Settleing the mind and the

Alright I'm back here.

Thank you girls, yes Dianntha this is not good on my health.
Having a stress disorder can cause for my chemistry to get out of whack a bit when I am over stressed. I am not able to cause the stress hormone to regulate like normal folk it will just stop mine well it got worn out and messed up. I began feeling chemically depressed last night and have took my medication and am functioning with the kids and my chores. Dash wanted attention so my sleeping end was hindered. Daddy man was out working on the truck. I awoke and listened to Dash as he lamented the dissatisfaction that Dove did not want to play with him at sunrise. She wanted to sleep. So then we played a game of battleship, started a puzzle and at the last few moments that I thought I could stand his sniffling (due to his fine motor the boy at 8 can not blow his nose!), he decided he wanted to take a break. (thank God) I filled his need for one on one attention up! I have kept the chores light today. Finished the budget and now am sitting here just resting.

My balance feels like it is coming back up. I had some pretty bad memory stuff today. My friend was on her way to bring her child over for a play date with my kids. She had called and was on the way. I had gone to the garden and was startled to look up to see her. I had totally overlooked a conversation just 20 minutes before. I just went out there to settle try sunlight and tend the dogs and the chickens.
I told Steve of it. I am going to take my ease today.

Having to explain what I witnessed (having to do with a child and po*n) in that nan no second of offense on my monitor, to two women and several male law enforcement officers was a bit traumatic given the recovery I have known myself of early childhood torture and abuse.

I think I was grieving not only the suffering of those in that image but of my own youth.
Of the evil in this world. Sorrow over took me. Sorrow and loneliness really took me it was like a vice on me. Then one of my followers left and it hurt my feelings too much. I think I was just too tender.

So Now I have more ( in the image) children this Mother of many. Many of those children of mine are of the heart and of intercession. I have known several who may have lost (suicide) in this realm and made it to go and to be with God. This event has risen much of that into my heart.
Those who have gone on before us, because of what they have known here. This is a tough world.

I think this will be the last I speak of it.
It is, needs to be finished.
I will begin a new post and just fake it tell I make it!
Love you all. Sometimes that is just what I have to do.
Fake it till I make it out of this muck. Man I hate it when this depression hits me. It is a chemical thing. It will improve. I have some remedies and kindness you have shown is a real help in that way. maybe just a good cry.