thinking to build up courage
there is a fortress
it is in the reflection of all those things witnessed, learned seen and heard
time capsuled in this very moment
it is in these things spoken and listened too that i am shuffling aside from fear
dash embraces me
dove has her acts of kindness
Steve a gentle softly spoken hush that silences the loneliness, FEAR OF PAIN TO COME
i need to force myself to practice the gift of loneliness= reaching out
dash "mom...you remind me of everything that is good in the world"
dove" here mom, i saved this candy stick from vacation for you"
Julie "i love you, being here at your home is the closest place to heaven i have here on this earth"
a new friend from the pid conference"i am praying for your upcoming operation" an unexpected email she lives here in the valley. There are 5 of you who live here in the valley who i have met with CVIG
Amrita, Corey, Denise Annette Susan those others of you who have also hung in there with me.
this has been a hard season of grief with its many phases
it feels so good not to be stuck in anger. at the conference there were those who through personal experience understood what i have had to go through for so many years
at the big evening event i had to get up with cane in hand and just walk the room looking into each face at each table over 900 were registered from all over the world (many were spouse or friends of the paients. many patients were kids and teen who were in a different event.
what i saw...
in looking at each face...they were alive
i had it said once or twice" just as long as i stay alive to get the kids raised, even said it myself
this will not ruin us, there is help if we lost employment i will not just stop treatment and roll up and die
i am alive i see it in my face no longer a race with time,no longer fear of loosing my mind.
i intend to hold my grand kids someday!
MY HEART IS COMING BACK HOME WITHIN ME
typed one handed
2 comments:
Woke up this morning with you on my mind. I will remember to pray for your surgery.. When do you go.. It will be fine my friend.. God is ever there always.. HE guides the hands of the surgeon and the skills are skills given by the Father.. I am so sorry that you are having to face these things... Wish I could be there to give you a hug...
Me and my sweet husband talked the other day of the possibility of moving to AZ when he retires. Looking for better climate for relief of asthma. Who knows, one day we may live right there close to you.......
When is your surgery? You are always in our prayers and we know that God will be with you and give you strength to get through this.
Don't let bitterness win my friend, it will surely consume you!
I wonder how far you are from me? I am near baseline and Dobson rd near the Dobson Ranch Library.
Tina
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