Montana????????????????????

We are looking forward to exiting the Vally of the Furnace.
We are looking into seriously moving into the dreams of our youth. My husband is so excited at the livelihood and cost of living. He is filing an application for CADD employment tonight.
Raising our children out of this city thrills us. Billings a large city can sustain any medical need for the kids and for us.
My hubby was so encouraged by a fellow at work and just wished his own parents were more like that. He so needs their blessing. It must be hard for them to consider him moving on to live his life and raise his family. They are elder and we have always looked at our future as having to wait out their days. We see error in this and even though our love for them is large we must follow our hearts.
We are so happy to walk into our future! We are going to get employment sell out get a new truck and keep our belongings and head North! three month out??
Gods will be done and we will rejoice in it.

One year reprieve for Dash Hawk

Well, No sign of optical nerve loss today, we will redo the test in a year, then year by year by year.....

So I have a year to forget about it and just kick back and live free of the thought of it until next year. Sorta like a shark in the deep waters.

deep sigh and relief and praise!!!!!

Stress

I have a load of it on me today!
Tomorrow with the apt for Dash Hawk, today with my husband and I wanting to move out of this city and just the general over all layer on layer of life. Stuffed feelings and hurts. frustrations, migrains and dreams defered.

out of words tonight

Migraine!

On the way in to the city the Frova was beginning to course into blood stream. The blessing of an earplug in my right ear eased the screechy singing of Little Doves lizards song. So cute but so painful it hurt. I asked lizard to please ask Becca to use her voice and was refused by my sweet 10 year old going on four (grief pumped stress into my head) the realization of her delayed abilities and cognitive mind waves over me with a Dear God I hope she prospers and is safe in this world.
The freeway turned into parking lot 10 miles short of the hospital where Dash had an appointment. I was able to get over from the far left HOV lane to exit and then I went through the city streets. It is good to have lived here for twenty five years. I know my way around the mess. Arriving a few minutes early I was able to do some joint compressions for Little Dove. Her morning sitting still class is causing here to have some sensory issues that can be quite disruptive and annoying. So she and Dash were properly tickled too. After two games of crazy eights we went into his therapy. Little dove was calm! ya! she sat and wrote her novel. Dash was showing stress and complained that he was the only one in the family that had to do therapy. I reminded him that they both had occupational therapy next moth because the sabbatical is almost over.
We faced double apt. on Thursday and the therapst had an "unheard of" opening at 2pm so we could us the 2:30 slot to see the optomitrist. This is not for a vision test but for a test that may determine the Ushers Sydrome. I may find out whether or not my sone will be going blind. The pain that stikes me even at the typing of this curls my face and pounds in my head. I may find out that there is no definative and we are to walk yet in the perpetual unknown, only to face quarterly retests like the hearing studies every 3 months. What ifs robe my very tummy rest is waves like the stormy tempest right now. He is so beautiful and I am so glad we adopted him and that He is my son. No regrets on that. I simply long for Him to prosper in the true life.
I cant even type the b/deaf. It hurts. I hurt for him. What if not?? WHAT IF NOT? WHAT IF NOT NOT NOT NOT. Gods hand is on this boy and this woman. What love there is in that!

Dash Hawk's time with Mom

Dash Hawk says.."I love you Momma , and I had a great time with you making your blob. You helped me fix the problem with the computer with the background. I had a great time with you Momma. I wishe I got to see Bionnacle 3. We had a great time, the End"

Well off to play a board game and to do or math and writing and dishes and laundry.

HAVE A GREAT DAY!

This was then read by Dash Hawk and then he dashed off to go to the potty. Sweet sweet time.
:)

evening outside

This evening when we retuned from the Grand parents we started showers for the kids and I went out to do the poop scoop, mowed the Lawn and watered the sunflower house. It was so nice out. I fed the birds too.
Tomarrow will have the yard work accomplished yayayay
TV time with my honey now.

Little Dove's Rock Star Momma!

Little Dove has taken to a special time with me changing my doll. This is a special time we are sharing. It offers a sense of affiliation and unity for us. We also learn to use the computer a little more too :)
She and I are enjoying moments together that are sweet. She feels accomplished to be apart of me in this. I love sharing with her. She critiques the outfits and the scenery with a mature eye. Sleazy stuff is Not her way she loves to have modesty. I am grateful.
She is accomplished and walked away with a skip in her step and a desire for her daddy to turn on his computer to look at my blog. She loves to show him her accomplishment!

Reflections of a fine day.

