The joy of a clean home.

 This Saturday the Daddy man suffered the torment :)  of taking the kids to the picture show. Alven and the chipmonks....think three times before you subjet your self

So I had the house to myself.

I danced and rearanged the great room

I LOVE IT!

I have all my Bible study stuff at my right hand (worked hard on book transfering today.

I have all my song books too. I love to read old very old hymnals. LOVE IT!

The quilt repair is there in the light of the windows too. Great space to have a nice conversation.

We are able to watch the kids play too.

 

 Coming in from the garage. The couch is perfect to layout the laundry dried in the machine.

This is SO nice Just LOVE IT!

I had so much fun!

I danced and danced as I tinkered, dusted and set things aright to my good pleasure.

The purpose of all that is done.

To find pleasure in the work of our hands.

Ecclesiastes Last verse of the book.

The wooden rocker is our very first piece of furniture.

It was in the raw and Steve and I sanded and finished it together.

It is oak.

 

See the beautiful red vase. I so wanted on and looked for one.

My SILove gave me the simpathy flowers in it.

Of course she has no idea. It was inopportune to tell her at the time.

Sunday

 

 Dsah had tired of a loft bed.

I could not get to him up there.

Could not make the bed so far up high either.

He said it got too warm up by the ceiling too.

He was such a kind heart about volunteering to give up his new room to tend sissy's needs.

Those are his baseball cards in th grove left by removing the structure.

 

 I set Him up a libary by the light of the window.

Again as in the living room living buy the windows are such a delight.

I do not know why I never thought of it before.

Look how close that fit on the wall! within a half and inch!

I still have to go through the books to see to it the infantile ones are seperated out.

There are many very very valuable home school books in there.

Old lovely Hardbound volumes from the 40's and 50's.

 

 His dresser needs a good once over inside the drawers yet.

Today I did his laundry and will do so when I put that away.

HE LOVES HIS ROOM!

I have yet to hang his print of the jet over his bed.

 

Now this fluke was a brain storm!

When I pick up toys around the house I can just approach the doorway to put things into the sort bins. Perfect.

 

 With the world map here and I put the states map quilt over his bed in the long wall.

My kids love geography.

 Dove's Room

Now I spoiled her a bit today by making her bed for her.

I just had too to see this...

 

 I hung a white cross with the "all things quote" in the big blue rectangle.

The Office

Swept and all three boxes removed it has a little more tlc to add to it.

So much better than it was.

I moved all my study books into the new sitting area in the living room (by the quilt rack)

 

 The little side table is the last of it.

I moved all the finished photo albums to the bottom shelf

All the Civil War books to the low shelves on the right.

Steve and I are both history buffs.

We teach the kids that History forgot will repeat itself.

This can be a real bad thing.

 

 Mr Lincoln is a bit dim in this image.

He is made up of hundreds of period images.

It is amazing how that artist created his image when looking at the print from afar.

This is what I see at the end of the East wing hallway.

Main bathroom

This is all finished except to mop the floor.

I even got the baseboards washed down.

Ya!

So you see why sitting here is a catch my breadth sort of time.

 

 I love my botanical thiem in here.

Lupine and the yellow I forget the floor.

That is a little child's devotional on the commode.

On the shelf it says

"thou shalt NOT whine"

:)

The bird and the insect prints were found years ago in the basement sale of an old stone church in Jerome Arizona.

OH a clean house on the East wing every room is clean at the same time!

That is kids bedrooms and kid bathroom too unheard of!

Well the laundry on the line is asking to come inside before the sun goes down and the temprature here in this desert drops so many degrees.

It was a delightfully warm day to hang the laundry out.

Short sleeve weather today.

Sorry you who chilled to the bone long to be warm outside.

It will come hang in there.

When I am house bound in the 115*'s plus you can encourage me.

Meal Plan Monday

Hello all you organized sisters of the home.

 

Well now the garden is extending a nice bit of harvest right now.

Hay anyone have ideas to us up turnips?

My boy is home sick today with a chest cough.

Or a mental health day still not sure but I figure we all deserve one sometimes.

If that is what he needs well I can honor that.

He was iffy if he wanted to stay home and it just seemed that he was a bit lethargic.

Chicken today to turn into soup tomorrow.

Chicken dish on Thursday too.

