It's all good

Just returned from the city. They did an iv contrast through the port and all is as it should be. They did an hour iv drip antibiotic for good measure. Ultra sound confirmed no clot my in neck. My body is being fussy about the cath and port, nerves on my clavicle are bothering my shoulder. Just have to live with that pain or have the port removed. Not what I would want to do.

Wonderful day to ya all.

One day this will not even be much of a topic.
What a nice day that will be

Steve stopped and got me a pomegranate/blueberry smoothy yum
just chillin' :)

Because WE LOVE HIM Psalm 91

sitting here the thought that fills me is 'what can you do'? I mean really. In life the real thing any of us has power over. We plan.
Yet is is only in the willingness to embrace loving God that our personal choice takes shape.
There will be trials in every life. There will be opportunities to overcome by embarrassing the Love that surrounds us, and if we receive it it fills us.

Because we love him.
Because I love Him.

We received a call this evening to confirm the appointment to go down to Good Samaritan Hospital and see the surgeon who did the port. Now we had made this appointment knowing the visit would take place. Knowing that I love HIM knowing that HE loves me.
We have been instructed that I will need to fast tonight, throughout the morning. There is  a possibility that the port is malfunctioning a slim chance that they might need to replace it. A chance that a simple aspiration my need to be preformed. HE LOVES ME.

Do I believe that? YES I do.

Is it in my power that I can choose to trust that love that surrounds me. Yes it is. After supper my big thick comforter surrounded me. I lay on the bed and curled up in it and slept a while. Blocking out every distraction. Every sensory bombardment. Embracing only the stillness that will keep me in that glow. Keeping the edges of my humanity supple and welcoming of said light. Trusting by choice, resting the outward man to abide in the Holy, the spirit.

If you think of me bid me that light fill every dark corner of me. I thank that loving light, that intimate friendship with my God in whom I trust. No evil will befall me. What will I say of Him, my God and my fortress...He is the light that comes into me. With everything in my being the opening up and receiving the glow of that warmth cold disperses. Everything else is a mute point. 'I am OK, Everything faced will be alright. I choose to believe this NO MATTER what the day brings. I know that it is not about me. It is about the flow of that light. It is not about us when those thing common to our mortal state challenge our resolve. Stand let nothing distract you from the love of God.

Rejoice with me. That this Love surrounds me. Delight with me that I know this as my skin is holding me in. In Your sending the warmth of your Love for HIM my way... prayer. It leaves me in good company.

Love to all of you. I'll let you know the Good news tomorrow. Oh I just did. This is the Good news that I love Him, his presence. His loving kindness that surrounds me GOOD NEWS.

CVIG Port IV complications

Oh life
life is holy, and it is not about us. It is all about a greater story that encompasses what our little line and chapter tells. In this novel was the beginning and one day shall be the end.
Sunday's little verse held a long visit to the ER.
Saturday I had my 6 hour infusion. It was so easy, one little stick. Six hours of dignity. No one standing by the bathroom door watching over me. No pained arms and stressed spirit. The port was an awesome liberating gift. It still is.

