Wedenesday

Good Morning!
After a few hot games of Goldfish the morning chores begin. I got a fresh pot on and a lot of dishes in the sink. Dove and Dash had turns at goldfish with me then they played each other a few rounds while I tidied the baster bedroom and bath. I even ironed a shirt for myself! WOW just for me!
I thought this picture was so cute. Then Dove just came in from the freezer with a mountain blueberry yogurt (I learned to keep yogurt in the freezer) she thinks it is a treat with all the junk in it is sorta is more desert than nutrition . Fist time she tried it, "wow that ain't half bad!" said Dove. Now feeling sorry for Dash who can not have dairy. Dash is also feeling sorry for Dash, and he refused any apple sauce or peaches (woo hoo he just came in with an apple sauce) . Wow he even governed himself. I like this.
I got my apron (the one I made for canning.) on and the kitchen beckons as does the dining/living room. I like the double thickness of this blue flowered check apron. With all the dishes I will keep dry doing the job. POST SCRIPT There done ! woo hoo !!!!!!!!!!!

showin some love

There is a Dear Heart Hurting Today Please Pray for Our Dear Denise. Stop by and uplift her if you don't mind. It would be a personal favor to me. Thank you.

Wordless Wednesday

It was a Two Apron Day!

Well a managers special ... eggs half off. Now you may not notice that these are Organic, cage free, grain fed. When God gives you eggs.......... Well two other dozen were turned into hard boiled and now to make use of these.

In the image I also found two bottles of pure organic lemon juice....(with a good expiration date)
Can you guess it?
I separated the eggs over a third cup. Use care No egg yolk in the whites is important critical. The date was one where each egg had to be checked after I opened them but three out of the four dozen were perfect (you check for the consistency of the white not to liquid must have good clear smell too. If the yolk breaks at opening too old toss it out). Sounds strange, but I learned from a friend who keeps a working family farm. Use older eggs for boiling. They crack and peal clean and easy. New eggs are for frying.

2 cups of the 4 cups of egg white go into "Miss Vanilla Spin"(so named by "dove") she whips them with cream of tarter and vanilla, BIG batch half it into another bowel *as I turn to work other things then return). Now whip more to stiff and add sugar. Use Little sister spin and keep a going on high. Called "Dash" in hear to help. Folded(that is gently done as not to loose the air in your whites) in two bags quality shaved coconut.

Other half added sugar, pure almond flavor and almond slivers two hand fulls or so. Then another for measure.

Using my large scoop for time was an issue with all this raw egg out.
Full trays are fine these stay in mounds as they bake. Other bowl on stand by as I work the yolks.


Did you guess it? Lemon custard. A lot of it, and yes, that is the big soup pot.
I never do anything small. It is just a waste of time.

Do you see my secret ingredient for my crust.
Dang never was any good at keeping secretes! :)
No not the canola oil however that is a more nutritious crust.
This is NOT A HEALTH FOOD!
It is the vinegar. Use it in place of half of the ice water.
It evaporates faster than water. Flaky crust.
All purpose flour is a must here.

And WALLA! A BIG SINK FULL OF DISHES! HA!

No really a big messy counter...:)

Oh! wait a minute two DEEP DISH Lemon Meringue pies.
These are like two pie each. They have a lot of staying power.
Like three days. If folk come over only two! :)
Got one a little toasty, turned my back with the camera opps.
It is not burned though.

A Day!
We had soup for supper.
My kitchen is a well beloved mess.
The monkey piles of file boxes call.
Oh man! A play date tomorrow with a Sweet Baby in to house!
That child will sure have a lot to entertain her! Ha!
Her Momma will be lucky to sit down.
I love my little family of guests that are coming what a Beautiful Momma with her kids.

Sometimes Life is a Grind...

Ah... then you have Coffee! :)
I buy a large big 3($10> at Costco) -5 pounds of whole bean. A Columbian or Samatrin (these are two of the most low acidic coffees) are preferred. I really like a nice dark French Roast too.
Grind it finer for more caffeine and so your morning grind is fine, evening or dinner party grind is coarse so as to not keep your guest up all night.
French roast fine for espresso. This is real good for ice coffee too for the intense flavor stays strong diluted in ice.
Note the STEVIA it is my choice for no calorie. It is natural and has a delightful side effect ( a mild laxative). Love those morning constitutionals. I digress. Way digress but as many of you may or may not know that Coffee is a wonderful chemical for a natural method for adults and children alike.
It is said to be very helpful for those with type A blood chemistry.
I have type O Neg. so Green Tea is a healthier choice for me. I must only limit myself to no more than two cups at most in a day. I, as you may have noticed, am a hamster on a wheel, if I get more than two cups, I just fly off and hit the walls! I also manage fiber cystic breast so I swell, I must not pop my top. It hurts to get hugged and that is much more a joy than even a good cup of "joe". Of course I have an instant ample devise too. For those romantic necklines of formal attire> Ha!