Healthy afternoon snacks a must.

Kids are of a mind to write down some meal ideas that they would enjoy.

Cool idea, Dash asked for the right to do so

:)

Aloha Friday

My Question is

Rain? Love it or leave it

Welcome to this week’s edition of Aloha Friday.

In Hawaii, Aloha Friday is the day that we take it easy and look forward to the weekend. So I thought that on Fridays I would take it easy on posting, too. Therefore, I’ll ask a simple question for you to answer. Nothing that requires a lengthy response.
If you’d like to participate, just post your own question on your blog and leave your link below. Don’t forget to visit the other participants! It’s a great way to make new bloggy friends!
Join us here

LIfe gives so many lessons

Ya know Humility is an amazing thing. As angry and seemingly justified as I felt I have been shown a higher value.
To give the example of fearlessness in a foreign world matters more than to teach the fear of exploring it. Anything left unexplored just might be those things left ignorant and vulnerable to exploitation. Teaching fear exploits the very core of KNOWING WHY we believe what we believe. Slippery slippery slope. Fine line between instilling fear and calling it a moral ground, or extinguishing that very fear with the truth of who we are in Christ.
WE have nothing to fear except that very fear our enemy would just love to cripple us up with. I can still take a moral stand for what I believe in but just need to do it through the proper channels. I also need to check my moral code too. Is it become based in fear of upsetting God or in Love and reverence toward him. Fear of Gods retribution or removal of cover if I err is a lousy lie that is hindering my parenting and my kids from a powerful childhood. One where they can stand in the strength of who is within them and who they are in him.

Lord Lord to articulate this one...

The children matured me this morning by showing me the desperation of a life of fear. Namely mine.
Who do I trust more God to protect them or the enemy to do them harm?
Once I was like that, fearless.
I told them of a life story where I stood up to injustice.
Now I stand up to evil by instilling fear in my young ones?
I must rather teach by the example of fearlessness. Express my convictions do my best to explain them. My kids showed such great character today.
Dove was heard saying "I can't wait till I am 18 and get out of here"...
My reaction as apposed to action caused her to long for freedom. My example ought be one that instills the truth of her freedom in Christ to "become" Godly by her free choice.

Rather it is for me to draw her to the honey comb. Steve had an Uncle who drove his kids from it. Lives full of bitterness and blame against God. It was the mans RELIGION that pushed his kids away from God and to resent God. It was a false representation of God. One of fear.
It will be my relationship with God rather that will draw them to HIM. Oh I have not lost that childhood tenacity to fight for what is right. Just got to study the right way and reasons for doing so.

I love a good fight
am I fighting to make a change
or to punish?

Part of me would just love to punish those who put that garbage out there to hinder youth. Know I was hindered by it.  I will fight to make a change. Teach them to fight for what is right. This motive to punish blinded me to the fact that I was making an assumption about what Dove believed.

I was Wr...wrr...wrong!

I search for a solve so desperately that I assigned fault to this where perhaps the target  is to empower her into who she is in Christ.

Tricky snake to slither in and divide to conquer using his very own fodder against me. Leaving it looking as if I am so valid to take a stand against a foe, rather that to stand up for empowering her in Christ. Too many weak Christian kids.

My kids walked to the corner buss stop feeling fearless and free to stand today for the first time.
Had no idea that living room battle would turn out grabbing a snake by the tail that wanted me to hold on to it. I toss it out to crush it underfoot, dirty little bugger.

Genesis 3:15 And I will put enmity between thee and the woman, and between thy seed and her seed; it shall bruise thy head, and thou shalt bruise his heel.

Thankful Thursday

 I am so angry that I have a good healthy spit fire going on!

Enough to make my blood boil.

 

In the midst of this you will come to understand why.

Forgivness had and taken its shape for my husband as you might recall against my agreement exposed our Dove to this horrid movie. That was some time ago and I had enough not even half way threw and set my foot down so hard as to make a very strong impact. Explaining the concept of ramifications for ignerant choices. Well those ramifications are come home full now.

It came to my attention today that the reason a child wanted to exchange emails with my girl was to discuss the game they are all playing at school. You see several children have become convinced that they are either vampires or werewolves.

Can you see me spittin' fire!!!!!

