Tuesday, May 15, 2007

A different perspective.

While I was out mowing my lawn this morning I was thinking about fear.
A thought occured to me there is a passage that says; "the thing we fear most will come apon us".
While many ,even I in time past, feel a dread while thinking about this, I felt another more loving interpratation.
What if.........for example.......My daughter, who has Social Conitive dysfunction, who is vonerable to being bullied, or worse yet as the doc tells me this is the kid who is in danger of being raped etc. We must watch her with dilligence. What if this; being my worst fear ever for my girl, is the very thing I needed to deal with the wounds of all the rape I suffered in my youth.
What if the gift is to learn to stop being afraid.
What if ......for example when Dan came home with hypothyroiism and the scare of retardation and dworfism we delt with for three years was to learn to stop being afraid. What if the sleep apnia and his asthma was a chance to trust God for every bredth. What if the Ushers Syndrome (Deafness/ blindness in adilecence) threat is the same thing to learn to stop being afraid. My husband when adopting had the worst fear of a deaf son. "how could a male child succeed and have a prosperous life?" Afraid for the child not himself. We are older and will not survive to care for these kids into thier later adult years.
All those years I delt with my own hearing loss and surgeries. Learning sign language and being humiliated by my own hearing impairment.
What if the reason I was'nt soo afraid when Dan was haveing and is even now facing more possible corrective surgeries is because I had to face down those fears already . I SAW GOD THERE FOR ME>
I CAN MORE EASILY SEE GOD THERE FOR DAN IN THIS>

Being able to see God there in our lives is the very part of TRUST that removes all Fear.
So What if it is a real gift that the very things we fear come upon us so that we can learn trust.
Trust in God to be made BIG in the midst of all this big stuff.

I used to fear that God would reject me: so then even at my worst he proved me wrong. He proved fear wrong. The very thing that we fear might just be the very gift that we need to prove fear wrong!

Monday, May 14, 2007

Hard afternoon

Two wonderful little girls had to call it quits today. Becca's teacher asked both I and the other parent to stay a moment to speak with her about our girls.
Our girls are enmeshed and bring out the worst in each other.
The teacher set a rule no more friendship at school or recess.
Both of us parents were,I think, relieved, are extending that to a personal level the relationship is over. They have seven more days in class togeather. It appears both children were feeling the stress, reporting it to each parent independently that they were tired of each other. I also was givin reports of this other child physically abuseing my girl .
I had to recant my offer to transport the other child. I do hope she does not have to walk in the heat this summer.
I enrolled my girl into the math class today. I am looking forward to some healthy relationships that will foster strengths in my daughter. I hope this for the other girl too.
My daughter was undone for an hour or so. She is grieving the loss of this school mate friend. yet, it is as if she thought she was supposed to be; because, now the relief she is expressing about getting to have different friends shows strong on her much brighter and relieved countenance.
It was very stressful I think for both us parents and the teacher.
It is so sad that in our culture you have to show great caution when a child shows problems. Both of these little girls need our support and help. Kids so easily manipulate parents and other adults. I offended this other parent by expressing my concern. The price of caring about others.

Kids and I may have escaped the Pink Eye

Poor hubby however has it full blown both eyes.
His sore throat is a little better today. This sweet man is so dear. I have a bird feeder outside my window now (by my computer station).
The maids are humming with the dishwasher running and the laundry sorted and taking a spin. Gardens watered, dogs fed, kids off to school.
My hands are in for a soaking(hand dished) and Menu search for chicken thighs to commence. Its the morning hour.
My heart weighs heaving for a friendship needs to end. My daughter has come into harms way with A: and i have to separate them. My child is being hit and told "I"m gonna make you bleed".

It is so hard to have the Social cognitive dysfunction to deal with with my Becca. She just cant see the manipulation and threats clearly enough . I don't get told by her until the nightmares of this girl killing her and her class mates. And the girl rising up as a great beast and hurting all her class mates. I fear what terrible thing that could be happening to the other kid. I cant help her at my Becca expense. Speaking of expense I have to shell out $90. to keep Becca busy in a math summer class to keep the two girls apart. It seams a good solution she could use the math help. Council thinks it best, I do agree. I feel a little financial stress over it the budget is so tighly stretched.

Sunday, May 13, 2007

Mothers Day Pink Eye The whole Family!

Update The Doc said no anti biotics New protocal! 90%of pink eye viral, anti biotic resistance can occure so we must ride it out. He gave us over $100 worth of drops and allergy meds.

