Thursday, November 3, 2011

Security

Over and over and over today my montra has been
"change me, he is afraid of loss, everything is alright Dash, we can do it over, and so on. Give me a fish and I'll still need to learn how. Teach me how and I will be fed.
Last night we openly discussed ADD with the kids. We called it their wound, and spoke about how it makes them feel bad because they can not figure out why they act the way they do. It worked wonders!

Our Dear Dash came to each of us and said. "sorry I said all that about myself being a failure and hating myself" Oh music.

Dove and I washed her hair clean and I gave her a beauty bar. She is so dear pulling her out tonight over clean hair to look pretty. She is so into fictional characters. I hear little of reality. I few snippets here and there so I will try to have so open ended talks. So hard to know how to fish her out.

We are working hard to help re-establish safety.

 "can I do this?"

I can not change him, I can change me. I keep seeing my son in that crib screaming for food. I think of his story. Landing with us and in our first two months together; internal and external parasites throughout the family and dog three times. At six weeks home me having the radical hip to hip hysterectomy. Ripping my hand when falling as I protected his head from the floor. His needing to be medicated daily or the risk of dwarfism. Dove being left a bit in the dust as her own needs were delighted to others. Missing her attachment time with me.
So many many trials have left a wake of attachment stuff now surfacing after this straw of me missing for three weeks.
Yes it is said better than the future that might of been if they were left in orphanage. Now It must all be faced.

Wednesday, November 2, 2011

Attatchment Deficit Disorder

Mommie needs schooling. Sometimes it is so easy to forget about special needs in our kids. The nature of day in day out we all just become folks diving into life without thought.
Events of late show for us how devastating it can be when mom gets out of the game. Full time with the practice of intentional parenting and methods to help kids cope is full time. When nothing replaces that full time intentional focus things can fall apart.
Research came up with this that has reminded me of the cause fought the last 10 years for my son.



attachment support system Loads of information and several 13 minutes videos that gave a new focus

After just a few minutes of remembering his story calm came over me. Then once again a ' oh that explains it' came over me. Even now as he had issues with a lesson assessment, remembering his core of fear made for a calmer response by me. He retook the test and got a 100%. My son is really freaking out over a threat of loosing another mother. When I had surgery I was gone for 23 days. It really affected him hard. He also had to face his fear of literal starvation. He live his first 10 months in an orphanage in Russia. He had to do without a lot. The loss of food when he cried for it as a infant got mirrored when mom was in the nursing home rehab unavailable to cook for him. We are so finely knit. He was self wounded in the confusion of what was making him act so strange. Others just expected him to pull up his boots and fix himself something. It left a mark of feeling like a freak or failure because he was panicked. We forget that he has special needs.

The absence of kindness, when children believe a lie.

Being missing in action has left a tole on my family. Warm meals and clean sheets may not sound like much but it makes a real difference. Kindness in its absence leaves for survival. Yes as all who have said were right "they will get through it", but it took a tole here. My kids missed edification and the luxurious lifestyle of moms gifts of kindness. The clean, warm kindnesses offered by a present mother.
In the absence of kindness irritability grows, self sufficiency can become resented. It is now for me to heal the edges of resentment with patience that honestly I have not been able yet to pull up. Being worn out before 10 a.m.is left me discouraged. Using as many tools as I can with Dash has left me to tears. He is with me 24/7, Dove is at Jr High.
Special needs kids have an extra layer to cover, to heal and peal back from my absence. Dealing with low self esteem left from an absence of being built up daily is a heroic challenge indeed. One I certainly feel ill equipped this morning to handle. Attachment Deficit Disorder is a hard special need to deal with. Dash being with me all day still needs to be at my hip constantly. I am not hardly able to go to the bathroom. I can sit here near him while he does his work and he is fine. Being so stressed I took to doing something about it. Here is what I have come up with that may help me this morning.
My son has hardened into a 'choice' to think he is a failure. Like an identity. We have done all we know to expose this as a lie, a choice to believe or not. We feel we may have failed him ourselves. For him to think of himself this way devastates me. It is based I think in the inability to accept that he is an imperfect human with an intolerably high IQ. It is not accepted by him if he does not do everything perfectly the first time. He is being taken to his knees in hopes all of this will help him find some humility and peace.
I really am taken into places of anger and frustration with him due to some poor parenting practices. Each kid is different to parent. Some kids are harder. This boy of mine is so amazing bur really stubborn. Being his home school coach is a full time job, it has left me wanting to be able to praise him more. He tosses any praise aside and disregards it. Lord I need wisdom and I need health for the strength to do this all better. It is so hard. I feel worn out at times not wanting to fight or yell at him ever again. So I will do my best to avoid the traps. I am a parent who has made mistakes and now I need to keep learning how to do it better. My habit of trying to encourage him when he is angry has to stop. He can not hear it and it just makes me escalate into frustration.