Now I had to focus on the fact that my husband received my forgiveness and yes to forgive is a constant act of my will.

I kissed him and told him so in his sleepy ear last words spoken.

Now My kid sleeps on our floor on a palate.

Well let me reiterate she sleeps me I do not get too.

She also is snoring to rattle the roof.

This a problem that the culprit (daddy man) can get around with ear plugs.

Me, ill yet, forced to sit out here because her bed is in a room with fresh paint (latex paint that is).

I did not last but a few minutes in before a head ache set in.

Can you feel the blood boil?

Daddy man finds a solace that at least she was exposed here and we know what she saw....a watched pot never boils...they say.

breath

So as I retired this evening while he was yet in the shower I delighted in the realization that it is this that keeps my special needs girl asleep in my bedroom, night after what must be for her agony.

It has also flashed in my mind that she believes theat she sleep walks.

She never has to my awareness but when letting a child sleep over she convinced or was convened by a kid that she did.

So EUREKA!

Dove thinks she is a sleep walking vampire!!!!!!!!!

spit sizzle spit!

Somebody get a hot pad cuz this pot is about to spill over.

Good thing too.

So this kettle is slowing boiling over and then I arise to find myself in the middle of my living room taking back ground my once gulible husband gave away.

Telling that enemy of all that is righteous and good just what he can do with it and where he can take it. That got me going on Dash's behalf and Steve's too and me and my critters.

My lands and the neighborhood.

Thankfully I can raise a good spit fire when the occasion arises to boil over on this cause.

I know the chef and he can kindle a good blaze under me tell you about "the what for".

Chest a pounding.

Getting tenderized.

Some of the best stews gotta boil some time to get things tender.

Outdoor Wendsday

By 1 p.m. the egg shells ground and the sweet potato trimmed and set to root I decided to step out doors to get some air. It has been almost a week and Wow can a garden change in a weeks time.

The sky is so beautiful, we have had a week of rain with more storms foretasted tonight and tomorrow.

Among the land of the living.

 

 Last nights rain storm filled the water tank to the top.

Using a bucket I used care and watered the sad tomato plants.

Then sitting on the raised beds wall trimmed the chard and shared it with the dogs and the hens.

The hens had a real pay day. Sweet birds have been on "moms sick" rations.

Feed and water that's it, mom gets missed.

 

 Swiss chard to dogs...yep.

They flip over it.

Have you ever witnessed such a thing

 

 Man it might as well have been a steak.

It coming from my hand helps.

Then my golden sat at the gate and barked for more and more.

 

This is the harvest.

The zucchini was a surprise. It was wedged so tightly between the plant and the trellis that it was pushing back into the plant

I grew a bell pepper first time.

Weakness prevailed and so I came in.

Oh, so nice to be up though

Alive again

Up from the grave HE arose! With a mighty triumph over his foes, He arose a victor ov'r the dark domain. He arose a ruler ov'r the saints to rain.

Wow! Once my dear husband made it on his way with a lunch in hand the children were gone from the stop...walking home felt so so fresh. Shaky yes so very shaky. I went back to sleep and did not awake until 11:11! RESTED!

Speaking of rain! Our water tank is FULL!  We have been having rain all week. Wonderful nurturing  rain. The earth is pleased. As am I. The drive to the doctors was so beautiful as the clouds topped the heavens.

Sipping on ginger digestive tea I was just able to eat a plate of jasmine rice cooked in chicken broth with some kale in it as well. Oh man to eat! This is the first time I had not been forced to take a nausea medication to sip water let alone a bite of yogurt.

Deuteronomy 8:3 And he humbled thee, and suffered thee to hunger, and fed thee with manna, which thou knewest not, neither did thy fathers know; that he might make thee know that man doth not live by bread only, but by every word that proceedeth out of the mouth of the LORD doth man live.

You know being real sick is sorta like that...nothing else will do. No food, no water just the humility of going to the "boss" that's it.

That I suppose is the best thing about getting through such sickness. The gain of such great a humility. :)

I mean who else can cause you to not care who sees what or hears what. 

The kind hand that helps to hold your hair back. 