Always keep your coffee in the freezer!
Air tight! Coffee is a bean a fruit of the tree or bush in some varieties.
I will grind a months worth and keep with a scoop that is just right for measure in it for convince. A nice trick here is to invert the grinder once the grind is achieved tap the machine and off comes the top with the coffee all in it to be transfered.
I use a DRY paper towel to clean the blades. This is kept in the kitchen freezer.
The remainder in an air tight container that never is left with a lot of empty head room. As I use up the store of it I will down size the container. Space = air= rancid coffee. You can also fill the air space with a wadded up paper towel (these towels should never have ink in them I use only pure white paper towel for food stuffs)
I prefer non bleached filters. They are however not often available in my 4 c size.
I have a small 4 cup pot ( I Also keep a 25 cup urn for entertaining larger groups). I brew it as it is used. My coffee pot is over 25 yrs old. You ask how... well, Run vinegar through it once every six months then two of pure water. I use only reverse osmosis water for consuming ( unless it is boiled in a cooked method). Having been to Russia twice, I learned a lot about water. Every home should have on the improvement list; a reverse osmosis system! We saved for three years then invested $200-300- and keep an extra filter set for the system. It only needs to be changed every 3 years or so depending on your local municipality and the quality of their work. Water is basic. This is BASIC HOME SUPPLY! If you only knew how easily vulnerable any of the U. S, water treatment facilities are you would understand. Guardia is painful and debilitating. Trust me I know! I had it and so did Dash from letting a little water get in me through washed raw foods.
Any hoo...
Coffee that sits in the air will oxidize just like an apple will brown in the air. This spoils the joy and value of a very expensive extravagance ( I say that because we take for granted the gift we have in it, Our forefathers knew more about how it came to them than we do) and the distance it traveled and the work to get it to bean.
Now most folks appreciate a good coffee out and wish for it at home.
Well I preferred to learn how they do it and spend the money on other things.
Hope you sit a spell now enjoy a good cup at my table.
:)

Home again. I love being "home again"

I just returned from my 8 a.m. exit to get my Beautiful Creative Pre-teen Delightful Dove her occupational therapy. She is so magical, so enchanted and infatuated with life. Full of the knowledge of her innate beauty. We older women all loose that and spend a life time fighting for it to come back. It is there, WE ARE WONDERFUL,BEAUTIFUL too, just like when we were a pre-teen.We just believed the lie that we are not. Oh! but we are! It is still there hidden in our center just awaiting our re-discovery.

It is so good to be Home! I have a lot of tasks to do including a well used kitchen cleaning. Pie baking and cookie making day. There are those monkey strewn file boxes and budget paper work too.
We Have a play date tomorrow so I best effort mercy to my guest by trying to pick up a few of my staged projects and sorting jobs.

Be delightful it will come easy in that place, now close your eyes, feel the true beat as you drum in the center, in community with me.
Share that community with others who need you today! You will be the beat they can enter into to find a rest.

Honor Your Husband day #21,22,23,24,25

Wow life sails by on a breeze.
My beloved is working 10 hour days 5 days a week. He comes home to lovingly greet me. he plays with his children. Eats his meal. Plays some more or does home chores. Then he reads them 45 minutes of the Hardy Boys (every night). He lovingly supports all of my efforts. Is always available for me if he can be. Takes out the trash comes to my aide at a request willing and sweet. This is how is was in the old days of our forefathers 10 hour days hard working families.
Sometimes he is weak when I am strong. His weakness is in the fatigue that occurs from pouring himself out for the children and I. He is also strong; never late for work never missing work, always providing, offering his Faith, knowledge, strength and hope.
It is hard when I am weak and he is weak. I need his strength, but I understand that it is then that God is my husband and Beloved is my brother. I must then find my strength in HIM (God). I do not resent my beloved in his weakness, it would be like hitting a man when he is down. I might and do get miffed or angry that I might not be getting "my needs met" but then it is my responsibility to reach out and within to the source of my needs met and the root of the "needs" cause and address it and grow, heal and mature. Another day will come when I am held in my beloveds strength. Ebb and flow the wave of life, breeze will fill the sail.


