Emissions 'FAILED'!

Well, there is always a first time for everything. With 29 years of married life I suppose we have gotten off easy.
My plans for the day cut short.
Going on to the repair shop to get an estimate took up my morning. Choosing to go on ahead and get the estimate Steve met me there.

SHOCK!

So far $1000! with a possible few hundred more to come.

The old 1999 Chevy done met a tab 1/6 th of its value.

It is now that the debt free life style is a real gift. We had set aside an emergency fund that will almost cover it.

Our vacation is still set for the Disneyland tickets are purchased. 

The taxes just came back with an error. Seams they owed me $300 more and paid us that. So at least the expenditure is softened a little. Strange I was calm over it. When Steve got there however it was then that I realized that this was the same company that took us on the car. We sorta got our money worth but the issue never was resolved. We trust just a bad mechanic. This is the other branch of the company. We have faced all sides even doing it ourselves. The registration time line met with a 100 miles to put on it before compliance sets us to have to hire or risk ticket driving it to fix it ourselves. Over a barrel!

Still feel sorta calm, but not knowing what this suction test in the morning will reveal leaves us shaky.

Oh LIFE!

It is a good life. Just the every penny budgeting left me tired of the intensity of the task. We just can't deny the respite in June. Maybe we will cut it shorter.

Days are good here. Life is sweet, kids are well. Chores implemented have left a good since of mission and competence for the kids. They are really settling into it well. They are both respecting the education given them in this fine country. I delight in that. Leaves us feeling competent in instilling that in them. Today Doves teacher asked OUR Dove to tutor a kid with his Social Studies because she got an 'A' on her report. She is starting to think about College! Impressive student is just really encouraging us. Seams her Special Needs are not stopping her. Bless GOD!

Dove goes to camp for three days two night starting Monday. First time to ever do this sort of thing. Her 6th grade goes up North to do a science camp.

Dash touched my heart sweet. At supper prayer he told God "I hope everything is good for you too".

Felt like a warm blanket. Man I love it!

We had Steve's folks over on Saturday to watch the kids hunt eggs in the yard. I am unable to find the pictures Steve took. We had a nice evening on the cool of the porch. Peaceful.

 Easter was different but nice. The big meals of the past exchanged with a simpler style. The kids were happy to get some webkins. After a prayer request and a budget that was halved, there in a basket half price! Exactly the critters (and only those two) that I over heard the kids in play saying they wanted to "adopt". Two days later...chazam!

 Dove wore her dress to church as did I. Finally finished the blue dress for myself.

We had these eggs that were filled with confetti when your crushed it over the head confetti flew. We had a real kick until daddy man said "time for church" we had to get it all out of our hair. Wet blanket!

 

(We don't see Dash in shorts very often. His knees really show the scurvy of his infancy. He is VERY shy about it. Seams someone will always say something to him. Just cringe when they do.)

We were invited by my best friend and her family over for swim and feast in the afternoon evening. My other best friend and her family was there too.  A dear old friend we had not spent time with in years. Met two other families. One with an internationally adopted daughter. Girls really hit it off. This child had a missing limb, no matter children are blind to it when they get taught. We all have our strengths and our weaknesses. Let others be strong for us and we be strong when they are week.
It has been so so long that I have been a bit of a recluse. Times have hit me that way for a while here. Guess it has been a time to heal.
There is a time for everything under the heavens.

Sweet pup is not the same with Rena (our Golden) passed away. He misses her. He has now become my right hand friend. Laying now at my feet. He is a real good dog. Steve is really enjoying him too. Having to put Rena down really hit us all hard.

Well the emissions failed but God never has failed us. Even if it might seam we fail him.

Dove hit her goal!

With only a few weeks left our sweet daughter made her goal of getting 100% on a math test!
She has worked so hard and has not been able to get there and this time she did. This is very encouraging for she is in the lower level for her grade. Now she has more confidence to be able to move up to the next unit.
What a wonderful thing to see her have a mission and make competency after such a long hard efforts, were talking 8 months work here!

Morning in the flower garden

 Lightening rod

Great silence in the garden. 

Admiring beauty that slips through the cracks.

Those that might be yanked out by any other, me...well I like to water them.

They are seen on long drives through the forests.

Those majestic pines growing taller than any around them.

Those standing tall on the highest crest.

Beautiful, admired from a far.

Those that speak out of the soil of which they are made.

Those that are the lightening rods of this earth.

 Those that are to others weeds.

Annoying little things, treated as Credents (ancient city of Crete, despised).

If the bloom dare to rise up in a pristine disclosure the ugliness of life gets exposed.

Some neighbors see it as weed.