However... Saturday night my neck began to swell. Pained it scared me a bit. Trusting all was just going to be alright I laid down to bed. I awoke with palpitations. Startled me awake. It really hurt on the side of my neck where the swelling was larger. We watched it overnight (I know stubborn, I did not want to call an ambulance) we had another child for a sleep over. I was not going to drive myself. Sunday morning still pained and less swollen I called the surgeons number. Being Sunday the nurse told me to get to an ER. She had concern of infiltration or clot. I did so choosing to travel up north to the better hospital. I arrived at 1p.m. To my utter glee there was actually a parking space in the tiny lot near the ER door. Tinny spot too between two huge trucks. Having the car my spirit swelled into a smile getting my Honda into the postage stamp within the lines. Being able to squeeze out of the door.
there was a stand with masks and I quickly grabbed one (it stayed on the whole time). Within two minutes someone from behind the counter came around to me. She asked my reason and filled a paper. I sat away from others. VERY shortly after a nurse took me to triage. The first woman came back around and was told to take me to a room. THAT FAST! I floated into the light of love. Being so well cared for . They took me to a room (not a curtain a room) with another woman on the other side of a curtain. She was ill as in viral or something . The nurse gave me gown and as I slipped it on put me right on monitor with patches and wires. Within a moment another fellow came in, thinking he was a nurse his demeanor confused me. He was the doctor. This now all of 10 minutes from walking into the ER door. The lobby was not empty by any means.
He called the other hospital and was about to set up a CAT scan with contrast. The nurse was mesmerized at the port. It was so small in compare to what she had ever worked with. I wanted to slap her hand away for she kept pressing around and on it. It was CT scan there or at the other hospital in the morning. With the kids being home today an agreement was made to proceed. I asked the nurse for some Tylenol. Then the doctor returned after speaking with radiology they decided on Ultra sound. Soon that is where I was. Peace was around me like a light. A study performed on my arm, neck and chest.
The tec was kind and we spoke of the holy. She spoke of my attitude being so positive. She called in another senior staff and he was working on my wrist. She was not able to find a vein. He was startled at how small my veins were (that explains a lot).
They concluded the study he walked out, then he came right back in. He reopened the file. He then did the extended scan onto my chest around the cath and the port.
After being taken back to the room and placed on the monitor and oxygen device I laid my head back and rested not 2 minutes and a fellow came in. He said 'we are moving you to a private room'. There was this instant in time. Fear began to push at me, I actually thought clearly. I could be afraid...if I got afraid it would change nothing. The warmth like a light embraced me and clearly in thought and choice I decided not to be. Asking the fellow 'should I be concerned?'...he was locating the room and said 11 B. I laughed and said "hay that is not a private room...it has two beds" teasing him. He could not find the room so left me a moment in the hall. Another gurney came behind me and mine was moved against the wall. My orderly returned and laughingly he was chastised that I almost got a ticket. By this time the humor of it all was filling me up. He was right they were taking me to a PRIVATE ER room. The doctor was protecting me from infection. He pushed me in (forgetting to give me a call button) and left. It was so quiet! Silent. Wonderfully the peace replaced all. It was that the light came to show me the folly of it all. All fear all dread it was nothing compared to the vast life around me. Moaning and groaning the pulse of the place needed that light. As I lay there envisioned was hallways of doors with lives behind and light. Light that was welcomed and drawn in upon my desire for it to be there. It was magnificent. As the silence removed all the clamor it was willed into and around me. I fell asleep as I awoke there was a clear choice as to how to respond within. It was alright to lay there. Peacefully, when they were to come they would come. No urgency. Not having any idea of how long I laid there...it began not to really matter. Returning into the love toward those vast numbers of souls the light need to illuminate the dull lack luster of it all.

Others matter as do we. We are not exclusive to attention. Letting them know this by caring about their day as I laid there startled and stunned them. It touched many who crossed paths with me.
After some time and a partial visit from a woman from registration we were interrupted by a man who came to take me to x ray. This was unexpected. Again the same iterations with others. Returned to the room came the woman to finish registration and to take my co-pay.
Moments later the doctor came in. He was positive then qualified it. Although no blood clots I do have fluid on my chest around the port and cath. My lungs clear. Now we stand on watch for infection.

I was released. At the lobby I called Steve it was 6P.M. and he was worried. It was 6 hours latter.
I also called the nurse at the other hospital. We are on watch with an appointment to return to the surgeon and have all the studies repeated on Wednesday or before. We will trust that the fluid will absorb. It is unknown if the fluid is from the surgery or the infusion.

I was a study for all who meet my case. It was somehow poetic to teach over and over the facts of CVID.
Over and over and over. The port seamed a fascination to several of them.

It was the light however that is the true fascination. It is for me a wheel within a wheel. This realm encased within the other. Spirit is all around and if we lit it within. It was that the letting of it within caused for it to be around. It touched those within my space as it was touching me.

It is my greatest wish that it touches you.

Hello Dear Hearts

Denise asked How I am feeling. That is thoughtful of you to ask. So here it is...

The port sight is doing well. Still sore and a bit yellow from the bruising. The other wound at my neck is swollen a bit, it is a tiny incision however. It sits right at that bone just under the throat right at the tip of the one side of the dip in my color bone. Lots of muscle spasms, just too fun, not.

