Possibilities...

Possibilities...

We watched a beautiful Movie in the Daddy Mans office tonight. It was so dear. Dash made a comment about how the mother did not believe in the magic the wonder of possibility he said..." thats like you Mom...you don't believe in magic either mom".
It made me stop and wonder...
Tonight I found myself just falling apart and detoxing all the furry that consumed my ill guarded mind today. I have been so angry and under such intense attack today. Lies filling my mind until it all but exploded in the desperate frustrations that overwhelmed me. I expressed myself until I was at my my end all worn out from the excessive angry energies that consumed my peace and stand. Beloved let me down load it all and allowed me the space to just have a royal fit!. What we are encountering in this phase of our lives is very difficult. The labor of it it is so intensive and so difficult that I have found myself exasperated at the endless efforts I must extend.
This is very hard. Ins o many ways this is hard. I am (we are ) reinventing ourselves. I could not find my focus today and the last three days have all but left me wrung out of my self and my pride, greed and anger of the loss that we are facing in the choice to let go of this stuff. It is a time to fix our character onto what is of true value.
I am an orange with zest spraying all over the place while all that is unnecessary is pealed off me box by box. All the nurturing I have giving this crop is tested out to the inth degree. Every branch that needs to be trimmed is being so. It hurts, I feel naked with the removal of them. I know that the fruit that my next crop might bear will be much greater. much higher in the wealth of drink it might even offer others , but for now it hurts!
I do believe in the magic of the possibilities, I desire the wonder of a child to gaze through my own eyes. My sight is dim in that now, but I do believe.
As I dig up this basin so as to water deeply, as I fertilize and endure the pruning of all of this preparation. It is my hope that through all of this I might yield a crop worthy of God favor..