Yesterdays news and todays head lines

We Have had a lot of rain of late, wonderful for the desert water table. The water tank has over filled twice. I had to water the garden plots with about 25 gallons of the tank water not to have it flow out a third time

Lovely for an afternoon at the park.

Sunday we all went for a bit of refreshment.

Dash is all boy!

So strange to see him like this.

My first boyfriend of 4 years (some 29 years ago) was a stunt rider of motor cross.

He was killed when Steve and I were married only a few months (on a jet ski)

Now look at my own son. 

Don't it seam strange?

Dove was gifted a pair of roller blades that she had long hoped for thanks to Daddy man searching on Creigs List. Very nice like new for around a third of the costs. 

When you see something on there you have to jump on it or it will be gone.

She took right to them and only fell one time.

I had some wrist guards one from Doves infancy when I almost tore off my hand in a door handle (single handed diapering) then the left one ironically when Dash was an infant I tripped on a toy with him in my arms and in order to protect his head from impact I turned my wrist up at almost a 70% and tore it (single handed again I diapered Dash in toddler-hood).

 

Daddy man in the rainbow just where he lives, 

at the end of the rainbow.

A father living in the pot of gold.

Monday was full of morning tasks  phone calls and starting the week off 

Then it was time to get Dove to the ENT.

Taking her out of school again was a bummer.

Driving the 15 miles one way we had a nice visit, we were both starving from a hard start rushing them off to school. We got there and they complained they had been trying to reach me to cancel the appointment for the Dr had an emergency surgery, Well what do you do?

So I wished the victim recovery and rescheduled for Wednesday.

We got to enjoy a cotton tail bunny as we were driving away, we stopped and had a light heart of a visit together for a bite. These moments of mommy time are dealing with a lot of questions that make you all but blush. This is the time to give answers and I am very thankful that she is asking me. So I am as candid as can be within her ability to understand and share it with her friends. For you know that that is right where it is going. So the difference between *e* and love is being covered.

A joyful thing happened. 

We have refinanced the house from 22 years of a 30 year mortgage down to a 15 year mortgage.

I had a Fed ex to mail and a full morning of driving.

As Dove and I pulled into get a bite I looked up and in the middle of a side street was a Fed EX delivery man getting into his truck. He took the package and the mortgage company called me and hour and a half latter to confirm the package was in route.

Cool how everything is set up to help us.

God is for us, not against us.

A conversation 

I had a conversation with a friend who shared with courage that even though it is not "who" I am or what I intend to do I may come of as better than thou.

She said that 

We judge others by their actions 

and ourselves by our intentions

Funny thing is for me 

I judge myself by my actions 

and comfort myself by my intentions

Trying to understand others actions

I am looking for their intentions

Loving them, that is my intention

An after noon at my house Tuesday

 

Lots of asthma interventions with Dash call for many breathing treatment tools to be washed.

Now add a little vinegar to the R.O. water

let them sit for 20 minutes that is the way to sanitize them as to not reinfect the patient.

Egg shells to be ground for the hens sit aside as morning dishes accumulate.

Bread is rising for the second time an artisan loaf for the evening.

Pinto beans for the blender , add salsa, melted butter, cumin, a bit of cayenne pepper and frijole's for Dash's lunch been burros.

 

On any given afternoon you'll see flower on the counter from the bread

Bottles being re-used for lunch beverages.

 

This week the sewing is for Dash's curtins

 

another top for Dove

Clothing is something she is now finding a great appreciation for and really likes to have a say in what I make. 

I love having her opinion.

It is such a delight that she is receiving it from me.

 

This week a big challenge.

A few weeks ago my Dash found his cousins cell phone that was left on the sofa after he had left.

Instead of bringing it to us he held on to it. 

He then felt afraid to tell us and just kept it.

Well sweet Dove had a Guilty tummy ach.

She opened up to tell that she had taken mine (no minutes on it) to school to show the unbelieving kids that she had one. (daddy man promised she could have it) I am not renewing it. I just do not like having one until we can afford to have one, that and we do not sign contracts that involve money except the mortgage and such.

Dove then felt much better yet still was troubled, it was then she told of Dash and the phone he took.

My poor sister had been searching to give her grand son his phone.

I had to call her and ask of it. The kids mom had to cancel it and may have had cost incurred so I await to see what cost that Dash my have uncured as to replacing the mysterious missing phone. 