While others 

(who I believe are more enlightened) 

are grateful to be exposed to it.

 Beauty takes work. 

It takes work to hold on to ones own beauty as well.

 Beauty emerging from a shelter as a mother plant guarding a flower until it is established.

 Before beauty is the amazement of complexity.

 'Pinks' may be lavender yet non the less centered in beauty.

 Light captured shining through us.

It is then the glow be noticed.

As passers by slow to give eye.

 Focused up close looking deeper.

Being seen.

Can feed be excepted to soil when dust is dry?

Perhaps it will only burn any roots left living.

If feed be given to a life that needs only poor soil to survive...does it stop to thrive.

 Vantage...

It all comes down to vantage.

 We error only when we stop from trying.

Should soil be left alone for them who need no rich, nor want no fertile grownd to grow.

It is then set apart for another spot in the yard.

Non less to tend to...non less of beauty.

Pretense needs neglect to thrive, no truth no real exchange.

Self sufficient living only on what is within the soil underfoot.

 Bare spots  from soil to rich, to fertile...to honest.

One rich, one scraggly yet both beautiful.

 Reaching to the sky, shadowed left smaller.

Faces longing for the full sun.

Faces that will follow the sky are called proud.

That is how the sunflower is known.

Because it has the audacity to put it's face to the sun?

Yet look at those that linger there, in the shadows, not quite able to reach full potential.

 Ones mans vantage,

and then an others.

Lightening rods those trees that stand up tall exposed more than all the others.

Lightening rods risking demise death by just living.

These trees non better just sitting on higher ground or in the earth deeper than another.

Tapping deep into the life flow. 

Some even as a shelter to others. 

Yes they are exposed set to die if struck, and in so doing gives a grounding to the energy that flows.

That force that glows and cracks through the skies that surround it.

Once they are gone just think who will replace them?

Happy Easter

This is the most favored Holiday of the year for me.

May it be the day of great favor for you too.

The tasks at hand keep me so full each day that my presence here has fallen to a low priority of late. Having to measure my energy is challenging. Life is good. Each day our little family is growing and maturing with grace even in the most trying of days. Kids are doing real well in school. The three day weekend is a wonderful thing. They are a delight to be with. Bless you all

I trust your all under the sweet favor

Savor it.

told you so...

:)

See you later...

It will be a good homecoming.

Thankful Thursday

 This week is filled to the top as was last week.

Aimes testing all last week for the kids.

This week a sweet family pet died as well. Little Dino that belonged to our BIL and SIL. 

A dear old friend of Steve folks also passed away.

Steve will deliver these two bouquets I created today.

The hussup and the Batclar buttons are from the flower garden

On the phone with Denise (shorty bear)

She has been sick, exceptionally sick. This is the first day out to a medical appointment. Her life has been in bed or sick on a sofa for weeks now.
She was out Marsha (stopped by) she is going to try to call you while your still in town.

She will call me back. Many messages have I left for her. This was the first time I had spoken to her.

I won a scholarship!

Congratulations! 

The Immune Deficiency Foundation is pleased to award you a partial scholarship to cover your hotel accommodations at the IDF 2011 National Conference in Phoenix, Arizona.  The scholarship will cover your hotel for the (3) conference nights of June 23, 24 and 25^th.  Your award of this scholarship was made possible through the generosity of Baxter Healthcare.

Only have to come up with the $120 to cover the registration for the conference
OH GOD IS SO GOOD!
thank you to all who were in my corner on this one. It will be good to get some affiliation in this. To also pass it on as so many others who do not get to go will hear it from me.

Are we quenching the thirst compelled by that we love?

Wednesday at my doc appointment there was this new nurse who was so vibrant. Who just transferred from bed side nursing. She was glowing with a love of life energy.
She said something that touched me to the core.

That day I had a bit of a low sense of self. Of late I have felt dull and life was without much luster.
When I commented on the beauty of her energy


she said..."I love what I am doing, I am learning more about what I love to do every day"

It really hit me. Do I love what I am doing? Am I learning more about what I love everyday?
Just what is it I really love to do? For me there are several things, BUT am I learning about them.

Am I quenching the thirst, that the love, of what I am doing compels?



I think I will just spend some time listing out those things that I love. Funny how it gave me a very light heart and a hope.

I Love too...

sew

garden

parent

cook

train dogs

flowers

enjoy living things, wild life

live in a beautiful environment

live simply and debt free

avoid shopping

encouraging others

disseminating information that might help others

Interior decor

so today..