My sisters hand was used in that case this weekend. What a kind hand. It is in the loss of my dear friend my elder sister this month that makes the sisterhood with my sister here more a prize. She has lost too much in the last year. Loss changes you into the moment at hand. Nothing else matters. Sorta like the humility of illness. Sometimes there is nothing else that can be done than to just grab the ring and hold on, catch your breadth when you can.Accept all and any offers with humility. Times where your not even able to make an attempt at being apologetic for any inconvenience. My Sweet sister came to our aide. She took the children from the hospital parking lot. I told Steve NO NOT LET THEM GO IN THE HOSPITAL! 

He locked them in the car for one minute to check on me and I said not to leave them. 

She took the kids to a dinner and then home. Where upon my arrival she had done floors laundered the bed clothes with Dove and tidied up oh so many things. She stayed and helped well into the evening in case I might need to return to the hospital again. It was a pretty rough few days. The dehydration was dangerous with the rebound effect.

My sweet sweet children...

Wide eyed babies were spared the first round of violent heaving but alas the day home from the ER the kids saw rebound and oh man I could not even open my eyes. So scary for children. Those two were so brave. So helpful and so very kind. This morning I was able to be back for them somewhat. Not full steam but there. I hope to rest enough to be real present after they return from school.

Oh a good husband who could find. For His worth is far about diamonds and rubies. The heart of his wife trust in and relies in him...

Oh that is how it could go anyway if you were speaking of my husband. He has been through the wringer this week. Still working still parenting and up many hours tending after me. Checking on me. Doing part time work on the side. He has his birthday soon and he saw a coat on a discount sight he previews daily. Now this a man who never really wants for himself...saw a coat, a air force leather bomber jacket that is authentic brown leather with the American flag in the inside coat brand new free shipping too...$79! Happy Birthday baby. 

Continuing on the mend

Hi Folks
I went into the MD for a follow up. She gave me another injection of antibiotics. I am finally getting able this afternoon to hold water and food down. This viral turned into a sinus infection. The shot today really helped me, thank God for it. I am ready to get over this.

Good evening to you all

I am doing better tonight

very ill

er yesterday my sister came she was so needed so greatful for her help   i have the kids alone right now
two bags iv and awaken costanly my mouth stuck got a cup of water sipped through the night so far it is staying down ya

oh man i am sick

We saved the roasts

That 40 pounds to grind turned into 7 medium roasts and 1 very large one in the oven now. No burger ground but the meat was not a loss. Steve and I worked together and I cut them down and he did the foot work back and forth.
ya!
I just almost felt like crying this morning to let that all go to naught.

Cought it just shy of pneumonia

Hi,
I made it to the urgent care around 6 a.m. with kids sweetly in tow. Steve drove me for I was just too weak to do so. A chest xray showed cloudiness on my right chest so that is the educated guess. If I am not a lot better very soon I am to go to the ER to have further test run. Valley feaver being one of them and a white count. They did not have the facilities to do so. If I would not of gone in this morning I could of been full blown pneumonia. Good timing.
I was very well cared for. We found a most excellent place it was a Catholic urgent care. Much better than this place nearby and a lot higher quality of care.
A big old shot in the fanny of antibiotics and fluids a lot of rest. Feel like a wet noodle limp and hot with fever. This too shall pass.:) 
I am so bummed out that meat needs to be ground. ARG!
I had to postpone Doves 504 meeting at the elementary Friday morning due to the fever. That is the writ that will give her special considerations in the public school system.
Well tv is so boring and I just need to go rest. Thanks for the kind prayers.

High fever

Hello my friends.
Last night in the night, my pained back was intense as well as my neck. My head too. Then the chills hit with a high fever. The kids are due home soon in 15 minutes or so. My goodness. I really got slammed. It does not seam a flu or a intestinal. Not my breathing either.
Steve got the kids to school and I was able to arise around noon. The pain has eased in my back thank God. So deep breadth. It is amazing what God can make us able to do. I do not feel up to driving to go to a doc. My lymph nods at the base of my skull are so swollen.

so needless to say
please
thank you

Lemon Juice for summer. Juice your way to economy.

~Job two today~

 This is the last of it.

Three baskets of 3/4 full

Myer lemons.

Good lemon aid!

It juices almost orange.

 

 This is set up, how I do the order of it.

See the foot stool very important to use.

The foot stool raised me up for a better use of my strength.

The lower you are the more your using your back and wrist.

