The Rose, by Bet Midler

Some say love, it is a river
that drowns the tender reed.
Some say love, it is a razor
that leaves your soul to bleed.
Some say love, it is a hunger,
an endless aching need.
I say love, it is a flower,
and you its only seed.

It's the heart afraid of breaking
that never learns to dance.
It's the dream afraid of waking
that never takes the chance.
It's the one who won't be taken,
who cannot seem to give,
and the soul afraid of dyin'
that never learns to live.

When the night has been too lonely
and the road has been to long,
and you think that love is only
for the lucky and the strong,
just remember in the winter
far beneath the bitter snows
lies the seed that with the sun's love
in the spring becomes the rose.

I read a blog about a traditional family rose bush. Cuttings pasted on unto three generation.
Today a had a "rose" in my Sister.
It would be a long story to tell but we have been strangers more than what anyone might think of as sisters, for more years than not. It was a year or so I opened my family and self back up to a relationship with her after an invitation to her wedding. Our lives were marked with abuse and we were raised as enemies. When we came together she was so very thrilled and generous and kind as too give me a very expensive and valuable embroidery machine. I had to return it to her for these reasons
1. I needed it to never have an inch of even an appearance that My Love toward her could in any way be thought of as something less than unconditional.
So even in My thrill of such a gift I could not in good conscience keep it. That really hurt her. I hope that some day she could understand where I was coming from. OH I really liked that machine. I have used a wonderful 1957 Phaff for all my married years and been grateful for it. At the time with homeschooling and the childrens therapies I could not even learn how to use it. It was my understanding that it had been sold afterward. I often wished on many levels I could have been able to receive. it
2. My ability to trust has a big wound in it.

Today she was having a yard sale fly er to pass around and there on it was the machine listed. I called my husband and we purchased it! I am so excited for myself but sad for her. I think she may not understand why I just had to start the relationship free, she expressed the joy of giving it at the time, and assured me no strings but, I had to be true to all that was screaming inside of me that it signaled danger for the relationship to keep it.
Now it is mine and it is free of any ............ Well I live by this.
"Owe not man except to love him" I think I had to walk in love toward her for a year or so before I was safe with her. I received from her today. It was nice not to feel afraid.
To see the rose after winter.

Sewing Guild Saturday

This morning my meeting will be a fabric and pattern exchange.

My Sister is moving to Connecticut. He husband just received the honor of a CEO job. So off they go. I'll help her to do some chores for she too will be doing a "living room yard sale" She is a professional seamstress. We both sewed our own clothing growing up and she became "SEW FINE" and I Well I am an artist of a mered of medium. I like to be a back to basic kinda woman. Cottage Industry would of suited me well. I think I would of been a great village vendor :) all bard er of course. I never was one much for a dollar. I love to give or trade my work.

I hope you all find you passion today and celebrate it a while.
Fondly,
in my "new" ( as of four years ago) name. We had a native Wedding in the forest to give the children a blessing and a vow of life to each other. But that's another story some day Ill learn how to do photos.
Vivatious tenatious White Raven

Early wake up, late night

My sweet little dove is in with drawls, we get our meds mail order and it was overlooked that she was on her last bottle, I called and expedited it. It should come today but she is without now for two days. The message on the ped. phych. had a message phone that demands 7 days prior notice for refills.
She was free floating and very uncomfortable. Up late again I hope that the med come fed ex today or Ill have to do an urgent care just for an rx. She is on Prozac for a panic disorder that is brought on by her Sensory Integration Disorder. She can not feel herself in space well. It is better but an issue without the meds. I so hate to have her on them anyway. I have tried to take her off several times and keep her on half or very low dose as low as I can to help her enough as to free her but I have to also have enough to free her too. It breaks my heart to see her struggle
Dash Hawk (Dan) who wants to be called by his Indian name. Awoke me in my bed this morning and I too tired just scooted over. I never have been one to let the kids steep in our bed. When I moved over my head was then on the corner of Beloveds pillow he pulled his property back in his sleep state to leave me ajar and awake. Then the asthma hit an hit hard cant breath! Dash hawk had refused to jammie up last night and he was in his favorite Star Wars shirt that was covered in well: dog, grass, dust bunnies and all manner of "kid". Beloved found me here in my rocker and brought me back offering me his side of the bed to lay my head .Is'nt he a sweet soul! I lay me down to find myself drowning and pained bad. There will be no laying down! After a long shower I sit hoping not to have to do a breathing treatment and wake the family. Who now is on the couch asleep two little peas within the safe little pod that they adore, each other. I always dreamed of sibblings that liked and loved each other. It is so wonderful that my kids are best friend. We have very little sibbling rivalry. Its a good thing and I have put so much effort and study into it.
Dash Hawk HAS to have his Little Dove beside or at least in the same room to not have his Sensory stuff induce him to a mild panic fear state. I'm so glad his SI is not as full blown as Little Dove.

