Honesty as a challlenge to fear of rejection.

It has been a very busy time around here lately.
Today after a morning start with lunches and all...I got a call from the Mr. the truck was running very badly and I needed to get the kids to school then meet him at the mechanic....Confused I thought that I was meeting him there.
Dash was home sick... So with Dash in tow I went there and then came home to find the Mr pulling up behind me. I was to meet him here.
He changed all the plugs and wires for another $50.! and now the truck seams to be running fine.
I took Dash to the Pediatrician and then had to have a x ray for a possible sinus infection for him. That was a new one but with all the resistance to anti-biotic I followed advice. He did not have a sinus infection but does have a virus (cold) of sorts. No anti biotic needed!
I came home and just had to lay down a while. The new medication I am on made me very tired for a while.
I awoke to find Daddy Man and Son playing on the couch too cute!

So I had a little refreshment of Carrot juice and almonds.

Beloved went and got Dove from school, and let her stay a few moments with another mother and her friend at the park to come drop Dash off at home.
After he went back to get her the kids watched a movie and I worked some on this post some.
I looked out the garage door to see this...

He was washing my car, my filthy can't see out of the windows! Car! I did not even ask. He drove it twice with the truck not running and took mercy :)

We have the yard sale in the morning. Just for the one day as to not over due myself. We all drove around and hung signs and used crept paper to make them stand out.

The gardeners worked Wednesday on the back yard.
This has proven more stress to try to deep every one off of it.
I walked the two big dogs around the block and have to try to do this often. They are not well leach trained so i'll have my work cut out for me.

The other day these things were found in the middle of the street. I called the number on the bag but they did not know the customer who may have had them. I asked around ...so I guess that I just keep them. They are fabric samples (the store said there was not a deposit on them).

I am here rested.

You see I fell asleep and jest sept for 3 hours today... I slept last night as well. Perhaps many of you can relate to sleep to some of you it my be a stranger. For me lately is was not easy to enter into. I could not calm down enough inside to rest.
Stress is a tormentor to those of us who have stress disorders.
My life has a journey of super natural restorations, but alas I am left with scars.
One of them is a Stress disorder called PTSD.
If and when I get under too much stress I have a bio-chemical challenge. My fight/flight gets stuck on. The adrenaline will not stop pumping. It is sort of like when someone chases you and you kick into high gear. Well selling of the house was on my heals, Then the Ushers thing and the" Chernobyl" question and so on, truck breaking down... and so on ...Well It got stuck on... the hamster broke the wheel and just kept on running around the stripped bearing.
It is a common affliction know to many who develop or who are prone to a chemical imbalance. It however is shrouded in inappropriate shame. I have been really struggling.
A honest heart is a good medicine. After trying to defuse and process with loved ones and friends. I still could not get my mind to wrap around the stress. I could not control the irrational stress response and became clinically depressed. I recently felt so much pain that I ran out of coping mechanisms. When the engine is not firring right all the faith in the heavens is hindered at best. A right mind hampered by the inability to focus and function smoothly.
Yesterday I braved all the courage I could muster and went to the doctor. I had been finding myself thinking of escapes from this struggle and I knew I needed help! Today is my second day on a saritonin/nor-epinephrine andti-depressant. I am beginning to feel a relaxed mind and have been able to shut off the intensity like Mania.
This has been a very hard task to prepare this home, parent my children, deal with medical issues of my child and the financial challenges at hand. The arrows are hitting behind the line and we are aware that what we are doing is right. We are just in for the fight. Truth and freedom do not come easy.
I have not blogged much due to the negative darkness that was shrouding me. I did not want to fill space with the yucky things that were filling my mind.
To those of you of faith thank you for your thoughtfulness.
I am honored by your prayers.
I am a woman who loves God.
I know that there is NO SHAME is casting a broken leg. Mental illness is a real hard thing. So many well meaning Christians have really hurt me over my life time thinking that it is something of satan.
But...if you beat a dog enough it's tail will always be between it's legs. Cause and effect it is not a weakness of character issue. So if any of you my readers can relate. Bless your hearts.
Please don't wait to get help.
The medication is sort a like a supplement for that which your body is not able to produce enough of. High blood pressure should not be neglected either and it is not evil either. I am defending mental illness....Oh ! should I not call it that? It is not a thing to be a shamed of. It is a medical condition that occurs in so many untreated people who really suffer in silence.
Please don't suffer alone. Reach out to someone you can trust. Keep reaching out.
Today I am feeling so much better! The trees even seem greener.
I think I can see the light and the tunnel is not so long of shadow.
I was so worried I might cause someone to stumble or be hindered. I was also concerned about judgment.
Well maybe It is just that YOU there just might now...well...maybe now you might know that you are not alone either.
Be Embraced.