Girly glitter comments from www.GirlyTags.com

Aprons! I love Aprons.

Over at "are we there yet mom" she asked to see our aprons
These are the children's aprons

This was my mothers apron wrought at her own hand, The link is to a poem I wrote. This apron was a gift to me from my sister. Wow how bizzar, I just made chicken soup tonight with her apron on.

This is a work apron I made myself for canning,
it is double thickness for absorbency and I padded the neck. It has a hoop for a towel too, and a upper pocket of the phone. I am hearing impaired so I use my phone on speaker so both ears receive the sound it really helps me to be able to enjoy phone conversations hand free.

This is my Christmas dinner apron it was a gift from my sister
She did the embroidery on her machine.

This is an old family apron

There were once three spinster sisters, They were relatives of my husbands family. I helped them dissolve the estate when the last one passed on.

This came from them too

This is my WONDER MOM apron. It was a costume for a fair I assisted at for Dove when she was 6 years old. It is a worn work apron. If you can look close by clicking on it . It has all my different roles on it. It once said "Wonder Mom" in the middle.

This was a gift from the kids. They are working aprons for every day use. I have a few others in the wash right now.

Chicken Soup for Supper.

So all my efforts have come down to this marvelous benefit. Dove justs asked"do we have enough to last the whole Year?"....."I want it to cool down so I can just fill up my tummy!"
POST SCRIPT: When you put up the soup weather freezing or just refrigeration it will thicken, When you reheat it then you can add as much water as you wish the flavor is rich and intense so it will not become bland. If you really like it with a lot of broth you add a little sea salt to extend, or a little more pre-prepared broth.
Chicken Soup Recipe Here. This is an old post please parden my learning curve.

I am steaming down the onion, garlic, carrot, parsnip and celery here. And the broth is heating this is broth from scratch with the chiken that was picked off the bone. From scratch. I am told that it is more of a stew. My family is a buzz. talking about burn-ies, dark saltines.
Adding the floor, I used Quinoa. Most folks just use bleached wheat floor, or whole wheat. There are so many wonderful grains out there. Using a variety of grains throughout your life avoids problems in the later years. Now some flours are not binding, they don't have much gluten. They don't bind me up either.
cook your floor and then as it dries out and gums up the root veggies, use your ladle to add broth it will boil instantly! Watch out for steam here. Don't want you to get burned.
Now when I make soup I MAKE SOUP! I don't make a little of anything. Folks often yearn for a jar and I usually pass out a couple as a praise offering to give em' a hug.
My herbs, of course my beloved SEA SALT, and a lot of love.
These noodle are found in the cultural section of your store. They are Kosher , you know, there is a reason Jewish Grand Mothers are said to make the best soup. Now I'm not of that wonderful culture, maybe I'm grafted in. :)

Scope Set for Thursday.

Thanks to my Sweet Friend I was able to have "Dash" alone to day , but the therapist forgot to ask the tech. so It will happen on Thursday at 12:30 sure beats October! I think we are being given some favor here. She said the woman had a cancellation. No therapy on Thursday. If Dash needs surgery there will be no more therapy until 6 weeks after surgery.

That word just sorta numbs me I cant let myself feel to much about it until I know for sure.

I left a half hour early today and it was like a different freeway. I am not so worn out by stress today. The help my Friend offered really made a difference. The car was so quiet on the way there and back it was truly refreshing. I just had a nice conversation with Dash.

Monday... Too cute

On the way to the City in a few moments. A friend can keep my Dove, so if the scope for Dash happens I'll be free to tend 100% to him.

I can just see the angles gearing up for the drive! :)
Hope your all having a great day.

After an exhaustive search I think I located the documents to get these taxes finished and my first ever filing extension over! YA! so good to get that monkey tamed. The stress he was a flingin' was just everywhere (sorta like the file boxes are now!)

I'm eating a salad I actually took the time to make for myself! I know, I know it really is yummy too.

I gotta go to get more accomplished than any "Wonder Mom" should ever really attempt! :)

My beautiful daugter

"Daddy Man" gave her a cup of worms to release int he forest. They were her pets for two days.

Over at big mamma
I read a beautiful post about a Mother who sees her daughter. Her love for her child focused on who the child is..She in this has been an example to me.

The things we focus on grow bigger! It has been in my role as a Mother to my daughter that I have become derailed. Trying to help her to overcome I got focused on her disabilities and they grew to consume me with fear and concern and just plane wore me out to tears that she is so challenged.