Today I awoke very early went north to help my Sis with her living room yard sale. It was very slow for her. I got a key board for the kids to play, a few other fabric yards. We had a few ladies. Mostly the lonely who needed a tender ear to care that they were alive. I left around 11 am.
Beloved had fed the Kidd's lunch. I had a nice left over salad and a rest. Hubby left to do Overtime and I left soon after by 12:30 to go do childcare for a friend, well several, her kids and I are friends too. The five children (my two in the mix) all played well. We left around four and came home to a warm embrace from beloved.
He spent the day with a friend who has a very desperate life marriage in tatters and a worm eating away at everything they have. Beloved was very reflective. I was glad to be in our home again. Peace here and I love it! He and I wept for the trouble we see in the lives around us. Here we are pressing 50 years old two small kids and we find ourselves reflective of what we really want to do with rest of our earning years. We are 15 yrs out from retirement. The city offers the income but this mortgage is a burden to keep up. Scrimp to stay afloat we are afloat but the boat is not a vacationing vessel.
I would love to be debt free. Sell out, go North somewhere like Wyoming or Idaho have chickens live on the land a little. We spin this wheel often it comes to a stop on employment opportunities , health insurance and then the wheel spins again round and round dizzying and yet we are still reflective. I know that God gives us the desires of our hearts ( I believe that those things in us are placed there as a guied an oppertunity for choice) . With such risks we are crippled with the wheel coming to rest and then spinning our dreams and then the risk brings it right back to rest again. I love that the dream is not over or forsaken, I wish we could see the wheel played out on the land while the children are young and the lessons are clear from the influence of the myriad of dysfunction all around me in the life of the dwellers here in the mega city.
Beloved is playing very old Bat Man flicks on the computer with little ones. I cleared off a little more of my sewing surface and perused a book on the sewing feet of my new (used) Huskavarna 1+ machine. I am grateful and it is lovely. I got a few beads in the mix of stuff from the sale so I moved to the bead table to sort. My dear husband does not want me to ever feel like I have to work outside the home unless I really want to and then I know he would be my biggest supporter. I want to be home. Sometimes I feel so undeserving of this fine life. I know I work hard with the homemaking from scratch and the kids interventions and all. I am falsly ashamed of how others have to suffer so much with hard roles . I wish the world had little suffering. I wish that lives around me knew joy, love friendship with their mates and respect form others and from even them self's.
Reflective , grateful and at peace.

A ring for LIttle Dove

My sweet Little Dove has been having a hard time with truth or the sack of it. I feel somewhat responsible due to over reacting with anger at her when she gets into those things that are not for her to explore alone. Pure kid stuff, Migraine over reactions screw it all up!

So I got her a ring last night and went to her this morning and committed that it is my heart that she can trust me and that it will be safe to tell me the truth and live and honest life. I told her it is a symbol of the trust between us and that I choose to trust her that it is my desire that she feel safe to always trust me too.

It really meant allot to her, and to me.

She went into my jewelry box and found a heart ring similar to hers and gave it to me to ware.
We connected and it was her way of saying Ditto mom.

My heart sings a song of gratitude tonight.

Over the last 24 hour I have been given so much. I wept when I was loved. It is the only time I ever release a tear or the pressure escapes.
I went to the store last night to decompress. I walked around the garden department with the image of my husband and kids on their way to the neighborhood park. Little dove is retuning now to herself after days of insomnia, mania and racing. Dash hawk has digressed in his palliate/ breathing work. Tired and overwhelmed I went to the local "W' to have a break.
In the garden department I found a geranium 1/2 off and a large patio container 1/2 off also. They both needed a lot of tlc. I shopped and tried on a nice shirt on clearance for $2 and one that I loved for another 12$. I made my selections and with an awareness of the tight budget choose to gift myself. I also saw a lovely little sterling silver ring with a pink CZ heart for Little Dove ($7) .
Anyway when I was relaxed I exited to find the cashier was just to leave. I told him I would go to another register He said no come on in but that it was kind of me to offer. He was off in an 1/2 an hour. He gifted me with the plant 6.99 @ 50% off for $3, then the $20 at 50% off for only $5., I noticed and thanked him. He hushed me and said that I was a nice person then he also reduced the $12. shirt and it only rang up as 9.99.
When I went to my car a very nice young man who was a customer out in the parking lot helped me not only with the heavy plant but put all my plants from below of the cart into my trunk for me. His car full of fellows teased him in the parking lot by pulling away and being silly.
I thanked him and got in my car.
The "your a nice person" comment touched me SO deeply. I st in my car and wept and it was all maybe a 15 second weep but all the same I felt loved.

Today I met a girlfriend and her two kids at the science center, I have a membership and so it got her in my two and myself, she had only to pay for one entry and one movie.
During our stay on old 20 yr+ friend who worked there gave us free entry to the IMAX all 6 of us, we saw a film on the brain set in the tour DE France.
Later when we were just ready to leave he approached us and offered us the 3D under water world seats as well! WE went in and saw it for free too all 6 of us!

Then just yesterday when I was putting away all that fabric I was given, I noticed a shallow short space that a rubber made container might fit. Well tonight after I had cleaned and transplanted those plants I was walking over to the side of the house to put away the trash and under my tree was a shallow (perfect size container! BRAND NEW and in it a Mervin's bag with a beautiful ( i love it) swim suit dress (cover) brand new MY SIZE!!!!!!!
In the box is a torn up gym membership slip. I tried to call and the gym was no help in finding its owner.

Now this is the second time I have found something I wish I had under my tree. I found a little carpet sweeper as well!!!!!!!!last month just after I had replaced all my carpets with laminate flooring and had purchased two area rugs for under the coffee table and the dining table ....

REMEMBER the woman who's oil and floor never ran out. She had given Samuel her last loaf and her and her son were expecting to perish.... She never ran out of the oil and grain she needed.

So......I have been loved and I sit here humbled and tender and sorta refreshed.
The Movie at IMAX about the brain really helped me as well to understand my brain lesions and Little Doves Nero problems and I think It helped the kids understanding too.
I have been so angry about the migraine's and the brain lesions scare me. I really changes my personality sometimes and I just grieve that I don't act like myself during a migraine. It really angers and saddens me.
But, I am loved and tendered by the all encompassing cloud of loving kindness that envelops me even at this moment. It makes me feel and I almost get to cry. but I just breath it in and let it settle with all the other dust that irritates my bones and caused pain in my physical body (congestion and headache).

Pretty cool day hu.......