Monday, March 7, 2011

Marriage Monday

~Trust~
Love never fails
"I am for you and never against you.
I am your friend"
He trusts in, confidently relies on her all of the days of his life.

I have known this love. I am living this trust. Yes even give this confidence and received it.

Trust is something earned, not simply given freely. Trust does not mean that mistakes or tragedy never happens. Trust is gained in small steps over time. It is that only God can ever be blindly trusted, that is in an instant. Even so for many God can seem untrustworthy if self expressed expectation exists. God has different ideas than we often do. We can know however, whatever the difficulty
that God is for us and not against us.

Trust in marriage is that, knowing that the each is FOR and never against the other. This dear hearts is earned. Time after time proven out. In early marriage trust is risked in intimacy, sharing history, sharing of true deep feelings for the first time. The giving of ones whole being body soul and spirit over to another. Unfortunately this step is ofter acted out upon before wed lock. The wound of the broken trust can damage lives for ever. Break ups in courtship is wrecked when the real gain could be knowing who we are and what we may or may not desire in a marriage (a lifelong mate).

Confidence is the trust gained at this risk. Can I believe that he/she will hold a confidence or blab it all over. Many loose trust early here finding an ill placed humor or slip of the tong. An argument that humiliates. Such things pose great cost in the currency of trust.

Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding

This was actually the very first scripture I ever memorized. Now Marriage is like this. Many times it is so hard to understand the actions of the other. It is the motive that is in question. If we have risked and gained it is that the other has earned enough trust that even if we do not understand...we know they are for us.


 1983 BIKE TRIP TOGETHER. 
THAT IS 'OLD BLUE' OUR TRUCK STEVE BUILT THAT THING UP FROM FRAME. OH THOSE OLD GREASY SOCKS  ;0

Once we learn each others life stories we can gain a mind of "it's no wonder they respond that way". The goal then is in being for each other. The trust is healing, empowering. We become safe with each other. We are enriched to understand more clearly a since of who we are. We belong to each other. With a mutual mission a goal we begin to accomplish a life together. That is the marriage where the two become one. In body soul (mind) and spirit. It is most often in the mind we differ. However in some marriage trust is broken in the ways of the body. Adultery, or ridicule even in withholding. Others change of minds are an issue of trust. Refusing to let the other think for themselves. It is a wonderful thing to empower each other to think things through. 
It is however in the SPIRIT that one ship is most critical. If that is in power in place then it is no longer a trust just through two, but it becomes three strand.

A cord of three strands is not easily broken.
Married 29 years March 20th

In marriage often trying to figure out what the other one was thinking is the challenge. The catalyst to argument. Trust earned takes the time to try and figure it out through discussion. Attack is not necessary or even an option. That will always be a choice. If we are for each other no need to attack we protect innately. Argument than can reasonably occur at a difference of opinion. It is those arguments that are based in misunderstanding that so often break a bond, a cord of connection. Fighting over some thing that is assumed or taken as harm in act or thought toward the other spouse.

The vows of marriage is all about being
FOR EACH OTHER NEVER AGAINST EACH OTHER

This is the core of trust.
This is the confidence built.
This is the cord that can hold a marriage through friendship, intimacy and reliability.

Oh that cord will be pulled upon I assure you.
It is critical that trust never be broken it is a terrible thing to try to restore. However if trust has been kept, if risk has reward things be ever so much easier to forgive. Even in everything we be for each other we all can error. We all can sin and do sin. It is in the risk of trust. If trust ever be broken beyond repair...it is then that the wound can soul kill. Soul (the mind) can often be restored but it is a terrible torment to the one called upon to forgive. I have witnessed this in many unions over the years. 

