Saturday, October 30, 2010
Friday, October 29, 2010
Today was a pretty huge day for me. After a nap that began just as the kids left for school at 8 am and ended at 1 in the afternoon I was astonished I slept so hard and so long.
When the kids came home from school a neighbor boy rang because no one was at his home. He knew to come here that I would be here. Later we all went two doors down from his home to his grandmothers. His grandfather was dead in the master room only the week or so before. Strange to go there. We three ladies (both us moms and the grandma) had a delightful visit as the children swam in the pool.
We were invited to go to a party at their church. Now that type of church was one that was same as the one in my childhood. Trying to reach my husband was met with a message that he would be working late. (overtime ! woo hoo) So following the goose and the joy of my kids we opted to attend the party at the church. This was a huge step for me. Dove dressed in my gown that is black and glittered with gold and a crown. Dash was a hockey player. It took a lot to do this. A whole lot. I rode in their car so as not to be behind the wheel. Took a stress medication along with the hand of God.
Keeping a vigilant eye on my kids the parking lot had a "trunk treat" very small and few. The other side of the lot was a very small carnival of games and treats. Hot dogs and the most amazing caramel apples were also at hand. YUM I ate two of them. At times I relaxed and found sweet pleasure watching the laughter and delightful fun on my children. By the way did you know I am 'the best!' Dove declares it so.
I am tired tonight of mind and body. My heart beats fast with what was accomplished within me.
They were (seemingly) innocent and kind people. Generous to the kids. Friendly to each other. A prayer offered before the event was met with a "see mom it's not too bad" by Dove. She gave a hardy vocal AMEN! The religion is non Christian except per the view of those who attend it. It was strange to be at a ward hint hint. It was kind of our neighbor to invite us. You know those kids of mine would never have attended without me. Yet I attended without Steve. I was forced to overcome it (by choice). Took a bit of strength and I am tired but I walked the road and it was lit with wisdom and courage. I am a tenacious old bird. Felt like a hawk the way I had kept my eye on my children.
It really is in the heart of the matter. Strange how many years I was terrified of any involvement. I loved the sweet costumes but not the others. One mom sounded like us. She stayed home on the actual eve not wanting to participate. Funny different religion (faith) yet like minded in that. We all have much more in common folks than divisive religion or legalism might lead us to believe.
love a common base that is so under assault through the very thing we think is right.
Wednesday, October 27, 2010
below are the links
Recently there have been wonderful huge changes in me that at first glace may be miss judged or misunderstood.
It takes some courage to try to articulate these things.
Knowing that above all God respects our choice. Knowing that ALL THINGS are intended in Christ to become new. I am fully convinced a path to walk along is before me. Now this is a very strange yet liberating path. Knowing above all that it is my hearts desire to walk in the freedoms gained. My time has come at hand. Amazingly by taking charge over the rein of terror that has led my life thus far. In so many ways I am witnessing a transformation. Now this transformation might just raise an eye brow or two. My hands are clean. I have stood up to the terror and demanded of it to release the hold it has over me. It will be for me to show my children that everyone can overcome. Overcome you ask, yes. Now I am not in a dilution, no I am not being duped into a faultiness of error. Even if I were I trust that God has his plan and his hand upon this matter.
The joy of childhood was robbed me, it has also been robbed of my children as they are well aware of my PTSD. They protect me. That IS NOT their job. They let go of pleasures and experiences that they might base their own choices on. If we as parents do not (in and just before adolescence) begin to let experience dictate the order of their choice they will become robots. When they walk out of that door at 18 all HELL WILL BREAK LOOSE all at once. For it will not be chosen in small doses to avoid it.
In the midst of what is unfolding here I am actually for the first time in my life BOSS over the experience of holloween. It NO LONGER will have the power over me to toss the innocence just because evil robs it of its beauty and laughter.
My children and husband and I did an amazing thing last weekend that blew my families minds!
I walked into a costume shop with authority and the power of innocence and demanded the evil step aside. A boundary was set for the kids that we would have costume evening out. Celebrating youth beauty and fun. Giving NO focus to the evil. Giving only authority over it. We left that store empty handed but rich in that force that pounded within me as power not PTSD and flash backs.