I went to my dermatologist concerned of skin infection (staff) however he said it looks good. When I told him of the CVID he was stunned of an adult being diagnosed. You know he got me in within an hour. No charge!
My pharmacist for the infusions said the diagnosis of adults is one she sees. Not very often but now days it is caught. I am so blessed to have a GREAT pharmacist. She and I speak once a month or so. She always makes sure I have all I need and even visits a while. She is so thoughtful of my latex allergy and my tender skin (lots of bandaging with infusions and the iv) . We speak of the holy and the divine. She asks of how I am and such.
My shoulder is hurting fair amount. The turning of my neck or looking up pulls and tears (or so it feels like that). Sent me to a gasping round of tears night before last. We were in bed and as I adjusted a pillow with my left hand reaching up with my right to tuck it under my head, OH mercy. It was as a tearing sensation. Perhaps an adhesion. At any rate my sweet darling just held me till it subsided ans we dozed off to sleep. So it is still healing and the catheter is tugging some (or so it feels). Several times a day if my neck moves up or to the side pain greets me with a hardy 'yep I'm still alive!' Ha
Hurts! I have driven today and yesterday. Still a bit difficult, shoulder is tight and so is my neck. The port is on my chest and the tubing over the clavicle. The clavicle is non to happy about it. It is getting better. Today is just day 8 after surgery.
With the new nose mask the CPAP (for sleep apnea) is being used at least 3/4 of the night. Rest what a concept :)

My infusion is the day after tomorrow and I am still pretty energetic. That feels so good!

The 6 month labs show that my levels are staying in a safe range between infusions, a real good thing. My body is taking the treatment. This will allow the lymphatic system to heal. It was pretty much gone by the time they found this. God is so good. I could of easily caught something to have it kill me. Here came He my Savior ready to stop the thief. So many many years undiagnosed and untreated, I have a real chance at a pretty healthy life now. The infusions will most likely be for my life time.

Makes me feel a little sad that my husband MUST be insured, employed until I am at least 65 to get medicare under his history. That is only another 15 years so not too bad. It is so wonderful of late. He got a promotion and a raise. Amazing in this day. He is now on salary and exempt. First time in his life to have it happen. Although no overtime option, it has been many a year that overtime has been obsolete.

Thank you all for your kind wishes and prayers. It is a wonderful thing to be loved.

Thankful Thrusday

A yard full of children. 

Glee and giddy

bycicles in the park

pick up load home

boys so silly

Daughter the 'mom'

no greater presence than this

a yard full of happy children

play full of imagination

hollars and screams as they play

this is certainly a beautiful day

Speaking with authority

Speaking with authority Oh this is rich click here to hear a wonderful poem

Parent teacher confrences

funny day today

This morning my darling patted me on the bum and greeted me into a new day. "time to get up babe"

You know I did not even hear the alarm over my CPCP machine. So up and at the tasks I stood, then bidding him on with his lunch in hand. The house was quiet so I sat in the silence and prayed. Read some in the book of Lamentations. Seamed to speak to me. After a time Dash came in and asked if Dad was up yet. Telling him he was off to work confused him. He went into his room coming to me to say that his clock was messed up.

So he and I sat and I read three Chapters of the Proverbs to "my son". As time passed I thought I had better get the day rolling. Well so strange for the morning just lingered on so sweet. It was then we realized something was amiss.

Later on in the morning the call coming in confirmed it.

Steve called me  "what happened!?" he asked. "I thought that something was just odd about the drive, I got here to work at 6a.m. a whole hour before expected". He had me check the alarm clock and it was set right where it always is. "strange"

Well the kids and I had realized it was an odd morning.So they went off to school.

Steve had a day to work that would end just an hour earlier, JUST IN TIME TO MEET ME at the school to attend both of the kids parent teacher conferences. Now I was concerned of attending for my immunity is low with the infusion due on Saturday. I had spoke to God about it too. Even asked God to help me submit to Steve's leadership. HA! He woke me up.

HA! funny God.

We sat outside for Dash has over 30 to one ratio in a small class room. NO WAY should I go into that rat hole of a germ den.

We had wonderful reports for each kid. All A's and B's for each. Very good reports of behavior and character. Felt real nice to know that they are flourishing at school.

We learned a little tidy bit, Dash's teacher is turning 35 this year.

