Finding Courage Through Sharing Blog Carnival

"In the Life of a child"
Join us in this enlightening prompt.

Tell Me What You Wish Others Understood…

Having two adopted special need kids it would have been wonderful if others understood how hard it was to face those needs with courage. I remember many who minimized the needs at the very time I was dealing with accepting the challenges I had. I had to grieve the needs of the kids in their infancy and do all I could to intervene. Some folks would act as though I was making a bigger deal out of their special needs than was warranted. This was so confusing and hurtful at times. I was being the advocate they desperately needed and my advocacy was questioned and at times it felt very undermining. It was a role I had been given to educate. So as a new mother you have a role to be an advocate and to educate the population at large. It is a time of pouring out that is just draining. It was the best when someone just offered words of encouragement. Even when others supported the duties of normal motherhood (sharing a dish or helping with a chore). You would be amazed at the hours of Paper Work I have completed. Your kids sick and You get stuck doing what feels like you SAT"s. The Stress is so taxing that your exhausted. Then you get the "well meaning" :) folks who ask if..."you knew they were that sick when you choose to adopt?" because if you did (the inference is) that "it is your own fault! you brought it on yourself"...Folks are full of ignorant misjudgments. I have heard this even for the birth children born with special needs . That it is some how the "fault" of someone or something... It is human nature to do this but when you are the target of such ignorance it can compound the pain of parenting those special needs children that need everything you can give them to over come. It is a real drain to have to be an educator of the public at such a time. That is the call however of a parent who has special needs kids.
My son may have Ushers, he is hearing impaired and had to have a surgery to fix a deformity of the throat. His ear canals are deformed. He is adopted from Russia. So we deal with the ignorant insensitive medical folks too.
"was he from any where near Chernobyl?" See what I mean. I hurts! It startles and it calls on everything as a Mother to hold the roots of the oak we must be fast beside the stream of life. For me the river I draw from is one of faith in a loving God who is constantly questioned by the mis-informed who long to blame ...To blame God. God did not do this to these adorable children of mine. The sin of man kind did. But God is turning it around.
If my son goes blind, deaf it is not that God does not love him. It will be that God will turn it around and teach the ignorant Love. You see Love is what all this is about. Ignorance is just a lack of understanding about that Love.
My son stayed alive in horrid conditions for his first 10 months of his life. He was taught because of those conditions to be angry and to feel guilt for his needs. Many a time in Russia they asked if we "really wanted him?" They kept asking this because many Americans only wanted the "perfect baby". Fuey! there is no perfection except that every baby is perfectly deserving of love! My Son was on the "throw away" side of the orphanage with the babies who were clef lip or downs syndrome children. Those children were not adopted because folks all want to avoid suffering and hardship.
Little Dove was bald and had such a severe respiratory infection that she almost died before I could get her back to the states. She could not move at 8 months and was developmentally disabled in two of the three categories. I invested 22 months of all three therapy's driving 13 miles one way three times a week and working for several hours daily. This is my Daughter my child. Now at 10 years old she is doing so well. She had a severe anxiety problem due to sensory integration disorder she would just scream at night and panic because she would just free float when she laid down. I cried so hard to see that child suffer so badly. It took several years and many lessons and great education in the disciplines. She is now off all medications and is doing well. It was so hard! I have never done anything so meaningful or great in my life! I see now the fruit of that labor of so many years. I have had 1 easy year now with her. She is the joy of my life!
I wish others understood that this great sacrifice is not without reward. We love and we are love. One thing that is not often considered is the physical and emotional price we pay as parents. These hardships age us and the stress is hard on us. It is a part of the cost. If others could love us in ways that reduce extraneous stress it could go a long way in supporting our role as main care givers.
I have gained so much more than I have given and that says a lot!
NO! I do not regret this experience! It really hurts when people ask this. I hope that folks will learn that every story is a part of a grand epic. That it is the greater epic that matters. That grand epic would be forever altered if each little story each life was not lived to the top. Each life effects the epic.
Suffering instills the ability to have compassion. It is in suffering that we see Love empowered through the gain of understanding. Understanding is the beginning of knowledge. If knowledge be gained then it is given to man to walk wisely.
Wisdom=Love=God = Intimacy with God= If into-me-i-see than I can see into-you more clearly. Then I will better know how you need to be loved.

It is in the suffering of my own youth that I was empowered to be able to love my sweet children through the journey of suffering into the life that they now thrive in. Do I wish that they did not suffer, well yes in some ways sure I do. I must trust that they will gain and develop character that this world so desperately needs more of. Do not just feel sorry for those of us who are so challenged. Rejoice with us as well for we are given a great gift in this that we can offer a gift to this world that it so desperately needs, We know something few know how to offer.
That is the very thing we could sure use more of from others :)