is on death watch he last day...moments.
The family is circled around.
1 a : the act or process of providing b : the fact or state of being prepared beforehand c : a measure taken beforehand to deal with a need or contingency : preparation
2 : a stock of needed materials or supplies; especially : a stock of food —usually used in plural
3 : proviso, stipulation
An amazing day!
This my day, a gift I lived made my heart dance as a grateful princess before her
The morn a treat of wifery and motherhood.
On to an appointment with the Neurologist.
There I find a professional who so admires me and my character. He delighted that I have begun the EDMR smiled and told me that he too had begun his training. My (top 20+ yr neuro in the valley) was delighted to find that all three players in my health care are working as a team with one mind. The Physician doing the EDMR so highly esteems the Neurologist that she will be working closely with him in the PTSD work. My MD is fond of the whole process and has set me up with a medication to ease the stress when the PTSD hits. Because it is provoked by stress and my biochemical inability to manage the stress due to brain neurological damage the meds will keep me able to stop the progression when it hits.
I completed this month what he had asked of me and he is very pleased.
He strongly feels (that with the exception of the UIO lesions in the white matter) that I have a very good prognosis of not only stopping the continuing neuro pathway damage but also possible reversing it!
He will watch the lesions with CT yearly as they have grown. Due to the PTSD I awake often sometimes nightly with panic. It is not congruent or associated with anything it is just the brains way of firring off the fight flight mechanism. After speaking with him and ruling out my willingness to take a sleep aid like ambium that knocks you out and leaves you drowsy the next day...we discussed the herb valarian root. He thinks however that using a perceptions form of melatonin and getting the sleep cycle regulated it will be of good support with the upcoming EMDR sessions. Get this he GAVE me 12 days of samples and a coupon for a MONTH FREE. It is a purer derivative than that I could find in a health food store and assimilates more effectively.
I will take my first dose tonight.
As was last Thursday a recurrent circumstance happened.
As I pulled out of the parking lot across the street was an elder walking in this heat. After having Heat Exhaustion last week I am VERY thoughtful of the issue. I pulled over to give her a lift. She was 91 years old!!!Walking what would have been a MILE AND A HALF!!!!!!!!!!!!! She missed the bus.
Now on the way she said to me that she is of no more use now.
Well I walked her into the office and informed the clerk she was on foot and asked them to please look to her transport. I then bent down to tell her that she had lied to me. That it was a lie that she is of no use. That I needed her to be an example to me of the truth of her value as do all of the other women who look to our elders for example. She spoke of a great grand child and I told her that THEY need her and told her flat out to call them. It was so cool.
Well I was off and went on to meet my friend at the mall.
When I arrived early I decided to make use of a coupon and looked for a pair of shoes...walked away with $60 two pair for $34.
Oh too cute! I got a pair of purple shoes! I have always wanted a pair of purple shoes!
My dear friend and I had a nice visit and when I went to get a sandwich I was given a second one for FREE! I took it home to the kids for after school.
God has been teaching some things about being a seer and how in the church any gift but the gift of prophecy is tolerable and acceptable. I have witnessed I believe folk who have this innate gift find acceptance only in the dark arts of becoming a psychic I think that if given the right to be who God gifted them to be that the light empowered gift could really do a lot of good in this world .
These people are rejected out of ignorance and misinterpreted scripture. Doing what they do for the pride and gain of dollar is a plight driven through temptation and rejection.
Well my friend is an adopted soul who has discovered her birth mom is such a one.
Now it is just last evening that God had been showing Himself through the creation off ALL of the universe. Even the wise men looked to the stars. They had their eyes to all that was Holy however.
I had shared these thought for she had asked me of my thoughts on the issue almost three years ago. I had wanted to make a point to answer her query today.
Last night her birth mom contacted her...timing
So then... we spoke of another soul who needs to be needed and devised a way to allow them to express the gift of skill and we could then share our knowledge in the computer arena and solve an issue of need that the person has. So cool to see how all of this is orchestrated.
My Sweet friend and I then walled some and for the first time in a very long time I bought some clothing for myself. 75% off of things that were marked down already 50%! $45 tops for $4.99 so amazing!
I spent $75 and I saved $265
A nice dress, jean shorts a sweater and three nice tops (one beaded) at Lane Bryant Also if I go back and spend $50 I will have $25 off for she gave me a coupon.
Well with errands and children to tend too we parted ways.
I went to get dog food...yep.. ya ready!
so $38 a bag marked down to $32 I had a $2 coupon
Two coupons for $4 each to get a treat or toy and on a clearance I found two VERY nice treat balls for the dogs (I mean hefty ones) were FREE normally like $12-15 each
$58 ish for $32
So I stopped at Wal-Mart and ran in for the pillow forms I needed, got home just in time to ready a plate of half a sub, Frito's and let them share a soda.
Oh HAPPY KIDS!
They did their homework and chores happily.
My Beloved saw me skitter and dance with glee my new clothes and purple shoes just make me feel like a princess!
Oh but this day
with this presence and this provision extended to me left me walking the clouds as I shiver and chill to the presence of all that is HOLY.
Oh what A pure joy it is to have a daughter. Dove Now known as Archer was so much fun yesterday. She is 12 now as you may know.
Yesterday the Daddy Man had an impromptu birthday event to take the Dash Man to.
