The importance of a Mother's apology

This morning I lost my temper with my son.
I behaved badly. All day I have grieved it. A friend sent me a devotional about needing Jesus every moment about how When we are thinking we are standing we can so easily falter and error "Missing the Mark".
When I miss the mark I really get angry with myself. I tend to beat myself up a lot. I think that I love that definition of sin...It is an old archery term "missing the mark"= sin. We all miss the mark. Far more often than I wish. I wish every moment of every draw upon my bow I would pause to Measure and set sights, steady my hand and pull back with a strength that only the finest of archer would use. Exercised of arm and eye. Still in my spirit to be the arrow.
Today I just handled my bow and arrow like a sloppy careless bum.
I gave up for that instant in time and just pretty much threw the bow (so to speak) at the kid.
I spent the day ashamed and looking at the bow laying there on the (proverbial) floor. Miss used, disrespected and just dusty.
I need now to pick it up and dust it off. I must appreciate how weak my draw arm has become. How unsteady my wrist. I think I would do well to take the cross bow (literal) out and pull a few arrows and remember who I am. I know the finest archer the finest marksman in Jesus . His marksmanship is perfection.
I apologized to dash for losing it with him this morning. Yes he begged it on (seemingly) but I am the adult who needs to steady myself that a kids bad behavior is based in the kid having a problem, not being a problem. I also admitted my fault and spoke of his error. I apologized to his loving sister too. For my lack of marksmanship was witnessed by her too.
I tried to read the developmental book for a while to understand where he is at. His Exceedingly high IQ is a bitter sweet challenge. He is too smart at times for his own good. It must be very frustrating for the kid. His fine motor is not on line with what he knows he should be able to do. As if to will it should cause it to be able to happen. When he is unable he is just well...very angry temperamental and mouthy. I must set my sights on his abilities and find a way that when I have to draw and set my arrows the sights must be pre-set to be ready to act intentionally not react ill-prepared. The old "study to show yourself approved :)
Understanding...Knowledge...Wisdom...success
I need understanding.