Saturday, July 2, 2011

thinking to build up courage

there is a fortress
it is in the reflection of all those things witnessed, learned seen and heard

time capsuled in this very moment

it is in these things spoken and listened too that i am shuffling aside from fear

dash embraces me
dove has her acts of kindness
Steve a gentle softly spoken hush that silences the loneliness, FEAR OF PAIN TO COME

i need to force myself to practice the gift of loneliness= reaching out

dash "mom...you remind me of everything that is good in the world"
dove" here mom, i saved this candy stick from vacation for you"
Julie "i love you, being here at your home is the closest place to heaven i have here on this earth"
a new friend from the pid conference"i am praying for your upcoming operation" an unexpected email she lives here in the valley. There are 5 of you who live here in the valley who i have met with CVIG
Amrita, Corey, Denise Annette Susan those others of you who have also hung in there with me.

this has been a hard season of grief with its many phases
it feels so good not to be stuck in anger. at the conference there were those who through personal experience understood what i have had to go through for so many years
at the big evening event i had to get up with cane in hand and just walk the room looking into each face at each table over 900 were registered from all over the world (many were spouse or friends of the paients. many patients were kids and teen who were in a different event.
what i saw...
in looking at each face...they were alive

i had it said once or twice" just as long as i stay alive to get the kids raised, even said it myself
this will not ruin us, there is help if we lost employment i will not just stop treatment and roll up and die

i am alive i see it in my face no longer a race with time,no longer fear of loosing my mind.
i intend to hold my grand kids someday!

MY HEART IS COMING BACK HOME WITHIN ME

typed one handed

2 comments:

Denise said...

Woke up this morning with you on my mind. I will remember to pray for your surgery.. When do you go.. It will be fine my friend.. God is ever there always.. HE guides the hands of the surgeon and the skills are skills given by the Father.. I am so sorry that you are having to face these things... Wish I could be there to give you a hug...

Me and my sweet husband talked the other day of the possibility of moving to AZ when he retires. Looking for better climate for relief of asthma. Who knows, one day we may live right there close to you.......

KC's Blog said...

When is your surgery? You are always in our prayers and we know that God will be with you and give you strength to get through this.
Don't let bitterness win my friend, it will surely consume you!
I wonder how far you are from me? I am near baseline and Dobson rd near the Dobson Ranch Library.

Tina

Older women likewise teach the younger women...

• how to love their husbands
• how to love their children
• how to be self-controlled
• how to be pure
• how to be keepers at home
• how to be kind and submissive (not subservient) to their own husbands. (See Titus 2:3-5)

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By Maya Angelou

'A woman's heart should be so hidden in Christ
That a man should have to seek Him first to find her.'

When I say... 'I am a Christian' I'm not shouting 'I'm clean living,'
I'm whispering 'I was lost, Now I'm found and forgiven.'

When I say... 'I am a Christian' I don't speak of this with pride.
I'm confessing that I stumble and need Christ to be my guide.

When I say... 'I am a Christian' I'm not trying to be strong.
I'm professing that I'm weak and need His strength to carry on.

When I say.. 'I am a Christian' I'm not bragging of success.
I'm admitting I have failed and need God to clean my mess.

When I say... 'I am a Christian' I'm not claiming to be perfect,
My flaws are far too visible, but God believes I am worth it.

When I say... 'I am a Christian' I still feel the sting of pain...
I have my share of heartaches, so I call upon His name.

When I say... 'I am a Christian' I'm not holier than thou,
I'm just a simple sinner Who received God's good grace, somehow!

Words have power. Here are a few of my favorite sayings.

  • A warm cup of tea is like a cuddle with a friend.
  • The North American Indians have a more eloquent word for ‘friend’ than we do in English. In their language, the word for friend literally means, “the one who carries my sorrows on his back.”
  • Return with Honor
  • The sage anticipates things that are difficult while they are easy, and does things that would become great while they are small. All difficult things in the world are sure to arise from a previous state in which they were easy, and all great things from one in which they were small. Therefore the sage, while he never does what is great, is able on that account to accomplish the greatest things."
  • "HOME IS WHERE YOUR STORY BEGINS"
  • “Live so that when your children hear these words they think of you… Fairness Caring Integrity Honesty Love Trust.”
  • "O Lord help my words to be gracious and tender today, for tomarrow I may have to eat them."
  • "No man has ever been shot while doing the dishes"

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Amy has clicked her heals and flown to her real home. There is no place like home.

This was given to me for the third time in just a few weeks.

Zephaniah 3:17 NLT
"For the LORD your God has arrived to live among you. He is a mighty savior. He will rejoice over you with great gladness. With his love, he will calm all your fears. He will exult over you by singing a happy song."

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