I will learn more about my surger

read up on the tomato problem in the garden and water the garden

decide if I will plant anything else for this summer (we will have a vacation this year and the care of pets and garden will be delegated. I want to keep that as easy as possible for whoever is doing those tasks)

Make a chore chart for the kids

Think about or read a cookbook for ideas

Walk my dog and train him

Water my flowers and feed them

let the hens out Maybe make some wild bird food?

Clean my closet

try baking soda to scrub the kids tub

fill in the budget ready the bills to be paid

email or call a friend

write this post

clear the sewing room wall of nails and tape fill holes
I hit ctrl/C, to copy this over to a word document and then printed it for my list to help me keep focused and motivated.

What do you love to do?

What will you do to fulfill your heart today?

:}

Thankful Thursday IVIG Referals

Good Morning

Yesterday I left my appointment for the CVID and IVIG with great news! After 11 months of monthly 6 hour  infusions of gamma globulin my goal of getting the levels over 1000 has been reached. This is the trough level goal or the lowest levels between infusions. This means that no longer will it be a certainty that infections would grab hold of me in a social setting. Although the risk are yet greater than the population at large it is no longer a certain life threatening risk. It means that the freedom of access without the fear of illness has been gained! This is fantastic news!

If it were not for the treatments my life would be at serious risk. Now I can breath both figuratively and actually. A mask still for if someone in my vicinity is known to be ill, or in large crowds but fear is leaving me. It has been a real torment and concern. Leaving this gregarious woman rather isolated and somewhat exhausted of life. Sad, lonely and mentally defeated. Now I smile once again at my future.

Even if the knee replacement come to be it would be able to be done without being a life threatening thing. YES one day a new knee. It is only due to my levels being stable.

Well now as he calls me 'a proactive patient' another patient and I will be trying to set up a local support network.
I remembered of how long ago when an illness or trial would hit, I would think that "this is not about me, it is about God being  glorified". Somehow in the midst of the last year I had forgotten that. So many trials that I saw an end to were easier to think that way. This was harder, for 49 years I had been ridiculed, harassed by test after test. Thought to have Alzheimer, and a myriad of other issues. It was so demising and shaming. That is what people go through. So if in that God can be glorified perhaps it is in this. You are never alone. There are others who like you. Those that just can not figure out why your so ill for so long.
When we suffer it really is about how we can comfort others . It did not feel that way going through this for the last 11 months. It did not 'feel' like this either all those many years of scare after scare. Primary Immune issues show up as many different types of symptoms that defy most physicians without the knowledge to recognize it.  If you know that something is just not right...NEVER let them make you think it is all in your head or that you must be making it all up for attention. I was treated that way even by family members. It is so painful. So encourage one another, as I too hope to encourage you.
Now that I see a light, it is easier to get out of myself and do so.
I had to grieve the betrayal of all those years. Felt real angry that 'God' would allow it of me. Felt real sad that shame had removed the dignity allowed me for so many many years. These things are a normal part of grief. As is the joy that can come in the 'morning' (mourning) of a thing.

Now for all you who suffer the ignorance and isolation gained for you here are some referrals gained yesterday at my immunologist. We who have CVID often have been told "it shouldn't" as if it all in our minds. Remember the problem is that the knowledge is just not within their minds to understand this rather rare problem.

Try these referrals...In Phoenix, Gilbert, Scottsdale and Mesa Arizona. Arizona Allergy and Asthma Institute.

First His ( Levente E Erdos, M.D.) strong statement of make sure

a physician is board certified immunologist.

this is the web site

American College of Allergy, Asthma and Immunoligyhttp://www.acaai.org

Here you can find a listing of physicians you can help with Primary Immune D.
Sure hope this helps you who have asked for assistance.

 PDF registration pdf

Also the PIF (Primary Immune Foundation) is having it conference June 23-25 the here in the valley. Hit the 'Think Zebra' link on side bar. I am so hoping for a scholarship to attend. they have patient and professional lectures and social events.

Food Sorage and usage tips

 At the start of each day lunches are made. If your home is like mine the heals of the loaf are an unfavored left over. After collecting enough for the job but bagging them in the freezer the task begins.This is one of the ways that they are put to good use here.

 Note all the bags are turned inside out and reused for lunches or what-not.

 Slow low bake to dry. Grind into bread crumbs.

 Shake the larger up and set aside for meatballs and such.

 The fine is used for coatings, and main filler for finer textured recipes

 Store frozen and use within two months or so.

 The Parsley harvest yielded a new jar of green beauty

 This is an important tip I noticed to pass on. When opening a new jar ALWAYS clear off any paper or foil. Use the side of your sharp knife.This remnant of packaging harbors bacteria that spread food born illness. 

Just a tip slip

:)

Take pleasure in your chosen career.

