Friday, April 23, 2010

Special Needs kids and Independant sleep

We who mother children with special needs are a different breed of woman. The things we grow to understand are often nion to impossible to comprehend by most. These lessons won in the dark hours of night when all that is before us is the instinct that cries out to be heard . The voices of all those who mean so well are hushed in our minds and the clarity of what must be gleaned from among them. we must establish our own innate resolute purpose. The purpose and design attended and afforded us as those mothers given the place destined for us. Mothers of children with special needs.

Now many a public person will tell us how amazing we are or how lucky our children are to have us.
Often we who know better, we who live the day in and day out with our children are the wiser. It is we who understand how honored and privileged we are to have these  unique kids in our lives.

We know that it is us who grow the most, who mature beyond what we once would of ever thought possible . Basking in the rewards of those accomplishments we see through the strides of our young ones.

Last night here in our home, in my life uncommon, I was witness to such a marvel and a wonderful break  through in my daughter.

Dove slept in her room. 

A small thing to most parents who would never give it a second thought. There are many remedies and tricks offered to us by thousands who look at it as if it is a small thing to accomplish in parenthood. Like somehow we only need to pay heed to their council and all would be well. It is as if we parents are somehow to fault for not following the council the advice that they are convinced would do the trick. If we would only do it the way they did.

We Mothers and Fathers of Special circumstance only wish it we so easy. 
So uncomplicated.

We become all but convinced that WE must be doing something wrong. We become desperate to FIX it. We can not, and that is the hardest thing to face...

we have to let go. 

In our letting go we must face the courage to believe in our instincts and intuition in order to set stage for our special needs kids to grow and heal in those ways uncommon to most parents.

Dove was challenged that she would no longer be allowed to do sleep overs, nor would her friend, until they slept in their own rooms. All week the other child kept her word of course the other mother sat with her helping her. This other child has PTSD from abuse done by an ex boyfriend of the maternal. Dove let her friend down in this... that we gave her choice each day and showed great mercy as to be in there with her. I offered to have her just lay on the bed while daddy man read story to Dash next door. By her choice she continued to decline and we just "let go of it" it was in her control  her power. 
I sat with her telling her her life story as I read Psalm 91 to her and told her about how much courage I had to face the "what if's" that is her challenge. She was freely sharing her fears so I could address them one by one. She would sleep and then I would hush she would stir and I simply continued the story until she would fade again. This lasted until 1a.m. at that time I had to go to the bathroom so bad that I just HAD to get up. I was in so much physical pain I could not take it any longer.
My neck screamed at me when I tried to move my head. I had to get my big toe out of her grasp without waking her. It did not happen as I had hoped and she jerked awake panicked. In my stooper I muttered an exasperated s*T! Dove I have to pee! As I rushed to the bathroom all but in tears I just dropped my face in my hands and said "please God , I just can not take sitting here any longer, help her"
I returned and closed the partially opened window (Dove was warm). Locked it with the locks I told her all about and said "honey I just cant sit here, I am hurting. I am sorry I blurted out in my stupor child."  she said..." Mom It is alright, I think I can do go lay your back down on your big bed . I'll be alright."
She was in her bed this morning.
Waking as the Daddy Man went to check on her as I showered and tended to the pains imposed upon my bones. My jaw a flame for the medications were neglected as was all else for my self care in order to accomplish the task. 
He was in tears! 
"she looked up and around as if she was wondering where she was ..." he said.
She exclaimed to him..."I did It! daddy"

I breathed and began the day.
cereal for breakfast and rest for today


Amrita said...

A truckload of hugs for you

Denise said...

Much love to you sis.

Alex said...

Joy for you, tears in my eyes, I can not begin to imagine the wonder of the blessing.
Hope today is wonderful for you.

IsabellasCloset said...

Donetta, God bless you and your daughter Dove!
I'm in tears after reading your post..I understand.
Yes what a wonderful break through!
I shared a bedroom with my special needs daughter for years. She in her hospital bed me across the room in my twin bed.
Hugs & blessing.
~Mary~ :-}

Mimi said...

HI sweetie,
You an a real angel for sure, these kids are so loved and they know they are, they feel protected and secure, keep up the great work and you will have rewards beyond comprehension!!!

Denise said...

Hello girl! What a wonderful post and how it made me smile. No most of us do not understand what it is like to be a mother to special needs children. We can read your words but we have no idea of the heart of the matter...... What a wonderful gift she gave to you by allowing you to go your way and let go ....... She grew up VERY much in that instant and it is a beautiful journey that you are watching her take... What a blessing to you and what a blessing to her....... The Father god knew just exactly what HE was doing when HE gave you to her and her to you..........

Thanks for the very very kind words about Mom and Dad....... I too am learning to "let go" I guess we spend a life time letting go of things that become far too heavy to carry.....and low and behold HE was carrying move of the weight anyway........


Older women likewise teach the younger women...

• how to love their husbands
• how to love their children
• how to be self-controlled
• how to be pure
• how to be keepers at home
• how to be kind and submissive (not subservient) to their own husbands. (See Titus 2:3-5)

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