Thankful Thursday

Come home to our heart
I visited a woman today to see if perhaps I might hire her to facilitate me on the road to heal in my journey with having the remnants of P.T.S.D.. It was a visit with the intent that I attended simply out of a respect for her. I had thought of it being a mute point as to whether I continue in any kind of counseling. You see I just simple want to accept that I am who I am and the odd memory issues are just a part of being me. All in all I have gotten off pretty easy (sort of) considering what I have known.
I was so very pleasantly surprised to hear a message that has been echoing within me all the while. It is the message of coming home to my heart. I once lived here within the spirit sorta disconnected from my body and mind. Over the last several years I have shifted over to my intellect. Still disconnected from my body. Well, all the while the pendulum swing of life creating a balance in time. To return to my heart and be true to who I am in all the strength and power of who God created me, to become even before the very foundations of time.
I want to spend some time reconnecting myself to hear that quiet almost silent need of my heart. A cry of my heart to pay attention to my needs. To what I am feeling or experiencing. Fundamentalism in my faith really messed me up in my relationship with God. It took a intimate friendship and turned it into a lot of do's and don't s in order to be acceptable, to be accepted by the God who has accepted me already.
My friendship with God even hindered the religious around me often causing me to feel like I messed up; By leaving another hindered or confused. When God allowed me opportunities of obedience with the divine, often it was a hindrance to others. I took that on as causing another to stumble and accuse My Loving Friend My Creator God to be blamed by others for being absent and allowing a trial.
It says it NO WHERE (IN MY BIBLE) that we will be without trial. IT says NO WHERE That you are doing Christianity wrong if a trial comes your way. Repeatedly I read that considering it joy at these time is the call, to endure affliction to gain the greater character assets that will bring the pleasure, the reward.
That balance...for me to say hello to my own soul. To stop and hear my physical needs. To come and sit still in the quiet.

Each person is responsible for their own life. I am not responsible for hindering anyone else as long as I am true in obedience to the call within my heart. That call to walk in the beauty and power of who I am. I believe that kindness is power. Yet often I have neglected to afford my self that same kindness. This is another thing I am coming into balance (again) visiting this issue repeats. I must really come to believe this and put it into practice.

I might hire her to support me in this or I may not and just attempt to scale this on my own.
First and foremost for me right now is simply to let it be alright with me, that I am how I am (in regard to all things but in reference to the memory problems).

In my mind, through the intellect, I have pursued full restoration.
The joy I now believe (or am coming to believe) is in accepting this cracked clay pot. I am accepted and loved for who/ and how I am by my maker.

Tonight my beautiful, powerful frustrated son was having a fit over a consequence. His mind works in a way that is so highly intelligent that the immaturity of his youth gets him into a lot of frustration and anger. Just like me when I was a kid, and even now at times.

I had a statement made today by this counselor that perhaps maybe I see my self in my son, and that is why I get so stressed out by him. It rang truth deeply in me. Ya know... I never ever even thought of it. This kid is just like I was at his age. I was able to handle my response to him totally differently. I did not get mad at all! I just repeated my boundary with him. I set my authority and helped him walk through his fit! I was amazing! I remembered how hard it was to be me when I was a kid. How hard I fought against the bricks. He gained composure and humility and stepped down off of his intellectual high horse. Not broken but reined in. He just went to bed in peace!

Yes.
Acceptance of this clay pot... I can find the beauty in the bisque and porous texture. :) I will love others as myself...gotta start loving me to get there.

Thank God for the balance gained in life's pendulum swing. It eventually comes to center.
At least it passes it by now and again.

"Simple gravity pendulum" assumes no air resistance and no friction.

Maybe restoration is not the best goal perhaps acceptance is the better target to aim for.