However humble it is a real possession in the ever changes cycles of life.

Wordless Wednesday

Tuesday thoughts

It is an early wonderful morning. To exhale all of the thoughts of late has left me lighter in heart. Truth has a marvelous way of doing that. At the risk of offending I spoke. I have held myself brideled and at bay. Looking out into an ocean that looking within seames warmer.
Now missing those lives that touch. Missing so many of you.

I forgo-ed affiliation for some time. Now seeing the need for my soul, the cost of isolation. Allowing my truth to be silenced for the denial, the comfort of one other. Leaving me withdrawn from the former vivacious self. I want to bring me home. To pull up the self so silenced by the fear of what others might think. Overly concerned .

Tackled this Tuesday by a since of self more ready to belong. I have spoke often of the five phases of self esteem.

security
a since of self
affiliation
mission
competency

This season of my days have gifted me to have a greater freedom. My days of life were always an argument between my siblings. One that left me devoid of proof. Torn by strong forces that ridiculed my inner knowledge. A knowledge that came from the depths of me.

It is a wonderful thing to see who I am attached to this world. Seeing the innate gifts I have it leaves my eyes wide open and full of acceptance. A gardener, preparer of sustenance, making with my own hands for my family those things we have need of. It is a joy to see the lineage of a people who were as I am. We all have an innate need for a since of belonging. One that I have never fully known. I knew that I was His, that I belonged here to my little family, but that was still left wanting. That wanting is no longer in question or debate. It feels wonderful.
I have always admired the indigenous peoples of Australia. The amazing wisdom these vanishing souls had. Living in a land seemingly inhospitable. Thriving until others interfered. the definition of thriving being something totally foreign to the greater view of others who see them impoverished. They never knew they were until they saw what others had. They simply lived in the wisdom of the elders who taught them how to live and eat, loving their own families. These yes assumptions but that is how I always viewed them.
I have always admired people like that. Now they call these things going green. Returning to the core of our humanity.
May the whole of the living return to humanity.
I remember Chief Joesph of the Nez Perse tribe as wise words asked where have the humans gone. Oh that this going green might bring us back to our humanity. Cause us to remember who we are and embrace the life that God has given us.

On That note my heart flows to the kitchen it is early morning hour here. Time to tend to the needs of my loving little family. May each of us awaken today to remember our humanity. It is a beautiful gift.
We were not born reptiles or jackals. :)

A missing people

.

Beringia is now inhabited by Eskimos or Inuit. They are quite close genetically to Asians and they are not really Amerindians. They came quite late. Notice the resemblance to, say, Japanese.

 

Once there were a mighty people. Ones who lived in the lands of inhospitable snow and ice. Many snows that several names for snow were known. A people who live nomadic. A people who were indigenous.  Known by a derogatory term that means 'dog eater'. These who depended and respected above many things the dog. The partner who lived peacefully among them.
The whites came and saw prosperity of a different mind. Furs that were once a holy provision felt with gratitude when received. Once Honor was given to the live of each creature received as sustenance. Creatures of the land and of the deep were depended on. All was used and nothing wasted. Family's lived and depended upon each other. The timber line at times a refuge.
They were dispersed. Many perished when disease was an unwelcome guest in the tundra, the arctic. The land silent. Children stripped from the mothers arms to go and learn of Christianity. Non of the faith known as LOVE but all of the religion known as conformity. Numbers once many dwindling now into less that 40,000. This almost all in Canada now. Eastern Canada. Some remain now within the arctic of the Pacific coast.
There is an Island off of the coast near Tacoma Washington that hosts a mockup of the long ago culture. Totems and relics of a life once lived by many.
I found a wonderful collection of art here..Dorthy Francis Artist.

Missing form my life a father who was one of these. A ghost of an enigma. Lost in time and space. I know of this without doubt now.

Last week the DNA test came back and indeed I am a daughter of an Inuit father. A have become the half sister of all of my siblings. Yet this was always so. The elder siblings told me so to my mothers denial. My sister who was thought to have the same father is actually my half sister. No less my sister. She knows who her father is. Many if not all of them know who the father of their flesh is. Now for me it is a confirmed mystery.

All the research is met with a vanishing people. A people of the earth who respected what had been given them through the creation, the creator of all things. My faith is the fellowship of My God and Father, My Lord and Savior. My faith is also of that lineage my maker set me along the path into being. I am half Inuit. Not Eskimo, I am not a 'dog eater'. How we would cringe if the N. word be used of a African or a J. for German. Yet a vanishing people known by few are called and known through the ignorance of causation.