At the moment we have a honeymoon stage. Oh it is just so exhausting. I am not speaking with him as I am typing so he is now singing Christmas song and talking well chattering with the dog. As his coach with school I have to work so hard to praise as I correct. Hard work.



1. Don’t yell or challenge your child when he’s angry.
Many times parents deal with angry outbursts by challenging their kids and yelling back. But this will just increase your feeling of being out of control. The best thing you can do is remain calm in a crisis. Think of it this way: Even if you get into a car accident and the other driver jumps out and is furious at you, if you can remain calm, they will probably start to relax and be reasonable. But if you come back at them with an aggressive response, and say, “What are you talking about, that was your fault,” the tension just stays at that heightened place. So don’t challenge your child when he’s angry—that’s just like throwing a match onto a pile of firecrackers. Just wait until he calms down.


2. Don’t try to reason with your child when he’s in the middle of a tantrum, tirade or angry outburst. ME!
Many parents I talk to fall back on logic when their kids are angry. After all, as adults, we reason through things to defuse tense situations. This is always a challenge with kids because they don’t have the same capacity to stop and reason like we do. So when you’re dealing with your angry child, you have to leave that verbal place where you feel pretty comfortable and use different techniques. Saying, “Why are you mad at me? You were the one who forgot your homework at school,” will only make your child angrier. Instead, wait until he calms down and then talk it through later.
3. Pay attention to your physical reactions.
It’s important to watch your physical reactions because your senses will tell you “Yikes, I’m in the presence of somebody who is very upset.” You’ll feel your heart start beating faster because your adrenaline will be heightened. Even though it’s difficult, the trick is to act against that in some way and try to stay calm. Remember, you’re lending your children your strength in these moments; you’re showing them how to handle anger.  By staying calm, you’re not challenging your child by yelling back and engaging in a power struggle; this only escalates the tension. And paying attention to your own reactions will also help your child pay attention to himself because he won’t need to worry about you or your emotions. When you don’t respond calmly, your child will work even harder at his tantrum to try to get you to pay attention.  So you really have to tap into some solid parenting skills to handle the outburst quickly and effectively.
4. Don’t get physical with your child.
Sometimes on the Parental Support Line we hear from parents who have lost it and gotten physical with their kids. I took a call from a dad whose teenage son mouthed off to his mom, and the father shoved him. The fight escalated. The son would not speak to his father because he felt his dad should apologize to him; the father, on the other hand, felt that his son caused the problem and worried that his authority would diminish if he apologized. I advised him to say, “I lost control and it was wrong for me to shove you. I apologize.” That’s it; end of story. You don’t go into your child’s role in that situation at all because it is an attempt to place the blame on someone else for your actions. Rather, you want to teach your child how to take responsibility and make a genuine apology. Don’t worry—you will have other opportunities to work with your child around being mouthy or defiant. But it’s important to be a good role model and address your role in the fight going south. Remember, if you get physical with your child, among other things, you’re just teaching him to solve his problems with aggression.