Public school! The challenges of disease :)
My husbands eyes are bright pink, Dan has it too. Becca and I are in the early stages with the gritty dry eye. Well..........
Express care x4 when they open up at 10am! Rx x4 too.
Its a good thing God is our provision.
Dans class had it going around.
"Mother" This is my day:)
Life is funny that way. Like Dan said "Its only pink eye"
We have to cancel the Men's Group for tomorrow. Becca has a play soon so Ill be making a costume today. Our week will be slowed down.
I got some sweet homemade cards and hugs too.
Happy mothers day to all of you. Remember it is about what you give to them. That sacred charge we keep. All of us deserve to be celibrated!

Saturday, May 12, 2007

A Mothers Day

My Daughter is eight now and my Son is six.

I have no empty arms. No lonely moments wishing the child could stay. My heart can feel them in another room. I hear their breathing. I await the smiles in the morning. Each embrace is a life time in the making.

I have toys strewn across a play room, dirty laundry sometimes on the bathroom floor. Dishes fill the sink. We saw a movie today and played basketball. Echos of children's voices overrode my nap. It was our time our life to share.

Bananas with cheerios and his favorite eggs with tofu cream cheese in the morning. It will be Mothers Day. The dogs will need to be fed. Coffee for my husband and green tea for me. Mothers day with my own children.
by Donetta

My Daughter is nine now and time will never wait, my son is six the hours fly away. Days become weeks, months, years; life- times pass swiftly today. Our lives to embrace. To look into each face for joy is this..."mine", Mothers day.

A privalidge has been given to me. A sacred trust to care for these lives that belong to Him. How frail I am and often am tempted to be. How loving His trust He has placed in me. With err and accuracy I hold thier lives. This is mine the solem charge. Mothers Day.

Friday, May 11, 2007

Adoption Trip to Russia 1998 for Little Dove



Hanging there in traction the phone at Physical Therapy rang: a moment in time that etched eternal upon my soul. "You told us!" Three voices chimed as the conference call began. You told us that God said you should to be ready to travel in March. We really saw no way it was going to happen before June; you need to book your flight for March 1st. We got to get you back out of Russia before Women’s day. Can you be you ready?

As the front door opened into my serenity I stepped into the dining room. There before my eyes the suitcases fully packed with warm clothing and even the K- rations in case of emergency. Looking into the three boxes I wept to see all the formula and mittens that filled them. It was only in December when the new clothing washer came. That was the day the hand truck struck me in the groin and had fractured my pelvis. Only able to lie down or walk; so many hours spent walking collecting all the mittens from every desert clearance rack. The boxes packed full of vitamins and cold medicines, lice treatments and film for the orphanage.

At the bank the kindness of the merchant teller who so painfully had search out the $20,000 worth of perfect twenty, fifty and one hundred dollar bills. Going into that small chamber with her my heart pumped hard at the efforts at hand. Then that moment of courage when with all that cash stashed on my person through the parking lot into car a drive home to remember.

We prepared our Visa and Pass ports, air line tickets, contacts and rehearsed the events to unfold. The first leg of the flight would take 18 hours. Sitting was out of the question for any length of time. Standing in the back of a jet liner offers a wonder of exchange. There a young man spent hours heard lick no one had ever listened to him before. The stewards so warm with great kindness gave us a bottle of champagne to celebrate our new child. During the late hours the rows in back of the plane could be used to lay me down some. Three seats across oh the relief that offered.

We landed in Sweden and the adventure became rich. De- boarding on a tarmac was a new experience. We boarded a buss and traveled to the other terminal where we then re- boarded onto a smaller craft. Carts of duty free trinkets displaying goods rolled up and down the isles. The chocolates looked to be a treat. We sat beside each other in this crowded plane and the flight was painful. My labor pains had begun like waters broke. The long flight arrived into another world. We had stepped back into time into St. Petersburg in the former Soviet Union.

When the flight doors opened my breadth was stifled by the intense cigarette smoke. I gasped and held my sleeve to my face. Hard work was an understated fact. This father to be had two giant cases on wheels with two carry on attached atop to them to pull. Guarding his “Mother to be” who was in the labor of a broken pelvis. Then the boxes three, with 75lbs each filled with the gold of children in desperate need , kicked and pushed with our feet though the customs gate. Machine guns, Russian word not known to us using sign language the gap was broken and the guards understood and were gracious to me. I was humbled even now to tear. When once they knew who we were and what we were there for they bowed head to us in honor.

Looking up, our contact Igor had sign in hand; his face shone like and angel to me worn with a life of hardship, his eyes smiled. As soon as we cleared the port he and his driver came to us delivering us our burdens. As the outer doors opened a sting of 18 below hit us crisp and clear. Coughing our lungs soon adapted, winter in Russia. The men loaded up the van; the driver had kept the engine warm for us, the exhaust was stifling. My husband was now teamed with other men and was able to finally rest. I could not breathe the smells of Russia, tears welled.

