Please pray

Hay guys...I am struggling . Please pray for me. The flash backs are at my back door. Today the family was watching Family Feud (a tv show) and the question was what scary pizza toppings could be used on a Halloween pizza.? The answer was fingers.
I lost it....
I turned it off abruptly startling the kids. Oh I felt bad to do that to them.
I just went to the sewing machine and wept. Dash came up to embrace me. I do not cry well at least not normally. I am learning how to, but it is a challenge to keep the kids knowing Moms alright just sad. My weeping is like three seconds long at most if you know what I mean but they knew I was upset.
I feel sickened to my soul. I keep seeing flashes of the murder that Halloween night. It is so upsetting. Enough said.
Please pray for me I feel so alone and strange and isolated in my experience at their hand. Lord if I only were, but I know there are many others out there like me. Several of them dead now at their own hand. That is sad too. I miss my friends that did not make it through recovery..
I know what is going to happen to a little kid this week and it is killing me. I was that little kid.
God why are folks so dumb! Why so dark as if to just desensitize.
I am very sad for what I have known, and for who it happened to, even if it was so many years ago.
A friend offered to take my kids trick or treating , kind of her, but I do not want them to do it at all, and not without both my husband and I , but I don't know if I even can do it. I can not stay home alone while he goes with them. Only a few houses of people I know here on my street. I just do not know if I can. I told them that too.
So I spin my needle and thread to create joy and beauty for them and feel like a cloud of fog descends upon me.
I am just faking it as if I will make it through.
Please hold me in your prayers this week I am struggling.
I go to work with the children tomorrow nad then out again on Thrusday for art training. I really do not like being out in public this week of the year. So many many images to remind me of al I have known.
I am not depressed just struggling.

Tackle It Tuesday *High School Musical costum*

Come back and see the after

Dove finally received her long awaited gift of "blue "polish. It is the same color as her new hand bag. We had a sweet Mommie daughter time and conversation while I painter her hands and feet. I love having a daughter. She is so wonderful and amazing. Just yesterday she was a baby, then a little girl...now...she is becoming a young lady.

Little Dove and I had a splendid date Saturday night. We went out together and watched High School Musical #3.
We went and got a free pizza she received a coupon for. A reward for meeting her scholastic reading goal. She asked for a chance to shop for a pair of shoes. This child has never asked for things and is so very thankful and appreciative for what I glean the stores of , for her. That night I had her show me what she liked. She choose a pair of boots. She is now in ladies size 5. I bought her a ladies ankle boot(golden treasure to her) . So cute a sight as she did a runway walk in the isle, and a spin with the shine of true inner beauty. She shined. Oh what a gift to see in her. She choose to put the sunglasses back and accept the .49 cent pair I had found for her on a clearance rack eariler in the day. We gleaned the clearance and found several pair of sox for her too. She has grown 3 inches in a very few weeks! A young woman now. On a c. rack was a cute blue had bag. she was so engrossed by it's deep blue shine I got it for her. It was her big night.

Dove has been telling me that she would so love to have a Sharpae outfit.

It has gold pants and a red halter with stones studded onto it.
So This is going to be the big project of the day and the next day as well.

Starting with a folded 45" I measured her body height from top of chest to back of waist. At the shortest (the waist) I cut to a v or point.
by using hem lace I created a clean lower edge (sew this onto front (just leaving 1/4 of it over lapping the raw.)and then fold and press to the back The raw edge will become encased. Stitch again by hand for a formal item by machine in child's garment is fine.

These were tricky, Iron on Rhine stones. Cut out each on and leave it on the tape like backing. Turn it over and press

At trial fitting I had the chest width elastic slipped in the lace hem tape.
Sewing on the golden accent just under the encasing seam as to not catch the elastic or close of the lace . I only measured and inserted the elastic as wide as the chest. I did not want a gather under the arm.I will pull it up on her higher at final fitting. At this point I did a 5 inch wide opening on each side back and slipped the elastic into the lace hem tape. Securing all elastic with a bar tack. I was finished. Oh I also covered the only seam down the back. I pressed it open and covered it with the red lace seam tape.

Embellishments
Fabric glue.

One very happy girl.
The halter straps may be sewn onto an under body of flesh colored lining or I may make a little Bolero Jacket out of the left over gold fabric.
Tomorrow the pants.

After
9 p.m.

I walked by Dash's room. I had giving both of them dry erase bulletin boards like my big board.
Dash had the pie chart like mine and some fine print on his. Not being able to read it I went into his room to see this.
A feather could of knocked me over. Where he saw this I am not sure except for his little Bible or perhaps something I might of had sitting around, I was so moved to tears and warmed to my core. Dash gets it!
Asking Dash about this tonight he said...
"I just had to write it , it just makes me feel so good about life"...