My Daughter
How every morning a very softly spoken child is there. Befriending your brother and offering loving kindness to me. You are sweet and full of wonder. Your imagination is the grandest I have ever witnessed in another human being. You just turned 10 years old yet your not jaded like so many 10 year olds are. You offer innocence still. You are fresh every day full of new character roles to explore. You feel so deeply that you often become those whose roles you perform in your inexhaustible world of creative interpersonal pursuit . Your love of nature thrills me. Yo are so kind to all living things. I like that about you a lot
I hear you sing almost every word that comes out of your mouth at full voice your heard in this world. Rarely do you walk my sweet child your is to skip or to dance or to run across a room. Your a flitting butterfly bouncing form thing to thing unaware and unintentional of the destruction caused as you knock into the would around you. When you are wrong you easily apologize, your lies even seam and exploration of what that character might do, and then you don't like it and apologize. You bend into the right choice smoothly and easily. You adore you Father, brother and I. You dance with your words when you say our names. So often when in trouble for an action or error it is like you really have no idea you did anything wrong and you seem mortally wounded by the thought of it. Correction cuts you deeply and must be approached gently and I fail a this when I am frustrated. So often I am confused as to weather you had intent or not.
So many nights of your life you lie in sheer panic as I do all I know to do and I learn all I can to help you. Sleep has often left you freaked out by the free floating of your strong compact little body. Hours of comfort without the ability to reason has left me grieved that I have nothing more to offer you than to just hold you. You are so sweet when you witness the pain my body gets in helping you, you grieve as if it were your fault. You are not to be blamed daughter. You deserve to be held and all night if you need it. I want so much to give you all that you should of had all of your days. I know that you are afraid but I will not leave you I will always ,even if it is a whisper from beyond be with you.
You are ever ready for a treat, whatever yummy thing is about your mind affixes to it like a steel trap. You are so predictable in this. Your coy little smile of hope and expectation are so endearing. I so hope that I do not leave you before I can be there to support you as a mother to your own young. You are so artistic like me. your mother. Your mother. Creativity flows from you I wish I had so much more of me too offer you. Hour heart and mind desires to do so much yet your abilities betray you and yet you keep trying. I see you waiting to be pulled out. Unlike your brother who is right there demanding he be noticed you await it. I have to be so careful to pursue you. You are a delight to be pursued!
My Little Dove so fragile in heart mind and spirit you are so strong in character. You fly to your own breeze and your flight is so innocent and beautiful. This world needs your beauty and grace. I fear that it will eat you up.
When I awaited the trip to Russia to bring you home I remember the songs that were given to me. The one I overheard your singing in the car yesterday. "Somewhere out there, if love can see us through, well be together" How many times I cried awaiting that trip to get you into my arms and out of that orphanage crib. The night before your little body was handed over to me we went to the Russian Moscow Symphony and there were tears in Igors (our Russian host) eyes as he pointed out in Russian print that it was indeed my other song God had given to you the day I was certified to adopt you(Many months before) ... Owed to JOY. I wept, we all wept to listen to God crescendo of your freedom flight.
"hearts unfold as joy surrounds me" My child you are that JOY, your joy of who you are surrounds me. I have far to many times focused on helping your needs and not on who you are.
I will fix my gaze on you Little Dove . You are wonderful. I know your don't understand the way your father or I might respond to you sometimes It is so hard not to respond to you as to any other child. May we better pursue your heart in our responses. Your beauty is unique. I hope that your Diamond shines through all the darkness around you. I will do my best to have wisdom for you my daughter. I want you to know you are safe that God is watching over you. I trust him in that and so should you child. Your are a wonderful sweet, kind, creative , vibrant, thoughtful loving girl. You belong to us for ever and ever and we belong to you. The world needs you . You offer a beauty that is missing all around us. A beauty of gentle , kind strength. Goodness , purity and grace. Every one who has ever known you has been captivated by you. As your name is defined Captivating and a Gift to us us from God. Pursue your purpose and your achievements will change the world.

well, From my tears to Gods ears.

After my Son was fed and I took care of task I face each morning. I showered. Boy did I shower, it rained so hard in that stall that the walls would hear my belly pull up and pour our a canal of depth it could rival the Panama. I just really let it pour bucket with the gale force of so many stresses blowing through and out of me.

I knew I had to go to the mountains. I knew that what ever the cost I must refresh my soul. I needed to get to feel pleasure, joy and just get to de-stress. I determined to offer beloved the day alone he might just benefit from. However it was his heart to join us. We drove to Prescott in the mountains right away; taking crackers and meat, peanut butter I fed us on the road. I saw myself during the wail at the town square and had untented to follow and walk in the place I was to go. We did so.