Humble me..........with honor.

This is a E-Mail that my beloved sent to our finacial advisor. It was cc to me and I was...

"I trust Donetta's financial decision making implicitly. She always keeps me informed on the events going on and you may act on her word regarding our financial matters as being, in every way, equal to my own." Said my husband.

I was... so deeply moved at such a succesful friendship. Our 25+ year marrage is so wonderful. This made me think of the Proverb 31:11 it really is true to see the fruit.

The fight for the rights of my children.

I called the public school district and spoke with a sec to the guy who is in charge of special needs . To let him know my response to the letter that all the stuff I have done in the private sector is now out of date! Oh man!
Steve and I are working Overtime to save up for the 1400.$ plus that we will have to come up with out of pocket to retest the kids as to save a 3-4 month lag at the beginning of next school year to start any of the public school testing. I asked if anything could be done to expedite the process. Everyone is off until August now...........
So she will talk to the big guy and call me back probably Monday..... At least I could find out exactly what they need to emediatly start the process in the fall for the intervention that both children need......
Dan is supposed to start the microphone/amplifier system in the fall and then he will also have the surgery too.
Becca starts her reading and math summer school on Monday too.
She needs the IEP also for her learning disability and the social cognitive dysfunc. ,Sensory integration disfun.(Dan has this too), ADID (inactive). I feel a little sad and overwhelmed.
I'm so grateful to have a vista view of life. I know that this is simply a role that has been given to me and that I even picked up by choice. Momma bear just loves her cubs and it is hard to keep a balanced focus on the greater story.
I love my cubs. May the world see the beauty in this bear and may I not have to growl so loudly as to cause fear or discomfort in others. You know bears have gotten a bad rap. They truely are wonderful creatures. :)

Water ballon play!

The water will fly!
Wet wild FREE ( balloons from last years clearance sale) fun!
Free is relative. :)

With my heart restored I drove the 23 mile trip one way to the Childrens Rehab in the city. The safty was devine for we almost hit a group of cars that had stoped abruply right in front of us, when a car had just then broken down in the left lane of freeway. Within an instant 65 drop to 25 mpr and a lane change that was inches from a huge GMC truck that speed up so I could clear the other cars: poor history was avoided and Gods mercerful HIStory was granted! Everything in the car hit the floors and dash. I was shaking for two hours after.
Dan's new Speach theripst worked well with him to effort breathing and speaking through the mousth as apposed to his nose. That bright little dude made good progress in understanding what we were efforting toward.
We left home at 1:30 returned at 4: all for the half an hour appointment. I am greatful. I was very tired afterward and had to chill out by going for a walk around WalMart to just have a quiet reflective time. I got some pipe cleaners, modeling clay and cheep paper plates for projects for the kids. Ill have them earn the supplies with my "Mom Bucks". I look forward to our "what to do " box each day. The kids love it!
Late night now.
I want to sit with my best friend. I spent several hours taping and ironing Him today, against better judgement I left him on the back porch and Willy the Lab had a great time with him too...
My friend is my favorite 20 year old Bible.
I have Him Part way ironed the sprinkler had a time with him too. Most of the soil is out and most all of the pages are curled but intacked.
I want to go to be with Him now.
I need to keep my Vista.