A step back into 1945, roadways deeply pot holed and a type of madness wheeled about as pedestrians mingled with autos strange and unknown to us, but we, we rode in a VW van and we found a lot of humor in it. Our driver played American rock and roll on a cassette tape well worn with years of use. Our eyes blinked full of the sights of this ancient land. Buildings older than anything we had ever witnessed. They took us to a large court yard that was stepped back into the days of walled cities. Keep voices low came a stern warning, it will cause danger for us if the neighbors hear you. Up many steps to an apartment that was bared with a great outer door then after the locks turned we saw the inner door much like an American home; opened to a lovely woman. Lucy was petite and fresh. It seamed we had become royalty. With great humility, welcomed and given the master (the only) bedroom while our hosts would sleep in the kitchen and in the small office Igor used to translate our documents. We left after the home received the boxes and cases. Lucy, Igor, the driver and the parents to be now driven off to deliver this long awaited life.

The air was icy and the van warmed with the exhaust of the engine it must stay thawed for if it froze we could be in danger. We then rounded a corner; Igor told us of the University, within this complex “the orphanage”… where birth would soon take place. Crowds of students surrounded the van as it threaded its way into a small alcove. We had arrived!

The steps of the orphanage looked like an ancient trail grooved with time. Ushered up to a room there within moments our new child would arrive. We removed our outer garments. Told not to let sweat accumulate on us for it would freeze on us when we left the building. The woman in the photo came through the door Russian words exchanged with Lucy she translated to tell us the child had just woke up. What a BEAUTIFUL girl! We held her and her little body fevered with an upper respiratory infection. Her face stressed, her breathing strained. I placed her on my lap face down and gently pounded on her back she coughed up mucus and smiled at the relief.

Moments later the woman returned she spoke Russian and Lucy told us the child must eat now we can come back tomorrow. Handing her back to the woman tore out my heart. The single most difficult thing a new mother could ever experience. They took her away. Broken gasps, then Russian “what’s the Matter with her”? ….. It pains her to hand the baby back said Igor. Lucy smiled we have much work to do. This has just begun.

Older women likewise teach the younger women...

• how to love their husbands
• how to love their children
• how to be self-controlled
• how to be pure
• how to be keepers at home
• how to be kind and submissive (not subservient) to their own husbands. (See Titus 2:3-5)

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By Maya Angelou

'A woman's heart should be so hidden in Christ
That a man should have to seek Him first to find her.'

When I say... 'I am a Christian' I'm not shouting 'I'm clean living,'
I'm whispering 'I was lost, Now I'm found and forgiven.'

When I say... 'I am a Christian' I don't speak of this with pride.
I'm confessing that I stumble and need Christ to be my guide.

When I say... 'I am a Christian' I'm not trying to be strong.
I'm professing that I'm weak and need His strength to carry on.

When I say.. 'I am a Christian' I'm not bragging of success.
I'm admitting I have failed and need God to clean my mess.

When I say... 'I am a Christian' I'm not claiming to be perfect,
My flaws are far too visible, but God believes I am worth it.

When I say... 'I am a Christian' I still feel the sting of pain...
I have my share of heartaches, so I call upon His name.

When I say... 'I am a Christian' I'm not holier than thou,
I'm just a simple sinner Who received God's good grace, somehow!

Words have power. Here are a few of my favorite sayings.

  • A warm cup of tea is like a cuddle with a friend.
  • The North American Indians have a more eloquent word for ‘friend’ than we do in English. In their language, the word for friend literally means, “the one who carries my sorrows on his back.”
  • Return with Honor
  • The sage anticipates things that are difficult while they are easy, and does things that would become great while they are small. All difficult things in the world are sure to arise from a previous state in which they were easy, and all great things from one in which they were small. Therefore the sage, while he never does what is great, is able on that account to accomplish the greatest things."
  • "HOME IS WHERE YOUR STORY BEGINS"
  • “Live so that when your children hear these words they think of you… Fairness Caring Integrity Honesty Love Trust.”
  • "O Lord help my words to be gracious and tender today, for tomarrow I may have to eat them."
  • "No man has ever been shot while doing the dishes"
To The Ends Of The Earth
Sisters by Heart

Click here for all crafts

e patterns My sister told me of this site

Please pray for her parents and family

Please pray for her parents and family
Amy has clicked her heals and flown to her real home. There is no place like home.




This was given to me for the third time in just a few weeks.

Zephaniah 3:17 NLT
"For the LORD your God has arrived to live among you. He is a mighty savior. He will rejoice over you with great gladness. With his love, he will calm all your fears. He will exult over you by singing a happy song."

Thank You Ross

Getting to know Me

What warm hearts you all offer

Thank you all for the kindness you have shown me with every Award. I am embraced. You Are a blessing.

Thank you Michelle

Thank you Michelle








































Thank you Annette they are beautiful
Thank You Annette
neno award from Kat


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