time to go home
- All we have need of
- I'll try to see if this will make it to post
- virus arg!
- thank you
- News on my Big Sister
- A gift from Michelle over at Beautiful chaos...
- All benign
- I'm back
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By Maya Angelou
That a man should have to seek Him first to find her.'
When I say... 'I am a Christian' I'm not shouting 'I'm clean living,'
I'm whispering 'I was lost, Now I'm found and forgiven.'
When I say... 'I am a Christian' I don't speak of this with pride.
I'm confessing that I stumble and need Christ to be my guide.
When I say... 'I am a Christian' I'm not trying to be strong.
I'm professing that I'm weak and need His strength to carry on.
When I say.. 'I am a Christian' I'm not bragging of success.
I'm admitting I have failed and need God to clean my mess.
When I say... 'I am a Christian' I'm not claiming to be perfect,
My flaws are far too visible, but God believes I am worth it.
When I say... 'I am a Christian' I still feel the sting of pain...
I have my share of heartaches, so I call upon His name.
When I say... 'I am a Christian' I'm not holier than thou,
I'm just a simple sinner Who received God's good grace, somehow!
Words have power. Here are a few of my favorite sayings.
- A warm cup of tea is like a cuddle with a friend.
- The North American Indians have a more eloquent word for ‘friend’ than we do in English. In their language, the word for friend literally means, “the one who carries my sorrows on his back.”
- Return with Honor
- The sage anticipates things that are difficult while they are easy, and does things that would become great while they are small. All difficult things in the world are sure to arise from a previous state in which they were easy, and all great things from one in which they were small. Therefore the sage, while he never does what is great, is able on that account to accomplish the greatest things."
- "HOME IS WHERE YOUR STORY BEGINS"
- “Live so that when your children hear these words they think of you… Fairness Caring Integrity Honesty Love Trust.”
- "O Lord help my words to be gracious and tender today, for tomarrow I may have to eat them."
- "No man has ever been shot while doing the dishes"
Click here for all crafts
This was given to me for the third time in just a few weeks.
"For the LORD your God has arrived to live among you. He is a mighty savior. He will rejoice over you with great gladness. With his love, he will calm all your fears. He will exult over you by singing a happy song."