5. Take a different approach with younger kids.
If your small child (eighteen months to age four) is in the midst of a temper tantrum, you want to move ever so slightly away from him, but don’t isolate him completely. When small kids are upset, you want to help them to start to learn that they can have a role in calming themselves down. You can say, “I wish I could help you calm yourself down. Maybe you can lie on the couch for a little bit.” So have them calm down until they feel in control. By doing that you’re asking them to pay attention to themselves. So instead of, “You have to sit there for ten minutes by yourself,” it’s more of, “When you feel better and you’re not upset anymore, you can come on out and join us.” You can also give them a choice. You can say, “Do you need time to go into your room and get it together?” Again, don’t challenge them when they’re in that mode.
6. Don’t freeze up.  
Some parents freeze up when their kids throw tantrums or start screaming at them. The parent is emotionally overwhelmed and becomes paralyzed with indecision or gives in to the child. If you’re this type of person, you may find that sometimes your child will get angry on purpose to engage you; they’ll bait you by throwing a fit or saying something rude, because they know that this will cause you to give in. So your job is to not take the bait—don’t get angry, and don’t give in.
I think parents sometimes have a tendency to renegotiate with their child in these situations. Often, they’re having a hard time managing their own emotions and so they don’t know how to coach their child properly in that moment. But remember, if you give in and renegotiate, even every once in a while, you’re teaching your child that it’s worth it to act out.  Instead, let them calm down and try to coach them to use their problem-solving skills later. In my opinion, once you start doing that, you’re not passive. You are making a conscious choice to not get into an argument. You’re saying, “I’m not going to renegotiate; I’m going to be calm.” Although it may not seem like it on the surface, all of those choices are actions—you are making a choice not to give in.


7. Give consequences for the bad behavior, not for the anger.
When your child throws a tantrum, starts screaming and really loses it, make sure you give him consequences based on his behavior and not on his emotions. For example, if your child calls you a foul name during his angry outburst, give him a consequence later for that infraction of the rules. But if all he does is stomp into his room and yell about how life isn’t fair, I would let that go. Kids get angry just like we do; they need to feel that they have a safe place to let off steam. As long as they’re not breaking any rules, I think you should allow them to have that time to be angry.


8. Don’t give overly harsh punishments.
Giving harsh punishments in the heat of the moment is a losing proposition. Here’s why: Let’s say your child is angry. He’s having a tantrum and shouting and screaming at you. You keep saying, “If you don’t get it together, I’m going to take away your Wii for a week. Okay now it’s two weeks. Now it’s a month…do you want to keep going?” But to your dismay, your child keeps escalating; the more you try to punish him in order to force him to stop and get control of himself, the worse he gets.
We have a name for that kind of discipline: It’s called “consequence stacking.” What’s really happening here is that the parent is losing emotional control. I understand that it is hard to tolerate it when your kid is upset—we don’t like it. But what you want to try to ask yourself is, “What do I want my child to learn?” And the answer might be, “I want him to learn how to not throw a fit every time he has to do something he doesn’t want to do. I want him to learn that when he gets upset, there’s an appropriate way to get out of it.” The worst thing you can do is join him and get upset yourself. Harsh punishments that seem never-ending to your child are not effective, and will only make him angrier in that moment.
9. Take a break.
On the Support Line, I’ll often ask parents who call about their child’s angry outbursts the following question: “When you and your spouse are mad at each other, what do you do to calm down?” Often, people will say they take a break and do something on their own for a little while until they can calm down and talk it through. This technique also works with your child, but parents often don’t think of it because they feel they should have control over their kids. But remember, when somebody is angry, you can’t reason with them and you can’t rush it. The bottom line is that if you stay there in that anger and keep engaging each other, it will not go away—it will just get bigger.  So take a break and come back and interact with each other later when everyone is calm.
10. Role model appropriate responses when you’re angry.
I also tell parents they should try to role model dealing with their own anger appropriately in front of their children. What are some good ways to do that? Say, “I’m getting frustrated—I’m going to take a break.” or “I can’t talk to you right now; I’m really upset so I’m going to wait until I’m calm. I’m going to come back and we’ll talk later.”
Admitting that you’re angry and you need some time to calm down is not a weakness; it takes a lot of strength to say these words out loud. Remember, you’re teaching the lesson of how to manage your anger, and that’s exactly what you want your child to learn.
 