 

I asked specifically for lemons for lemon aide.

It was on my grocery wish list.

After two days work, every 15 minutes taking a laundry, dishes or tub scrubbing it is finished.

 It was good to phase in the dishes for the hot water felt real good on my wrist.

These Myer Lemons are very orange as juice a tart yet mild juice.

 

 

3 1/2 Gallons lemon juice put up for our 114* summers
Another gallon sets ready.

Home made Laundry Soap

 Hello

First task this morning was to make laundry soap.

With lots of laundry to do It was a must.

I had finished all the children s thing but needed our things done.

In the food processor I greated a bar of soap.

I used the pink this time.

I better go fetch some more of these bars for they can be hard to find.

Best place is a Hispanic store.

Melt is in a quort of hot water slowly.

ake sure it is all melted

 

 Like my new bucket?

It has wheels and a insert for the cleaners and such.

Here I put 3/4 full in a 4 gallon bucket of VERY hot water.

One half Cup of each borax and wuaper washing soda (found in the laundry isle)

Now these allone are around $5 each but they go a very very long way.

 

 Once all is melted carefully pour the hot soap into the water stir, then add the borax and soda.

I measured it into the ceramic.

(That was spun on a wheel years ago) I wish sometimes I could do that art again.

Stir...

Heads up!

It will thicken drascally before this is all said and done.

Don't panic if it looks watery.

Leave a bit of head room because this will need to be shaken free as you open it. It really does thicken up.

 

 $2.00

Worth of the very best laundry soap.

No softer is ever needed.

45 minutes labor.

I just made well over $40. for me efforts, or should I say saved my family that income.

Over 900 eegs now have been laid by my hens

Total Egg count to date 920    1-14-10

Starting November 7, 2008
January 14th, 2009 Each of the chickens laid an egg for the first time!
All hens laying 1-8-2009

Twins! we have twins!

You know that this in a once in a life time kind of thing.

Free range store bought organic egg.

It was a huge egg as you can judge by the size of the stove top.

Some days you know you just need a bit of reminding about what you do as a Mother and Homemaker. That wonders happen and children can heal. Hearts can mend. Sore backs will fell better.

Again last night with dove. My sweet darling tried. Her brother made a palate on her bedroom floor (his idea). No Go , Weeping great weeping and just a real pained heart about "inconveniently bothering mom and dad."  Oh I almost began to weep myself. No baby this is about your independence. I let her lay there and got her some tissues and encouraged her just to lay in her bed that she was alright.

Then...THUNDER!

I love the rain but alas it did no good for my efforts and in our room she slept.

I get so concerned about her getting enough sleep for school.

We laid on the floor together and she poured out her sweet little heart.

Fears about divorce, about the things her peers experience in their lives.

Fears. I reassured her that divorce is not an option and that mom and dad are not like her friends parents. We spoke with Dash too, about the importance of never personally attacking anyone.

Several months ago I was angry about something that I do not think was even between Steve and I.

We were outside and coming in from the car, the kids had gone inside and I was ranting about how angry I was and frustrated about some issue. I stepped inside when a dear neighbor had walked over she had just gotten home and asked how I was. I told her I think that I was feeling really angry and frustrated about something and I would visit another time and went inside.

Steve and her visited a few minutes. This is a dear woman who cares greatly about us.

Dove got the wrong idea from a little friend. She has held this in all these months.

Maybe we do need to find a way to get her a counselor so she can open up sooner.

I really hate the idea of a person speaking with my child in my absence. I just have real trust issues about that. I have known some really wacky therapist in my time.

This twin reminded me of the one in a million chance that can occure any time.

She can and will heal.

A friend sent me this video a lesson to remember.

I went in to my sweet husband and told him about the lesson. His frustration and temptation to control left in an instant and peace filled our hearts.

Dove needed our peace, so do we. This is rather stressful stuff.

Special needs children can pull the best out of you.

It really is for the long term an invisible act seen by God.

I'll do this both For God and for my sweet Dove.

