The " Got a job offer" STRESS!

Last night ignition! Blast off ! here we go again!

Hubby had a temp offer for a job up in MT, All the peace and resolve left me for several hours. I got excited at the thought of maybe... I looked at houses and the kids got hopeful.. Reality is that it is most likely a temp. job not one with benefits. The offer even had a side line "poverty with a view"
I got angry again and thought about what I had read in James about my own selfish ambition bringing strife with the end of it sin. I had visited this trial and saw the fruit of it once, more than once. Then now again I saw the heat of irrational emotion rob me of my Yes=Yes and no=no. If we were offered 60k plus moving expense and benefits we would go. Otherwise it would be our loss to do so . Fact is without a miracle it is not likely to happen.
I went to beloved angry all but accusing him. Man again sin "ME I WANT GIVE ME" over powered me to the point of losing all my wisdom and falling headlong into my emotion. The fact is that WE have realized that for us the most important thing to stand by wise council and choice. To live and enjoy what has been afforded us is our best choice. I do not want to be governed by my emote!
I had a peace that up until then was really nesting in and realizing that the dream of forest for me was one to let go off in order to heal the things that were really my issues. Running into the thought of "the forest " kept me from the responsibly and pain of addressing the issues, trials and battles I have here this day to do. I would so rather let my mind go to a numbing fantasy that "it will all be better if I live in the trees". I thought only of all the positive of the forest and any negative addressed would anger me (they hindered the numbing of the fantasy).
Truth is I will still be me. I will still have the same issues and new ones to boot. I will live. It is here for now and one day perhaps there, But I have (we) 14 more earning years or so. I have two small kids who have allot of medical needs ( my pears are now grandparents). Health Ins. is a must. I have to walk this road there is no escaping it ( it is the path we have chosen). I need to take the kids to therapies, and deal with threats of ushers for Dash hawk, concerns for Little Doves vulnerability will be there where ever I go (special needs will not be made easier in the forest) even though I have tried to convince myself is would be .
I have had one major crisis in my life after another for over 25 yrs. Moving to the high country with all of its fantasy will not remove the reality that it would be another crisis. More stress that is just now easing ever so slightly. Now at a time when it is Gods gift to me to rest a while. My kids are in the top 3rd school in our district. I have a great home. Hubby loves his job and we have great benefits, even though he is pulling 50 hour weeks we are gaining our goals and earning a promises of a better standing in our future. If hubby was up in the high country it would still be 10 hour days plus and those unpaid in a car traveling home. We would have to pack up a large estate, that we have finally, now after 25 plus years have just the way we have always dreamed off. A very high price for a fairy tale forest to hold on to . Reality is that heat, pollution and other negatives may not really be so bad in the greater scheme of things. If the other stress ors were dealt better with maybe even the multitude of straws would not be so heavy on this camels back. So I will plan around the heat and in the fall I will give myself that garden I so long for > I will plant some trees in my yard and Hubby will just have to deal with them and learn not to complain about the responsibility of them. I'll save up for an orange tree for the yard and maybe a lemon too. We will have to set some goals to replace our 4=runner with a truck that can tow oue cobwebbed camp tailor up to the forest a few times a year. We will just have to take the responsibility to budget and save up for a meager camp trip to bring some ease and joy to our family and the forest, well we can go to it and enjoy the seasons that offer pleasure and not the dreaded suffering of the "snow". I will fix the things I cant stand, ask for and insist (with kind firmness) on the help I need to do the things required and learn to deal with the rest best I can.

Now I have a mate who is reasonable, who will take care to address problems. That is a huge blessing. Without that I know my test in all of this would be greatly compounded. He knows that he also is doubly blessed with me too. We are a team and with everything were are we will not threaten and mistreat each other. My husbands heart is for me. If I were to threaten him our marriage or the forest well them he would see that something greater is a miss for if a dream would cost a marriage who is in error? What is the greater issue selfish ambition or living for each other. I know hubby has OUR best interest at heart. If he could he would give me every desire that I could ever come up with but that doesn't mean that that would be the best thing for me. How many a marriage is distroide over stubborn selfish ambition that is only a bandage for the real heart problems of life.
It is time to let go of the fairy tale for me and face the truth of this day, GOOD BAD AND THE UGLY. Truth is for me there is a lot of beauty. I have been cultivating a better attitude and in so doing I saw a thief in my midst trying to cause within a hard heart. This thief within was removing my focus form the trial and afforded me some false comfort in the fairy tail. Dreams are good and important. Suffering is horrible and hard. It can ware us down to the bone. It can harden our hearts and hurt us so badly that bitterness replaces our true selves. Healing is the solve kindness the balm and restoration the cure. I have to grow up into the importance and goodness of this moment and all of those to follow. I can not let the process take "me, my real self" away. For everything is meant for my good because I have placed my love upon God. Psalm 91