SHE WAS ONLY 5 years old 

when Steve and I got married! 

Now that is an odd thing. The sweetest thing however. She is not yet married and desires kids. She said "I realized that it does not matter, for you two have made me understand by watching you and teaching both of your children that I will adopt."

So we figured it out that perhaps it was the CPCP he heard. The alarm is an ocean sound used for many many years. We dislike the abrupt beep or buzz of other clocks.

Dash taught me how to play CHESS tonight.He is really working on writing v printing. He really likes it better. If I could just get him to do the home school books on it. Dove is the best writer of any kid in any of the grades she has been in.

Dove is sweet and going into her own. She lost her bedroom door yesterday. No more teenage door slamming here. :) She is really handling it well, very contrite. Steve came down on her for poor treatment of me. It was awesome that he loves us both so much.

She wants to be called 

Water Wolf

She will most likely have some life about the ocean the kid loves the water. We live so far away from any, but oh the kid loves it. A water wolf I have learned is a name for a type of fish I think it was a large cod. She she sees herself a blue wolf born of the water. Beautiful image I think. I love wolves. To me they are holy and remind me of the long train ride from Moscow to St Petersburg through the black forest of Russia. She will be doing a three month geography study using Russia as her topic of country.

Dove is doing Chorus this term I am thrilled and eager to see her performance.

Dash was just elected today to do another term of Student Council.

so if your husband taps you on the bum and tells you to wake up and start the day...trust that God is in his direction.

Funny that. Steve got to go to the kids conferences. This is the man who hates to get out of the warm covers. It was totally wonderful having the time to read Proverbs to my son.

Meal Plan Monday ~Del Monte Splinda Pollution!

Every day

carrots/yellow veggie

whole grain

leafy veggie

green tea

fruit

nuts

Three times a week

oily fish

yogurt

avocado

broccoli

sweet potato

Once a week

red meat

sugary desert

(wine) we do not drink however

miscellaneous chicken, turkey, eggs and other things like fresh foods not listed are added. Just this is the base of the menu each week. We have made it our dietary 'way of life'.  Each person is considered. For the different meals of the day. Dove eats her nuts in the morning.

click to image enlarge

Yesterday for supper desert I prepared a fruit salad. At the grocer there was a good deal on Mandarin Oranges. Knowing me of course you know I purchased a few of them. Also knowing me you would know that I have never used or would ever purchase artificial sweeteners. To my dismay and disgust what I purchased as 'No Sugar added' so as to be able to use the juice in another recipe. As the can was being opened it was then that the label stood out. SPLINDA! that garbage was in my FRUIT! What in the world! Why!? Why would anyone pollute fruit (sweet wonderful) a God given gift of nurture.

I HATE ARTIFICIAL SWEETENER!

Give me sugar, molasses, honey not poison.

American Sewers Guild day out with my sister

What a wonderful day I had today.

.

My sister drove down to get me and then we went back up to Scottsdale to where the meeting is held. We went to a Starbucks for a scone and coffee. Her treat she insisted. She said she had been given a gift card by a client. Goodness those drinks are delightful. Not something I ever do, except twice now with her.

We had a fabric/pattern exchange. It was amazing the things that came home with me. One woman thought of me and purchased several very old sewing machine feet including a ruffle foot and a binding foot. in an original box at a thrift store for .50! after checking the height they will get passed onto another woman who gave me her number. I am sure she will be thrilled. I came home with batting some fabric and a pattern perfect for the master bedroom window valence. Just exactly what I drew out when designing them. So cool how good it is when the angles are sent to look out for us.

Across the way there was an Indian (Navajo) market of artist.

Drums and a hoop dancer. Much like this young man, stock image.It was so wonderful to stand, sun on my back amerced into the beat of the drum. A time of still worship. My sister standing by my side. We are becoming friends. 

Afterward we took the left over fabrics and patterns down to the Hospice thrift store. Of course we had to go into play. Oh my! I saw this beaded top and loved it, then found the pants.

 The pants are like new 80% silk, 25% off of $3.!

Fit and were high waist just perfect for the top.

 That smile is after my sister was looking to see the maker tags. 