Great News on Dove's heart

NORMAL! she has a murmur but it is within the normal range, just a little extra beat. She was awesome with the ultra sound and ekg. I took her out to lunch afterward. We stopped by a pharmacy to get my rx and the man gave her a candy bar for free. It really tickled her. She said "thank you sir" with out any hesitation. The Prozac is really giving me my little girl back, As much as the thought of my kid on meds bothers me, the cognitive processing really improved for her. God gives us the kids we are supposed to have. Funny how it is that I understand the brain chemistry so well. I know that this will protect her hypacampus and even shows promise to regrow neuron transmitters.
A friend even noticed who watched her. "she is so happy?" she even held a little 2 year old that normally drives her crazy. I have not seen the tick thing where she grabs the sides of her face with fingers wiggling. Thank God for the help she is getting. Tired but Happy mom.

Heart Doctor for my Dove.

I am doing alright pretty well actually. Filling out forms this morning. I need to take my Dove to the heart doc this morn. Just test for a medication they are thinking of giving her. Pray this child can feel able to sleep in her own bed. Now she is yet on the palate on our floor. I cant do the lay by her thing my back just cant take it. I did one night until 1 a.m. too much back pain to do it.
I am in peace over my sisters death.
I am sorry I got get back to the forms so I don't have to do it in office with her sitting there.
Loving you Donetta
Thank you Lynn for asking forgive the copy and paste. Crazy busy with forms and chores.
Bless you all.

Prayer for the souls in Haiti

The 7.0 quake has devastated this already poor country.
See A report here

Art Masters

Klee

Face to face

Face Art Print

 Glackens

Luxembourg Gardens

Siqueiros

For the complete Safety of all Mexicans at work

Remberant

The Apostle Simon

The Simple Woman's Daybook

For Today… Monday, January 11, 2010

Outside my window...The big dogs lie in the sun.With sun on the garden it begs me come and garden. Chickens are quite as it is chilly yet at 55* or so. Sorry you dear frozen friends, us desert rats freeze at anything below 60*. Of course we live with the 110 and teens in the summer...it is a dry heat hahah

I am thinking... It is good to care for the living. Teachers conferences this morning were so encouraging. Kids are such a gift.

I am thankful for...Peace in the passage of my dear sister. That we who are His are a piculare people. It is strange to grieve so peacefully. Everyone grieves in their own way and each relationship differs. I had a bad dream if something happened to one of the kids how different this would be. I am thankful that I am learning now to live getting freed up from fear.

I am wearing... Blue slacks, and my t shirt that is periwinkle blue with the word Cherokee on it. My feather earrings and I just notice my apron is on backward the face fabric against me 

I am going...To take my daughter to a heart specialist on Wednesday they want to do a base line on her before they give her medication for the anxiety disorder. She is adopted and we have no biological history.

I am hoping... That she will sleep in her own bed tonight and that I can hang in there for I told her tonight I would sleep with her this first night. I am hoping that my back can take it.

From the learning rooms… Art master piece preparation onRembrant, The Apostle Simon...Klee, Face to Face...Glackens, L:exemburg Gardens and...Siqueiros, For the comp;eate safety of all Mexicans at work. These are the first four Master I will rotate in the presentations to begin the third week of January.

Noticing that... I am living with tenacity again. Before I was getting so tired now it is like I have a new drive to care for the living, all things living as well. I have joy returning in the peaceful grieving of my dear sister. I am worshiping God in the act of this in gratitude for getting to share this road with her. She was my friend.

Pondering these words...Care for the living.

From the kitchen… sweet potato ? have yet to look up a recipe and some of the ground beef if I get to it today or????????

Around the house... I listed all the piles and will take care of the Christmas, paint supplies and the coffee table if I can get to it too.

One of my favorite things: is being a mother.

A few plans for the rest of the week: apt this afternoon for me, apt. for daughter, adn the 502? meeting for my daughter on Friday.

From my picture journal...

Sewing together two of the knitted dish clothes to make extra hot pads.

These are great, if a cloth is needed and the hot pad is out I can just grab it to use as a counter wash cloth.

My sweet MILove makes these for me.

Thank you S.

Meal plan Monday

These hybrid lemons look like oranges I assure you they are the best lemons.

These are Myer lemons.

Soak them in water for better yield of juice.

Today I juice lemons for lemon aide in the summer.

I will freeze the juice for cooking and beverages.

The Florida growing season was hurt bad.

I love the garden we have so we can have the fresh foods

 

So Many things finished already yesterday before church.

 

Breakfast cookies

 

This is just the most magnificent thing.