Trust...in and confidently rely upon
Be that mate that pays off the risk placed upon you.
Be trustworthy.
The key to a marriage built on trust.





hot Buttons in Marriage
Hello precious Sister,
Some time ago, many of you answered the survey question on this post, "What's the Biggest Problem or Frustration in Your Marriage?" Your valuable feedback in the comment box—and by email—revealed a number of areas or "hot buttons" that married couples find particularly challenging.
And I have not forgotten. So for the next umteen months, we're going to be covering the subject matter as a group. I'll throw out a single word like trust, money, or communication and that will be our topic, OK? You can title your post however you like.
Our Topic for March is "Trust"
Please accept my invitation to join us for Marriage Monday on March 7, 2011. Our group topic is trust.
As always, you have all the freedom you need to cover the subject matter in whatever way you want. You can post prose, a bulleted list, a video, a slideshow, a poem, or a song—whatever the Spirit leads you to share with us. You're the expert, and we're counting on you to teach us a few new things to apply to our own marriages.
Sisters, let's roll!
Blessings,
e-Mom @ Chrysalis

5 comments:

Miriam Pauline said...

Learning each other's life stories and using that for insight into how/why we respond as we do. YES! The more we realize the 'why' the instinct is to act in one way, the easier to either accept it, flow with it or change it. And all the while we are building the trust that it is ok to be who we are. Lovely post. Thanks for sharing.

Lynn said...

Oh Donetta,

I was whispering amen, amen, amen all through your post. Wisdom of the Father. Amen.

e-Mom said...

Once we learn each others life stories we can gain a mind of "it's no wonder they respond that way". The goal then is in being for each other. The trust is healing, empowering. We become safe with each other.

I love this, Donetta! My husband spent nine months in the hospital recovering from TB as a child. Ever since I've known him, he's been concerned about cleanliness and germs. Well, no wonder.

I try to keep things clean of course, but when he's stressed and particularly germ-concious, I remember his childhood illness. I trust that he'll relax and not be so cotton-pickin' picky!

Thanks for joining us for Marriage Monday today, Donetta.

(((Hugs))) e-Mom ღ

Mac an Rothaich said...

Once we learn each others life stories we can gain a mind of "it's no wonder they respond that way"

Understanding and mercy toward our spouses and ourselves is so closely linked to trust in the marriage.

Thanks for sharing!

tonya said...

"Confidence is the trust gained at this risk" I love this! The great the risk, the greater the reward.
Thanks for sharing,
tonya

Older women likewise teach the younger women...

• how to love their husbands
• how to love their children
• how to be self-controlled
• how to be pure
• how to be keepers at home
• how to be kind and submissive (not subservient) to their own husbands. (See Titus 2:3-5)

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By Maya Angelou

'A woman's heart should be so hidden in Christ
That a man should have to seek Him first to find her.'

When I say... 'I am a Christian' I'm not shouting 'I'm clean living,'
I'm whispering 'I was lost, Now I'm found and forgiven.'

When I say... 'I am a Christian' I don't speak of this with pride.
I'm confessing that I stumble and need Christ to be my guide.

When I say... 'I am a Christian' I'm not trying to be strong.
I'm professing that I'm weak and need His strength to carry on.

When I say.. 'I am a Christian' I'm not bragging of success.
I'm admitting I have failed and need God to clean my mess.

When I say... 'I am a Christian' I'm not claiming to be perfect,
My flaws are far too visible, but God believes I am worth it.

When I say... 'I am a Christian' I still feel the sting of pain...
I have my share of heartaches, so I call upon His name.

When I say... 'I am a Christian' I'm not holier than thou,
I'm just a simple sinner Who received God's good grace, somehow!

Words have power. Here are a few of my favorite sayings.

  • A warm cup of tea is like a cuddle with a friend.
  • The North American Indians have a more eloquent word for ‘friend’ than we do in English. In their language, the word for friend literally means, “the one who carries my sorrows on his back.”
  • Return with Honor
  • The sage anticipates things that are difficult while they are easy, and does things that would become great while they are small. All difficult things in the world are sure to arise from a previous state in which they were easy, and all great things from one in which they were small. Therefore the sage, while he never does what is great, is able on that account to accomplish the greatest things."
  • "HOME IS WHERE YOUR STORY BEGINS"
  • “Live so that when your children hear these words they think of you… Fairness Caring Integrity Honesty Love Trust.”
  • "O Lord help my words to be gracious and tender today, for tomarrow I may have to eat them."
  • "No man has ever been shot while doing the dishes"

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