It is a boutique item'

 Under the makers tag she found the yellow price tag. It said $412. It was 25% off of $5.!!!!!!!

The beading is all the way around the top, hand painted and embroidered.

click the image. 

We three stood there in laughter.

I think this is just about the best deal I have ever made on a sale.

Note the color of the polish. I just painted them last night! I never have worn this color, it was a gift for my birthday. It is the very same color as the outfit!

Found three pair of shoes thrilled at $10 a pair they were all marked down to $2. These are NEW! someone donated them, the hand bag was only $5 it is like NEW

Matches the outfit. Can you believe it! I was just telling Poppa yesterday that I would like to take better care and dress better. Even did the manicure/pedicure for myself in prayerful self respect. A dear friend of mine had written about the condition of our feet showing character. Got me to thinking that taking efforts and time to care for myself is not a treat it is a responsibility.

Came home with several other things as well.
A like new Cuisinart ice cream maker for $7.50. They sell for $50. new. I was watching a show called 'Good Eats' studying how to make home made ice cream, not but two weeks ago.

We had a real nice time together.

After a bit of a rest the kids and I watched two movies together. I did fall asleep during the second on 'brother bear'. They are asleep now. So should I be getting there as well.

It was a beautiful day of 'play', good company and interest.

My Sister is alright

Thank you everyone for your prayers for her. she said she is fine. In late February she is scheduled for her other knee replacement. She can still use prayer for sure. We are actually meeting in the morning for coffee before the American Sewers Guild meeting. We have a fabric/pattern exchange.
I need to rest soon for the pillow did not great my head till after 2:30 a.m. the surgery sort of messed up my sleep cycle.
My port is better today, however tonight it is feeling tired as in pain is increasing. Just need to rest. Made it through the day without pain medication. It will be used tonight so rest can greet me more easily.
I saw the report of the Labs taken before the last infusion. Shows real improvement. I will better be able to fight off bacteria between infusions. Helps me be able to go into crowds without the threat.
Thank you all for the prayers. Tomorrow will be even better. My next infusion is on the 15th so the wound will be healed enough to be scrubbed sterile. Oh it will be so much less frightening knowing that lydican right at port and only the one stick will be a minimal pain. I am so grateful.

What an invitation!

Good Morning
Oh how funny! Well you know you have arrived when you get an invitation from AARP to join. Ha! Oh this is just too rich. In email, hay! how did they know I am turning 50?

Noun

1.

AARP - an association of people to promote the welfare of senior citizens Association for the Advancement of Retired Persons association - a formal organization of people or groups of people

Thankful Thrusday: My new I V port

the new portacath

Here is the new me. 

Weird to have a devise in my chest. In the first image you can see just how swollen my jugular vain is. It was black and blue last night but looks much better today.

It is surgically sealed with a glue. The catheter went in at the upper incision then up into the jugular about two inches up where it is swollen, then down over the collar bone into the device called a port. The surgeon said that I was very fortunate that I have the best port on the market. It is titanium with a very low profile. The older ones stick farther out. He said he felt that it would be better to use it on me due to my smaller frame. The port is just above the lower incision. A bump looking thing. Still pretty sore this morning. So far Tylenol is helping. the kids got off to school 45 minutes ago.
My dear sister watched them yesterday morning. She fell on the outside sidewalk. The kids took some blocks we had stacked out by the trash cans and maid playing props out of them. She did not see then in the dark of the morning and took a dive onto both her knees. The ones that have a replacement in it, the other is being replaced in February. Please say a prayer for her I am so concerned for her. Thank you for your love and prayers.
My shoulder is a bit more limber, however I better quit before I regret typing.
Be Blessed

surgery went well

thNKS
MY RIGHT ARM IS NOT TO ABLE TO USE
THE ENTRY WAS AT THE NECK JUGULAR NECK IS TERRIBL TIGHT AND PAINED
LEFT HAND HERE
PORT IS BLACK/BLUE 4X4" CALLED ITS NORMAL
LOOKED FINE WHEN I GO  T HOME
MY HEAD IS HELD UP WITH PILLOW

BRUING /SWRLLING ICEING HELPS

THS TOO SHALL PASS
ALL THE STAFF was aWsOME GREAT DOC
OH TYPO STANDS ;) Oh IM DONE TYPE NOW
THANKS PRAYER BLESS YA ALL
pain pills rest
g nite

well chores are set

Laundry is all washed. Still need to hang it up.
After tomorrow I will not be able to use my upper body strength for 10 days. It is a strange feeling the night before something like this. Much easier to just zone out.