The big fear is what if he gave it away at school to get a friend or something.

It has been an opportunity to learn proper parental handling of thing. 

We bombed at first and have recouped the losses by building back trust and having good consequences. So the Dash man will be doing lots of extra chores.

 

Every couch has been pulled out and searched within without and under 

NO PHONE!

The bright side is the sofa are clean

:)

 

laundry however that is another thing

see it is piled high at my house...

So mending toys after two of the new ones Dash got last week have broken already.

Yesterday a splurge... a pearl stringing tool.

It is there on the desk.

A set of cinnabar beads is a job for my sister that is in the Que to be done. Without the tool the job was not able to be accomplished as well.

 

That bread was turned into a monster 

bacon lettuce (from the garden) and tomato sub sandwich.

Much to the children s delighted glee.

Had no problem getting them to eat their supper last night.

Supper feast

Last night another batch sat over night to rise while I 

"listened to my instinct"

(Dove grabbed me by the cheeks last night as she was going to bed)

GO TO SLEEP!

So I did at 8:30 p.m. and slept through

A much better mommy morning here.

Amazing what rest can do

So this was formed as the children had breakfast.

A  morning on the side yard weeding was a real peaceful start to the day.

The appointment I had at 9:40 was able to be changed to the afternoon. 

Now I only have to drive there (10 mile round trip) one time today and then onto the north for Doves rescheduled appointment.

I may find out if she needs surgery today.

These just came out of the oven.

 

   Wish you were a butter fly on the wall

just think garlic salt, Italian herbs and ground caraway it was added over a drizzling of olive oil.

OH!

it smells so good in here

Spaghetti and salad with these wonderful little tid bits for supper.

Never thought of party problems

Ally ally ally out come free!

Surprise it's me!

Goodness what a roll.

 

On Wednesday I had the cakes to make for both adoption day and the birthday. No eggs!

So knowing that dash had already brought in the one egg from the day before I went out to see if there may be a few I could use with some powdered egg white. SEVEN! plus the one I had = 4 regular eggs!

Now Dash either must have missed some or at least one...and all 6 birds laid.

All I have need of :)

Dash is doing better today. He turned 9 yesterday and was so sweet about his disappointments. We opened his gifts in the morning and the appreciation that boy spoke was astonishing more than once. So dear a child he is. Sissy gave him a little guy on a magnetic skate board and a toy ramp for it to play on.

He received a Avitar horse and the lead character with the wolf type creatures. 

Great Movie!

His asthma along with a cold and an allergy shot hit him all at once and I had to bring him home from school.  Being such an active soul we had a hard time keeping him slowed, his peak flow meter (a testing devise) hit 140 and I almost began to panic. We were able to avert the going to ER. A mother of one of the guest even called the next day. Really touched me that she cared so, she was on the phone when I tested and heard the panic tone I was trying to hide in my voice.

From one extreme to another...

We got a call at 7 p.m. last night from a father of another kid.

Wanting to know what the deal was about the party...

These folks never confirmed, I called the teacher of the boys on Friday because I had n way to call his parents. Did all I thought I could to let him know. Never met these folks.

He drove up to the business and gave his son money and pulled away. 

The child had NO WAY TO CONTACT him or his mother.
apparently divorced
The father said that his wife is over protective and he is not, "well I told him I can understand that".
Thinking something so strongly that I do not figure I need to even say it ")
This a lesson that could of been so much worse, Steve too was peeved and we both just could not imagine such negligence.

That kid was at the place of business from 4-7 p.m.!

I guess he never approached an employee (who could of called us).

This is something we did not even think could of been done.

The kid is 8 yrs old and was just dropped off at a curb.

I was up most the night with bad dreams and just almost in tears for the little guy.

I know who he is from my service work in the classroom.

I think if I would of just drove over there to check on all things. Knowing however it is not my error. Still a kid suffered and a tender heart like me is just tore up over it.

Last night Dove held my thumb just like when she was an infant on that train ride home from Russia.

We watched an old star trek show and it had about a planet of people who could have no children.  Really touched the kids. WOW are they endeared to us today. I love holding them because I know all to well this is a flash in time to treasure. I held Dash in my arms at bed time he fell asleep after the show. Came over for a hug and just relaxed himself into my lap and arms. Steve was calling to brush teeth and I just let him sleep there.
I could feel the pour of Love that flame of fire that roars through the soul. I felt it flow through to each of them as I held them. As when the whole of the universe stops for the moment and nothing else exists.
 It was so lovely and peaceful for all of us.