Vista

Here, a vista through the portals. May you find a panoramic survey with unobstructed shared views? Life unrolled gradually. Covering a wide range of objects or a long succession of events in the past or future with expectations for the future especially for the way a particular situation will develop. Gods love is my Vista.

More intervention Surgery in the fall for my son.

This is a photo of last fall when Dan heard for the first time with his new hearing aides.

I want to cry right now. I know that this is a gift to correct this for Him. I just feel sad.
Story to follow after my resolve returns.
Meanwhile 40 miles (up to an hour each way) one way on Monday and Thru for a half an hour of speech therapy (not for language) for air escaping through his nose. His palliate does not meet. Plastic surgeon wont see him till he exhaust all resources. That is; have up to three moths of s.t. in efforts to correct the uncorrectable (except through surgery)

Good news it is all free (covered under the children's rehab at St. Joe, Phx) except the gas... Husband said that he starts overtime tonight and will be doing o.t. for some time.....THE GAS MONEY TO COVER IT.........God IS good, I am grateful, I am sad and tired.
I am bothered that it will fall right in the school year.
He already has to be introduced to the Microphone/amplifiers for the start of the next school year! Im so proud of this child for his character is so amazing and his courage good as is mine.
Of course after the surgery hell probably need to repeat the speech therapy.
I want to cry for my Son.

Invest for retierment.

Tonight we met with our financial planner for our yearly review.

1. Remember your future will come fast prepare for it.
2. Life insurance is a must when you have small children, spend some time to learn what to do to keep up your household in the event of a loss.
3. Use a investment tax free option for college savings. Once you can set up a savings account for them set it up to be tax deferred and high yield so as to let the money work for you. Even if the kids get a full ride the funds can be used tax free for anyone education. (even moms if she wants to go back to school someday). Put even a little into it every other month.
4. Look forward to the future and watch your yield return many fold over on every level. Don't just bury heads in the sand.

46 is only a blink from retirement. I had a good return on some stock and I reinvested it again (its IRA so I had too) so as to build it up. When we are old we will have to buy health Ins. as a full time mom I haven't the credit hours to qualify for medicare.

Think about tomorrow today and fear not. :)

Mommie bucks useing play money.

The chores around here were flying by just as quickly as the play money was adding up in the mason jars that had their names on them.
Project one is done and they are very excited to get the next project out of the project box.
But wait... They want to make their beds an read some books for a while. woah!

I thank God for the Nightmare that left me seeing what is truly my heart for my kids. I let my dream understanding enlighten myself into a better understanding of how I respond in ways that are what I learned, not what I desire to do and be as a mother. I really enjoyed them this morning and they are both feeling so good about themselves and me .
I like how I parented this morning and I feel encouraged.
My 9 is reading to my 6 and laughter and wonder is misting through the hall and wafting its way into my space as I type.
My 9 reads to her brother with such pride and self confidence and his looking up to her with deserved admiration.
The day is rolling along so peacefully!

Summer with my kids

In an effort to be true to my heart I am going to begin a list of things to do with my kids this summer. I want to learn how to play!

What do you do with your children? I have a lot of ideas so far off of the web. One I liked was "what to do boxes", one for inside and one for outside; listing the ideas on index cards.
Ill let the kids choose one each day and just have them for ideas.

It is my heart to play with my children. I want to support them to wonder and explore.

What is lighting your path?

Memorial Day

World War II

Some say it never happened
Evil was not a reality
through the hand of man
History repeats what it forgets
Remember

Those were the witnesses
who could barley speak
spoke of horrors
Truth was told
History repeats what it forgets

We saw the death camps
The images burned our minds
Yet some will say
It never really happened
History allowed to be forgotten

Evil is real
history must never be repeated
remember, never forget it
History remembered
the story retold stays alive.

Remember, speak the thing known
Honor our heroes
Humble your selves to be honorable
history remembered
frees our future
through the scars of our past

"Evil triumphs when good men do nothing"