Tackle it Tuesday

Empowering the Adult
Parenting 101

This morning rang frustration as my parenting skills suffered a big wake up call.
Often we say things about how our kids drive us bonkers and I am no exception.
I realized that it was not him per say
but that it was my inability to parent him without the knowledge I needed to address the issue.
My response to him was from a kids perspective.
I love being "kind" to the kids feeling like "oh the poor dears just got home let them chill out a while tell them what to do and then watch myself get angry when they
"let my trust in them down".
WRONG!!

RIGHT...
...is to hold them accountable and not just make life easy for them.
Having them do their chores, duties and homework when they get home is security and that is an innate need .
Letting them know how they can create for themselves the environment they desire.
A "grown up controls them" into the desire of the big kid they are and what they wished it would of been like for them. It is the example they knew.

When my kids got home today first
they wash hands (every day!) this is so important.
They had an apple and a few minutes to talk about the day.

So the timer was set for a 10 minute tidy...

Then for a 15 minute kick back time..,
For Dove TV for Dash no TV
Lie to me about your homework = no privileged.
TV/ computer is privileged not a right
:)
He owned it tonight and apologized for his lies.

Then it was homework time.

It is my ADULT responsibility to hold them to it
not just accept their word
but
to check it.
I got very angry at Dash for he lied to me again...
but I realized that he needs an adult to stand over him and hold him to it.
It was me the "grown up" that really was a thorn in my saddle.

He actually seemed to appreciate it that I caught him in it yet again!
The adult pointed out correct procedure and made sure he got it.
No excuses
he was thriving on it!!!!!!!!!
I gave him a charting system that I will have to check and see each day that he did it.
He can check his own work before he tells me if he is done.
He will know when he is done.

You see Dash is pretty much a genius...no kidding.
He is off the IQ chart for his age range...
off the bell curve ...
off the paper!
He thinks he is too smart to do the mundane...
:)
We have him in an Extended Learning Program
Being young we do not advance him for the sake of his emotional development.

Smart kids are a hand full and then some.
It is really a gift and a challenge to raise him.

It is all well and good to trust our kids.
I learned though that some kids test the system
to see if I cared enough to really check on him.

Any way after homework...
he now is in a good mood confident in his security that mom is not so stupid after all He finds security in that...
see what I mean about raising a smart kid...

They gleefully did their chores!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
jaw dropping to the floor once again...
They then had the down time all done by 4:00p.m.!!!!!!

I was able to have supper done
not having to wait on Dove to get her dishes done.

No more Grown up nagging about
"you need do get your home work done".
Dove.."Get your dishes done soon dad will be home...
I need to do the kitchen...soon Dove please get them done"...
Then in utter frustration yell at her to get them done embarrassment because Steve is going to walk in the door and the kitchen is not finished.


"Adult"
lets them know what is expected of them
and holds them to it.


I must of been a hand full!
I am told that I too am way intelligent...
perhaps that explains some of the "grown up's" frustrations and abuse on me as a kid.
Come to think of it the siblings who were very smart got the worst of it.

I must keep my adult in charge.

Grown up verses Adult
Over at A Life Restored I will do a post on this issue
Including the way you can tell who in in charge of your parenting:)

To those of you who were raised as Adults more power to you!
Your example to the world around you is priceless.
I am wishing I had your parents
:)

But for those of us who had to grow up with grown ups who were never the adults we needed
we have to become adults with intentional vigor.