Yesterdays harvest.

Picked a whole bowl full of peas (once hulled)

Broccoli and turnips too, Stir fry tonight.

I got the dahlias in the new flower bed.

 

 This week I created a bit of art work for a physician as a thank you.

A Gods Eye

 

Sewed a top for Dove but the little man has the camera making movies all yesterday and this morning. It keeps his busy little mind occupied and his recovering busy body on the slow.

I'll try to do some posts over
here at A Place to Create
Yesterday I attended the American Sewers Guild and renewed my membership.
It was nice to have the motivation to sew.
Seeing my sister is nice. She is not feeling well of now and could use your prayers joined with ours.
I have been giving this some real good use of late.

Today it is raining again and the water tank full up to the brim!
So Steve just put the kiddie pool over there.
Our neighbor behind us removed the beautiful big tree. We are as a lost soul with it gone. We will miss the shade of it terribly came the summer. They have removed almost all of the 10 or so trees in the yard. We are just appalled and grieved too, at the loss of such good life.

My table is still stacked with medical forms for all of the specialist for Dove.
All of the 2009 tax stuff too.
Every moment is so busy right now. Being sick for the 7 weeks at the start of the year really set me back and each day I get a little closet to having my head above water.

Steve's mom had a cataract surgery and all went well.
Steve had an MRI and we have yet to get the results.

Dove goes to the ENT who specializes in pediatric sleep apnea and we will know more there. She may need her tonsils out soon. It that is the solve we do not know as of yet.
Dash and are undergoing allergy injections twice a week as health permits.
Well I have an invitation from my son to have a movie time.
He is making himself some eggs so mom time gotta get over to the stove.

Good day to all of you.
Many more details of provision and interventions.
Got to run

Love ya all

hands and arms full with the children
everything is good
Dash is ill missed his party
Dove is awaiting me to be with her in our room she does not want to sleep alone.
I wish I had time now to tell of all the wonderful things going on.
She is on pins and needles got to go.

Happy Birthday Son

Dash Hawk is turning 9 this week.

Son of my heart.

Adoption Day

 

image at Russian orphanage

Wow ! it was 12 years ago today that the greatest blessing of my life occurred.

The adoption of our daughter.

Eternally grateful am I of the wonderful woman who carried and gave birth to her.

Funny now I find myself a little tiny bit intimidated.

 

This wonderful child a daughter of God who I have been allowed to raise.

My daughter.

His daughter.

Mother am I.

Mother is she .

Mother of heart.

Mother of womb.

All under the Father God. 

It is only a privledge to raise our children.

If we are fortunate they are within our charge not truly ours.

If we are fortunate to remember these things.

Good Morning
It is the fresh hours of early morn here. I awoke to see how very deeply within me is ingrained a habit of old. When in pain withdraw.
When my sister died in January it hit me in a hard way. This is what stepped me back stunned and shocked. It was the knowing. Hearing that she was going to do so.  Strange it is to see things before the events. This has happened so many times before. It is so very sobering. I could tell her about it and she was understanding.
Of late so many things that I have seen have come and are coming to pass. So I pray, grieve and stand back stunned at how life and the world around me is unfolding. My sisters passing awoke in my an understanding of how temperal this all is.

Today my beloved is to step into an MRI. A study set to investigate the shaking of his hands. His Father has it, as did his Mother before and so one. It has gone down through the line. I awake a bit concerned of him. I have not really had much of any concern of this for just knowing and being used to everything working out in the end with our trials. It most likly will in this too.

His Mother is going in for cataract surgery tomorrow. She to will be fine. I think that the worry of these things evades me and for that I am grateful.

My sweet daughter is coming into her own. She is at the developmental stage of works that hurt. They can pierce to the soul. As a Mother we are, I am , to wash them off as if they are what they usually are ...the things of youth. The pushing away and the pulling up close.
She has made a few VERY hurtful comments about her "REAL MOTHER". Wow! now those sting. They open up that place within that all moms have. The knowledge of all the frailty and errors committed along the parenting path. Now of what I speak is the real guilt not the ones that folk so "oh well" we all make mistakes. These are the thing that I know I have done wrong. The horrible moments of parenting when stress removes the very heart of who we are as parents.