I know most folk would not be caught dead eating them but this was so beautiful!

I had some and the children tried them, a no go.

Steve let the kids down by not even trying He KNEW he did not like them.

He got out of it!

For the kids example he should of tried them at least.

The kids thought so any way

:)

I  made a steamed wild caught Alaskan cod dish with Kale, chard and spinach.

I told the kids they could scrape the greens off the fish as long as they try it.

THEY SAID>>" NO way they are so good!

kids said that!?

 

I needed meat to grind for I was out of it.

This was so cool.

I got 5.99 for 1.77

Cleaned and trimmed!

Tomorrow.

almost 40 pounds for the next 4-6 months

 

Stock up and freeze now come the spring the fruits and veggies will be $$$$ and scarce.

Feet of a dancer thank you my friends for being here.

my axis

 

I have been trying to find a way to explain what my grief experience is like.

I had no center until my Sister Midge came forward and confirmed the truth of what I remembered.

She set a "y" in my life that gave a sense of stability to the truth of my life. That gave me a security to begin my ability to find my self hood. After our Mom died she and I rarely spoke of our experiences for many of them were at mothers hand. It was like mom was gone, we both knew the truth, that was enough.

We after that only really exchanged what one might call small talk. She was my friend but within our friendship for many years a lack of intimacy ruled. This rule set by religion. She was LDS and she had her beliefs and I had mine. We never criticized each other but I think we did judged each others beliefs at time. It was a gap that was left a chasm.

She gave a touch stone to me of "Y" keeping me centered on this earth. Like a triangle she is now a missing edge.More however like a drawing. She was a familiar corner that created a center. One who confirmed my existence in a singular way that no one else could ever replace. With all of my other family we many of us have affection, an affiliation of sorts and struggle though the attempts of friendship.

Midge was my friend.

Now to everything there is a season. It is now my season to be left with a change in the "y" axis that keeps me a center. She was a mentor of sorts. To everything given there is something to be taken away it is the way of things. Recently a mentor has been made present to/for me, she however shares a common faith or belief system. She will never replace the axis of Midge. I no longer need that axis for the drawing has now been rendered in that rendering the axis is there unmarked perhaps but the very design of the drawing establishes it.

I have lost my axis in one way yes in her death but she lives through the rendering. The drawing that would not have been possible had she not come forward, if she had not practiced the very act of courage and self sacrifice it took to do so. I grieve that it was only in those short moments of life we were one in togetherness and kindred in such a way as to be able to speak of the deeper things of experience. That I grieve. It is for me that I grieve not for her. For she is no more here to suffer in that she is at piece it is to be celebrated that her life was such a gift to so many.

I grieve what we never had or at least only had for a short time. She and I we safe with each other to be real. We lacked however the ability to be truly deeply intimate in the things greater those things of the Spirit.

So those of you who wonder of me and the grief I as walking through, that is the core of it. I am worshiping the act of Gods provision through her courage and love. Her sacrifice and honor.

I choose to live this day to tend to the living.

I grieve the lack of friendship in the things of the spirit never now having chance here on this plane. However she is now Spirit. God is Spirit and I am His Friend. She is with Him now in Spirit.

It is now that we have attained that intimacy so longed for .It is in the clarity of Holiness that one day we will be known and know each other.

Then nothing else will matter or hinder our friendship.

I have peace and sorrow is tempered so much by it. I have actually wondered if I am grieving wrong. Because I am not like it sounds like I should be...I mean so many of your wonderful sweet kind comments are really how I feel. I do have peace. I am walking forward. I know we all grieve differently. We all have differing relationships as well with those whom we are grieving for.

I got to say good by, I spoke with her even recently about how I knew she wanted to go home and that I understood. This before she even got hospitalized. I knew she was going home days before she did, this knowing was told me by no person. I saw her going home and had days to process and grieve it before I even heard of the plight she was in. I had the hawks that morning visit to see that I knew God 's presence near. To reassure me of her salvation.

It is the living who I morn for those around me without that.

I said to her my heart and thanked her for being my friend just before the pulled the ventilator.

The axis of my days are only found in my God he is all I need to hold the drawing of my life into the architectural building He designed. She just got to be one of the tri pods for a season of my days here. She was a very important part of who I have been able to become.