Please pray
Hay guys...I am struggling . Please pray for me. The flash backs are at my back door. Today the family was watching Family Feud (a tv show) and the question was what scary pizza toppings could be used on a Halloween pizza.? The answer was fingers.
I lost it....
I turned it off abruptly startling the kids. Oh I felt bad to do that to them.
I just went to the sewing machine and wept. Dash came up to embrace me. I do not cry well at least not normally. I am learning how to, but it is a challenge to keep the kids knowing Moms alright just sad. My weeping is like three seconds long at most if you know what I mean but they knew I was upset.
I feel sickened to my soul. I keep seeing flashes of the murder that Halloween night. It is so upsetting. Enough said.
Please pray for me I feel so alone and strange and isolated in my experience at their hand. Lord if I only were, but I know there are many others out there like me. Several of them dead now at their own hand. That is sad too. I miss my friends that did not make it through recovery..
I know what is going to happen to a little kid this week and it is killing me. I was that little kid.
God why are folks so dumb! Why so dark as if to just desensitize.
I am very sad for what I have known, and for who it happened to, even if it was so many years ago.
A friend offered to take my kids trick or treating , kind of her, but I do not want them to do it at all, and not without both my husband and I , but I don't know if I even can do it. I can not stay home alone while he goes with them. Only a few houses of people I know here on my street. I just do not know if I can. I told them that too.
So I spin my needle and thread to create joy and beauty for them and feel like a cloud of fog descends upon me.
I am just faking it as if I will make it through.
Please hold me in your prayers this week I am struggling.
I go to work with the children tomorrow nad then out again on Thrusday for art training. I really do not like being out in public this week of the year. So many many images to remind me of al I have known.
I am not depressed just struggling.
I lost it....
I turned it off abruptly startling the kids. Oh I felt bad to do that to them.
I just went to the sewing machine and wept. Dash came up to embrace me. I do not cry well at least not normally. I am learning how to, but it is a challenge to keep the kids knowing Moms alright just sad. My weeping is like three seconds long at most if you know what I mean but they knew I was upset.
I feel sickened to my soul. I keep seeing flashes of the murder that Halloween night. It is so upsetting. Enough said.
Please pray for me I feel so alone and strange and isolated in my experience at their hand. Lord if I only were, but I know there are many others out there like me. Several of them dead now at their own hand. That is sad too. I miss my friends that did not make it through recovery..
I know what is going to happen to a little kid this week and it is killing me. I was that little kid.
God why are folks so dumb! Why so dark as if to just desensitize.
I am very sad for what I have known, and for who it happened to, even if it was so many years ago.
A friend offered to take my kids trick or treating , kind of her, but I do not want them to do it at all, and not without both my husband and I , but I don't know if I even can do it. I can not stay home alone while he goes with them. Only a few houses of people I know here on my street. I just do not know if I can. I told them that too.
So I spin my needle and thread to create joy and beauty for them and feel like a cloud of fog descends upon me.
I am just faking it as if I will make it through.
Please hold me in your prayers this week I am struggling.
I go to work with the children tomorrow nad then out again on Thrusday for art training. I really do not like being out in public this week of the year. So many many images to remind me of al I have known.
I am not depressed just struggling.
5 comments:
Sweetie, I am holding you in my prayers. I love you.
dear one,
i always think about you this time of year. of course we will pray. i don't like what goes on at all.
the curtains are lovely. so glad you get to start over and make the house what you really want it to be.
dove's dress was sweet. i can't believe how fast she is growing up. looking forward to seeing her on saturday.
michelle
God bless you. My heart goes out to you --- and my prayers are with you.
My vote is that the kids don't go out 'trick or treating'. My kids never did, and grew up without feeling deprived. Don't fret about going against the stream --- do what your heart tells you.
Hugs to you!
LaTeaDah
Greater is He that is in you than he that is in the world!! You are not alone...HE is with you as He was then, protecting you with the ability to remove yourself from your body. Mercy....Grace...abundant peace, that passes all understanding is yours. That sweet girl you see in your mind, that lost her life that night is in the Throne Room of Heaven. Satan or his cohorts did not win that girl's soul. She is singing praises with the angels in heaven, touching the face of God Himself. Oh, to be where she is....they did not win.
May the Lord protect you and keep your heart in His perfect peace.Remember you are a new creation in Christ
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