Now for an adopted adolescence the grass is questioned. If my REAL mom would of kept me my life would of been...fill in the fantasy. Meanwhile we who are not the birth mom who raise and love our own children hear the words that just come out in different ways for most moms. Well they can cut in a different way. Yet as moms we must thicken the skin as to not give the child too much power and harm their mental ability farther.  Ya know it does not make it hurt any worse.

I awoke this morning wondering if I did a search if I could come up with anything on her birth mom.  her mommmmm. It just does not sound right ya know... I am mom. It is hard for some adoptive parents to ever feel deserving of that title. Or we over compensate year after year hoping to be worthy. Judging more strongly the errors in our parenting.

Well my sweet son is here.
That is too say thoughts feelings and opening up my heart is to be shelved.

When I was a kid and I hurt...I pulled away. I then could not bring any more hurt upon me by making error. It was easier to hide than to cause some negative effect to compound the pain. Seams I am too good at that. Ignorant as I can be of the errors until after they are made. Then with hurt still undone there is more of a mess to mop up. Well that is the jest of my pulling away.

Tackle it Tuesday

 

Wow a moment to say hi

Thats one of my tackles today.

Dove to get new bands on her braces in less than an hour. 

The school bus just pulled away.

Dove has had a huge amount of challenges of late.

No time for me due to it.

Adolecence has hid full on!

She wants the freedom of peers that amounts to in large part absent parenting.

She got on line at a Disney web site and got kicked off because she gave out her phone number and a pretty significant clue as to her last name.

I hit the roof!

I am not too much ameanable to my kids being on line at all.

Daddy man thinks differently.

So training has begun in earnest. Although it had been covered what we have to keep in mind is that Dove is not her chronological age. My point emphasized in this singular experience. Disney banned her from the site. Thank goodness for that filter.  I was so upset and prayed, the next morning Steve got an email to inform him she had done so. He really sees my point now. We can not assume anything now days! Dove sees it as a prison here. I have bad dreams and pray a lot.

Dash came in yesterday morning knowing I was upset over something he approched me. He said "mom I am here if you need to talk to someone", stunned at his sweet maturiy I explained that I was just frustrated because I did not feel as if anyone could see into me, or really see me.

He said "mom I see you".

Chokes me up just to think about it.

We recently went to see Avitor, so much the native American story in a nut shell.

So touched me in the things I try to teach the children.

That in itself a huge frustration to me in my life. 

Dove has appointments up coming for the ENT regarding the sleep issue. Dash and I are doing allergy injections 2 x a week, he get two shots and I one. Mine left me not feeling too well. My arm got pretty red at injection but he did fine. 

Steve is undergoing some neuro care for the shaking of the hands an issue generations old.

My 8th nerve study showed that I have a significant neuro issue to my ear on the left side, and the right ear has structural hearing loss. So I am a candidate for hearing aides bilateral if we can swing it.

This hearing loss is a real hassle because everyone forgets that I just can not hear them and they get annoyed to repeat. Don't need to be yelled at just need to see your face to know what your saying.

Kids are busy with school, the years fly by.

Dash is turining 9 this week and Dove has her 12th adoption day tomorrow.

We are looking into refinancing the house from a 22 year to a 15 year and a 7/8 point rate reduction and free closing costs. It would raise our payment $150 a month but get us out from under a mortgage 7 years sooner. It is a risk however to do so. Most folks are extending loans to reduce payments.

We were thrilled to learn that our credit score was not effected by getting rid of the credit card and closing the account. Living debt free can be penalized in that way and the fear of it keeps most folks with a credit line open. Not so at least not for us anyway.

My days are spent

Arbor yard and an evening with my Great nephew

 

  

  

   

  

  

Great shipwrecks

How do you say what is on your heart

when what is on your heart is so hard to say?

How do you know what you know when no one else cares to know it?

but in silence.

"Abandon ship!"
 as cowards tip the life boats.

When life a vacuum pulls away for the very souls it is after.

When all you see is what you do not wish to happen.

Voices hollow scream out for mercy a drop of water a tent to sleep.

Voices of many failing at heart because of debt becoming the ruler their master.

Make light of life?

Seeing it a struggle compounded by denial.

Blog light of life or tend to distractions.

Passing out life vests.

I step aside silent.

Thoughts of light heart days

Offers of a smile seem distant now.

Sounds of the dark and gloomy  deeps folks are drowning

Appear a depressed soul?

Not really, just standing astonished at all happening in the world around me.