I am no less a white woman, yet more of a indigenous soul. One who was here before the others. A people who were here as long, 1/4 Native American ( Cherokee)  heritage I also own. I am 1/2  Inuit and 1/4 another. 

I remember the first time I publicly acknowledged my curiosity, the probability of being less than white. I was the same person yet at church I was treated as less. Somehow as if more ignorant. Or a heathen. I see how even then my eyes were being opened to the religion less that was called by one who's name is higher. A name above all names demised by a people who think that they are the best superior. A heritage that took away the very existence of so many people. Who stole children to conversion. Believing whole-heartedly that this was 'the way'. Only it is that HE is the way. I see it now even now. 

It is HE who is the way.
It is not the thought or idea of what people may conceive as the way all of humanity ought to believe. Many religions fall into the same sin thinking it holy. Holiness is non than compassion, humility, to be in right standing before God. God is holy, he has created all peoples. Many know Him, some by another name yet it is He they are intimate with. He is truth. He is reverence for his creation. It is His people who KNOW Him by name. A name spoken in many languages, many dialects and tongs. Many years ago He lead me to believe in His Son Christ Jesus. I see people who take a demanding stance to force others to believe yet that is coherence. It is to a man to come. Come unto me he said. Of ones own will. Not that of another.
These Inuit often as with many other cultures were forced into Him. Not drawn of honey but compelled through fear of hell burning and screaming. The called the old ways evil. Perhaps many were. Perhaps it was that God himself was a guide and a witness through the elders to holiness. Fear true fear to me is separation from God. It is then that the gnashing of the teeth is known.

These people ripped of the ways of their ancestors were forced into the ways of a salvation forced upon them. It is that salvation of an offering a message of holiness, a message of relationship that pulls holiness up as a innate desire. Not a fear of reprisal.

Many people are missing lost into an enforced compliance out of a fear of God.

Would it be that the presence of God be known as a desire to draw near to the God of their understanding. A god who gave all to gin our trust. Salvation through a name that is above all names. A relationship of mutual respect and adoration.

For many years the story's my elder brother told of my paternal linage were unsure It is a hard thing to have been lied to by my Mother. It is a hard thing to be of a people who have all but vanished. 40 who live in a tiny village just above the Washington State boarder. No way to contact them. Not able yet to gain much more understanding. Yet I understand more about who I think I am. The why of the way I believe, the way I walk upon this earth. No longer an alien confused by the denial of some and the assurance of others. I am who I am and have come from a long line of some of the most tenacious people who ever walked this earth. Those who survived in the arctic. When the respect of the earth and all of the sea those things upon and within the deep was the way of truth. 

Many taboos of fear were also a torment to a people who are now little known some still live. I hope that one day I might learn more of them. One story I have heard years ago was when the Holy Spirit came to a church meeting of those who were in a relationship with God based in the Salvation of Christ Jesus. The doors closed and so the windows closed and a great wind swept through the congregation. There were so many suicides and much alcoholism in the village. After this meeting the whole of the village changed. Hope entered that land.

I am Inuit by my father who one day I might come to know his identity.

Who do you think you are? To many generations we are known by those things passed down through the flesh and the spirit. I would love to know from whence I have come.

Black and White Photography

Come visit 'A Place to create' to see a project I have been working on.

Michelle see the Dogwood and the Magnolia flowers. That is what I gained with that thoughtful gift card you gave me. Thank you.

Shoe Polish *Reduce-reuse-recycle*

 Remember when we bought it once and took good care of it to make it last. Now I now many of you wise souls have known this way. Knowledge lost of the wolves who have come gained not only our minds but our pocketbooks as well. This week pulling out a different hand bag and some old sandals to match it called in some tending too.

 Yep, there worn and seen not just a few miles. But they are mine, mine to what I own and afford. Yep, one day perhaps next year to the top of the budget will come a new pair. For now I delight in shoe polish. Once was a new pair of shoes were not taken for granted. My own mom was not able to go to school for her daddy would not get her a pair of shoes. Many years in the great depression things were so. Food and shelter mattered most. However my mom should of been treated better.

 Snippin' the threads and brushing out the ring yes...mine. the have good use left in them. They were purchased as a timeless style with purposeful intention.

Do ya one better than that. With folk forgetting just what polish is or is used for keep an eye out on clearance. Now days shelf space is more important than function. Now this was $1 a time back.
In stock keep your basics
brown
black
white
other colors you use if applicable.
Mind you never polish swede shoes or handbags. for a colorless polish try leather wax. leather soap too.

Clean up those shoes when your do your pedicure. Shoes show your character. New or not, the care one takes of a shoe shows many an employer how detailed a person may be. Just an Old Wives Wisdom passed on.