Sunday, August 30, 2009

Spiritual Sundays

Standing up to Meanness

Friday I opened my heart up just an inch about the loss of my nephew this year to suicide and the pending arrival of the child he fathered.
I tenderly spoke of how his death pains me.

Anonymous found it necessary to be mean.

Meanness is a silencer.
It divides and conquers the very absence of fellowship that it demands.

It's amazing to me the ability to track that our technology and a very intelligent person may have.

Mean people come in all packages.
I have always believed that meanness is based in a wounded heart.
Thus they tend to do a bit of transference to everyone they come around.
Funny though that they often can desire (or perhaps appear too) to be kind and may even spend time and effort being so.
Thus the most confusing part of loving mean people.
I am called to compassion yet I do not have to tolerate, nor Mean Person do you , have to tolerate those covert behaviors in your own self.
We all have the choice to mature in our Character.
I would hope for your sake that you continue to do so.
If not it will be a terribly lonely life for you I am sure.
Meanness pushes away the very thing your after...

All the attention you were denied!

Now when hearts are tender and they receive meanness from others it can really impale us.
Down from the stake this morning come I.
I realized the transference.

I grieve for those who find it satisfying to transfer there wound onto others.
But it is their responsibility NOT OURS to care for, manage and do the work to heal themselves...not ours.
The depth of loneliness, shame and impending rejection that they must live with every day.

Now although I do care about those Mean Folks...
I will spend no more of my time pulling away because of them!
This is MY BLOG!

So anonymous with the deepest sincerity I do grieve those things that left you the way you are.
I do pray for you that your heart might heal.

It is in the Spirit of the LIVING LOVING GOD that I am able to do so.

My Dear Covering of a husband opened my eyes to the error of just erasing your comment.
It would perhaps of been good to let you my readers address such a one.

As He said also it is good that you who love me and who are those who truly care of my sorrow over the loss of my Dear Nephew
that was such an important part my young adult life
Never being able to be close to him due to the madness of my family of origin.
that was such an important part of our early marriage...
this child who I saw come to my door in a vision so many years after last I saw him...
Who knocked on my door that vision just days before my first trip to Russia...
Who asked me if I would be willing to receive those who came in the car that day with him.
It was at his request and the Lords preparation of a repeated vision of the event that took place...seeing what played out year after year in that vision...
This child whom I prayed and wept over year after year as did I his cousins and the siblings I was forced to remain in isolation from...
in order to not take my own life...
This young man who poured his heart out to me several months before His death...
This young adult that I simply could not help.
This soul who was so used and chased by people and the world around him.
This young man who chose to follow the path that lead slowly to his destruction who found it too difficult to follow any other way .
Far to many obstacles in his life ...his path.

This child whom I loved.
I grieve over.

Though I am not his mother,his sister or the mother of his child .
I watched his life unfold from a
(necessary self imposed for survival)
distance and grieved and wept and yes at times rejoiced.
A child with a heart so loving and so generous and kind that he in his own way even went so far in his despair and wound as to lay his life down in utter defeat.

So to all you Mean Spirited folk as Much as I have compassion for you and chose moment by moment to practice kindness to you...
I will not be defeated by the wound that lashes out from you!

For Greater is
than he who provokes the wound.

Perhaps joining us over here might just give you what you need


Annette said...

This makes me angry to know that someone hurt you like this! you have the biggest, loving heart I know, and your so right about the part meanness must be a wounded heart! Poor souls....I know you loved and still love your nephew and I think its awesome that some people have a relationship with their nieces and nephews like you did with him, he was truly blessed to have you and your family in his life. I'm so sorry your hurting, but you just keep loving people, our world needs more people like you in it! I LOVE YOU!!!!!!!!
Love always~

Unknown said...

Donetta--I am so sorry this happened. That you have been the target of ugliness by someone!

As I heard someone say (or perhaps read in a book) "God don't like ugly."

You are a kind sweet loving sister--and I am sorry for the loss your family has suffered. Know that you are in my prayers and on my mind so much!

Your sister from FL!

Ginger~~Enchanting Cottage said...

Mean people need our prayers so that God will make there hearts soft.
God Bless,

~Bren~ said...

I have trouble with mean people. I never know quite how to handle them. I do not get them on my blog (I also do not allow annoymous comments and most mean people are cowards), but in real life I am seeing it with the pre teen girls in my neighborhood. It is important that I teach my daughter HOW to deal with this. I loved what you wrote and will use a good portion of it to explain mean people to my children. I also like that you say you "care" but do not have to let them defeat you. I watched my daughter just this afternoon, carry the burden of hurt and defeat from another girl's wickedness. It was difficult as a mother not to go "deal with" that child, but I think it is best to give my daughter the tools she needs to handle the meanness.
I am so proud of you. You are a wise woman and I love you!

Charlotte said...

I think it is probably true that those who have been hurt badly tend to want to hurt someone in return. It's so sad. I'm so sorry for your loss. I'm also sorry that someone chose to lash out and hurt you even more. You have the right attitude I believe. It's hard to pray for people like that but they are the ones that need it the most. Thank you for sharing this experience with us.

Denise said...

I am very sorry this happened dear sis, please know how very loved you are.

RCUBEs said...

It's sad that some people can't accept the fact that we may all differ in opinions but there is no need to be rude. God bless.

Denise said...

What in the world is wrong with the hearts of people. It is just too easy to be kind to people. Kindness is so free..... I wonder sometimes why the hearts of men are so turned away from God....... What happened in their lives that causes them to lash out....... You are living proof that God heals broken lives and hearts...... You are a living testimony.

Corey~living and loving said...

very well said, Donetta. thinking of you.

Older women likewise teach the younger women...

• how to love their husbands
• how to love their children
• how to be self-controlled
• how to be pure
• how to be keepers at home
• how to be kind and submissive (not subservient) to their own husbands. (See Titus 2:3-5)

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By Maya Angelou

'A woman's heart should be so hidden in Christ
That a man should have to seek Him first to find her.'

When I say... 'I am a Christian' I'm not shouting 'I'm clean living,'
I'm whispering 'I was lost, Now I'm found and forgiven.'

When I say... 'I am a Christian' I don't speak of this with pride.
I'm confessing that I stumble and need Christ to be my guide.

When I say... 'I am a Christian' I'm not trying to be strong.
I'm professing that I'm weak and need His strength to carry on.

When I say.. 'I am a Christian' I'm not bragging of success.
I'm admitting I have failed and need God to clean my mess.

When I say... 'I am a Christian' I'm not claiming to be perfect,
My flaws are far too visible, but God believes I am worth it.

When I say... 'I am a Christian' I still feel the sting of pain...
I have my share of heartaches, so I call upon His name.

When I say... 'I am a Christian' I'm not holier than thou,
I'm just a simple sinner Who received God's good grace, somehow!

Words have power. Here are a few of my favorite sayings.

  • A warm cup of tea is like a cuddle with a friend.
  • The North American Indians have a more eloquent word for ‘friend’ than we do in English. In their language, the word for friend literally means, “the one who carries my sorrows on his back.”
  • Return with Honor
  • The sage anticipates things that are difficult while they are easy, and does things that would become great while they are small. All difficult things in the world are sure to arise from a previous state in which they were easy, and all great things from one in which they were small. Therefore the sage, while he never does what is great, is able on that account to accomplish the greatest things."
  • “Live so that when your children hear these words they think of you… Fairness Caring Integrity Honesty Love Trust.”
  • "O Lord help my words to be gracious and tender today, for tomarrow I may have to eat them."
  • "No man has ever been shot while doing the dishes"

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