Visions of weeping families torn apart for want of a dollar.

Consequences of a nation greed gone wild.

Wild thing best left wild.

Mad men and women going for each others throat.

Suffering families simply for want.

Rent, food and clothing...

Seeing this all around sets to humble for the good things surround me

Full pantry and closets needs all that are met.

Suffering though taunts me with those empty souls hungry for the hole to be filled

Nothing can fill it.

Set your love upon God, not for expectation of his bounty but for love of a friend.

Wonder how a captain might feel at His ship going down.

Yes I may sound morose. 

Is any one out there even remotely sad?

Repentance a nation flushed by a government no longer "the people".

This is the inheritance of future generations.

Children in the White house playing fancy games with all resource.

Marriages, families children become foes.

Simply acceptance of this is what is expected

Who stands up to such basic deceptions.

In each given life is decision.

So pardon me then my deep silence for I think of all that I have to say...

Who wants to hear it?

Sufice it to say, unless a golly good moment get bigger than this it becomes hard to speak freely.

So many wonderful moments with my children, in my home with my mate.

Yet my heart is so saddened by lives that are shipwrecked and pretense leading so many astray.

Raising Chickens

6 hens
Total Egg count to date 1000 !

Starting November 7, 2008 

January 14th  Each of the 6 chickens laid an egg today for the first time!
All hens laying 1-8-2009

A child needs safety lessons.

 

The beauty of the recent rains were just a sweet refresher.

Spending many hours with the family has kept my days, hours and seconds rich with intimate moments.

Moments telling my son of my favorite psalm.

  

 

Letting him know that trusting and calling upon the name of the lord is based on the premise that 

WE love Him

Because WE have set our love upon God ...

  

Onion salt from ground dried onion and sea salt fixed a need that I could not remedy due to the absence of product. So I made our own.

  

Learning more and more about my sewing machine has opened my eye to the promise of a friendship with my sister.

  

Having her on the other end of the line to teach a few tricks of the machine.

I am working on a blouse for my Dove.

  

 

Today The gift of a thrasher's visit while on the Patio 

Making this as a gift for my Neurologist.

The exam room has a Navajo blanket on the wall and a print framed as well.

I have had this in mind as a gift of thanks for him and so finished the vision today.

Steve went to him this week to have help with the familiar hand shaking.

He is running lab work, an eye test to confirm no metal chips during those many early years in a trade. 

A MRI will be set for him next week.

Mean while he has a new Rx to try to help

  

In that exam room it is so difficult not to think about the seriousness of seeing a neurologist.

This God's Eye is hoped to help give a point of focus to those others who sit there amerced in the challenges faced. Perhaps it might help them to focus on the eyes of God upon them.

Now my Daughter and son desire more freedom.

After asking them many "what if" questions, we played tickel bug.

Then we watched some U Tube video's.

 

  

 Part one

 

Part two

Later Dash and I went to a nearby neighbors home.

Dove stayed alone at the house a few doors and a phone call away.

It was her first time at home alone.

She locked the security door.

I called her twice in our hour visit.

She let it ring through to the machine and then answered only when she heard me.

A little testing of the methods.

Mean while the mother and I spoke of Fung shui and enjoyed a visit.

We shared minds and hearts, some similar trials of humanity.

The boys played very well together.

She has the exact floor plan of my home and set facing the compass in another orientation.

So fascinating to see the house decorated another way.

So many many tasks are behind in attention.

Her home so pretty and decor so nice.
I so miss the house in it's former glory, before we were set to sell it.

It is now as if I am a newly married. 

It is so hard to replace the charm.

Sunshine

Sunshine you make me happy when sky's are Gray, You'll never know dear how much I love you 
Sweet Care'oh lynn over at Talk to Grams sent a bit of Sonshine my way today.

Here is the information on this award: The Sunshine Award is awarded to bloggers whose positivity and creativity inspire others in the blog world.Below are the rules for accepting this award:
* Put the logo on your blog or within your post.
*Pass the award on to 12 fellow bloggers.
*Link the nominees within your post.
* Let the nominees know they have received the award by commenting on their blog.
* Share the love and link to the person whom you received this award from.

Annette
Susie
Amrita
Debra
Marsha
Renee
Michelle
Cory
Bren
Connie at Little Red Hearts
Lisa Shaw
E-mom

With words few I sufice it to say that all of you and many more bless my life in colorful ways.

life 101

People don't behave the way you want them to behave. 