You see it is not the intent of this woman to remain a victim, or have the pleasure and joy of innocence robbed from my family. I am an overcomer over evil. This is my witness to my children. They know and understand my journey. No gruesome or violent costumes is the boundary. They respect and understand that.
After all of these years of denying the pleasure of sewing up costumes, giggling affections and more.
We are all looking forward to the opportunity to have a costume evening. Now it just coincides with the trick or treat crowd . It would never be my kids way to ever trick anyone. They are also well taught of the tricksters and snakes in the grass.
TOLD YOU IT MIGHT JUST BLOW YOUR MIND!
All things have become new. It is beyond me to express the power of authority in this. Perhaps I might just lose some of you. Or at least your respect, this is being real. It is said that "it is not for me to know (be afraid of) what others might think of me. It took great courage to challenge those fears of rejection. Taking back the authority and removing the power of the fear that so enslaved me how could a well let my fear of judgment hold me back.
I have thought a lot about Solomon of late. HE is brought to my mind most often. I love the Lord my God with all my heart. That matters most.
"if she does that how could she"?
Because I know of whom I am known. It is a very challenging thing to address this fear with authority. My children have shown all ready extensive thought over the matter. They know my convictions and yet see the tenacity of a woman who is walking standing up to evil and not cowering in a corner lights off and tv low afraid of the night. They have joined me these years in that. It is that I become new.
It is that HE is using it to teach these children some of the most amazing lessons about authority over the darkness.
Now I learned so many things in that store about how people identify with things based on the level of maturity, If they ever were able as adolescence to rebel in a governed way of identity separation from parents. If not they were all about doing so as grown ups. Or they just identified with a significant message or what things stood for. It was fascinating really.
Monday, October 25, 2010
Older women likewise teach the younger women...
• how to love their children
• how to be self-controlled
• how to be pure
• how to be keepers at home
• how to be kind and submissive (not subservient) to their own husbands. (See Titus 2:3-5)
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By Maya Angelou
That a man should have to seek Him first to find her.'
When I say... 'I am a Christian' I'm not shouting 'I'm clean living,'
I'm whispering 'I was lost, Now I'm found and forgiven.'
When I say... 'I am a Christian' I don't speak of this with pride.
I'm confessing that I stumble and need Christ to be my guide.
When I say... 'I am a Christian' I'm not trying to be strong.
I'm professing that I'm weak and need His strength to carry on.
When I say.. 'I am a Christian' I'm not bragging of success.
I'm admitting I have failed and need God to clean my mess.
When I say... 'I am a Christian' I'm not claiming to be perfect,
My flaws are far too visible, but God believes I am worth it.
When I say... 'I am a Christian' I still feel the sting of pain...
I have my share of heartaches, so I call upon His name.
When I say... 'I am a Christian' I'm not holier than thou,
I'm just a simple sinner Who received God's good grace, somehow!
Words have power. Here are a few of my favorite sayings.
- A warm cup of tea is like a cuddle with a friend.
- The North American Indians have a more eloquent word for ‘friend’ than we do in English. In their language, the word for friend literally means, “the one who carries my sorrows on his back.”
- Return with Honor
- The sage anticipates things that are difficult while they are easy, and does things that would become great while they are small. All difficult things in the world are sure to arise from a previous state in which they were easy, and all great things from one in which they were small. Therefore the sage, while he never does what is great, is able on that account to accomplish the greatest things."
- "HOME IS WHERE YOUR STORY BEGINS"
- “Live so that when your children hear these words they think of you… Fairness Caring Integrity Honesty Love Trust.”
- "O Lord help my words to be gracious and tender today, for tomarrow I may have to eat them."
- "No man has ever been shot while doing the dishes"
Click here for all crafts
This was given to me for the third time in just a few weeks.
"For the LORD your God has arrived to live among you. He is a mighty savior. He will rejoice over you with great gladness. With his love, he will calm all your fears. He will exult over you by singing a happy song."