BEFORE
Just got to get these curtains finished.
The new machine set up is so very unpleasant. I must have Beloved drill a hole for the cords so they are closer to me. I can not reach my foot throttle without much discomfort..

Finally the bathroom curtins are finished.

By using a braid trim they have a end weight on them that will hold them down against the ledge. This is a great way to finished a lined project. I had a un hemmed (open pillow case"type end on them. Once I trimmed to length, I did a blanket stitch to connect the backing then just finished it off on both sides with a braided edge

The lining was a satin solid to keep the window a neutral from the outside.
It also gave it an opaque light filter.

Privacy for the kids at night. The warm blue tone in the bathroom is very relaxing and peaceful. Darker to keep the privacy issue in hand. It makes the bath feel calm.
AFTER

r
Dash as Bat man. I found a black t-shirt and am going to use some batting to define the "six pack" chest and abdominal muscles.

Menu Plan Monday * meat loaf with veggies in it.

Menu plan Monday over at
Organizing Junkie

Tuesday I will bake the chicken and the beef tips for stew.
They were cut out of the larger roast when I ground the beef.
A sweet friend of mine gave the tofu, new life for me, when she pureed it to make wonderful sauces.

Garden harvest of zucchini and yellow crook neck squash greeted me this morning.
No other human hand has ever touched this ...cool isn't it The yellow squash pealed so easy, it was soft
That is my deep freezer carrying basket. I haul in the things to thaw for the week in it. By using cotton gloves it is a lot easier to manage the deep freezer.
We buy cheese in bulk. If it is grated then I placed it in a smaller storage dish this works well, otherwise if it is not used up in time it spoils.

My Meat Loaf recipe
The freshest of grated zucchini :) Apr 1 & 1/2 cup
baby carrots grated 1/2 cup
2 cup Steal cut oats (not instant)
4 eggs (range free)
1 pound sage sausage (I like Jimmy Dean rolls)
1 pound home ground burger (beef)
2 tea. sea salt
1/2 tea sage (ground)
1 4 oz can tomato sauce
Mix all together and then pan it as a loaf in a roaster.
Mine looks like a loaf of artisan bread.

Generously drizzle catchup over it.

Tomato catchup ( I use an organic)

This will make four 1 pound meat loaves.
bake at 300 convection or 350 for 1 & 1/2 hours


The Yellow squash was so easy to peal. I made boats out of it and will serve it with a butter and herb sauce.

By doing all my baking between 9-5p.m. I have it baked with time saver energy on off peak hours. It is warmed in the micro and cooked earlier when I still have an abundance of energy.

National Adoption Month

November is...
National Adoption Month
Dreams do come true!

1997
Our Little Dove
She came home to us at seven months, Match photo.
Our Daughter.
We waited for a child, our little girl, for 16 years.

From a world away we were blessed with two wonderful loving Mothers who so unselfishly gave these (our) children a life, a new country of freedom and a chance at being raised knowing God.

2001
Our Dash Hawk at 10 months, first sight.
Our son.
We waited for our son for 20 years.

Great Ideas for any family to incorporate.

Preperations begin

Donetta
Jewelry and Bead Artist
Holiday
Trunk Show and Social

Friday, November 14th, 7 p.m. - 9 p.m.
Saturday, November 15th, 10 a.m. - 4 p.m.


This is what I have been working on all day!

I had a fit trying to get it to work for me.

Fliers are made and I will have to do a little scrap booking to get them set on card stock.

I had to e-mail it over and over. Arg!, but I got it.

"History of Holloween"

Originally posted 10-17-07

"History of Holloween" Check out this sight!
I have many very strong feeling about this time of year. I was raised by the descendants of the KKK who also practiced their own sick distorted Satanic Rituals. So how could I not have very STRONG FEELINGS.
However recently I was lovingly compelled (provoked, in that I was so charged over the feelings and I did not want to do it :) to examine this holiday from other than "Feelings". I have investigated history, myth and fictional concepts that have now left me better educated.

When one is raised bred and groomed in fear it can leave a pretty bad psychological limp. One that has been crippling to me all of my life. I recently told about a childhood event that was pulled out of me over the anger I felt having to face these hard feeling verses fact. I sought fact. If I am to overcome the fear that is so frustrating and divisive I must pursue knowledge.

The above reference gave me an open view of reality. It taught me about the HISTORY.
Everyone and everything has a history. Our history will effect how we see things as well as the view we pass down to future generations.

The following is a synopsis of the two part research paper that is founded is history. Very good read!

