Marriage Monday "Is Divorce Ever Right?"

"Is Divorce Ever Right?"

I have been married over 25 years! I have watched the marriages of many of my peers. I have watched sand bars ship wreck them. Ill informed decisions.There have be those marriages that are simply two ships in the night passing by each other perhaps bumping into each other in only physical ways (gratifying each other sexually but nothing more). There are those who have entered into it and tried all they might to be "sub-servant" as if that were the measure of a mate. Now those marriages were ship wrecked. For the two become one not the one is lord over the other. Often when the legalisms wear off they are left with choices that were not true to the heart with bitterness and resentment settled in (in some cases children that were not truly desired are left to suffer).
Our marriage was a triad from the begining. Yet we were wounded as are so many in young adulthood. I had prayed for a man that loved God (not a religious man). I also asked for a home of my own.
We went through so many hard times. I remember when I was at my lowest point in recovery (see my other blog) that I told my husband that he should divorce me to save himself from a life of difficulty. He angrily told me to "Shut up!". I tried so hard to push him at are needful to attain maturation and restoration from the challenges away to see if he would really stay and be there for me if he truly would always be there for me.
He said Donetta, "I made a vow to you, I love you by choice. I have promised God and you to stay by you in sickness and in health."
I spent 7 long years in and out of surgeries and of mental institutions walking the path to restoration from sever abuse and torture. I was a walking wounded. He walked beside me and was healed right along side of me. You see he showed me first that he loved me. When he went through the healing of the wounds of his life I was able to walk right there beside and along the road with him too. He had been my example. It is important here to develop boundaries but not bitterness and accusations.
Life is hard. Few offer the lessons to us th that this world dishes out.
I above all else guarded my heart from bitterness. I, as he has had, every right to become embittered at times.
It is by choice that we lay down those rights.
We have watched countless marriages where dysfunctional relationships become embittered battle grounds for resentment. Immaturity and selfishness center the stage to a focus that leaves families and partners in the shadows of the light. Greed and devistation embroil a family into so much debt that the very breadth of relationship is all but extinguished.
Aside from violence, (removing yourself to safety) and infidelity (though I have watch restoration in other marriages, even of these wounds) I see no wound to great that healing through mutual true repentance is impossible.
We make a choice.
We cut covenant.
A good understanding of covenant is helpful here. This is vow.
At 25 + years by walking through this agreement over and over never once giving into the option. For us there is no other option, we had made a choice to overcome all wounds with respect to the heart of our mate. Believing so deeply in each others full potential.
In every decision there is a price and a gain.
In the midst of emote those things can be cloudy.
Consider wisely if the gain is even there to leave.
For history repeats itself and until your wound become whole you will just marry the polar opposite or the same man different suit.
If bitterness sets a root. If healing is impossible (nothing is with God and the free will choice He gives us) and hardness sets in.
Some hardness is so vial and bitter. Violence soon adds license in these things and it is a very unsafe place to be.
He did give them the writ of Divorce
because of the hardness of their hearts.
May it never be that my heart harden...
Now that is an act that is also of my will every day every moment.
To learn to understand and not get hardened to behavior. It is to Understand the "why" of the thing that can often free up the healing and the real heart of the man can be observed. They are as we walking wounded . A major epic is unfolding. We are all important in the story of it. Not that one should fall into the despair of broken dreams. Dreams however are only a hope and expectations are a set up to disasters.

Good Morning,

Just friendly reminder that Marriage Monday is right around the corner (March 3, 2008).

By majority vote, our topic will be, "Is Divorce Ever Right?" Here's an opportunity to share your wisdom, Scriptural knowledge, experience, quotes, or any other insights you might have. Please feel free to approach this vital subject from any angle you feel led. The idea is to promote some vigorous thought and discussion, so all points of view are welcome and encouraged.

See you at Chrysalis on Monday!

Blessings,

e-Mom @ Chrysalis