Reflections of a fine day.

Today I awoke very early went north to help my Sis with her living room yard sale. It was very slow for her. I got a key board for the kids to play, a few other fabric yards. We had a few ladies. Mostly the lonely who needed a tender ear to care that they were alive. I left around 11 am.
Beloved had fed the Kidd's lunch. I had a nice left over salad and a rest. Hubby left to do Overtime and I left soon after by 12:30 to go do childcare for a friend, well several, her kids and I are friends too. The five children (my two in the mix) all played well. We left around four and came home to a warm embrace from beloved.
He spent the day with a friend who has a very desperate life marriage in tatters and a worm eating away at everything they have. Beloved was very reflective. I was glad to be in our home again. Peace here and I love it! He and I wept for the trouble we see in the lives around us. Here we are pressing 50 years old two small kids and we find ourselves reflective of what we really want to do with rest of our earning years. We are 15 yrs out from retirement. The city offers the income but this mortgage is a burden to keep up. Scrimp to stay afloat we are afloat but the boat is not a vacationing vessel.
I would love to be debt free. Sell out, go North somewhere like Wyoming or Idaho have chickens live on the land a little. We spin this wheel often it comes to a stop on employment opportunities , health insurance and then the wheel spins again round and round dizzying and yet we are still reflective. I know that God gives us the desires of our hearts ( I believe that those things in us are placed there as a guied an oppertunity for choice) . With such risks we are crippled with the wheel coming to rest and then spinning our dreams and then the risk brings it right back to rest again. I love that the dream is not over or forsaken, I wish we could see the wheel played out on the land while the children are young and the lessons are clear from the influence of the myriad of dysfunction all around me in the life of the dwellers here in the mega city.
Beloved is playing very old Bat Man flicks on the computer with little ones. I cleared off a little more of my sewing surface and perused a book on the sewing feet of my new (used) Huskavarna 1+ machine. I am grateful and it is lovely. I got a few beads in the mix of stuff from the sale so I moved to the bead table to sort. My dear husband does not want me to ever feel like I have to work outside the home unless I really want to and then I know he would be my biggest supporter. I want to be home. Sometimes I feel so undeserving of this fine life. I know I work hard with the homemaking from scratch and the kids interventions and all. I am falsly ashamed of how others have to suffer so much with hard roles . I wish the world had little suffering. I wish that lives around me knew joy, love friendship with their mates and respect form others and from even them self's.
Reflective , grateful and at peace.