If you know folks who have medically intense lives call them, love them.

Pray for dear hearts like Shorty Bear and those who know such great pains of body. Take good care of yourself and be grateful for your good health.
My sister will come at 6 a.m. to relieve us so we can hit the road into the city.
Dash wanted to make sure she knew how to fix sunny side up eggs:) Dove was concerned 'if she knew how to get them ready for school'.

they will miss me in the morning. my surgery is in the early a.m. so we should get home around 2 if all goes well.
I'll come say hi on the other side.

Surgery for Port

Let me preface this 

with a big 

I am so blessed!

The doctor and I have been researching some different options for me. We were looking into a process called sub-cutaneous but with low IgA levels I am not a candidate. It is a relatively new process as well. I If I tried it the likelihood of shock is there and it could cause my body to build more anti bodies to IgA. Not good.

Today was set an appointment to go to Good Samaritan Hospital Wednesday morning. My sister will come here at 6 a.m. We will have a long distance to travel but this fellow is a specialist in the field that has done many port insertions. I will have a device set with a catheter under my clavicle (upper chest). It will remain there most likely the rest of my days.
The port will ease the difficulties faced due to several sticks at every infusion. My veins are being blown out. I may even be able to numb the site before the nurse gets here.

It took me all day to try to find a specialist to do the port at the end of it all(after I finally found one)

this organization 

was stumbled upon.

I feel worn out just calling all the numbers of insurance, doctors and all. the coordinator was stunned that I got so far. God is good. After a $100 deductible it is covered at 100%. God is good. So blessed am I to have such awesome insurance. There is a very remote (not heard of except in children) chance that my body will yet be able to be free of the need for infusions. I can still hope. Even so it will be at least two years of monthly infusions. The port will make it so much less stressful. Infections are yet the greatest concern. There will be a 10 day no lift from the upper body thing. It is out patient.

 Here 

is a site that shows the process of how my IVIG will be given here after. It will be done at home still. I will have the same awesome infusion nurse. I feel a little worn out and tired. To have gotten into an appointment for the day after tomorrow!

Goals for 2011 Thinking it through

Subjects set are...

• Relationships: Friday family nights, schedule time alone with kids and husband, return e-mails/comments and visit friends blogs, set up time with friends, Stopping what I am doing when the kids are inviting me into their world and thoughts,reaching out by phone or email, thank you notes, take time to send love notes, stop all/everything and just embrace, blog hop and comment
• Homemaking: menu each week, laundry weekly, schedule termite service $$bummer!, patch walls, decor and do inventory, manage said inventory, coupon collection, keep weekly track of refrigerator using all left overs, Keep Monday - Saturday schedule (see side bar), organize property
• Spiritual: Prayer for husbands employers bosses bosses and up the line, prayer for clean hands and pure heart, Scripture time, being a better example to others, service work, get finger printing done for elementary school volunteering, collect and giveaway items we no longer use, Keep a day of rest by getting task done before Sunday
• Physical: walks, reduce sugar intake, drinking water when tempted toward sugar, 'way of life plan', foot care schedule weekly, hearing aides, eye apt for family, looking into port surgery for infusions, a pound a week drop, kids well visits, physical for Steve, work on infusion stress, get mono  inoculations for kids, schedule colonoscopy, grow nails back out,
• Parenting : 100 things I like about you list, set structure to create a better work ethic in the kids, everyday ask 1. are you drugging or drinking...why or why not? 2. are you sending internet images...why or why not? they need to know WHY they say no  (by the way this really annoys them:) asking the 5 W's every day what, when, who, why and where. This will emphasis to them self the reasons why NOT to do it. Library each week with kids, support them to have and set goals, Dove to Jr High set up the college prep class, set up new chores lists and charts for kids, teach them a new skill (chore) each month, Study adolescent/teen development to be prepared and proactive, eye to eye contact listening to them even if it may not be interesting to me
• Educational: renew interests in birding, garden and flowers, work on Novel editing, do a study on the power of kindness, study body language, sign language, adult and childhood development, study garden information,  recipe books, topical scripture study, study ebay selling,
• Creative outlet: tend to studio, bead and sewing desk, make gifts and set aside for kids bday parties, friends and each gender. Make things to offer up to sell, write, blog posting, poetry, sew new clothing, attend American Sewers Guild meetings, scrap booking, quilt for son, valance for master bedroom,
• Pet and Garden care: walks with each dog, chicken coop and greens, compost turning, study of plants and ready a spring garden, look into water collection tank to rid it of algae, rid yard of rocks and fill in the edging with dirt, feed wild birds, dog baths, get new red wiggler worms for garden in the spring
• Financial: Keep budget up to date weekly or even daily, save monthly, taxes quickly done and filed, files up to date, Adoption records organized, Look into the % to set next years tax on income, sell some of the home school books,  keep to budget use a end of summer trip to motivate us, set up automatic payroll to save a little for each kids college funding, sell trailer, hearing aids, Kids compensation (not allowance) for non family tasks, set aside $ for each kids bday, continue to hone budget, lower RX costs,
• Recreation: keep a list of monthly FREE events to attend, set a bit of funds aside each month to do a little something (even if it just a little), list plan and budget for something, think of a trip for end of summer look into low cost options, plan a party for turning 50 (?),Blog hop and post/comments

