Fairwell to Febuary 2009

This evening I wanted to go for a walk...
I had checked the chickens (found 6 eggs), I saw the sun setting at the end of this day...
When we went on an errand at noon, tending to the hearts of the children the iris were open when we returned.
I gasp and frightened Steve terribly as we pulled into the driveway.
they just took my breath away.
I felt as if God himself reached into me and touched me in the heart of my chest.
I found it literally took by breath away.

It was only yesterday I walked this yard and weeded the rocks as I prayed and played the lyrics of that song over and over in my mind.
I stopped and asked Him, the one who has known the beginning from the end...
I heard His heart on the matter before the sheriff called telling me they had found him dead...
I knew he was dead.
I cried hard and pulled every weed, and just pulled weed after weed after weed.
Then spent the day knowing what was to happen in a few hours.
I called to see if anyone had taken a boat around the lake and began a repertoire with the lead in the search.
This is how it came to be that moment after they had found Jason, the sheriff called me.
I then set into motion to try to help my sister upon her arrival at the airport.

what else answered He , the lover of my soul...it was to tend to my own affairs and keep to my tasks.
These are the things that I am to do.
He knew I would need no childcare today.
He knew I would be with them.
Right where I belong.

I slept mid day and was refreshed.
Steve and I watched a movie together while the children did so in the other room.

We came together at days end to spend time together.

While I was resting Dash's' box came for his birthday party.
We opened it this evening.

He was so excited and full of beautiful glee.
There is a "ball" pinata, candy and little trophy's and wrist bands that say "good sport".
Also a metallic banner (triangle banners)
Dash has his eighth birthday next week end

It was a bit anti climatic for him.

We all enjoyed the evenings walk and I am now going back to be with them.
One the walk we had to explain cremation and what is going to be happening in the following weeks. We answered the children s questions and I thought my heart was just tearing apart. I put a great deal of energy into keeping strong and balanced before the children.
It was so hard to speak of Jason being cremated.

They will hold off any memorial until after my niece gives birth.
There is a gathering tomorrow at 2p.m. I am a little iffy if I am to go.
I will again ask and do what is shown.
I am in a bit of a hard spot.
If I go...If iI do not go...
each way will offend perhaps.
I am trapped a bit.
I will follow what is right in my heart and that is the price I will pay.
Those consequences are the ones worthy of my investment.