When we arrived in Prescott, I walked up to a group of beautiful women (my age) who had driven up from a town called Wickenburg. They were playing drums and percussion instruments. My intent to show my kids the wonder and music. I was invited into the circle, into the community of women to drum with them. My husbands face shown with gratitude and respect for the gift I was being offered and said go. I joined and I found in the beat the rhythm that removed me from all the many things that grab my focus. Hubby said that it was an hour that we played together. I was asked if I were a drummer I said no. During our time I remembered my Taos drum, the one covered with dust, hidden from the children so That it would not be destroyed at their hand. I showed Dove to catch the beat find her rhythm, then being hearing impaired I could not hear the depth of center I asked the woman beside me if it made sound when I hit it she said it did. I could only hear the outer rim of my drum, not the center...
this was my lesson; Another woman showed me that if I placed my hand in the center of my drum lightly I could hear the other drums speaking to my drum through the vibration. I caught the beat and found rhythm. They kept bass while I played the song. I found center . When My eyes were closed to my kids trusting Daddy man to tend them I was there. Free from focus. At rest. As soon as I opened my eyes it was gone. I stilled myself. A woman said " You will find it"
I rested in the beat of that sweet community of women. It was holy.
My children played in the square and found joy there and my Beloved saw me right where I belonged and it was the best part of his whole day to see me in my element being REAL. Centered
Everything that has been fighting for my gaze, robbing me from my center, was laid down for an hour and a half today. Long enough to get a real taste of the difference..
The things we focus on grow bigger.
It was the vast calm of the beat and the removal of all distractions that afforded me a rest.
I had almost forgotten this place.
We took the children to a creek to wade to the knee and see a dragonfly mating dance with beautiful rust and vibrant orange. We went to an IHOP with smiles adorning the children's faces we splurged a meal wonderfully served by a "cute" (DOVE SAID SO) waiter. He was great! Very well mannered!
We drove home with a Rainbow... Rain...a stresser that was big. Dash decided to use the center fold down arm cup holder as a lake for his water! Once managed sopped up, and amended for, we regrouped. They are in bed now. Beloved liked his day and is refreshed too.
Sorry so ugly in the realness in last post,
but beauty can be found under the most ugly crust. :)

The gift of loneliness

loneliness Thats what I feel tonight.

They say the gift of loneliness is to reach out., but then there is the fear. The gift of fear is wisdom. Wisdom often silences me.
My daughter is pushing back fear tonight. He sweet 10 year old body in her fanciful 4 year old mind. I weep. I weep inside so hard sometimes and the tears just never come out. The dam is so full and the walls feel as if they are going to breach.
How desperately I wish she were not special needs. How hard it is for me to see school approaching. I who always desired to home school her young and can not because I am not able to physically, mentally or emotionally. I stayed the course so long It was just last March I was called (by God ) to terms with it. I admitted I had to let go. Oh how hard that is this week to watch them so young so fragile and so needy go into the lions den. For that is how I see it at times like this, nights like these.
I try so hard to be brave to be still.
I know that I am doing what is right and honorable for their greatest good, but it is so hard to lay down the dream of a "normal" child. Of being a regular mom. How guilty I feel admitting that is so much like taboo . I just weep...
I don't want to have to fight the systems, I don't want to battle with all the problems wrought by the inabilities and ignorance of adults and children alike. I cant bear to see the abused taken upon my naive daughter. My son with the amplifiers and microphone being teased and tormented because he has hearing aides suffers my heart so hard.
I weep.............
I see us so used up and tired. So alone in this hard work. I am so tired.
And then, I breathe deep swallow and wish just for someone to reach out to me and to hold me up. and to console my soul without the guilt of blame or response of ...What do you expect you adopted them .
I expected community. I should not have had expectations though that was so foolish.
I feel like my life is lived with onlookers standing amazed not knowing what to say or do. My whole youth they stood a gazed.
I have to go and stand and teach adults how to help my kids needs get met. They should be there for me and the kids. I am grateful to settle when they are there for the kids.
Its funny sometimes when I am lonely I think someone will give me a referral. and then go on their way . I have a woman each day I see her presence on the comments. She simply says hello and I have been given the water that might sustain this lonely soul a few more hours.
The hours are hard ones right now with Dash facing a scope and surgery, with Dove facing society. With my Husband exhausted by the ten hour days and parenting, Never a moment for us for intimacy. Even if I were to be given a break a night out with him, we have the stress so much that we cant seem to defuse to enjoy each other. I want so badly to just rest in HIM and know that all will turn out well. I know that the battle is on for there lives, beloveds life and my own. We have gotten ourself s tired.
My sister says never get too tired, hungry or lonely.
Well I am lonely as a mother of children who have such a variety of special needs.
How I once in a while have to fight off envy of families around me who have "normal" kids or at least children developing on pace without a lot of medical, psychological and Nero needs. How sweet it must be for your family to never give it another thought that you have to let another stranger into your children's lives. I long for that sometimes. Both of my children need psychologist. How intimidating that is for me, how frightening, and invasive.