Occult and Satanic Elements:

Deuteronomy 18:11 says: "There shall not be found among you anyone who makes his son or his daughter pass through the fire, one who uses divination, one who practices witchcraft, or one who interprets omens, or a sorcerer, or one who casts a spell, or a medium, or a spiritist, one who calls up the dead."

One of the present realities we must be aware of is that in recent decades, pagan, cultic groups, and some Satanists have claimed Halloween as a "holy day." As Christians we must avoid any action forbidden by our Lord. We should never seek to know the future through horoscopes, divination, or astrology. We should not seek to talk to or call up the dead (necromancy). We should not pray to other gods. We should not seek "power" over other people by the use of spells or supernatural forces. The practice of pagan witchcraft is specifically prohibited in both the Old and New Testaments (Leviticus 19:31; Acts 19:18-20; Galatians 5:19-21; Revelation 22:15). Witchcraft (whether pagan or Satanic) is dangerous and harmful. We are to submit to God and resist the devil; not form alliances with him (James 4:7). The Bible certainly makes it clear that we should not participate with pagans in speaking to the dead on October 31 (or any other day)!

2. Non-Satanic elements:

Although some devil worshipers have adopted Halloween as their "holiday," the day itself did not grow out of Satanic practices. Halloween has some weak connections to Celts celebrating a new year, but most of present day Halloween customs are neither pagan, nor Satanic. Here is a table of practices and dates as they are connected with Halloween:

practice	divination	necromancy	black cats, spiders	tricks & pranks	costuming	pumpkin carving	trick or treat	slasher movies
earliest date	ancient	?	Middle Ages	?	early 1900s(?)	after 1750s	1930s	1950s
original intent	pagan religious practice	pagan religious practice	fear & easy labels	"those nasty fairies"	stop pranks(?)	ward off evil	stop pranks	make money
Biblically forbidden	yes	yes	no	if destructive	no	no	no	yes - Phil 4:8

pumpkin carving

trick or treat

slasher movies

Earliest date:after1750s, 1930s, 1950s
Source: Irish, Boy Scouts & others, Hollywood
Original Intent: ward off evil, stop pranks, make money
Biblically forbidden:No, No, yes-Phil 4:8

He also writes,
What I have tried to show is that much of the association with witchcraft and Satanic elements has actually come from Christian misinformation attempting to "demonize" this holiday. There is no evidence that the original Celtic celebration was Satanic. Much of the information on Halloween that Christians preach and write about is plainly based on shoddy research. While Christians should absolutely avoid pagan practices, Christian hype tends to make us overreact to benign folk elements of Halloween. We appear like zany buffoons to the world when there is no necessity for doing so. Furthermore, our groundless retreat from all elements of Halloween leaves a vacuum that wicked elements delight to fill.
I also found this paragraph very interesting
"By the turn of the century, Halloween had become an ever more destructive way to “let off steam” for crowded and poor urban dwellers. As Stuart Schneider writes in 'Halloween in America' (1995), vandalism that had been limited to tipping outhouses; removing gates, soaping windows and switching shop signs, by the 1920’s had become nasty -- with real destruction of property and cruelty to animals and people. Perhaps not coincidentally, the disguised nighttime terrorism and murders by the Ku Klux Klan reached their apex during this decade. Schneider writes that neighborhood committees and local city clubs such as the Boy Scouts then mobilized to organize safe and fun alternatives to vandalism. School posters of the time call for a “Sane Halloween.” Good children were encouraged to go door to door and receive treats from homes and shop owners, thereby keeping troublemakers away. By the 1930’s, these “beggar’s nights” were enormously popular and being practiced nationwide, with the “trick or treat” greeting widespread from the late 1930s."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

This was during my mothers youth and then it became a part of my youth, as the generations grew into the events of my youth. This helps me a lot in knowing how it came about. My Mothers youth was post depression. The times were waxing Evil as even the Nazi were recruiting the youth of our country in the very late 1920's as my own mother reported to me.

So I still have strong feelings, but I have a better understanding and knowledge base to form my beliefs. I stand corrected to be basing my views only on feelings was counter productive. To any one I may have offended I stand corrected.

Evil is a real and present danger. Fear that is crippling is also a real and present danger. The gift of fear is wisdom. I have unwrapped my fear and will now base my choices in a place of knowledge. I must follow my heart so as to NEVER sin against my own conscience. I will do so however in freedom not the bondage of fear.

Urgent Call to prayer for the children. Please.

This is a re post from Oct 23rd 2007

Thank you all for your prayers this week.
Please pray for a little soul I know and her Mother, for she is in a struggle and is only 11 years old dealing with this.

