Friday, August 13, 2010

Fearless Friday

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 Today I could sure use your prayers and thankful hearts for I know I am blessed.
Every trial is a blessing and a gift to gain a greater capacity to love my self so that maturity to be able to love others likewise might develop.
I know this .
Praise is coming hard when pain and sorrow come to challenge me. 
 
I saw a shooting star this morning. 
It had been my prayer to get to see the meteor shower. 
At 5 a.m. I awoke and thought to get outside. No easy task for I can barley walk.
I was standing out in the grass. Felt so wobbly and my lab kept leaning on me and doing my best to steady myself I stood and watched.  You see even in that moment I knew that it was that my desire was heard and I awoke in time to see one last shooting star before the dawn. 

but...I sat on the sofa and nodded off for a very few moments to a dog (the golden) barking at the doggy door too unwilling to push the flap. I had to get up twice and by then I was angry, pained so that it frustrated me. I did not want the dogs to disturb my beloveds last few minutes of sleep.

Counting it all joy has not meant being happy, or unafraid, or not even being angry. 
I know I am so blessed to have the interventions of all these needles piercing my body. I know that there are so so many who suffer, truly suffer daily with the bones that hold us in this rheum.
In this gratitude I am sad not really feeling sorry for myself but sad for my family, children my beloved husband. He stands beside me watched me cringe as needles once again caused a pain before the gain. I am told by a relative that it is to be stoic a matter of not entering into self indulgence. 
Yet I am not a woman of masks.
As ugly as it might be freely said this is lonely.
I know I am not alone.

This morning unable to help the kids much even in that I can see that independence is a good thing for them. Thinking though of life in their shoes so to speak again sorrow touched me. Counting it in all things that God is for me, us.  It is coming harder today as I sit here. Sit and enjoy a cool home, a full belly and the privilege of a nice computer and those who are around me both physical and in the midst of the shadows surrounding me. 

It is that my heart desires to hold fast to gratitude and praise fondly embracing He who is embracing me. I want to cry I want to be sad yet I do not. The suffering around the world is fierce and tremendous. This my meager pains pale but yet they are mine to experience. 
Just sorta wish they were not.

Please stand with me as it is my heart not to crumble but to stand within my heart for this is only a tempary pain. This whole of life is only temparary. I wish it could be longer than that. That time were a vacant threat. Children grow so quickly.

Today my son said..."I wonder what heaven looks like"?

"it is I believe not only a place to go but a place within me" was my reply.
Please support me in this that the place within me remains a heaven in His presence as I struggle to simply abide.

 

5 comments:

marty (A Stroll Thru Life) said...

Oh Donetta, you are always in my thoughts and prayers. I know the Lord is walking right beside you, and that He is there for you. You are such a precious and special person. Thanks also for your very precious birthday wishes. It made my day. Hugs, Marty

Angela said...

'the school of suffering equips great scholars'. I read this the other day in a devotional and thought..'wow, me, a scholar?'...

It's hard to explain to people, or for many to even relate to the time of suffering one is experiencing in their life.

You my precious sister, DO understand and I thank God for you in my life.

Blessing precious 'scholar'.

Denise said...

Hello my friend..... I am so very sorry that you are in pain... I am so very sorry and I will pray.. Thank you for stopping by once in a while to say hello.. I am thankful for all the cards and comments that you girls send...They never cease to lift me up...... How wonderful it is to have sisters in the Lord as yourself......

I too am having some pain and Tuesday I will have another MRI on my back. My legs and feet now are going numb and much pain in my back and legs. Not sleeping hardly at all..... so I understand the need of prayer....... As we pray for others the Father God blesses us!

Love you much and I hope to get back to blogging soon!

Lily said...

Praying for you, for the strength to abide.

Denise said...

Praying with you, and for you dear sis. I love you so much.

Older women likewise teach the younger women...

• how to love their husbands
• how to love their children
• how to be self-controlled
• how to be pure
• how to be keepers at home
• how to be kind and submissive (not subservient) to their own husbands. (See Titus 2:3-5)

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By Maya Angelou

'A woman's heart should be so hidden in Christ
That a man should have to seek Him first to find her.'

When I say... 'I am a Christian' I'm not shouting 'I'm clean living,'
I'm whispering 'I was lost, Now I'm found and forgiven.'

When I say... 'I am a Christian' I don't speak of this with pride.
I'm confessing that I stumble and need Christ to be my guide.

When I say... 'I am a Christian' I'm not trying to be strong.
I'm professing that I'm weak and need His strength to carry on.

When I say.. 'I am a Christian' I'm not bragging of success.
I'm admitting I have failed and need God to clean my mess.

When I say... 'I am a Christian' I'm not claiming to be perfect,
My flaws are far too visible, but God believes I am worth it.

When I say... 'I am a Christian' I still feel the sting of pain...
I have my share of heartaches, so I call upon His name.

When I say... 'I am a Christian' I'm not holier than thou,
I'm just a simple sinner Who received God's good grace, somehow!

Words have power. Here are a few of my favorite sayings.

  • A warm cup of tea is like a cuddle with a friend.
  • The North American Indians have a more eloquent word for ‘friend’ than we do in English. In their language, the word for friend literally means, “the one who carries my sorrows on his back.”
  • Return with Honor
  • The sage anticipates things that are difficult while they are easy, and does things that would become great while they are small. All difficult things in the world are sure to arise from a previous state in which they were easy, and all great things from one in which they were small. Therefore the sage, while he never does what is great, is able on that account to accomplish the greatest things."
  • "HOME IS WHERE YOUR STORY BEGINS"
  • “Live so that when your children hear these words they think of you… Fairness Caring Integrity Honesty Love Trust.”
  • "O Lord help my words to be gracious and tender today, for tomarrow I may have to eat them."
  • "No man has ever been shot while doing the dishes"

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This was given to me for the third time in just a few weeks.

Zephaniah 3:17 NLT
"For the LORD your God has arrived to live among you. He is a mighty savior. He will rejoice over you with great gladness. With his love, he will calm all your fears. He will exult over you by singing a happy song."

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