Thankful Thursday

Summer time is the theme for the day...
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How good it is to be loved the balance is a marvelous thing.

Now even though I got a very healthy stress relieving belly laugh out of the comment my Sister made about it being illegal to work folk so hard as I do...
I got her point.

I know she is right in some respects the health issues and the stress of such a heavy load is life (literally) consuming.
However it is also life giving.
If I do not keep a full life I will not be doing as well as I am at maintaining my mental stamina. Yet it is a bit over the top, with a sick husband it has fallen for me to carry his load a little more in the yoke.

I was telling her how I had totally forgotten that I had gone through all that testing sometime back and had proven out that the issues with my brain matter was not early onset dementia. It was NOT.
Kids I forgot that I even had that testing!
I got so full of fear about the Altimeters threat that I just crumbled.
These lesions and migraines in the white matter like to play silly tricks on me.
It was when I was in prayer that God showed me doing all those tests and the Doctor saying that I was so very highly intelligent and really making such a point of it. I saw in the memory of it her face.

Now what ever the little dance is that the demilenation/brain injury is causing well that is something I live with.

Every day is new.
HA!
Well sometimes that "ha"
turns to tears, heart ache, fear, embarrassment and grief.
I get so heated in it that...
the summers hot and burning me with self pitty.
It has been a hard thing to be so bright and not to have a recall or ability at times to pull up those things I want out of this little ol data bank. Then I do yes get to feeling sorry for myself, frustrated with the remnants of whats left of who I am.

There in come the assault!
The weapons formed against me. Forgetting what is before me pressing on into it without the memory of what I know in HIM just splays me open.
And I will tell you that is very frustrating and I am guilty I think of turning my face away from Him a bit and just trying to cope through it.

Coping alone is survival and I think I have been in that former old familiar survival mode here for a while sorry if you stepped in it and I hope ya all can wipe it off your shoe
:)


This morning I awoke to a clean kitchen
I walked away last night to tend to driving that little kid home.
Spending time with each of my own on my arrival home and just living guilt free.

Guilt free with gratitude I received the help I really needed.
My husband did the dishes.
We worked on the counters together before I had left.I was able to walk into the kitchen after my 2 hour work out in the garden.
I walked into this.
I received this without feeling guilty for the help...without feeling embittered because I needed it...without feeling like an imposition to my lovin husband...or a bad Proverbs 31 woman to see the My man at the sink working.
Funny guy he said this morning joking with me
" Now don't mess up my clean kitchen"
To which I replied
"So just how then are we gunna come up with anything to eat?"
With a rye smile we both gave a little chuckle

We walked out one end and I the other to go out to tend to the earth.
We bidding each other a good day and a hug.

Well here is where I left off this morning.
The beds are made and it is nearing time to seed.
There is yes earth to move and the soil amended.

Alright then thankful for summer.
The uniform of summer in the garden.
Now I drank a good 16 oz of water and that yellow bandanna recycled it all.Ha
The earth has been moved and the lumps clumps and bumps turned into a nice soil. It is being filled each day a bit. Just got to hot and tired by 8:30 to go any further and it was time to tend the children.

The girls said thanks and that Ruby is glad to be home.
No eggs yet...these little bantie chickens are wanting some greens.
We were diligent to wait the week out. Spent nothing all week as to keep true to task on the budget. I am so looking forward to some greens myself.

It is good that in the midst of the heat we can find a shade.
Like the chickens enduring the heat till they all but go lame.

I too am grateful that under the heat of the molten that the dross is rising up out of me to get skimmed of a bit more.
Summers time is a time of intensity that is often needed to get us ready for the fall. The soil had to get all dug up cleaned and ready. Soon to have amendments that restore it to it's full potential.

So I suppose the fall is coming in several weeks.
By summers end on my face I fall humbled and thankful to see that even I who have known Him so intimately can be tipped over to let that dross dribble off me caught with me sweat cloth to wipe it away from my brow.