screaming

in the night even just now there is an elder who screams in the night. Last night I had to go see what was going on. I just could not handle listening without checking on her to see why. Her foot has terrible wounds and they have her in booties to stop the degeneration of her skin. She screams. I pray for her. I wish she could know Him and he would let her go home.
Suffering is so heartbreaking. Her screams I wish I could comfort and can not. I wish I could go to her and comfort her.
Mercy mercy for the darling.

Last night my dear Alice two doors down fell. The floor nurse came to check on me and asked if I dropped anything. Something felt real off and I could not relax. Later the cna came when I pushed the call light to ask if something was wrong. It was then she told me that there was blood all over from an elbow injury and she also hit her head. She is all of 85 and was to go home today.

The elder across the hall is screaming again.

I pray
today is my last day

the love of family

Oh how refreshing is the smile of my child. The citter chatter of interupted conversations. The silly attention seeking actions of my boy. Everyone eager to be heard all at the same time. It was wonderful.
Steve was begged a visit from me for I was about to go stir crazy for missing them. He is so busy with all the going on's of schooling Dash and getting Dove off to Jr High. Feeding bathing and all of our young ones he has had little chance to come up to visit me in this 22 day stint, 24 if you count the hospital. 26 total by Saturdays arrival at home. How it is to be that time is at hand to return home. So much hard hard work has gotten me up and walking with a four wheel walker. Even now I am dozing off while I try to type. The pain medication mixed with the other ones I am on really make sleep a friend to rest. That is morning job rest.

How dear it is to embrace and be embraced by all of you. Yesterday a woman and her sister invited me to sit with them awesome. We spoke of HIM and the greater things we all have known and witnesses. Leaving that table was the best time I have had here. So refreshing. This woman's' sister had slept on a fold out sofa for a month. She is returning Saturday to her home while her dearly loved sister struggles with the decision whether or not to have the 4th surgery for the returning brain tumor. How utterly educated I felt as this dear sister of teh woman stood and helped me to sit down. She bent like a tree in the wind with severe scoliosis.

We are all capable of reaching out. Here this was the first time that the table  was turned for this exhausted soul of mine. They reached out to me. I needed that so bad. Sitting in that dinning room day after week was really getting to me. Constantly reaching out to the elders. How nice to have them reach out to me and pull me up out of my self absorbed hole that my foot had slipped into.

Home two more days. For now it is almost time to go down to ti chi wheel chair style. I try real hard to go to activity time, It is good to get out of the room. Going somewhere other than therapy where pain is not the expected. That pain however is a friend to freedom of moving and flexation.

I cant keep my eyes open
be reminded of the beauty surrounding you
my little family here really set sail to me for Saturday

eight hour

waking this morning and hinting the call button I was not sure if it was time for pain meds or not. my leg felt calm (at least until I walked on it). I sat back in bet and just wondered. at the lack of pain. Perhaps the time was not elapsed. Moving my leg still left me slightly puzzled.
So I got up and used the little four wheeled walker to get to the commode. all most there the nurse came in. Startling her I turned around to set back at the bed to take morning medication. A ritual of the day in and day out. She exclaimed how stunned and amazed she was at how well I did. Still unaware why she exclaimed 'you went 8 hours!' I skipped a whole pain medication dose and just slept through it. Walking back to the commode and sitting a few moments in a chair I now feel it. however only mild to moderate pain. This is a huge mile stone.

Yesterday while sitting in the dining room the whole place really just got to me. behind me were stroke, and hand fed elders. Before me table after table of elders that stare at me all lunch long. I smile and wave and try every day to liven up the room. Yesterday it all just got to much, Day after day the constant piano that plays cd's it plays the same songs every meal. I am worn. we who at house sit together and now all those facing three times a day staring at me. utterly tortured of loneliness. I just could not take anymore. I wheeled out like a mad man sanity slight. No one seems to understand it. Oh I am so worn of it. How terribly must the be. My pain medication is kicking in and every sentence is met with me dozing off before the punctuation is met. I gotta stop.

The photographer caught this special moment, what a privilege to see.

Reminds me of Psalm 91:4, He will cover you with his feathers. He will shelter you with his wings. His faithful promises are your armor and protection.

good day today

Thank you Lisa for the books and lotion. It was fun to get a package.

Today with a great deal of hard effort not only did I walk with the four wheel walker, then with a cane. I also walked a little with just the belt that the pt used to hold onto me

I sleep now have a lot of hard work tomorrow.

going home on Saturday
Pain control and good rest with lots of icing

peace be with all of you goodnight.

thank you all for your prayer.

home

never ever underestimate the power of 'HOME'.
Yesterday's release from the asylum...i mean in patient nursing home. It is a place where the $ rules with the heartlessness of a nail. Hammered into every employee as well as the patients who happen to fall into the coffin of financial red tape and silencing tactics. All this another day for I have work to do on behalf of the elders who are but silently mercilessly at the hand of corporate gain. As the system of errors cause excellent nursing staff to just watch and try in vane to get above the system of neglect. This is only attained by the passionate saged employee. I will also speak of them another day.

Today I am home!
It was that again the night before I left that they once again neglected to have pain medication for it ran out! This at 10:30 when I requested it I was offered a tramidol a mild arthritis medication. I was due at 9:30. I was told it was ordered at 8pm because the MD did not arrive. Mind you once a better nurse ordered it far sooner as to avoid this. Steve filled a script at midnight and came to give it to me. By that time I was in a real bad hurt once again.  The nurse walks in 5 minutes later with two pills, Now the other nurse said that they had not to give me that were my dose? Where did these come from? "the pharmacy sent them stat? Ok ordered at 8pm stat given at 12:30 am?

Did I say I AM HOME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

We arrived around noon.

a few hours at home

Hello my loves, my friends and family
After much fuss the powers that be all agreed to let me go home for 7 hours to have infusion.
It went well. Dove who had been ill kept distance, unannounced to me daddy man had told her to do so to protect me. Poor girl. All went well. Only half the movie watched however us three adults covered the necessary physical needs for when I do get to go home next Saturday.
Spent the afternoon home, then later here at the rehab.
Slept most yesterday and slept in today. Had the best lunch.. I made favor with the young weekend cook and he really had blossomed. told him the eye eats as well as the mouth. The plates come out much quicker that way for others. Often I am given the most favor of all. Pointing out the needs of the elders has me in favor of them as well. Strange as they never speak out for themselves. The social study of cast be it patient/cna/nurse and such is no less issue in a nursing home. i am an odd ball. Loved by the staff and the other patients and residents dismissed/despised by the higher ups.
I find it hard to stay awake long when I type, or at most other times as well.
My leg is healing, only six more days here so gotta work hard. Getting home will be an adventure.