Sunday, October 30, 2011

Taking back my ground

It has been a long while that my ground had to be release to tenets of sorts.
Children with sticky fingers doing a good job of heating up something to eat for them self. Family members simply grazing as my hands were thoughtfully tucked under my seat as I did my time to heal.

Beginning in  early June when my knee finally blew out until now a lot has happened to my beloved kitchen. It has endured all sorts of suffering spills and mishaps.It has survived a shell of itself a calamity of mixed up storage and lost gadgets utensils and bowels. We may never find all the missing teaspoons. We searched for our giant stainless steel bowl last night. Tonight it was discovered in with the cookie sheets invisible. Only due to putting a baking pan away did it jam the space and announce itself. We have just been puzzled, how do you loose a huge bowl like that? Well one mystery solved many more to come. Where is the meat thermometer is what I need to know.

Tonight two hours with lap top on the island dishes were washed and the reality of abandonment reviled itself.
The bread counter under the big mixer was literally 1/8 th inch dust! Yep It missed me. It missed the warmth of my presence,the smell of fresh foods. It missed kindness being fashioned through ingredient mixed with thoughts of others. It was each man for himself. Never mind the mess and just do your best avoidance of starvation. An inventory of the cold units and a pantry overview got through my hands into my heart today.

Momma's getting back in the kitchen. Let the kindness of warm thoughts pour through the mixing cup and over the edge of the bowl. Survival days come done now time to thrive. It is the love, kindness of expressed bounty coming back to this old house uncommon.  These days of fend for yourself commonality not only need be over but Lord has mercy on me and mine they are coming to an end.

Meal Plan Menu Monday was a good tool. I'll shop for the little things to fill in the dishes. Doing what I can do.  The nerve pain medication has been reintroduced. It is a very expensive one called Lyrica the co-pay was $50 without it it would of been $375.!, Tramadol is not very effective for the issues of nerve healing. It helped a lot with arthritis before. This is the second day I had sleep. Yesterday I did a little light gardening. Planted the annuals in the front yard cottage bed. The pots on the porch have a few seedlings. Caused more pain than I had bargained for but my heart was sure filled.  The infusion last Tuesday has pumped up my strength. My numbers are looking real good. My strength is a battle yet, getting older too. Had a realization that I am not a 30 year old mom any more. Nor was I ever, Dove came home when I was 36. I think I may be beginning to naturally slow down. Hard to accept but walking against the hard wind is more a test than one might think. This and the anastesia (sp) getting out of my system, perhaps.

If any of you are there I love you.
Lisa B. I think of you and want to reach out a hug. I hope you have a wonderful day tomorrow.

Do any of you feel that age slows us down some? Turning 50 and raising a family is real physical. If your doing so is it showing in your adventure? How about you 50 year olds who are with grand kids do you feel it differently? Share your thoughts on it. Anyone my age raising kids/grand kids of 10 and14?



"In the confrontation between the stream
and the rock, the stream always wins
- not by strength but by perseverance."
- H. Jackson Brown

 

Sally's Fabrics is closing

Another sewing center is coming to an end. So many of our stores have closed now. Sewing is a dieing art slowing the wheel of do it yourself. Once that wheel stops it will become an elite hobby. One that will be afforded by those with high end budgets.
If you live in the area you might just think to add some staples to your supplies.

batting
zipper
thread
needles
netting for dish scrubbers
transfer paper
pins
It is like a sale for your pantry. Just call it being supplied. Now there may not be a lot of competition for the hard times are upon so many. 

Remember Christmas is coming all you who sew on and on.
1235 East Main Street (Main & Stapley)
Mesa, AZ 85203
480-833-7201


 After over 40 years in business Sally's Fabrics is being forced to close its doors.  It is definitely not what we wanted, as we love all our customers and have enjoyed working with all of you, but we have no other options.  As a result of this close we will be putting the entire store on sale.   The official close of business will be December 3rd.
We thank all of our employees and customers for their support over the years and are very sad to see the store go.

