Saturday Starters

Good Morning
I hope all of you slept well.
I stayed up reading blogs last night. There were some wonderful blogs, and then I fell upon a marvel of home schooling/homemaking back to basics blog where I so admired the content and the knowledge.
I went to bed late and found myself effected with a condemnation and discouragement that stunned me.
I saw everything that I was faltering in.
I saw the goals of this dear woman accomplished like I once had desired.

All morning I witnessed our lives and how different they are from the vision I once had.

This morning I awoke from a dream where I was helping an elderly woman set up her living room for a craft sale.
I was trying to let light in by washing a window.
The old man (her husband) would only allow me one paper towel and I was unable to do the job.
When I ran an errand to fetch my things to add to the sale a lawyer approached me. Telling me how he represented several neighbors, and if I knew what was good for me I would have nothing to do with this couple.
In my dream I was astonished for the reasoning that the elder couple was being targeted was the lack of maintenance and prestige in the lawns of the home.
It was not dirty as in a rubbish issue , just not manicured (like those neighbors).
I returned to these elders attempting to asses the value of the council given me by the lawyer.

I thought as I woke up...

The first thought was...
Why hadn't any one of those neighbors lifted a finger to help them?

The breakfast of french long loaf as batter soaked toast was prepared while my children played games that their father set up for them on the computers.
I was grieved again at the ideal that I once had.
Remembering the ideal the desire to be a homeschooling mother , I had to (choose too after a battle with God over it) let go of as an act of obedience to God.

Then I thought about a line from this blog I had read that said if I was not homeschooling to keep my children s hearts as a "religious conviction" that I might as well give it up.
You know it hurt.
I wonder how many of you have felt that way.

Beloveds take on it, is that it is not an others blog that hurt , but that the hurt came from the readers view.
It does hurt that I had to let go of a very similar ideal.
It was let go of it or risk the peace of my family, and my own sanity.

I thought about my blog and how many times I share as a driving force to keep myself going.
I wondered if ever I left any of you feeling condemnation through comparing your selves with my posts.
I do so desire to never to do that.

I thought again about what he said .
That it is the reader who receives the post and not the other way around.
I really am not sure how it goes in actuality, but I would so hope that this is a place of shared knowledge and experience.
Never one of judgments or condemnation.

I am a simple woman of clay.

Like all of you I do not share my darkest side.
I do not try real hard to hide it either.
We are all clay.
We are all full of a dross that is being refined daily bubbled up to the top to be scooped off.

Of late I have witnessed great scoops of it :)
It is my hope, and trust that it is leading to the refined.

Ideals are so alluring.

Laying them down painful.
Yet in all I know there is peace in doing so.
Our lives effect others, as others lives have effect on ours.
As Women and Mothers we have a duty to allow our husbands to lead us.
Perhaps leading us out of our ideals into a reality we do not favor.
Those are hard things in parenting.
I often cringe at the games that the Daddy man has the kids playing.
War and battle appall me, as does hunting.
He knows it.
I was once so stringent a Mother as to bind up my husbands freedoms with his own children, condemning his choices and actions.

I really miss many things about my ideal.
One of them being my own library.
It really bothers me to see the children reading things that I do not prefer.
Yet the theory on the Daddy Mans part is a reversal of rebellion.
Allowing the things we do not agree with so that we are here to converse and to remove the mystique of the ta bu or Morey around us. Our kids will understand why we do not agree or accept the messages offered. I would rather have Doves for sure. Free of the knowledge of the good and evil. Free form the lure of it. If we remove the lure by exposing it we hope to free them from the rebellion and experience of it without guidance.
Scary stuff as a parent.

He had an Uncle who was so strict as to keep the world from his children.
Many of those kids grew into a rebellion that separated them form a knowledge of the love of God.
They had to explore all they had been denied of, and in that many dangers damaged the young adult years and the lives were spent in turmoil. They had to break free of the bonds that held them.
Of age they sought to understand. they had years in the favor but lacked a balance of intelligence and common sense (a misnomer for the common of it is rare now)

A balance is our goal.
It was said, in that blog that it is for us to "Keep our children's hearts".
It is my greatest fear that I have lost mine do to the influences of the world and the impacts of the leadership in my home.
Yet at the same time it is so clear that we have kept them do to the impact of the leadership in my home. The scriptures that speak of the "gentleness of a dove...yet to be wise as the Serpent".
I would that they never lose the Dove quality but if I leave them to learn of the serpent on their own I feed them to the wolves.
I have to trust God that it is in his hands that I have placed them.
I wonder if perhaps these strange skills developed as I cringe will one day serve these kids in such a way as to save their lives, or to save the lives around them.
All around us it is clear that so many are dull to the battle that is being waged above and around us in the heavens.
Lives are targeted as are family units.
How sad it would be to be ignorant of how to fight for the souls of our families and the world at large.

Do pray for me and for each other for it is a great debate among us as to how best to serve the future generations.
Those who we owe such a great debt.
I know so many things are right and good about the knowledge that this dear lady is sharing yet when it brings condemnation it is a struggle.
Yes I have considered whether it be conviction...
My heart is open to conviction.
I also trust that Daddy Man has a heart open to it too.

There is now no condemnation for those who have been joined in a vital union to Jesus Christ by God the Father through the person and work of the Holy Spirit.

Tell me would you...?
Your take on these things.
For it is not a debate, but rather shared ideas and bases for those ideas that are of great interest to me.