*at this sentence last night beloved came in to ask me to join him in going to bed. I wobbled up (the stenosis in my back and the arthritis has me very stiff) he reached out his and and I just stood there and sobbed. Now he is more stressed out. Sure seems like I should of just held it all in! I'm angry about that!*

He lovingly held me into the night now He is over tired and awoke to a rage as Dash had left a dog outside and it awoke him. Thats how I got awaken. I got up put the dogs out and went out with Dash (who needed comfort) feeling bad about himself. Then I took Dash for a walk trying to do a good thing and the dogs bugged hubby to no end. There is no wining!!! I am so angry!!!!!!!!!! I just keep sacrificing and pouring myself out to all these grumpy needy dogs kids and man all these souls are just so fleshy. give, me give me and passive aggressive and I am sick of holding it all together!!!!!!!!!!!. I hate the grumpiest in my house HATE IT!!!!!!!!!!!
I hate this stress. This damn stress!!!!!!!!!!!!! I am made at it!!!!!!!!!!!! I am angry at the thief that robs us of our peace. Our health and the promises of our future and of our children's futures. Now hubby feels bad about himself and need me to comfort him. I just want to stop the stress i just want it to back off. I want to be able to be at ease and enjoy my children and marriage and home.

Hubby suggested to list all the players in the kids intervention and whittle it down(good suggestion). Funny! soon as it gets whittled down more will be added in another week. Nobody gets it! It is not that easily to keep the player number down.
I can just hear the torment of the judgmental voices saying "well, it was your choice..." Yes it was hardened ones, but I could use a little condolence and kindness as much as you. Life is hard.

If I ever have my feeling it ruins everything for hubby!!!!!!!!!!! It is not fair! NO life is not fair and I am ranting! I should be able to be week sometimes but I am the mast. I know he is the head but I am the mast. This gale is getting old and I need some calm waters!

Angry that it is so hard! Afraid that I just can not do a good enough job, that my kids will hate me or us when they grow up. That is all I hear about these days from so many corners. Ashamed of not doing this the way I envisioned, hoped , desired. Guilty for all the falls and failure's and troubles I bring into the mix with my health. I can not say anything because it rocks the boat for my husband and the water level is already so high on the edge of the boat sides.

Maybe I am just feeling sorry for myself, NO I am just feeling! I could sure use a little encouragement! I have a long haul It is not like I can just quit here, but all around me are people who need and get my encouragement every day all around me family , friend, strangers. I am afraid I am getting "dry bones walking syndrome". Where I am just poured out!

Yes i am real, sorry so ugly. I'm done ranting.

Carnaval of family life.

Photo taken at Easter.