Well this is what is before me so far. 

It is nice to get it out of mind into print.

These are some of the goals set. They are the desires of my spirit, soul and body. These are the things that appear needful to have a well balanced life and a prosperous one. This will get printed out and placed on my clipboard. As the year progresses the list will ebb and flow. Many things at year end will of been accomplished. This is a wonderful reward of efforts. If I were to simply RESOLVE to do these things...well they would overwhelm me and I would get all kinds of stressed out. As goals they motivate me, they become a mission. Thus into accomplishments I become accomplished.

safety

sense of self

affiliation

mission

accomplishment

These are building blocks of Self Esteem.

Now many a folk understand little of this. Self Esteem has become a bad word. God wants for us all to Esteem our self as He does. Safe, knowing who we are in Him. Having a sense of belonging to Him and the greater whole. He has set before us a life and in that according to Ecclesiastes one that we find pleasure in the works of our hands. That is all that is left for everything is a vanity empty and void if we do not FIND pleasure in the accomplishments there of.

New Year Goals not Resolutions

Happy 

New Year 

Everyone!

This early a.m. set aside the time to list out goals.

Daily weekly as well as monthly these things are thought through with intention and purpose.

On the first sheet is labeled

2011

By filling them in I set goals. The years ahead are considered. Now once thinking of saving everything toward principle on house does not look as important as saving for the first year or two of community college. We want to do some travel with the kids. Historical sites being our desire. We want to teach the kids our history as a people and country. Exploring the land all the while. One day perhaps taking them for a trip to Russia. BIG dreams yes. Yet they are worth considering. This is how we treat each new year. Doing some intentional setting aside of or our funds, and such. Now YES I KNOW you can not PLAN life, but you can take a good look at your life and make some choices , many choices each day that will effect the future you hope to live.

Subjects set are...

• Relationships
• Homemaking
• Spiritual
• Physical
• Parenting
• Educational
• Creative outlet
• Pet and Garden care
• Financial

Then for the next 5 years marking mile stones to come.

2012
Dash 4/5 grade 11yrs old
Dove 6/7 grade 14yrs old
Me 51 yrs
Steve 54 yrs early semi retirement 401k


This done we are able to forecast Jr High, High School (Looking into grants and scholarships). I know when to look toward the years ahead, what priorities to set. It gives hope to things like a new kitchen floor one day. Makes us wait for the right times to accomplish and acquire.

Resolutions are not my style. They leave me to the energies of emote. For me that tires and falters to the point I just give up. Goals however break it down and shows me the long term focus. It is in the long term that there is no place for condemnation or shame. They are replaced with a focal point a GOAL

Adult Development

TABLE 1 Levinson's Stages of Adult Development Age Levinson's Stage 17–33 Novice phase of early adulthood 17–22 Early adult transition 22–28 Entering the adult world 28–33 Age-30 transition 33–45 Culmination of early adulthood 33–40 Settling down 40–45 Midlife transition 45–50 Entering middle adulthood 50–55 Age-50 transition 55–60 Culmination of middle adulthood 60–65 Late adult transition 65+ Late adulthood

These stages are generally accepted by researchers today in seeking to explain and evaluate adult development.