I had My ASG (American Sewing Guild) meeting to attend. So Archer without option attended with me much to her chagrin. She did not want to go and made it quite clear. As I had also made clear to her that this time she was without option and would be attending with me. She was NOT happy about is and shuffled her way to the car with her CD player in hand.
Once in car I thought to enter into her realm by asking her if we could put her music in the car stereo. She perked up and gave me the CD. It was the Jonas Brothers of course:)
I thought as I listened to the music of those days when music spoke for me in my youth and listened carefully to the lyrics. As we drove along making comment (positive) about the songs and what I liked we began to bond. An ease took over the air as we made our way to my meeting. She began to chill out a bit. So even though as we parked and began to get out of the car her refusal was voiced...I continues to go into the sewing store. She kept saying how she HATED sewing! Alright I told her but then asked her to try to at least be respectful and behave as to not to embarrass herself.
Oh her sweet little face looked all crinkled up and not one bit pleased oh so evident did she make it to all that she was disgruntled.
She began to play with my camera...
As you can see it kept her well entertained.
She took pictures of the items at the show and tell. The camera kept her entertained.
It is at times like these that I remember her Special Needs to be able to let her meet her own needs and to comfort her own self. We were in the very back row and she was not disruptive.
After our ASG meeting we got out the door and she brightened up! She was so beautiful and proud of herself for making it through the meeting. Of course a tootsie roll sucker from her Auntie helped immensely.
I took her to Mc D. and we had a grown up lunch (no happy meal now) "toys are a waist of your money mom" she said. We ate and she opened up to tell me of her experiences in school and with friendships. It was dear and a beginning to her ease.
We drove over to a shoe store...it was only in the high 70's! So pretty and I was able to be out with her. We tried on shoes and she shared her tastes. She was really transparent. She and I bought nothing then went on to another store. We spoke about all the shops that had closed down and how empty the parking lots were of shoppers. We went to the second store and tried on shoes.
She is now in the smallest of woman's shoes or the largest of kids shoes. She tried on all sorts of shoes and the persona that goes with them it was fascinating! She tried on spikes and we spoke of the women who dance for men and the lack of self worth they must have to do so...and how bad their feet must hurt. Every flat we could find hat what my sister calls toe cleavage. YUCK! as Archer said. She had her arrow set for what she felt exampled her own character. Nothing she could find. So we went to the third store. Again Nothing! The wheels tuning all the while as she tried on the persona of shoe after shoe. We were relaxed. Laughed and spoke about how nothing she liked and by the hand she took me and out the door we went empty handed store after store. If it was not what she liked than she did not want the money to get waisted on it. Gotta love that mentality. It took some work to foster it.
We went back to the first store near our car, but we stopped at a beauty supply store. I had her look through the brushes (my brush is used by her daily) she learned of boars hair bristle and tried several and decided on the one she best liked. It was so cute! She looked at the nail polish and spoke of how she might like to use black...asking for my thought s I told her I had a little issue with it for it is as death. It sorta bothered me. She then asked what if every other blue black well that was good compromising but still I was iffy on it and that I thought it was sorta creepy. The clerk GAVE me a $26. bag? still sorta trying to figure that one out. The shampoo and rinse I buy in bulk perhaps that was a deal they had going. I gave Dove/Archer the bag and she was so happy. We spoke about Goth and she told me how she felt about it. I LISTENED...then I agreed and shared a few feeling I had on it. She said that she really did not want any polish but sweetly thanked me.
We went back to the first store and she found a very cute sensible closed soft souled shoe. I got a pair as well it was a buy one get one 1/2 off. She thought I got the second as one for Dash and when she realized that I actually got the pair for me she was so happy! She said Mom don't you let him make you feel bad either no matter how big a fit he throws mom you deserve a pair just for you! Oh wow what a sweet girl!
Well last night I lay beside her well into the night as she opened up the deepest reaches of her thoughts...as I lay there she held my had...this the second night in a row she just wanted me to hold her. Something tells me there is a secrete to be told that needs utter safety to let it out. I trust her that she will tell me one day. I told her of a few things of my youth as she asked each question. I shared with her how wonderful it is to be a woman and a wife and Mother. How even though it is so hard sometimes I really love it. She just pulled my arm around her tightly. Talked and talked and talked. She told me how she has had insomnia a lot and that she is a nocturnal person. I told her I would ask her pediatrician about it. She spoke of becoming hormonal...She HATES hormones:)
Boy we get that ! :)
Alas my back could no longer endure the twin bed blues and I excused myself to go to my bed. It is now 10:45 she sleeps still. She really needs it. It is a hard life when your 12. So many players at school. So many new things to experience.
She loves to write like me. She said that she loves to write and write and she filled 2 1/2 pages in her journal and when she turned it into her teacher. The teacher said "I did not tell you to write that much..." she felt afraid she was in trouble. then the teacher concluded " I'll just give you extra credit for doing so"...she was so relieved and happy that she got extra credit.
Oh she is so sweet she even got extra credit for the math she did above and beyond.
I have a wonderful little soul to tend here.
She has to deal with strife with the other kids and behaviors that trouble her. When I asked her if she would like for me to look into home school for her again she declared "oh no mom, I really like school I would really miss all the friendships and it would really just not be as good mom. It is hard but it is really good for me.
My girl opened up last night because after many hours of time she had her ease and she was safe.
It is a gift and a joy to raise her.
I see her needs yet her abilities shine brightly, her potential vast.
She is an Agile Archer, sure and true. What a beautiful young lady. An amazing woman one day to be sure.