10 a.m. here. I watched a movie with Dash. An old ,very old, Bat man / Super Man. We love very old videos because they are (for the most part) of better character. We don't have cable and the kids only use channel 8 for (the most part). Very old videos are very cheep too. You can often get them new for $1-$2.
Well I watched about 2/3 of it cuddled with Dash, he went and got my bed pillows and then one for himself . I was sorta cold and without even having to ask he went to his room retuning to cover me up. He is such his fathers son.
I fell asleep from 7:30 until 9:30 a.m., the movie must of ended because when I awoke the T.V. was off. My Daughter calling "Clifford, Clifford" They were looking for a stuffed toy! How children believe that the toy will hear and answer them is just magical. However when your being awaken by it it takes a moment to find it's charm. It can be rather annoying. They are now practicing whistling. I brewed a cup of coffee. Today will be a day of tasks, with an afternoon play date in the mix. My tasks are essential, I have at times forgotten the value of all that I accomplish. I imagine, I as a Mother, am not alone in that thought. We are vital!
How very tired I was, now more rested from my first nap since the ancient days of well, months ago (I am guessing) . I have a real heart of compassions for the Mothers of infants who are so often sleepless. I have a "Night Dove", and a "Dawn Dash". Well Dash actually let my beloved and I get that last half hour of sleep today (first time all week).
We were set to sleep last night and when Beloved left his shower to come for me he discovered a "bomb" on the bedroom floor (the kind with a runny trail) you know the kind that when your all out of the diapering stage and the puppy is a dog, "bomb". Well my kindness actually blew up in my face (the chicken broth did not agree with his constitution)! Or carpet as it happens. You know the ONLY carpet left in the whole house. The carpet right next to where two very tired souls will have to sleep (smelling it!). Well the dogs belong down on all fours not us, usually Hubby does the task, but with great mercy I accomplished it while he went out into the garage to fetch the shampooer. So tasks accomplished, hands washed we just wobbled with fatigue (the smell may of had a little to do with it too) :). We spoke late to cover days events with the kids interventions. I had to introduce him to all the new players. The day was so done. We were so tired that the touch of our toes became our kiss goodnight. We touch toes a lot these days.
The kids really do care about us parents. When worn so thin they can sometimes seam like the enemy. They are not. The lack of my own self care has been my greatest foe.
We took the kids to Costco and I got the end of the shopping for the next several months. I am so glad.
We have I.E.P.'s to do on both of them. For those of you who are unfamiliar with this it is Individual Education Plan. Special Needs children have to have these in place to qualify and (hopefully receive) the special kinds of help the need. "Daddy Man" and I have exhausted our private sources($) almost, so we will begin to gain more federal/state assistance from the public school arena. We have paid taxes all of our lives and have done (almost) all that we have been able too do. It is humbling and with great gratitude too that we have some help. However it is said that the public school systems have the employees who are low end of the professions skills. I cant just dwell on that though. I have watched those whose hearts are bigger than their wage in all circles with the years I have intervened in the lives of my children and all those I Mothered during the years I served the community on behalf of other at risk kids.
This is a real life, uncommon perhaps but real. I could just cry. I know that I am walking into a battle that I alone have to wage, to accomplish the needs of these two wonderful little human beings. I know that every child deserves what I am about to go though and few will get it . Motherhood is HARD work. It is my choice and calling to do so. I am afraid of all of the arrows that intend to defray me from my just cause. I am overwhelmed by the thought of what I must accomplish on this front alone. As I also have a role here that is very demanding of my other skills. Saddened that two children must wage war against all the turbulence ahead. I am honored to have the privilege to both attend to task and equip them for the tasks ahead.
I hear the laughter from the other room and I weep, I know that it will be that laughter, that very laughter, that will pull from me those things required of me in the weeks, months and years ahead.
This day I will try to remember to befriend the foe of self neglect, so that I have all of my resources to maintain my charge and solemn duty.
I am in the real school now :)

Friday Feist

Appetizer
On a scale of 1 to 10 with 10 being highest, how polite are you?

It depends on my situation I am exceedingly kind, but I am hearing impaired and I think that I often come off as impolite because I interrupt. It is hard for me to hear the cadence of spoken conversation. My heart is a 10 however my actions at times may not live up to that maybe a 8.

Soup
What was the last thing that made you laugh out loud?

The comments of my children. I was watching the kids splash in the puddles and they were playing 'bears on a salmon hunt" in the puddles on all fours. "I think I got Him"(said he)..."No not like that they use their paws in a swooping motion..Like this..."Said she

Salad
Who is your favorite cartoon character?

Tweety Bird, I love his sweet nature yet he just won't put up with being bullied buy the cat.

Main Course
Tell about the funniest teacher you ever had.

Without having memory of those years of my life, The funniest teacher for me is nature. I love seeing the mistakes and mishaps in the animal kingdom.

Dessert
Complete this sentence: I strongly believe that

...I am a friend of God and that he truly cares about me.

Wordless Wedensday (a day late)

Day of (or at least morning of) Rest.

I have to go to the city this afternoon. I am going off to catch some time with the kids
Bye

Lets do the Math

30 pounds of chicken
26 pounds whole chicken @ $.57 pd. 14.82
4 bounds breasts @ $177 pd. 7.08 = $21.90

wings
legs
thighs 15 x 2.00 = 30.00
chicken tenders 5x 6.99 = 34.95
1 pd gizzards,hearts,livers = 3.99
Soup stack pt3.99x4=gal.x3 = 47.88
(3.99x4qt.=15.96x3 gallons)
stew meat x 4 pd. @ 5.00pd = 20.00 ========= $152.83

meat value $152.83
less 2 pounds of fat and yuk 2 pound of bone $.57x 4= 2.28 ====$150.55

$150.55 worth of meat for $21.90

Value in my time.....
$150 divided by 2 and a half hours work=====$60.22 per hour wage for my family in savings if I had purchased this pre- cut and packaged. The benefits of working for my family are priceless. We have medical through Hubby's employment. That makes it possible . Both partners have a role.