Read more: http://www.cliffsnotes.com/study_guide/Adult-Development.topicArticleId-26957,articleId-26919.html#ixzz19KRxD4Da

These years of middle adult hood are so beautifully sobering. Recently I have become more aware of the effects of turning 50years of age. This happens for me this year in May. The transitions that are so normal can often leave one thinking that error is everlasting. When we look at our lives and see that it is different than we might of envisioned we are left with a healthy realization that reality differs. It is the visualizations of early/middle adulthood that gave me the stamina to attain my goals. Many have been met, however over the years it is that many of my goals were left to the wind. At times these goals were ones that God differed in HIS design for my life. At times the consequences of my own choices effected my goals. Those choices of others also effected the design. Altering it into the realities of today.
Reality is this is my life today, grieve it and love it. Celebrate the success and try to accept the faults and foibles. Learning always. Remembering lessons of right doing and standing. The power of kindness.

Maturity at this point in life I believe is the old knowing the difference of the things that I can change or not. Accepting the reality with grace, humility and gratitude...well that brings a peace. That peace removes the bitterness of goals and dreams that have altered or been left unmet. The errors of early and middle adulthood can grieve a soul, forgiveness can heal it :)

Turning 50 will be a real age of transition for me. It is a hard thing to look back at life and not kick yourself in the fanny at the 'only if insight were foresight'.  Oh to the youth. If that wisdom of age lived with character could just be chosen. Lives would be so sweet for them. Even in the transition on hindsight life is covered with mercy.

Happy New Year

The Kids are still up 11:11 here
I want to sleep soon :)

the last few days and my little artists

Tip here take pictures of any wiring before you undo it.

Life is made much easier when it is time to hook it all up again.

hold your breath when you dust too!

:)

Pray for that little darling in the middle. She and her family really need it. The kids were sharing media in the back seat on the way across town.

 We took the old oak entertainment center over to my sister much to her glee.

Did you know that empty dishwashers make the best drain boards for large items?

 Holiday is coming to a close soon and the laundry is a mass. We did not want me to work over the  vacation so now it is time to make the needed laundry soap.

 We had temperatures in the mid 20's last night. This is a batch of grain and old pasta cooked up for the chickens.

 Thinned out the baby kale and harvested some broccoli and radish for salad.

 The room is so large here without the oak center. We have had that for so many years. Strange to have it out of here. It is so large and even louder in the room. The book shelf is loaded with all the media. That center held a lot of things in it. A home is now needed to place all the books off the shelf unit.

 This is the living room at this point. The tree came down yesterday. In spite of a 4 hour drive in the rain the HDTV got home dry. He got stuck in a 3 mile back up on the freeway due to an accident. Gratefully he was not in it. We were able to have a friend come and help get it out of the truck. The truck was backed up half way into the garage. That cart set near the tailgate and the men set it over onto it. The cart is a type of industrial strength shelf on wheels. Not too pretty but if you know me I'll figure out away to get it to flow. The area behind the TV will get metals and pastels for decor.

 See the difference in the size. The picture is just so pretty! For the first time in for ever I sat and watched a bit of TV last night. Felt sort of strange to just sit and watch. The WII was amazing on it. So clear. Some of the DVD's we have will show in high definition. If we ever are able to get a blue ray player it will work on this TV.

 My kids have found identity as artist. Now this is so cool to us. We are not sports folk, nor as many with interest as the masses. However we are both artist in our own right. Now we see the kids interested. It felt like we have this to offer them and they are both calling themselves artist now. Dove draws, Dash is a sketcher :)

shout out to all of you. Sorry my visits are brief and few. The family is yet on holiday. A 'stay-cation'. The kids are back to school on Monday and the Daddy Man, my beloved darling, he gets Monday off. We will have one day alone before he returns to work. Me...well my work is well over my head. No appointments so far next week.

The washer and dryer will know me well by weeks end. Ha!