Thankful Thrusday

~ Hope

Good Evening…

Well I spent the day running…

I was running from the plague that is threatening my future.

Running from the feelings so overpowering that I was afraid if I stopped they might pounce on me and dilute the wine that I toast as my life.

I am still the living essence that is me.

I am. I am the same person who woke up this morning and loved my husband and children.

I am the same woman who has the little neighbor children flock to my door like geese looking for a fresh water pond.

I am the same soul who lives in the way of kindness.

My future is no different now than it would have been yesterday.

The life that I have is in HIS book far before I even breathed into it.

This threat of Alzheimer's came and tried to choke me.

It tried to wrap around my throat and squeeze.

So I fled, I fled to the place I find him in my role as a wife, mother, homemaker, gardener…all of those role so familiar and fulfilling.

I walked right up to God and told him I was angry!

I faced Him with all the tenacity He endowed me with.

I told Him, “yep…this is probably yet another opportunity for you to be glorified through my life”, but I am angry!

The doctor treated me differently, like his heart was shut off. It is the way we treat those who suffer the things, those indignities in life, or do we?

A dear friend of mine works with Alzheimer patients, and yet another is caring for elders who suffer. So many many people suffer the indignity of a condition that is treated like the Black Death.

I do not want to ever experience that. My friend stands up for the morons who carelessly disregard the sanctity of human life. So am I now called to sound the trumpet?

Once years ago I had a cancer scare that left me for 12 hours thinking I was to have a double mastectomy. …Never looked at this the same way again. I realized the terror of the loss of perceived beauty. The agony of threat, any threat is a very lonely time that draws souls to the knee and into a fear based relationship with God.

I was perfectly comfortable to tell him just what I thought about it:)

Well I out ran it tonight by diving into life all day. I went to a used book store and found a gardening book, ate out at Taco Bell and celebrate my family, talked about a vacation with my husband and then went to several stores to try to find new shes for the kids!!!!! We found some too. The kids are so thrilled.

We are home now a bit out of budget but I am delighted that the kids have good shoes, my belly is filled by another and I gave myself a break. I even started a new blog.

So how do you like it

BEE BLISS GARDENS?????

my new book

I will live every moment. I suggest you do the same.

Rules of warfare

#1 make you opponent think that you do not exist

#2 fire behind the lines so that they escape by running into the weapon.

#3 there is no retreat.

Armored and standing at the ready I am pissed that the attempt is being made, and I will not lay my armor or my sword down.I will not doubt God and run into the Alzheimer's either. I will live this day and the next as it is give to me.As I have this whole life of mine. I have fought for this life. I will not lay it down!!!!!!!! If it be anger to empower my stand than so be it. This to will turn into joy!

My family will live with me and embrace me as I am. For who I am, in weakness and in strength. Humor will be our tender embrace. Like Dash said. "if you ever forget who I am mom I will just say, Hi Donetta ...my name is Dan". Lord I thought it would tear my heart out. Dove said "does that mean your going to forget us or something?"... and I just ripped within my chest. It is out of the bag.The great fear. Spoken out loud and so no secrets. I learned a long time ago...We are only as sick as our secretes. Healing is found in truth. The kids knew something was up when My sweet loving husband came home two hours early to hold me. How sweet he is.

If I do forget you...will you just introduce yourself to me. I am sure I will be glad to meet you.:)

I am stronger to turn and face it now. I will ride the tide and mend my wound. Most of all I will live this life given to me to it's top!