Falling on my knees

I suppose I risk offending.
It is my heart is to say that I really care about all of you.
I really do not like division and judgments based on religion. This is what I came to on my 20th birthday. A kind woman who came to me, when I was in desperation asking God to show me why to live. She fed me as my body was hungry being with little food and faulty shelter. She laid an open Bible on my lap to this passage. I said O.K. God whatever you have for my life I am yours and I take it as truth, that YOU do love me.
My life turned around but not without a great battle and struggle to be free.
At this time of year my heart wants for all of you, SAFETY and REST.

So Please pardon me if I offend, but you matter more to me than what rejection I may face in sharing this text.

Safety in this present day and for ever throughout eternity be yours my dear readers. May God's peace and rest envelop your lives.

It is a few days now from when the ceremonies will begin. I weep inside with knowledge to great to understand on my own. So I ask all of you no matter your traditions of beliefs Please pray for the children in the sights of those who would worship another than the Living God. These children are in for a life stunting event and the people who perform such deeds are sentenced to an eternity that grieves me to think of happening to even my own greatest enemies. Please pray that they would turn from their deeds and repent. That God would even heal them. Sending legions of angels to battle over those lives in the cross fire.
I am weeping having known the price personally. I have in my recovery, many dear friends who could not bear the consequences of the harm done to them. Who's lives were lost to the devistation of the knowledge of what occurred to them. The lives now gone on before me, yet I live knowing the seriousness of this next few days. Please pray for me as the faces of memories are bolted behind the vial of love. This is such a hard time of the year for me. I feel so very lonely in this. I am so sad that the people are blind and ridicule me, and the truth as if it does not really happening. I know of a fact that it is still occurring. I am helping now a dear adoptive mother of a child who within the last 6 years had the same things done to her. This is real people. Please pray for her and this dear child trying to overcome the devastation's of Satanic Ritualistic Abuse. These groups are real.
I weep and pray and strain to stay in the quiet of the stillness, in the palm of HIS hand embraced as more than a survivor, an overcome! I still stand in the cross hairs of the spiritual evil that would desire my silence.
The light can not be silenced, but when even fellow Christians attempt to dismiss me I count it as loss to the glory of the great Most High who has the power to even in this overcome within me to cause me to speak.
Please pray for the children who are being dedicated on those stone tables of hell. I know that like myself they will be given mercy in the midst. I know that God will give them a spiritual way of escape. But to have to learn how to live after a life of survival and existence is harder than most can do. I do not want even one to ever have to know what I have known.

Thursday Thirteen *A day of Art*

1. My first attendance to the Art master piece group occurred today. I will eventually be serving in our local elementary school to bring in the in depth conversations that it is my hopes to spark each child's mind to the love of art.
2. The resources I now have at my disposal as a Volunteer teacher is amazing. The Teachers library is full of wonder for me. Books endlessly ling the walls of two large rooms. Prints on mounting board are lined like some flowers in a row. More than a 1000 of them for my use.
3. My Sweet Mother in Law is also an artist of regard
4. I am alive in the thrill of this opportunity to have restored to me the loss of my education. Everything the worm has eaten! I now will be receiving a free self education with the guidence of the program. I will be studying each packet to present to the classes of kids. I will learn about the master I have never dreamed this could really come true. I will learn of the masters.
5. It will be Gory to teach to impress and exposs all of the young who will be exposed to such wonder.
6. There are yet several schools who have NO ONE to present these things to. I may in time be finger printed (if it is a school other than the one my children attend this is required) and them also offer my services to other school of less fortunate children. JOY!
7. I watched as 40? vulonteers gave of themself today to begin the training to take this 23 year successful program into all of the schools in my district. All other programs have failed! Iam so grateful to be apart of this.
8. On November 14 th and 15th I will be holding a "Trunk Show and Social" at my home.
My life has come full circle where I now have the ability to show and sell my work. I may do a second show of fabric arts in my home in December.
9. Work is the opperative word! There are countless hours of creation and collection before me. This estate needs an over haul of task! Many things need to be accomplished.
10. Last evening finding my rest at a fabric counter, joy overtook me to find several of the colors of a collection af quilting prints in brights. These will be made into a new quilt for the bed. It has been several years now, time has come for a new chapter of quilting the new me. Brights boardered by rich black. Gotta do it!
11. I will now embark in the art of homemaking for my chores are at reach begging to be embraced.
12. Art makes me thrill, my heart races and the flow of the force is pumping a renewed energy into me.
13. I am happy. I am artist. I am alive as artist, flowing through my veins and feeding my soul life blood.

Kick up your heals and dance

Wordless Wendsday