Thank you everyone for your kindness. This week has been a bit much. Dash stayed home with me yesterday. Tending Dove in the morning, concerned she was stuffing bottling up all her emote she shared she had cried all night. She has missed so much class time she went on to school. Dash and I walked her to the bus stop.
Dash and I spent time out in the yard. He climbed the big tree and clipped all the sucker shoots off. It was good for his heart. He used stones to spell out a big heart...I love you Rena, we all do. It was good for his soul. He was able to speak of letting her go. This I taught him as she was to pass. I told him of how I learned this when my mom died. How it would help Rena if she knew that he let her go. As Dash relieved those 'white knuckles' clinging her to life. He had let go as she passed.
The vet was wonderful and kind to all of us.
That morning I had gone the dentist for two filling. He gave me the prophylactic anti-biotic, the shots to numb. As he worked on my teeth he said. "I have good news for you, I was able to just buff out the stain line with out having to redo the fillings. This one is on me" Yes NO CHARGE! I asked if the other tooth could be buffed he did so. Now I have looked in my mirror a good year really disappointed having three front teeth that had lines of stain at the margins of the fillings. My dentist said....
"Those things we put off persist"
His wisdom followed me through the day. Through the act of kindness that I was called upon to perform for Rena. I knew it was that her pain would persist as would suffering. I knew that it could be put off no longer. It was so hard for she was to die the day after Dash's birthday.
Dash came to understand that she loved him so much that she hung in there for him to do so. The night before, the night of his birthday I called the kids in and told them she was getting ready to go home. They loved on her. I was able to get down to the floor. She just rested her head in my hand. Dash protested that she will live another two months. I reminded him that a few months back she came round and choose to stay a while longer for him. She is tired it is time to rest.
The hardest thing is to be a parent there with a child to remain together and support Dash was my calling.
At the end I hid my face and began to weep. The sweet vet came over to embrace me and hold me while I shook without Dash being too aware. It meant so much for her to do so. How hard it must of been on her. They were to close within 15 minutes. So we had to make that choice to go fast. Steve walked in from work finding Dash and I over her. Speaking to Dash's refusal then Steve carrying her right to the car. I held her on my lap. Pain in heart and body as we caught every street light. She just rested and looked around. I just held her tired head and cried.
With the gift from the dentist we were able to stay with her for it covered the cost within ten dollars. Gods ways so much higher. Those thing we put off just persist a gift of words as well that only God knew would carry me though the afternoon.
Yesterday with Dash with us Steve and I went to get my last round of knee shots. I was also fitted for a leg brace. It should come in two weeks. In lue of knee replacement we will try this a few months. It will also help me to get my weight down. Dash wanted to be there. He saw me injected I was so concerned his heart.
Steve got me home once on the sofa I knew I had to go to my bed. It had all just been too much.
There I slept from 5pm to 4am this morning. My back sore I had to get up. I will limp around today.
There is a place near the door where Rena would lay, greet me each morning. I keep looking there to see her. It feels so odd to loose that morning custom. This the hardest thing to face...I must wash the wall and the floor there when I am able. Tell then I see her there in the stain on the wall, the patch on the floor.
Today when they all wake up I will mother again. Comfort their pain. Feed their bellies. See them off. Weep on my own, and comfort my Lab as he has also lost his best friend.
My infusion is on Saturday, I can feel the need of it strong. Not looking forward to that question..."how was your month"...just one time soon I wish she could hear what a wonderful month for me. These trials, challenges well I really need a break.
a tear wept
2 comments:
I am so sorry! I hope your grief turns to pleasant memories soon!
Wept a few tears of my own over this sad tale of your family's loss. Having lost our own share of beloved pets over the decades, I am reminded of a time when, lamenting the loss of our lab when I was young, I cried and asked my dad "why didn't God allow them a longer lifespan?" My father, wiping away tears of his own answered. "I suppose it's God's way of reminding us we are mortal." Everything has it's price on this mortal coil and, in my book, the losses are worth the price of the love, loyalty and companionship...as painful as they are...and they never become easy. Sending prayers for wisdom and comfort to your family.
Love from,
Tracey.
x0x
P.S. The dentist's gift was a lovely blessing...such a gentle, generous reminder that He is there and cares.
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