Beginning October 31, 2011 the ENTIRE store will be on sale (excluding machines) for 25%
We will be closing at 5pm on 10/31
As of that date all VIP accumulations will cease.
No Gift cards will be issued.
There will be no holds on any fabric at all.
We will continue to service machines up to the last week of November.  Any machines not picked up by December 3rd will be donated unless there has been arrangements made to pick them up the week of Dec. 5-9.  After that the doors will be locked and the building vacant. 
We will make every effort to contact as many people as we can to insure that this does not happen. 
Kaye will continue to take business and service machines. 
If you would like to continue business with her please send an email to info@sallysfabrics.com.
I will forward your info to Kaye for her database.
If you have any concerns about your Pfaff machines that you have purchased from us please understand that Pfaff continues to provide warranties through the nearest Pfaff dealer.  After we are closed your Pfaff Dealer for this territory would be Mulqueen's.
As for education information on machines our instructor Carol will be continuing to teach one on one and she will be taking over our Adults You Can Make It classes.  If you need her contact info please send an email to info@sallysfabrics.com.
If you are interested in Quilting by Lisa you may email her at lisaslongarm@yahoo.com
For comments, concerns and questions you may continue to email us at info@sallysfabrics.com.  We will try to address any of your issues as quickly and accurately as possible. 
Thank you again for your long standing support of Sally's Fabrics.  It has been a wonderful adventure!

Older women likewise teach the younger women...

• how to love their husbands
• how to love their children
• how to be self-controlled
• how to be pure
• how to be keepers at home
• how to be kind and submissive (not subservient) to their own husbands. (See Titus 2:3-5)

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By Maya Angelou

'A woman's heart should be so hidden in Christ
That a man should have to seek Him first to find her.'

When I say... 'I am a Christian' I'm not shouting 'I'm clean living,'
I'm whispering 'I was lost, Now I'm found and forgiven.'

When I say... 'I am a Christian' I don't speak of this with pride.
I'm confessing that I stumble and need Christ to be my guide.

When I say... 'I am a Christian' I'm not trying to be strong.
I'm professing that I'm weak and need His strength to carry on.

When I say.. 'I am a Christian' I'm not bragging of success.
I'm admitting I have failed and need God to clean my mess.

When I say... 'I am a Christian' I'm not claiming to be perfect,
My flaws are far too visible, but God believes I am worth it.

When I say... 'I am a Christian' I still feel the sting of pain...
I have my share of heartaches, so I call upon His name.

When I say... 'I am a Christian' I'm not holier than thou,
I'm just a simple sinner Who received God's good grace, somehow!

Words have power. Here are a few of my favorite sayings.

  • A warm cup of tea is like a cuddle with a friend.
  • The North American Indians have a more eloquent word for ‘friend’ than we do in English. In their language, the word for friend literally means, “the one who carries my sorrows on his back.”
  • Return with Honor
  • The sage anticipates things that are difficult while they are easy, and does things that would become great while they are small. All difficult things in the world are sure to arise from a previous state in which they were easy, and all great things from one in which they were small. Therefore the sage, while he never does what is great, is able on that account to accomplish the greatest things."
  • "HOME IS WHERE YOUR STORY BEGINS"
  • “Live so that when your children hear these words they think of you… Fairness Caring Integrity Honesty Love Trust.”
  • "O Lord help my words to be gracious and tender today, for tomarrow I may have to eat them."
  • "No man has ever been shot while doing the dishes"

Click here for all crafts

e patterns My sister told me of this site

Please pray for her parents and family

Please pray for her parents and family
Amy has clicked her heals and flown to her real home. There is no place like home.

This was given to me for the third time in just a few weeks.

Zephaniah 3:17 NLT
"For the LORD your God has arrived to live among you. He is a mighty savior. He will rejoice over you with great gladness. With his love, he will calm all your fears. He will exult over you by singing a happy song."

Thank You Ross

Getting to know Me

What warm hearts you all offer

Thank you all for the kindness you have shown me with every Award. I am embraced. You Are a blessing.

Thank you Michelle

Thank you Michelle

Thank you Annette they are beautiful
Thank You Annette
Autism Awareness