That does not mean that the way they behave is wrong.

This quote past by my eye today.
Of course with moral exceptions, commandments and taboo's.

This applied to me in a different way today.
It gave me a peace where my concern over my own behavior.
Thinking of how troubled I am over an offence cause by holding a child accountable.
I was concerned of the parent being upset that I confronted a child under my care for dis regarding my instruction to say on the property.
She caused a second child in my care to follow out of fear for the girls safety.
Then my son went with the girls as a gentleman.
When the mother came for the child, I told the mother with the child in the back seat what she had done.
The child even made acknowledgment that she knew I said not to leave the property.

Oh then I told the child that she owed me an apology, but she was welcome to come again.
Because she owned the error.

Her Mother,
well, the child is never to come here again and my daughter never to go to her home.
"We don't owe her an apology" Sadly was the woman's quote.
"we" no just the child.

Now I have thought of calling to make peace for the concern of removing strife.

Then this day I relized that

Even if the woman disagreed with my behavior to confront her child,
That does not mean it was wrong

Perhaps like wise to the Mother she saw nothing wrong with her daughters behavior.
The child has a different life style.
For the child to disregard the instruction of the care giver who has charge over her...
wow,
that leaves me not really wanting to care for her again.
That type of level of risk is beyond me.
Could you imagine if she might of been abducted or harmed or injured.
She would of taken another kid, and my own son down with her.
Bet her mom might think differently of my behavior then.

Sad thing though that this ended the opportunity to get to know what other wise seemed like such a lovely woman.

History forgotten is lost to generations thereafter

Words be few and days have been many from the last visit here.
It is that I have lost the passion in my blogging.
From plagiarism this voice of mine in absence pulls me away.
Where others have made income off of it without even the grace of simple acknowledgment. I, I must let go of it as I count it a gift to others. I just feel a struggle over the issue. Letting go of it over and over.
Great efforts taken to share the experience, strength and hope.
Bringing seeds and ideas of post to others. That the mutual shared hearts of the many so tied together.

My heart here was to share the whole of who I am freely.

Spirit, soul and body.

From this form of muscle bone and sinew I serve. By presenting tasks and that shared knowledge I found joy.
A way of giving back to those segments of society that effort to attain the experience at homemaking and the skill sets I have mastered. Not wanting to make this a place of funding or the luker. This by choice alone. Just free paying life forward. For in my days I have had VERY few mentors who would teach me. Those years teaching myself were efforts of great study and trial and error.
A philosophy of mine is that history repeats itself both positive and negative. That history forgotten is lost to the generations thereafter. So I in this blog hoped in part to conserve those skills of the home, the arts, parenting, economics, gardening, tending of all things living. Gleaning and gaining the knowledge of so many of you who also have the passion to learn and to educate.
In deed my being is worn of the last two months with all the illness, interventions for the kids and the day in day out efforts to run the estate. A blessed life yes, to whom much is given much is required.

Within the soul of this woman a writer lies waiting to open my mind at risk of rejection. Once my voice was much less fettered. Now it has grown weak and wherry. I visit and fill my soul with the minds of many who yet share voice. So many things that offer a kinship of sorts. Reflections gained through the gain that only experience, understanding, knowledge finally culminating in wisdom pure and shared with a heart filtered through kindness. This was my heart to find voice here in this my " life uncommon". Finding my place caring too much of religion or prejudice judgments that fog peace leaving strife in it's wake. Above all things strife is a repulsion to me. To find voice within this soul of mine hushed at the avoidance of strife. Hushed that perhaps those who row the still waters might avoid a splash if a rock the boat.
Indeed also here with the fullness of my mind given health issues with children, spouse and self. Appointment after appointment that sets me so behinds here at home.

It is my spirit that can only visit hear at times. It is welcome, yet singularly, without the whole of me. Mornings spent embracing the Manuel of my life I long to make a safe place here. Where those souls who so wounded by hypocrisy religion and rejection can come and gain kindness to their day. Not pulled away through false condemnations that some "Christian" blogs can bring often without intent. So many many wonderful blogs of those who believe are simply an affront to those who are hurting and driven away through life and false expectations of others.
Yet too the work I am doing with the EMDR that you can read about here is very taxing yet so very rewarding.

I long once again to be true faced in the whole of me here. Without fear, bold tenacious vivacious full of life once again. Alas I am yet hushed.