Good night , I'll add comentary tomarrow.

Cuting up chickens, 29 pounds of chicken cut and put up.

Beloved blessed me by doing the photos of last night project. I hope this helps any of you who desire the knowledge of how to piece a bird. This work must be done quickly the birds must be kept cold. I had all cut meat in the deep freeze in one hour.
Chickens, .57 a pound for whole fryers (get the larges ones this is the est bargan for the money less bone/fat per pound, and the tenders are bigger(see chicken tenders below) and $1.77 clean breasts (I leave these whole they are "young" or smaller.)
Prepare all surfaces. I used paper bags (recycle) then I line cookie sheets with plastic wrap so they are ready. A VERY sharp knife the best you can afford. If at yard sale look for hardened steal. They will sharpen well.
The breasts first just lay them out not touching. We are going to flash freeze here then bag them in a large zip lock baggies and we will just pull out what we need as we need them. Cover them with plastic. Now when you pull the plastic do it over the item to be covered (don't tear it yet) pull more than you need, let it float in the air into place. I say this after seeing hubby battle over the tear and place method where he trys to grad the wrap with two hands. I have one hand on box one hand on wrap.
When removing your birds lift them out so the moistur stays in the bottom of the bags. This keeps contagions down and mess at a minimum.
I cut wing off then thight at the joint, cut through meat thend bend back to reveil joint it will crack that is the open to cut through.
By slicing close to the ribs the thigh has a lot of meat remaining
Bend back for crack and cut through.

Same for knee, cut through meat all around bend it back for crack cut through
I cut wing tip and toss in stock pots. This pot all the carcass from the backed chiken and all the broth and roasted garlic and onion.
Using Gravity as your third hand. Sorta like God giving you an invisible hand :) Hold bird on end slice through the hollow and as below pull open a little slice down

Here will be your crack to slice you sill be cutting through the rib bones and its all good. Just a little yucky, watch the under left (back) side for neck. slice though joints and clear remaining flesh.

Now from the back cut the meat through and through.


I am now cutting back in half Use pressure he not a slice but a hard press through. Now the worse part is to PUSH don't pull your thumb in an upward motion to remove the blood clots and the two little glands trim with a small knife. Don't put that in your pot YUK, De-fat using your invisible gravity hand lift up on the back with the fat, with a sharp knife slice pulling your blade toward you. It is to keep your stock clear.


Skin your breast using gravity again This will keep your meat free from damage too.

Slice drawing blade toward you. one side and turn it around then the other. As close as you can but don't worry about meat left on the bone this and the back pieces are easily cleaned of all meat after they boil in the stock pot. This is the best soup meat. The back accually has a lot of flavor.

Now each of these large breast will have one small loose tender on the back It comes right off then make three long slices ...chicken tenders. Cover with plastic. These are to be flash frozen right away. They then will be removed and placed into large sip lock baggies.

Stock pots, right all the wing tips, breasts bones, backs and bay leaves several. Left the Roasted Garlic onion batch. All will boil for a few hours here. The right has already boiled for the hour I have been cutting. It was also backed bird. The bird was sliced for supper and the carcass boiled. For soup I will de-bone all this tomorrow or Friday for soup. I removed all meat/bone to be picked tomorrow. I will chill all of this (BELOVED DID IT FOR ME WHILE I SHOWERED) A steal bowl was inserted (floated) in the large pot as it rested in the large sink in cool water. Then he filed the bowl with ice . and stirred the pot.
Here are 2 cups of hearts, livers and gizzards. To it was added 2 cups water. I give this to the dogs after It cools. They always are at attention when they see me with a whole bird. So funny to watch them but they do get a little pesky. My momma would have a fit for this makes the best gravy! I might hold the hearts and livers back, but I just never liked the idea a whole lot. Seams like your eating dirty filters ya know.
Here in a bag is about 2 pounds of skin, fat and the back bone yuk. That is such little waste. Now it is contained in this bag, mess minimized when all done I add three paper towel to spong up the liquid and in the trash it goes.
Trash mess contained and removed post haste by beloved as soon as he walked by (good GUY) .

Cover and freeze. (just a few)


Bleach your counter tops well. Not cross sontamination. This is VERY important with chicken.
Bag all the bags into one
Anticipation.............